For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife (Made To Scale).

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


First pun day of August folks.

The months may change but pun day is forever, or until I run out of puns whichever comes first.

So here are today’s selection.

I hope you enjoy them.



I’ve decided to take the day off today.

I’m just going to call it to.

day off cartoon



I’m in a heavy metal band.

I play lead.




I filled my car up with gasoline this morning.

Wish I hadn’t now, the seats are ruined.

gas fill



Is nothing built in America any more?

I got a new TV the other day and on the box it said


built in antenna



My garden is only 36 inches wide.

More like a yard.




My grandfather is a Cold War veteran

He can’t afford to put the heating on.




It’s not hard getting to work in the snow,

you just need a bit of grit.

true grit



My neighbor just showed me his new wind turbine.

I was blown away,

wind turbines



Well the judge said that from now on

I can only see my children with supervision.

I said why, how far away will they be?




I dropped my cell phone in the bath yesterday.

I said to my wife, “My phone is finished”.

She said, “It might still work, have you tried ringing it?”

I said, “Yes, but not much water is coming out”.




I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer.

He wasn’t pleased.




Sometimes I enjoy my steak under cooked,

Of course, that’s rare.




I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.




In class today the teacher gave me a square piece of paper

and asked if I could turn it into an octagon.

“Sure,” I said. “I’ll have it done for next week, sir.”

“No, I need it now,” was the reply.

“Okay, I’ll have to cut a few corners though.”




I was chatting to a couple of girls today.

I said, “Give me your numbers and we can go out for a drink sometime”.

One of the girls said, “Okay, give us two secs.”

I said, “No problem, that’s exactly what I had in mind.”

two girls



I’ve invented a device called a ‘base-ball.’

I’m thinking of pitching it on Shark Tank.

shark tank



I walked past some joggers in the park today.

They weren’t very fast.




I was at the observatory the other day.

The astronomer said to me, “Look at this massive star!”

I replied, “Actually, that’s a cluster of stars, if it’s any constellation.”




I went to the Natural History Museum and

saw the two bees that Noah took with him.

They were in the archives.




Now, for the final trick, I’m going to turn this

Grandfather clock to one hundredth of its original size…


grandfather clocks




Did You Know? More From The Strange Fact File

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Here is another very random selection of strange facts from fasab’s files.

As with other in this series, by the time you have read these you will know more than you did and possible more than you want to.

But have a look anyway.




The adult electric eel can produce a five hundred volt shock,

which is enough to stun a horse

– and I don’t mean a seahorse!

electric eel


As an iceberg melts, it makes a fizzing sound
because of the compressed air bubbles popping in the ice


Kermit the frog delivered the commencement address

at Southampton College located in the state of New York in 1996


The mythical Scottish town of Brigadoon

appears for one day every one hundred years


A rainbow can occur only when the sun

is 40 degrees or less above the horizon


The most common injury caused by cosmetics

is to the eye by a mascara wand



The sound made by the toadfish when mating underwater

is so loud that it can be heard by humans on the shore


In America, approximately 20% of children between

the ages of 2 – 7 have televisions in their rooms


Families who do turn off the television during meals tend to eat healthier.

This was regardless of family income, or education


Two out of five people end up marrying their first love

first love

Forty-one percent of women apply body and

hand moisturizer at least three times a day


Scientists have determined that having guilty feelings

may actually damage your immune system

Feeling Guilty after Eating pactket in my Papperoni__

The first box of Crayola that was ever sold

had the same eight colours that are sold in the box today

consisting of red, blue, yellow, green, violet, orange, black and brown.

The box was sold for a nickel in 1903


The best time for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon.

This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time


According to psychologists, the shoe and the foot

are the most common sources of sexual fetishism in Western society

foot fetish


Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball

dillinger baseball
John Dillinger top left

The first company to mass produce teddy bears was the Ideal Toy Company


Flight pioneer and pilot, Orville Wright,

was involved in the first aircraft accident.

His passenger was killed.

Orville Wright crash

The mother of famous astronomer Johannes Kepler

was accused of being a witch

Johannes Kepler 1610

In the past 60 years, the groundhog has only predicted

the weather correctly 28% of the time.

The rushing back and forth from burrows

is believed to indicate sexual activity, not shadow seeking





Another Selection Of Those Word Puzzles Called Anagrams.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Another selection of those word puzzles called anagrams. Some of the usual suspects are back, but with different takes on their name, and of course thee are a lot of new ones too.




‘Dolly Parton’




‘The Prince of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)’

Real pompous, petulant, high-class inbreed wretch waiting for E.R. throne.



‘The Titanic disaster’

Death, it starts in ice



‘Western Union’

No Wire Unsent



‘The Cincinnati Reds’

Indecent Christian




On scale of sin



‘Princess Diana’

End is a car spin




Moon starer




No more stars



‘Frito Lay’

Oily Fart




Voices Rant On



‘ipod lover’

Poor devil



‘Justin Timberlake’

I’m a jerk but listen



Mitt Romney for President

form prime intent, destroy




Trims cash



‘A Domesticated Animal’

Docile, as a man tamed it



‘Garbage Man’

Bag manager



‘President Bush of the USA’

A fresh one, but he’s stupid



 ‘Adolf Hitler’

Heil, old fart!



‘Chairman Mao’

I am on a march.