“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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First pun day of August folks.
The months may change but pun day is forever, or until I run out of puns whichever comes first.
So here are today’s selection.
I hope you enjoy them.
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I’ve decided to take the day off today.
I’m just going to call it to.
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I’m in a heavy metal band.
I play lead.
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I filled my car up with gasoline this morning.
Wish I hadn’t now, the seats are ruined.
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Is nothing built in America any more?
I got a new TV the other day and on the box it said
‘BUILT IN ANTENNA’.
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My garden is only 36 inches wide.
More like a yard.
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My grandfather is a Cold War veteran
He can’t afford to put the heating on.
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It’s not hard getting to work in the snow,
you just need a bit of grit.
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My neighbor just showed me his new wind turbine.
I was blown away,
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Well the judge said that from now on
I can only see my children with supervision.
I said why, how far away will they be?
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I dropped my cell phone in the bath yesterday.
I said to my wife, “My phone is finished”.
She said, “It might still work, have you tried ringing it?”
I said, “Yes, but not much water is coming out”.
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I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer.
He wasn’t pleased.
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Sometimes I enjoy my steak under cooked,
Of course, that’s rare.
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I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.
I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
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In class today the teacher gave me a square piece of paper
and asked if I could turn it into an octagon.
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll have it done for next week, sir.”
“No, I need it now,” was the reply.
“Okay, I’ll have to cut a few corners though.”
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I was chatting to a couple of girls today.
I said, “Give me your numbers and we can go out for a drink sometime”.
One of the girls said, “Okay, give us two secs.”
I said, “No problem, that’s exactly what I had in mind.”
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I’ve invented a device called a ‘base-ball.’
I’m thinking of pitching it on Shark Tank.
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I walked past some joggers in the park today.
They weren’t very fast.
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I was at the observatory the other day.
The astronomer said to me, “Look at this massive star!”
I replied, “Actually, that’s a cluster of stars, if it’s any constellation.”
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I went to the Natural History Museum and
saw the two bees that Noah took with him.
They were in the archives.
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Now, for the final trick, I’m going to turn this
Grandfather clock to one hundredth of its original size…
Watch….
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fasab 