Blind, Buildings And Buttermilk Are Just Some Of Today’s Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A host of random facts today, as always.

Buttermilk included.

So make some pancakes and…..

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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The Home Insurance Building was erected

in Chicago in 1884 and has been called the

“Father of the Modern Skyscraper”.

It was 10 stories high.

 Home Insurance Building was erected in Chicago

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Every year, more than 14 billion pounds

(6 billion kilograms) of garbage

is dumped into the world’s oceans.

Most of it, is plastic that is toxic to marine life.

 garbage is dumped into the world's ocean

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Contrary to popular belief,

the Mayans don’t have just one calendar

and none of their calendars predicted

the world would end in 2012.

Now you tell me!!!

 Mayan calendar

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80% of infants are

born with a birthmark

 born with a birthmark

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Buttermilk is NOT milk containing butter.

Buttermilk is actually the part of the milk

that’s left after you churn the butter out.

 Buttermilk

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Russia’s surface area is bigger

than Pluto’s surface area

 Russia's surface area

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Malcolm X was shot and mortally wounded

by three members of the Nation of Islam

on the stage of the Audubon ballroom in Harlem

on February 21, 1965.

In March of 1964, Malcolm X announced

a break with the Nation of Islam,

leading to conflict, threats,

and ultimately his assassination.

 Malcolm X

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If you want to make a pineapple sweeter

you actually need to use salt!

 pineapple

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The escalators in London’s underground

travel two times the circumference of the Earth

every week!

 escalators in London's underground

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Foreigners account for 23% of

Switzerland’s roughly 8 million people

 Switzerland

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Various studies show that during

a time of extreme stress or in a crisis,

women tend to react with reference to their feelings,

while men tend not to react with logic and deductive reasoning.

 man and woman reacting to stress

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Finally, Braille, the tactile writing system

used by blind and visually impaired people,

is named after its creator, Louis Braille,

who was blinded in both eyes in an accident

during his early childhood.

He mastered his disability while still a boy

and, in 1824 (at the age of just 15), presented

his system of tactile code that would eventually

allow blind people to read and write.

Louis Braille

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I Love Grandfather Clocks. Big Time!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And I love puns as well.

So brace yourselves for another selection of word plays.

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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It pains me to say it,

but I have a sore throat

 sore throat

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There was a knock at the door this morning,

so I opened it and there was a basin on the doorstep.

I thought, “I’d better let this sink in.”

 sink

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For the record I bought

a vinyl cleaning machine

 record

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Having just punched a midget selling watches,

I know I’ve hit an all time low.

 watches

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Are there any fat people in Finland?

 fat people in Finland

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Have you ever wondered what the

word for ‘dot’ looks like in braille?

 braille

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My girlfriend broke up with me

because of my obsession with puzzles.

There were a lot of cross words

 crossword

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I can’t undo wrongs.

But I can write them.

 write

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A friend dared me to steal a

flat-bottomed boat from the river.

I thought, “Why not. I’ll take a punt.”

 punt

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Everyone loved the baker.

He had a massive flan base.

 massive flan

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I don’t regard being a toastmaster a job,

it’s more a calling.

 toastmaster

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The ten largest baseball stadiums hold

between 46,000 – 56,000 people.

Just some ballpark figures for you.

 baseball stadium

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My girlfriend asked me what I’d do with my life if I lost her.

I said it would be like breaking a pencil.

She said, “Do you mean it would be pointless?”

I said, “No, I’d just go out and buy another one.”

 breaking a pencil

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I’ve just bought some ghost-shaped laxative tablets.

They scare the crap out of me.

ghost-shaped laxative

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Veni, Vidi, Velcro… I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I hope you stick around too, because it’s another Pun Day.

You know the drill….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD

where all he does all day is organize dinner plates by the year they were made,

It’s an extremely rare dish-order

spinning-plates

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I’ve written my own book

called 50 Shades of Gravy.

It’s very saucy.

gravy

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I’m an easy target for muggers.

Take it from me.

mugger

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I knew I had failed my Braille exam at the time.

It just felt wrong.

Braille exam

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“How’s your new stairlift nan?”

“It’s driving me up the wall.”

stairlift

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Just finished an experiment to find

the best cure for hiccups.

The result was a big surprise.

Hiccups-Scare

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I stabbed someone with a blunt pencil today.

It was an act of pointless violence.

blunt pencil

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I just took some pills and now my pupils look massive!

I really shouldn’t take hallucinogenic drugs while teaching.

The Simpsons Homer Dilated Pupil

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The wife would like us to feel a gentle and relaxing breeze

all over our bodies when we have sex.

I’m not a fan.

fan

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I thought I’d dug up an unknown

species of dinosaur in my back garden.

Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum,

but it turned out to be a fossil arm.

fossil arm

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Do you think eating horse meat

would give you the trots?

the trots

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I got my girlfriend the Connery and Dalton

James Bond movies for her birthday,

but she wasn’t happy.

I think she was expecting Moore.

roger_moore___007

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Hungry astronomers don’t like galaxies,

they prefer something that’s a little meteor.

meteor

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I have an Eskimo fetish,

but most people just aren’t that Inuit.

Selawik-Eskimo-Woman

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I’ve booked a table at one of those new

Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses.

They’re for people who love meat tender.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Ten!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Saturday, and time for another selection of the ever popular Classified Ads.

These attempts to sell goods and services didn’t quite reach the standard required to be themselves classified as intelligent communication.

They are funny though and thank goodness for that.

Enjoy!

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classified ad 216.

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drive through colon screening.

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classified ad 217.

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robotic prostrate surgery.

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classified ad 218.

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rectal rocket.

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classified ad 219.

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French and Fry.

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classified ad 220.

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device to cure sleepiness.

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classified ad 221

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Consultations.

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classified ad 222

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breast augmentation

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Let’s Have Some More Pun Today

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for a few more puns for those of you who like a bit of word play, or just enjoy some bad jokes dressed up as clever stuff.

Enjoy.

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You know prices are rising when you buy a winter jacket and even down is up.

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I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn’t click.

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Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

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I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.          

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The indecisive rower couldn’t choose either oar.

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5000 hares have escaped from the zoo.

The police are combing the area.

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The blind guy was sure he could master braille once he got a feel for it.

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The trailer for the movie was produced without a hitch!

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Did you hear about the beautiful but strict high school teacher?

She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils!

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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

It’s impossible to put down.

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Scientist one: “I’m going to try to clone myself.”

Scientist two: “Now wouldn’t that be just like you!”

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Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.

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I’m inclined to be laid back.

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I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.      

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Don’t trust people who do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.

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My wife tells me I’m a skeptic – but I don’t believe a word she says.        

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In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

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A pun about a monorail always makes for a decent one-liner!

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And finally, did you hear about the girl who got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun?

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