One Of Today’s Facts Is Really A No Brainer!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Yes, one of today’s facts in a ‘no-brainer’, but hopefully interesting as well.

There are lots of others too on a range of unrelated subjects.

So peruse at you leisure and….

Enjoy.

.

.

April 4, June 6, October 10 and December 12

will all fall on the same day of the week in any year.

These days are called ‘doomsdays’,

and they are meant to help calculate

the day of the week of any given date.

In 2014 the doomsdays were all on Fridays

whereas 2015’s doomsdays are all on Saturday.

.

.

Milton Hershey,

the man creator of one of the

greatest chocolate bars of all time,

had tickets to be on the Titanic,

but changed his plans and did not go.

.

.

The oldest Egyptian pyramid is

believed to be the Pyramid of Djoser

which was built in the Saqqara Necropolis

during the 27th century BC.

However, the Pyramid of Khufu

(also known as Great Pyramid of Giza

or the Pyramid of Cheops) is the largest,

its original height being 146.5 meters (481 feet)

(the current height is 138.8 meters (455 feet)).

.

.

A child born in Sweden in 1991 was named

Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116.

Which his parents said was pronounced ‘Albin’.

The name was meant as a protest

against Swedish naming laws.

The parents were fined 5,000 kronor

in 1996 (roughly 740 U.S. Dollars).

.

.

A polar bear’s stark white fur

is not exactly what it appears to be

because their hair follicles are transparent,

hollow tubes which reflect whatever

light surrounds them.

When their fur takes on a yellowish

or greenish tint it is due to age and dirt,

while the greenish color is caused by

algae that can grow on polar bear fur

in unnaturally warm and humid environments.

.

.

On Mars

there is something that looks exactly

like either a really tall humanoid statue.

.

.

The heart pumps blood to almost all

of the body’s 75 trillion cells,

only the corneas receive no blood supply.

.

.

About one hundred hours of video

are uploaded to YouTube every single minute.

In other words, more videos are uploaded

to YouTube in two months

than the three major US networks

created in sixty years.

.

.

The Aston Martin factory has a

robot nicknamed the ‘James Bonder’.

That is used to apply adhesives that

bond aluminum body panels together.

.

.

The term ‘No-brainer’ is a relatively modern

phrase used to describe making a very easy decision.

One of the earliest sources for it comes from an

issue of the Lethbridge Herald of 1968

which stated about an ice hockey coach:

“He’d break in on a goalie and the netminder

would make one of those saves that our

manager-coach, Sid Abel, calls ‘a no-brainer.’ ”

.

.

The world’s quietest room is -9 decibels,

so quiet you can hear the blood

flowing in your own body!

The silence of the room can cause

hallucinations, and the longest anyone

has ever spent in the room is 45 minutes.

.

.

The average person produces about

half a liter of fart gas per day

or about 14 farts worth on average.

Some have been clocked at speeds of 10ft per sec.

Phew!

 

.

.

When a person becomes very stressed,

anxious or scared the frontal lobe of the

brain can sometimes be overridden which

can make you feel the need to pee

at that moment or more frequently.

Hence sayings like such and such  ..

”scared the piss out of me.”

.

.

In the Home Alone movie

Buzz’s girlfriend was not a girl at all,

she/he was the art director’s son

made up to look like a girl.

They thought using a real girl’s photo

would be too cruel for an actual teenage girl.

.

.

Kelsey Grammar sings and plays the piano

for the theme song of Frasier.

.

.

=================================

.

Famous Last Words Of An Idiot – “I Have A Plan…”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Many stupid crimes happen every day. And most of them are committed by stupid criminals.

Unfortunately most of the stories we never get to hear about, but occasionally we do.

Like this one, which must rank as one of the dumbest ever!

It happened in a place called Mullins, SC. The perpetrator, or would-be perpetrator, was a ‘genius’ called Laquain Deshawn Guy and he had the idea that he would rob an Arby’s fast food restaurant.

Lots of cash in there, he thought, not considering that most of the takings would be banked at the end of business.

That was his first mistake.

His second was failing to break into the restaurant using either a back door or a window.

No, this genius had a better idea.

He thought he would climb on to the roof of the building and gain entrance through the ventilation shaft. That is the story told by Captain Joe Graham with the Mullins police and I see no reason at all to doubt him.

The main reason being that criminal mastermind Laquain Deshawn Guy found to his surprise that he didn’t fit the ventilation shaft – and promptly wedged himself in there just as tight as he could.

