Friday The 13th, Part Two.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Friday 13th

What do you know, it’s Friday 13th AGAIN.

Second one in two months and there will be another in November 2015 too.

How lucky is that?

Well, I guess not so lucky if you suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia (also known as friggatriskaidekaphobia), which is a fear of Friday the 13th, or even triskadekaphobia which is the scientific name given to a fear of the number 13 itself.

It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise really. The longest period that can occur without a Friday the 13th is 14 months, and every year has at least one and sometimes, like this year, three Friday the 13ths.

There is no written evidence for a “Friday the 13th” superstition before the 19th century, the first reference to an unlucky Friday the 13th coming in an 1869 biography of the composer Rossini who died on Friday November 13, 1868.

The superstition only gained widespread distribution in the 20th century, although the origin is believed to have come from the Bible, the association stemming from the idea that the 13th guest at the Last Supper was the one who betrayed Jesus prior to his death, which occurred on a Friday.

The Curtis Hotel in Denver

Hotels, skyscrapers and even hospitals have been known to skip out on creating a 13th floor due to its unlucky connection and even airports sometimes quietly omit gate 13. The Curtis Hotel in Denver, Colorado, on the other hand uses the superstition as a gimmick to amuse guests by playing the “dun, dun, dunnnnn!!” theme in the elevator shaft for guests as they arrive on the 13th floor.

Sometimes research seems to add weight to the superstition. A study in Finland, for example, has shown that women are more likely to die in traffic accidents on Friday the 13th than on other Fridays.

And, according to a report from U.K.’s newspaper, The Mirror, 72 percent of United Kingdom residents have claimed to have had bad luck experiences Friday the 13th. The readers polled admitted to avoiding traveling, attending business meetings and making large purchases on this unlucky day, with 34 percent admitting to wanting to “hide under their duvet” for the upcoming dates. The study did not speculate if their luck would have been better if they had gone about their normal business!

Former US President Franklin D. Roosevelt had a strong fear of the number 13 and refused to host a dinner party with 13 guests or to travel on the 13th day of any month. US President Herbert Hoover had similar fears.

Maybe he did what superstitious diners in Paris do – hire a quatorzieme, or professional 14th guest.

I don’t think Cuban leader Fidel Castro had the same fears because he was born on Friday, August 13,1926, as was the celebrated outlaw Butch Cassidy (born on. Friday, April 13,1866).

Butch Cassidy

Speaking of outlaws, Oklahoma bandit Crawford “Cherokee Bill” Goldsby murdered 13 victims, and was captured after a reward of $1300 was posted. At his trial, 13 eyewitnesses testified against him, the jury took 13 hours to render a verdict of guilty. He was hanged on April 13,1896 on a gallows with 13 steps!

Stock broker and author Thomas W. Lawson, wrote a novel in 1907 entitled “Friday the Thirteenth,” about a stockbroker’s attempts to take down Wall Street on the unluckiest day of the month. Reportedly, stock brokers after this were as unlikely to buy or sell stocks on this unlucky day as they were to walk under a ladder, according to accounts of a 1925 New York Times article.

The independent horror movie Friday the 13th was released in May 1980 and despite only having a budget of $550,000 it grossed $39.7million at the box office in the United States – not unlucky for it’s backers. In fact the “Friday the 13th” film franchise continues to sweep up its box-office competition. According to  BoxOfficeMojo.com, the dozen films named after the haunted holiday have raked in more than $380 million nationally, with an average gross of $31 million per feature.

Another director noted for his suspenseful psychological thrillers, Alfred Hitchcock, was born on the Friday 13th in August 1899, although he also had a run in with bad luck on that date too when his directorial debut movie called “Number 13,” never made it past the first few scenes and was shut down due to financial problems. He is supposed to have said that the film wasn’t very interesting. We’ll never know!

Alfred Hitchcock

Also with movies in mind there was a feature film based on the unlucky events of Apollo 13, launched on 13:13 CST, April 11,1970, which barely escaped becoming a doomed flight when an explosion disabled the craft occurring on April 13th (not a Friday in case you are interested).

According to Thomas Gilovich, chair of Psychology at Cornell University, our brains are known to make associations with Friday 13th in a way that would give favor to the “bad luck” myths. He explains this by saying that “if anything bad happens to you on Friday the 13th, the two will be forever associated in your mind and all those uneventful days in which the 13th fell on a Friday will be ignored.” It’s a bit like remembering the good old days and forgetting the bad ones!

