Shortbread… They’re not making it any longer!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, as always the clue is in the title.

It’s pun day!

Enjoy – you know you do.

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I’ve just got a make-shift job

at the computer keyboard factory.

shift key

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A Limbo dancer married a Locksmith yesterday…

…the wedding was low key.

Limbo

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As a paranoid schizophrenic, I take

the elevator alone to my top floor apartment…

I can’t handle the stares.

paranoid schizophrenic

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I do all my addition in my head.

It’s the thought that counts.

maths

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My teacher said to our class the

other day that she hates suck-ups.

I couldn’t agree more. 

sucking-up-cartoon

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I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.

Then I thought, screw it.

wall-shelves

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Corrugated roofs.

are really groovy.

corrugated-roof-of-a-building

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So they finally found Osama a couple of years ago,

talk Abbotabad place to hide!

hideout-house-of-slain-al-qaeda-leader-osama-bin-laden-in-abbottabad

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What do cheap hotels and

tight designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom.

tight jeans

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When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia

was asked if he knew where he was going he replied

“off course”

Costa Concordia

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Woke up this morning after a heavy night

of drinking to find out that I’d gone bald.

Which is strange because normally

I go for brunettes. 

bald

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A tennis ball walks into a bar.

The barman says,

“Have you been served?”

tenis ball

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My horse had a win at the races today.

I have no idea how he filled in the betting slip.

horse cartoon

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I saw two people hailing a taxi today and thought:

“What strange religion do they belong to?”

hailing taxi

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Princess Diana died on the 31 August 1997

having been staying at the Ritz, Paris.

Margaret Thatcher died April 8, 2013

having been staying at the Ritz, London.

I’ve been saying it’s a conspiracy for years

but everyone else thinks it’s just crackers.

nabisco-ritz-crackers

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My maths teacher asked me,

“Do you understand inequalities?”

I replied, “More or less.”

cartoon inequalities

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Without a doubt, my favorite

Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire. 

Mrs Doubtfire

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I’ve got a friend who’s a female private investigator.

Although he prefers to be called a gynecologist.

gynae

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There’s two things I don’t like about a politician,

his face.

two-faced-2

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Saw a woman today who opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, “That’s a funny place for a door.” 

door_in_her_nightie_____by_boblea

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Another Selection Of Those Word Puzzles Called Anagrams.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another selection of those word puzzles called anagrams. Some of the usual suspects are back, but with different takes on their name, and of course thee are a lot of new ones too.

Enjoy.

 

 

‘Dolly Parton’

Dynatrollop

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‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

Real pompous, petulant, high-class inbreed wretch waiting for E.R. throne.

———————-

 

‘The Titanic disaster’

Death, it starts in ice

———————-

 

‘Western Union’

No Wire Unsent

———————-

 

‘The Cincinnati Reds’

Indecent Christian

———————-

 

‘Confessional’

On scale of sin

———————-

 

‘Princess Diana’

End is a car spin

———————-

 

‘Astronomer’

Moon starer

———————-

 

‘Astronomers’

No more stars

———————-

 

‘Frito Lay’

Oily Fart

———————-

 

‘Conversation’

Voices Rant On

———————-

 

‘ipod lover’

Poor devil

———————-

 

‘Justin Timberlake’

I’m a jerk but listen

———————-

 

Mitt Romney for President

form prime intent, destroy

———————-

 

 ‘Christmas’

Trims cash

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‘A Domesticated Animal’

Docile, as a man tamed it

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‘Garbage Man’

Bag manager

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‘President Bush of the USA’

A fresh one, but he’s stupid

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 ‘Adolf Hitler’

Heil, old fart!

———————-

 

‘Chairman Mao’

I am on a march.

 

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Another Selection Of Anagrams, part two in this short Sunday series

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another Sunday and another selection of anagrams to, I hope, amuse and entertain.

 

 

‘Plastic surgery’

Result: Gasp! I cry

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‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

Pre-eminent twerp. Highbrow felon. Adulterous English aristocrat chap.

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‘America’s first moon landing’

Grand-scale misinformation!

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‘marriage’

A grim era

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‘marriage vows’

Orgasm waiver

———————-

 

‘menstrual cycle’

Cleanly rectums

———————-

 

‘Evangelist’

Evil’s agent

———————-

 

‘Desperation’

A rope ends it

———————-

 

‘The Morse Code’

Here come dots

———————-

 

‘Slot Machines’

Cash lost in ’em

———————-

 

‘The Public Art Galleries’

Large picture halls, I bet

———————-

 

‘A Decimal Point’

I’m a dot in place

———————-

 

‘The Earthquakes’

That queer shake

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‘Eleven plus two’

Twelve plus one

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“That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” (Neil Armstrong, on the moon)

A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!

———————-

 

‘President Clinton, of the USA’

To copulate, he finds interns

———————-

 

‘President Barack Hussein Obama

A maniac presides. The banks rob u

———————-

 

‘William Shakespeare’

I’ll make a wise phrase

———————-

 

‘Jay Leno’

Enjoy L.A.

———————-

 

‘Gene Simmons’

Immense song

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‘The eyes’

They see

 

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Another Selection Of Anagrams

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week’s selection of anagrams prompted a challenge to do one about ‘Clint Eastwood’ that included the word ‘stool’ in reference to his recent debacle at the Republican Party’s shin-dig in Florida. The best one I could come up with was – ‘Stool tactic a downer’ – but if you can do better please have a go by all means.

Meantime here is another selection for (I hope) your enjoyment and amusement.

 

 

‘federal bureau of investigation’

If found alive, abuse, interrogate!

———————-

 

‘washington dc’

Don’t shag in WC

———————-

 

‘princess diana’

Ascend in Paris

———————-

 

‘Microsoft Frontpage Technical Support’           

Oops, if PC falters contact or ring them up

———————-

 

‘Microsoft technical support’

Con, from culprit’s pathetic OS

———————-

 

‘Microsoft Incorporated’

Aim: no cost, record profit!

———————-

 

‘Microsoft Incorporated’

Moronic code rats profit

———————-

 

‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

E.R. recalls his torment, huge ears flapping about in the wind. Poor wretch!

———————-

 

‘Liposuction surgery’

Super, young clitoris

———————-

 

 ‘Author George Orwell’

Wrote “Hog-Rule Galore!”

———————-

 

‘The President Of The United States Of America, George Walker Bush’

The twit threatens Baghdad. (To make sure of oil preference, I guess!)

———————-

 

‘The USA President George Bush’

Bugger the one stupid ass here!

———————-

 

‘George Walker Bush, President of the United States of America’

Damn! Result is garbage, takes pretender to White House office

———————-

 

‘The Terrorist Osama Bin Laden’

Arab monster is no idle threat

———————-

 

‘Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden’

Bad human demon and ideal assassin.

———————-

 

‘Dan Brown, writer of the Da Vinci Code.’

Torrid wand of a bewitched conniver

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‘Hamas wins election’

New hostile maniacs

———————-

 

‘The first moon landing’

Grand hit on film-set, No?

 

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