The more he struggled the worse it got.

Man, was he stuck!

And he remained stuck for the next ten hours, until an Arby’s employee was opening the business Tuesday morning and he heard “noises”. I like to think that the noises were the farts being squeezed out of him as he got wedged in tighter and tighter, but nobody will confirm this.

The employee immediately called the police and that’s when they realized that the strange noises were coming from the very stuck Laquain still wedged inside the shaft.

Mullins Fire and Rescue eventually freed the idiot by cutting the ventilation pipe and pulling him through the roof, where he emerged dehydrated and with some muscle damage.

Crews then lowered him down and onto a stretcher and took him to hospital where he spent a few days before facing charges of Burglary Second Degree.

What a moron!

.

==============================================

.

I’ll Never Predict The Future.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Except to predict that you are about to read another selection of those plays on words we call puns.

You’ve come too far to stop now, so you might as well…..

Enjoy or endure!

.

.

First some breaking news:

Apple is to start going door to door in a

new marketing effort to sell more of their products

The new sales team members will be known as

iWitnesses.

.

.

Just got myself a new job working at the

end of the production line in a vodka factory.

I’m making an Absolut packet.

.

.

When a married couple fall out

about who makes the best coffee

is it grounds for divorce?

.

.

Whenever my car breaks down

I take it to my Scottish friend.

Andy McCannick.

.

.

My wife curses uncontrollably

when she chews her gum.

She’s got Nicorettes.

.

.

My boss always asks for help with Excel.

My skills are =A1.

.

.

I’m having trouble keeping my hands warm

with these new fingerless gloves…

Any tips?

.

.

I was sat in my front lounge last night when my ex

drove past and threw a can of paint at my window.

I hate it when women get emulsional.

.

.

I went out to the shop earlier to buy a book called

“100 Ways How To Build Confidence”.

I couldn’t buy it though,

the guy at the till would have laughed at me.

.

.

I switched the letters ‘T’ and ‘K’ on my

computer to make it a little bit different.

Now it’s a QWERKY keyboard.

.

.

Edward Deidde,

the man who spent his entire life explaining

that his surname was “deed” has collapsed.

He was airlifted to hospital

where he was pronounced dead.

.

.

Silent but deadly farts apparently do not count

as having an air of mystery about me.

.

.

I told my butler a joke about firing him

because the doorbell rang all day.

He didn’t get it.

.

.

So it turns out ornithologists are not the experts

on sexual arousal I had assumed them to be.

.

.

In case the country gets invaded and I have to quickly hide,

I have a big pop art painting on my wall

that hides a secret panic room.

I call it my handy war hole.

.

=================================================

.

It’s An Ill Wind….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

The original title of this post was “Farting On Airplanes” because it is really about farting on airplanes, but I thought it might be better just to call it “It’s An Ill Wind”.

No, come on, now you know don’t turn your noses up, or pretend this is something that (a) you’ve never thought about, or (b) never done. Farting on airplanes is an international phenomenon that transcends all nationalities, religions, ages, creeds, classes and colors.

It is in fact the common bond of all the world’s travelers.

Whether it can ever bring us closer together, however, is another thing (Phew!)

.

This is a quite embarrassing story. Not something one would normally admit to, but people write unusual things on blogs.

It concerns one of the first long haul flights that I was ever on.

Nowadays, as a seasoned flyer, I always have a good meal before the flight. I don’t suffer from air sickness of any kind and I don’t care for the stuff they call airline food. Back then, however, I was a novice and ended up on board without any breakfast other than a cup of coffee. My stomach was empty – of food anyhow.

All was well for about twenty or thirty minutes and then it started.

The obvious solution would have been to get up and go to the toilet. But easy options aren’t the way I have gone through life so far.

Also it was a big plane, a 747, and the toilets were quite a bit away from my seat. I would face a long walk down the narrow aisle.

Not that the walk itself was the problem. It was just that whoever designs airline seats has arranged things so that the nose and ears of the person sitting down is just about at the same height as the bottom of the person walking casually past.

You see the predicament?

In any case, I found myself in a window seat with two other seats to negotiate before I got to the aisle. Such was the pressure building up that I feared the exertion of hopping over the additional seats would make the whole purpose of the journey somewhat redundant.