Always contrary, pagans believe that 13 is actually a lucky number since it corresponds with the number of full moons in a year and in Spanish-speaking nations, Tuesday The 13th is regarded as unlucky rather than Friday!

So I guess you just have to make up your own mind whether you believe Friday 13th is unlucky or not.

I’m hoping of course that the fact that you have landed on this blog today is good luck rather than bad.

It was good luck for me, please call again.

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My Nose Is Itchy, I Wonder Why. Maybe The Facts Will Tell Me.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Itchy or not it’s time for another fact day.

This selection includes music, movies and Mexican general elections.

So hopefully something for everyone.

Enjoy.

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facts 02

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Earth’s seasons are not due to our proximity to the sun,

but rather due to Earth’s 23.4 degree tilt on its axis.

 earth's tilt on axis

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Did you know that in Romania many people believe

that when your nose is feeling itchy,

it means that someone wants to kiss you.

In some other countries the superstition says

that an itchy nose is a sign that

you are going to be angry later.

Take you choice which to believe, or both, or neither.

 itchy nose

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When you are trying to listen to someone in a noisy situation,

use your right ear because it picks up words better,

while your left ear is better at picking up sounds and music.

 listening

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Famous people who served during World War One (WWI)

include the writers A. A. Milne, creator of Winnie the Pooh,

JRR Tolkien, author of Lord of The Rings,

sculptor Henry Moore, and the actor Basil Rathbone.

 

Basil Rathbone WWI
Basil Rathbone WWI

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Although it is commonly said and believed that

lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice,

the fact is that it can and does.

Lightning tries to find the fastest path to the ground,

and therefore tall buildings, trees, and such are at the

greatest risk because the higher the object,

the more likely it is to be struck.

 lightning striking tree

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The most subscribed channel

on YouTube is ‘Music’.

 YouTube music channel

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In the Mexican general election of 1988,

during the count the government claimed

that the computers had crashed.

Although the early results showed that

Cárdenas was winning comfortably,

when the computers were “repaired,”

his political opponent, Salinas, had supposedly

eked out a narrow victory.

Years later, a former president of Mexico,

Miguel de la Madrid, admitted to the New York Times

that the 1988 general election had been rigged

to make the Institutional Revolutionary Party win,

and that three years after the election,

all ballots were burned in order to

remove all evidence of the fraud.

 Mexican flag

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The techniques used for pyramid

construction developed over time;

later pyramids were not built

the same way as earlier ones.

 techniques used for pyramid construction

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 In the H G Wells novel entitled “The World Set Free”,

written at a time when little was known

about the power of radioactive elements,

he predicted that a city-destroying atomic bomb

would destroy lives in the future.

Years later the atomic bomb was launched

through the Manhattan Project and eventually

dropped on the Japanese city of Hiroshima,

causing radiation sickness and deaths years after.

 The World Set Free by H G Wells

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In 1929, German surgeon Werner Forssmann

examined the inside of his own heart by

threading a catheter into his arm vein.

This was the first cardiac catheterization,

a now common procedure.

 cardiac catheterization

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The chef was one of the male survivors

from the Titanic disaster,

and his survival is credited to the amount

of liquor he drank right before going underwater,

which kept his body temperature up.

 Titanic chef survivor

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Marijuana is known to increase

appetite and food consumption.

Pigs in Bhutan are fed cannabis to make

them hungrier and consequently fatter.

 Pigs in Bhutan are fed cannabis

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Vodka is the world’s most popular liquor by a huge margin,

with about 5 billion liters consumed every year.

 stolichnaya vodka

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Cocoa trees can live up to 200 years but they only

produce usable cocoa beans for about 25 years.

 Cocoa trees

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In the famous movie Psycho,

Alfred Hitchcock used Bosco chocolate syrup

for blood in the legendary shower scene.

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Ants In Your Pants? There’s Plenty Of ‘Em!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi and welcome to fact day which does, as the title suggests, include an amazing fact about the number of ants ib the world. They may not be in your pants, but keep a look out just in case!

And now for the facts.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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Halloween, which we’ve all just endured another year,

is thought to have originated around 4000 B.C.,

which means Halloween has been around for over 6,000 years

and is one of the oldest celebrations in the world.

happy halloween

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Most vegetables and almost all fruits contain

a small amount of alcohol in them.

Cheers!

vegetables

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Some scientific studies suggest there are about

10,000,000,000,000,000 individual ants

alive on Earth at any given time.

Ants are estimated to represent about 15–20%

of the total terrestrial animal biomass,

which exceeds that of the vertebrates.

