Handcuffs Explains A Lot – More Fasab Facts!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You’ll understand the title of this post better in a moment when you read the latest collection of facts from the fasab archives.

A little bit of something for everyone I hope.

Enjoy.

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In Spanish the word

“esposas”

means both

“wives” and “handcuffs”.

That explains a lot.

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NASA was sued by three men from Yemen

for trespassing on Mars.

They claimed that they had inherited

the planet from their ancestors

thousands of years ago.

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The Incas introduced the world to potatoes

via the Spanish conquistadors and

nearly a quarter of Europe’s growth

between the 1700s and the 1900s has been

attributed to the introduction of this crop.

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According to scientists, about three quarters

of the species that make Australia home

have yet to be discovered.

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When an unemployed painter named

Richard Lawrence tried to shoot Andrew Jackson,

his gun wouldn’t fire.

The 67 year old president began to

beat his would-be assassin with a cane

during which the assassin pulled out another gun.

This gun also misfired and the

disgruntled painter was dragged away.

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There is actually high speed internet access

all the way up Mount Everest.

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In 2000, Congress passed the

National Moment of Remembrance Act

which requires all Americans to stop

what they are doing at 3pm on Memorial Day

to remember and honor those who have died

serving the United States.

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At the start of World War I

the US Air Force only had 18 pilots.

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Rogue planets, also known as interstellar planets,

nomad planets or orphan planets, are

planetary-mass objects that have

broken from their orbits and

travel aimlessly through space.

The closest rogue planet to Earth yet discovered

is around 7 light years away.

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You can get ice cream in lobster,

squid Ink, and caviar flavors.

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At 1,435 meters per second

the speed of sound in water is almost

five times faster than it is in air.

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Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones

attributed his popular song

(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

to a dream.

He’s said to have recorded the acoustic riffs

just before falling back to sleep.

(The riffs were followed by 40 minutes of him snoring.)

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Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire – Some Hot Facts!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We’ll get to one of the biggest liars America has produced later.

But ahead of that have a look at another selection of fasab facts.

And…

Enjoy.

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There is a lake in Australia called Lake Hillier

that is a bright shade of pink.

Unlike with other similar lakes,

scientists are still not completely sure why.

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Bill Nye the Science Guy

originally wanted to be an astronaut,

but NASA kept rejecting him.

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In 476 AD the Western Roman Empire fell

and the Eastern Empire survived

as what we know today as the Byzantine Empire.

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Charlie Chaplin once lost a

Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest

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Although there have been emails floating about

for years containing many false facts about

Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy,

there were a few that are true and interesting.

Lincoln was elected to congress in 1846,

Kennedy in 1946.

Lincoln became president in 1860,

Kennedy in 1960 (though sworn in 1961).

And both were eventually shot in the head on a Friday.

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Inca mail was delivered along their network of roads

by way of messengers who would hand mail off

to each other using a sort of relay system.

A bit like the Pony Express without the ponies!

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1% of the world’s population

eats at McDonalds every day.

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Named by a Japanese scientist after

a 3rd-century Japanese shaman queen, Himiko,

is a giant gas cloud and one of the largest

objects ever found in space.

With a length of about 55,000 light years,

the cloud is roughly the equivalent

mass of 40 billion Suns.

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The top ten feet of the oceans

holds the same amount of heat

as the entire atmosphere

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In the early 20th century, scientists thought

our nerves transmitted information electrically.

After a dream, Dr. Otto Loewi awoke during the night

and scribbled some thoughts on a paper.

Upon waking in the morning,

he realized  he had written about information

being transmitted chemically,

later proven to be true and

winning him the Nobel Prize in 1936.

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Justinian was the last emperor

to use the title ‘Caesar’.

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A liar tends not to use contractions.

For example, “I didn’t do it”

statistically tends to be a more truthful

statement that “I did not do it”.

Remember Bill Clinton,

he didn’t say, “I didn’t do it”,

he said,

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

He lied.

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Why Is Luke Always Warm?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I hope you are keeping warm too.

Warm enough to Luke at a few more word plays because it’s Pun Day again.

You know what’s next…

Enjoy or endure!.

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Just been to Greenwich in London.

Had a mean time.

