E-mail Is Post, Modern.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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E-mail is post, modern – get it?

Yes, it’s pun day again.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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The poet had written better poems,

but he’d also written verse.

poetry_butcher_colour_new

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Those who get too big for their britches

will be exposed in the end.

ripped pants

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“This must be an aerobics class!”

the blonde worked out at the gym.

step aerobics

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When the doctor told him he was missing 

a left ventricle and a left aorta 

the patient laughed half-heartedly.

half_hearted

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I’ve got some good advice for the camera shy.

Use coconuts instead.

cartoon-coconut-joke

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I like European food so I decided to Russia over there

because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu

I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished

I told the waiter, Spain good,

but there is Norway I could eat another bite

europe_map_political

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Those who study the moon are optimists

– they look at the bright side.

moon bright dark sides

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To learn rope tricks you have to be taut.

rope trick

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You know, vultures can make really good comedy actors.

I really loved them in those old “Carrion” movies.

vulture

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When a skunk walked in, the judge said,

‘odor in the court’.

Skunk

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How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?

Dyslexic-CPR

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I had an accident in chemistry class yesterday

when I spilled some sodium chloride

and sulphuric acid over myself.

It was terrible.

I didn’t know how to react.

chemistry class

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I’ve just gone into the bedroom

and someone’s stolen my bed.

Honestly.

I’m not lying.

empty-master-bedroom

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My friends tell me that I’m terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the mess line.

spitzer_punchline

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The phone rings, and the wife answers it.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,

“I bet you have a tight ass with no hair.”

Woman replies, “Yes, he’s watching TV – who shall I say is calling?”

woman-in-curlers-and-her-robe-answering-a-phone-call-by-ron-leishman-16781

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It’s Another Word Play Day, So Time For Some More Puns

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A few more bad jokes wrapped up as puns. I am slightly amazed, but also pleased, that the puns have been received so well by most readers. So it wasn’t only me!  

Enjoy.

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Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

 

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When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.      

 

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The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

 

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The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.       

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Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

 

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A noun and a verb were dating but they broke up because the noun was too possessive.

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I didn’t want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.

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For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.           

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A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

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I just got my permit to harvest shrimp in the Antarctic. Now I have a licence to Krill.

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I don’t think I need a spine. It’s holding me back.           

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What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re so pointless.

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Old colanders never die, they just can’t take the strain anymore.

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I probably have blind spots, but I don’t see them.

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After winter, the trees are relieved.

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Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.

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The shareholders of a compass manufacturer were concerned that the company wasn’t heading in the right direction.

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I’m bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

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The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

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The proctologist reassured the patient that his condition could be rectified.

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There Are Things We Know That We Don’t Know – Yes, It’s Twenty Questions Tuesday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Donald Rumsfeld once famously said, “…there are things we know that we don’t know”, and the only way to find out the answers to the things we know we don’t know is to ask the proper questions.

As for the things we don’t know we don’t know, well obviously we don’t even know what questions to ask do we?

Here are some more of the questions for the things we know that we don’t know.

Enjoy!

 

 

Can you daydream at night?

 

Can crop circles be square?

 

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?

 

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as you are following the direction of the traffic?

 

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

 

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

 

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

 

How can something be ‘new’ and ‘improved’? If it’s new, what was it improving on?

 

Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

 

How is it that when we ‘skate on thin ice’, we can ‘get in hot water’?

 

If laughter is the best medicine, why do people say they almost ‘died laughing’?

 

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

 

Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

 

Why are they called ‘Jolly Ranchers’? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

 

Why does ‘caregiver’ and ‘caretaker’ mean the same thing?

 

Can a short person ‘talk down’ to a taller person?

 

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

 

How fast do hotcakes really sell?

 

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

 

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

 

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