Ant from_a_bugs_life

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When Pluto was discovered it was initially

believed to be larger than Earth.

Now astronomers know that it’s about

1,455 miles (2,352 kilometers) across,

less than 20 percent as big as the Earth.

planets in our solar system smaller than earth

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Thomas Stewart Armistead was a Confederate officer

who fought bravely in the American Civil War.

After being wounded at the Battle of the Wilderness he

was captured and placed in a camp near Morris Island

where the Union authorities used him as a human

shield to prevent fire from nearby Confederate artillery batteries.

Thomas Stewart Armistead and 599 other Confederate officers

who had also been captured became known as “The Immortal 600.”

When, on November 16, 1922, Armistead died at the age of 80 he

was the last survivor and member of “The Immortal 600.”

Thomas Stewart Armistead

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The American football team the Baltimore Ravens are named

in honor of Edgar Allan Poe’s classic poem ‘The Raven’.

Baltimore_Ravens_logo

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The construction of the Great Wall of China took over 2 thousands years,

the very first parts being built as early as in the 8th century BC.

Great Wall of China

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Table for one, sir?

Amsterdam´s restaurant At Eenmaal,

founded by social designer Marina van Goor,

has become famous because the only type of table

that you can find in the restaurant is a table for one.

restaurant At Eenmaal

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The largest thermometer in the world is 134-feet-tall (40.843m)

and was built by businessman Willis Herron in Baker, California.

The thermometer is supposed to serve as a memento of

the highest recorded temperature in the U.S.

measured in nearby Death Valley

– 134 degrees Fahrenheit (56.6 Celsius) in 1913.

The thermometer is no longer in operation,

and was put up for sale in January 2013.

largest thermometer in the world

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In 410 A.D. Alaric the Visigoth demanded that Rome give

him three thousand pounds of pepper as ransom,

an amount not to be sneezed at.

Alaric the Visigoth

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Abu Nasr Isma’il ibn Hammad al-Jawhari was an author of

a notable Arabic dictionary containing about 40,000 entries.

He is also remembered in Arabic history for

his attempt to fly with wooden wings.

He leapt from the roof of a mosque in the old town of Nishapur,

whereupon gravity took control and

he promptly hit the ground and was killed.

Abu Nasr Isma'il ibn Hammad al-Jawhari

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If you spray an antiseptic spray on a polar bear,

its fur will turn purple.

I wonder who got close enough to find that one out?

antiseptic spray on a polar bear

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The Japanese Empire was the largest maritime empire in history,

spanning more than 7 million square kilometers and gained such

notoriety that it took atomic bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki

plus plenty of other battles to defeat it.

Japanese Empire

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The movie that grossed the most money that was

adapted from a T.V. cartoon is Scooby-Doo

scooby-doo

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Quite often when a book is made into a movie a lot of things get changed.

Sometimes this spoils the story for those who have read the book,

other times it can improve it.

In Robert Bloch’s novel  the main character ‘Norman Bates’

was short, fat, older, and very dislikable.

In Alfred Hitchcock’s movie version, however,

he was young, handsome, and sympathetic, and one

of the most well-known characters in film history.

Here are a couple of clips….

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Tin Foil, Mince Pies And Kilts? It’s The Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another fasab quiz.

Last one for this month. And the usual random mixture to test your general knowledge.

Also as usual if you get stuck you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz7

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Q.  1:  What is kitchen tin foil made from?

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Q.  2:  With what would you ‘rock the baby’ or ‘walk the dog’?

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Q.  3:  What is the main ingredient of a mince pie?

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Q.  4:  Where was the Titanic built?

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Q.  5:  How many best director Oscars did Alfred Hitchcock win?

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Q.  6:  What is feldspar?

            a)  a flower            b)  a type of coral            c)  a mineral

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Q.  7:  What mineral is an ‘Alaskan diamond’?

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Q.  8:  Which country owns the island of Bermuda?

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Q.  9:  How many equal angles has a ‘scalene triangle’?

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Q. 10:  What is an ‘ocular contusion’ more commonly known as?

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Q. 11:  What color is the black box on a plane?

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Q. 12:  What property of a body is calculated by multiplying its mass by its velocity?

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Q. 13:  What nation invented the kilt?

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Q. 14:  Meaning before noon, what does the acronym ‘AM’ stand for?

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Q. 15:  ‘Pb’ is the chemical symbol for which element?

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Q. 16:  What was John Lennon’s middle name?

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Q. 17:  The term ‘Lupine’ relates to which animals?

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Q. 18:  What is the difference between an ‘albatross’ and an ‘albacore’?