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There’s something I don’t like

about using touch screen technology

I just can’t put my finger on it.

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I’ve just been offered

a free sky diving experience.

I’m not falling for it.

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‘It’s the quiet ones that you’ve got to watch’

Especially at mime shows.

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My new bulimia charity campaign

has been quite successful.

I’ve received a lot of feedback.

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What do you call

an Indian in a cupboard?

A hiding Sikh.

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What is a cocaine addicts

favorite type of joke?

A one liner

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Shotgun wedding:

A case of wife or death.

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A French man walks in to a chiropodists and says

“I’ve got problems with defeat”

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I’ve started dating couches,

but I’ve had no luck sofa.

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It’s hard to say what my sister does,

working for a travel agency.

She sells Seychelles overseas tours.

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I always get back on my bike when I fall off.

I’m a firm believer in recycling.

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My friend, Angus finds it funny

not to pronounce the letter ‘g’.

Bit of an asshole really.

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I had a dream last night that

our local Market had shrunk.

I woke up and thought,

“That’s a little Bazaar.”

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I just came back from a Blur concert.

I didn’t see much.

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Doing The Right Thing.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

Barrack Obama during his first Presidential election campaign

Seven years ago a young fellow called Barrack Obama was running for President. One of the cornerstones of his campaign was a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq, which he called “a dumb war”.

In that much he was right. It was a dumb war, instigated by the dumb American and British politicians who preceded him and who had the deceit and arrogance to lie to their electorates in order to manufacture an excuse to invade that country.

It was always destined to be a disaster. Once Saddam had been eliminated there was no strong leader to hold Iraq together. He may have been a monster, no one is arguing he wasn’t, but without him, or someone like him, things have far from improved. That is just the harsh reality, like it or not.

Seven years ago Obama had no moral objection to the fact that a withdrawal of the occupying forces in Iraq might leave the way open to civil war and genocide. In fact to quote him from that period he said, “[If] that’s the criteria by which we are making decisions on the deployment of U.S. forces, then by that argument you would have 300,000 troops in the Congo right now — where millions have been slaughtered as a consequence of ethnic strife — which we haven’t done.”

He could have said the same about many other countries in the world where civil strife raged.

So today the speeches laden with moral indignation, telling the world that he has ordered military action in Iraq “to prevent a potential act of genocide,” ring mightily hollow.

It would be much better if Obama came clean.

I know it’s a bit of a reach for a politician to start telling the truth, but it would help.

Obama needs to tell the world that he will clean up the mess he and his predecessors made. He needs to admit that the “sovereign, stable and self-reliant Iraq” that he said he had left behind, when U.S. troops pulled out, was a dream that has deteriorated into a nightmare. And he needs to remove the advisors who prompted him to compare ISIS to a junior varsity basketball team when he was interviewed on the subject in January this year. That was just another thing they got completely and tragically wrong.

Yes, I’m asking for a bit of honesty and humility, that’s all.

What I’m hearing instead, however, is more claptrap and confusion.

Vice President Joe Biden is telling everyone that the U.S. “will follow ISIS to the gates of hell”, while other senior Obama Administration officials are assuring us that America is, “not launching a sustained US campaign against ISIS…”

Journalist James Foley minutes before he was beheaded by ISIS terrorists

Conflicting statements like those, in the face of the continuing barbaric beheadings of men, women and even children, and other heinous crimes committed by these despicable and godless terrorists, will hardly strike fear into them. Perhaps the strategy is to have them so helpless with laughter that they cannot continue fighting?

Winston Churchill once said, “You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.”

After all this time and after all these failed initiatives we must be getting closer to doing the right thing  –  surely???

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Failure Is The Path Of Least Persistence.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If failure is path of least persistence, you can’t accuse me of failing to stick up for puns.

This series has already been going a lot longer than I ever imagined.

Will it ever end?

Eventually I suppose.

But not this week.

So enjoy or endure some more!

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It’s your attitude and not your aptitude

that determines your altitude.

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Last night I had a dream that a silicon chip and

a hard drive conditionally offered to bring my dinner over.

If memory serves me.

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It’s been decided that there will be a

new gay wing of the Government.

They’re starting with the Homo Office.