There was nothing for it but to stay where I was, with the unfortunate choice being either bursting or releasing some of the pressure. Not unnaturally I chose to do the latter option.

As these things go it was a substantial outcome. But the drone of the plane engines (they were a lot louder in those days, I think, I hope, weren’t they?) seemed to drown out any other background noises.

I didn’t hear a thing.

I double checked by having a quick look at the person unfortunate enough to be sitting beside me, but there was no sign in the expression on his face that anything untoward had happened. Either that or he was a professional poker player with a practiced deadpan expression – or in a state of semi consciousness as a result of the concussive force emanating from the seat beside him.

My confidence grew. I thought of the famous campfire scene from Blazing Saddles and let a few more go in tribute.

.

I was so happy at the relief and at the fact that all was undetected that I allowed myself a triumphant smile, and then even a laugh. The movie I was watching was a comedy so my laughter didn’t look out of place either.

It was all good.

Hang on a minute.

All was not as good as it seemed.

Cut the laughter and cue serious worried face.

I suddenly realized that all this time I had been wearing the headphones the flight attendant had given us for the movies they were showing. No wonder I had heard nothing!

Oh dear me! What had I done?

Well, I knew what I had done, of course. The big question now was, did anyone else know? Had they heard me doing it?

I looked again at the man in the seat beside me. Again no perceivable reaction on his face that indicated that anything out of the ordinary had happened, although now I was aware of them I saw that he too was wearing the headphones.   

I was relieved a bit, but still very curious. And when I get curious about something I have to try to find an answer.

So there was nothing for it but let rip again, this time with my headphones off.

And that’s what I did.

Thankfully, in the interests of the scientific experiment now under way, the quality of the offending item had not diminished in force. A guy knows about these things even without any audio feedback.

To my great relief, in every meaning of the word, I still didn’t hear a thing. The drone of the airplane engines had indeed drowned out any other sounds.

It was a magnificently liberating experience and from that day on I have never looked back, as it were.

Further experimentation revealed that the same undetectable result could be achieved even on much smaller airplanes. Commercial jets I’m talking about, of course, this is not a sport to indulge in on a single engined Cesna or something like that.

I also found out that it is possible I have been saving the airlines lucky enough to win my custom a small fortune. As you know the air in airplanes these days is all re-circulated and, as the methane content of a fart is lighter than air, the captured gas therefore contributes to keeping the airplane airborne with a consequent saving on fuel. That’s my story anyhow.

.

And the good news just keeps on coming.

Independent research confirms that a person’s sense of smell is greatly suppressed in the reduced cabin air pressure, which incidentally is also why airplane food tastes so bad. 

So now if you are on an airplane and sitting beside someone who is chuckling to himself – or herself, yes ladies your secret is out – you’ll know the real reason why!

One day it might even be me!!!

.

.

===================================

.

Anagrams

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

. 

I like anagrams. I think they can be quite clever and I enjoy both reading them and also making them too.

Other people believe that they have greater significance, revealing ‘hidden’ messages about the subject matter. That’s as maybe.

The best ones, however, are both amusing and should have some link to the source word or phrase.

Here is a short selection. Some of them may surprise you.

Enjoy.

 

 

‘Liposuction surgery’

Incurs lousy ego-trip

———————-

 

‘A Christmas Carol: The Movie’

Oh, a classic: heart-mover “Tim”

———————-

 

‘Charles Laughton’

An actor? He’ll gush!

———————-

 

‘Clint Eastwood’           

Old west action

———————-

 

‘Dolly Parton’

Top? Only lard

———————

 

‘How the West was won’           

What we shot we owns

———————

 

‘Lawrence of Arabia’

Albion warfare ace

———————

 

‘Plastic surgery’

Ugly star’s price

———————

 

‘breast implants’           

‘Men’s pal? Bra/tits.’

———————-

 

‘lee harvey oswald’

Reveal who slayed

———————-

 

‘hunchback of notre dam’

Fat, hunchbacked moron

———————-

 

‘world trade centre’

Lewd terror act end

———————-

 

‘weapons of mass destruction’

US team swoops. Finds no trace

———————-

 

‘microsoft windows xp’

Worm downs PC, so fix it!

———————-

 

‘microsoft operating systems’

Sorest gits scam money, profit

———————-

 

‘moral majority’ 

Trim amoral joy

———————-

 

‘homeland security’

Our decline’s a myth

———————-

 

‘first lady’

Idly farts

 

===========================