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Who is the worst chicken killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth. He did murder most foul.

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L’Oreal camouflage paint.

Because you’re war fit.

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My wife gave me a leaflet about

anger management last week…

I lost it.

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People hang on my every word.

Probably why I lost my job at the Samaritans.

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Two old ladies knocked on my door,

selling the bible and brown bread,

they were the Hovis witnesses!

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I’ve got an idea for a new interactive reality TV show.

It’s called ‘Bone Idol’.

I can’t be bothered to send it in though.

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At the recent winter Olympics, as the rest of the

bobsleigh team prepared for their first run,

the brake man suddenly fell to the floor clutching his leg.

“Go on without me,” he cried.

“I’ll only slow you down.”

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Drilling for oil is boring.

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I used to run a dating agency for chickens.

But I was struggling to make hens meet.

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Did you hear about the Frenchman

who could only count to seven?

He had a huit allergy.

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Cool, although I just barley got it…a little corny….

I can’t help it, they just keep cropping up….

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A bulb walks into an airport without any bags

wearing nothing but a shirt, sandals, and a hat.

The check in girl looks at him and says,

“Travelling light?”

The bulb says “Yes, I am.”

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Did You Know? – More Interesting Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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More interesting facts today.

Hats definitely off to James Harrison, but my favorite is Bill Morgan.

Enjoy.

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We’ll start with one in honor of the recently passed St Patrick’s Day.

St Patrick’s given name was Maewyn Succat.

After becoming a priest, he changed his name to Patricius,

from the Latin term meaning “father figure.”

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Esperanto is an artificial language,

but is spoken by about 500,000 to 2,000,000 people,

and 2 feature films have been done in the language.

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After the bible,

the most translated book in the world is

Pinocchio.

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Hall of fame boxer Sugar Ray Robinson backed out of a fight

because he had a dream that he was going to kill his opponent in the ring.

After a priest and minister convinced him to fight, Robinson went into the ring

and killed his opponent Jimmy Doyle.

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The German word for birth control pill is ‘antibabypille’

and in Switzerland they have pregnancy tests

called ‘MaybeBaby’ in vending machines.

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After 9/11, 1600 people died in automobile accidents

after they switched travel plans from flying to driving.

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If officials awarded Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France title

to the next fastest finisher who has never been linked to doping,

they would have to give it to the person who finished 23rd.

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When US Army officer Braxton Bragg held both the job of

the company commander and the post’s quartermaster,

he made a request to the quartermaster (that is, himself)

and when he received the request as quartermaster he denied it.

He continued to argue back and forth with himself through letters.

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In 2010 workers at Ground Zero found an 18th century wooden ship

underneath the World Trade Center rubble.

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When child actor Jackie Coogan turned 18,

he found out all his money, $68 million,

had been spent by his mother, who argued

“No promises were ever made to give Jackie anything.

Every dollar a kid earns before he is 21 belongs to his parents.” 

Coogan’s Bill was then passed to protect child actors.

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In Samoa, it’s a crime to forget your own wife’s birthday.

(Isn’t that true for most places?)

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Ryan Gosling was cast as Noah in The Notebook

because the director wanted someone “not handsome.”

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After needing 13 liters of blood for a surgery at the age of 13,

a man named James Harrison, aka “The Man With The Golden Arm”,

pledged to donate blood once he turned 18.

It was discovered that his blood contained a rare antigen

which cured Rhesus disease.

He has donated blood a record 1000 times

and saved 2,000,000 lives.

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In 1942 in Mississippi there was a man known as the Phantom Barber

who would break into peoples’ houses at night and cut their hair.

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In 1999 an Australian man, named Bill Morgan

was declared dead for 14 minutes after an allergic reaction to drugs

given to him in hospital after a car accident.

To celebrate his survival he bought a scratch card

and won a $27,000 car.

A news team covering the story asked him to re-enact

the scratch card moment for their story,

so he went into the shop, bought another scratch card,

and won  $250,000 jackpot.

Here he is….

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Perfectly Timed Photos, Part Two

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to part two of this short series of perfectly timed photos, where the click of the camera caught that perfect moment in time.

I would hazard a guess that most of these were taken accidentally, but however they were done the results are good.

Enjoy today’s selection

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