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Q. 19:  Which part of a man’s body enlarges by up to 8 times when he sees an attractive female?

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Q. 20:  This one is the name of a band of the late 1960s and 1970s and of the English farmer who invented the seed-planting drill in 1701?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What is kitchen tin foil made from?

A.  1:  Aluminium (US-English: Aluminum).

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Q.  2:  With what would you ‘rock the baby’ or ‘walk the dog’?

A.  2:  A Yoyo.

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Q.  3:  What is the main ingredient of a mince pie?

A.  3:  Fruit.

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Q.  4:  Where was the Titanic built?

A.  4:  Belfast, Ireland.

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Q.  5:  How many best director Oscars did Alfred Hitchcock win?

A.  5:  Remarkably the correct answer is ‘None’.

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Q.  6:  What is feldspar?

            a)  a flower            b)  a type of coral            c)  a mineral

A.  6:  The correct answers is c) a mineral.

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Q.  7:  What mineral is an ‘Alaskan diamond’?

A.  7:  Quartz.

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Q.  8:  Which country owns the island of Bermuda?

A.  8:  Great Britain.

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Q.  9:  How many equal angles has a ‘scalene triangle’?

A.  9:  None. A scalene triangle has 3 unequal sides and angles.

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Q. 10:  What is an ‘ocular contusion’ more commonly known as?

A. 10:  A black eye.

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Q. 11:  What color is the black box on a plane?

A. 11:  The ‘Black’ box is in fact ‘Orange’.

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Q. 12:  What property of a body is calculated by multiplying its mass by its velocity?

A. 12:  Momentum.

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Q. 13:  What nation invented the kilt?

A. 13:  No, not Scotland, the kilt was invented in Ireland.

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Q. 14:  Meaning before noon, what does the acronym ‘AM’ stand for?

A. 14:  Ante meridian.

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Q. 15:  ‘Pb’ is the chemical symbol for which element?

A. 15:  Lead.

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Q. 16:  What was John Lennon’s middle name?

A. 16:  Winston.

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Q. 17:  The term ‘Lupine’ relates to which animals?

A. 17:  Wolves.

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Q. 18:  What is the difference between an ‘albatross’ and an ‘albacore’?

A. 18:  An albatross is a bird and an albacore is a fish.

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Q. 19:  Which part of a man’s body enlarges by up to 8 times when he sees an attractive female?

A. 19:  The pupil of his eye (Oh, come on, you should be so lucky!).

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Q. 20:  This one is the name of a band of the late 1960s and 1970s and of the English farmer who invented the seed-planting drill in 1701?

A. 20:  Jethro Tull.

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If It’s Facts You Want Here They Are!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, here they are.

Fifteen more fabulous facts for you.

Hope you find something of interest in this selection.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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When Canada’s Northwest Territories considered renaming itself

in the 1990s, one name that gained support was “Bob.”

nw-territories

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Some cats are allergic to humans.

cat

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The largest flag ever made was unveiled in Romania on May 27th 2013;

it weighed 5 tons and used 44 miles of thread.

largest flag ever made

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Walt Disney refused to allow Alfred Hitchcock to film at Disneyland

in the early 1960s because he had made “that disgusting movie Psycho.”

psycho

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George Washington insisted his continental army be permitted

a quart of beer as part of their daily rations.

quart of beer

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In Japan,

letting a sumo wrestler make your baby cry

is considered good luck.

sumo-wrestlers-make-babies-cry-in-japan-1

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Alaska is so big you could fit 75 New Jerseys in it.

Alaska's size relative to contiguous USA

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Sunglasses were actually invented by the Chinese but not to block the sun.

They were used by judges in courtrooms to hide their emotions.

Chinese-Judge

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In 1999, the U.S. government paid the Zapruder family

$16 million for the film of JFK’s assassination.

Zapruder film Screen-Shot-1963-11-22-at-6.16.58-AM

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The last widow of a Civil War soldier died in 2003.

Gertrude Janeway was 18 when she married 81 year old John Janeway in 1927.

When she died she was still receiving a monthly check for $70

from the Veterans Administration for a military pension

earned by her late husband on the Union side of the American Civil War.

The amount spanned three centuries.

last widow of a Civil War soldier

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Tasmania, Australia has the cleanest air in the inhabited world.

Tasmania-in-Australia_Splendid-beaches_27

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The Code of Hammurabi decreed that bartenders

who watered down beer would be executed.

(And quite right too.)

Code of Hammurabi

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During WWI, British tanks were initially categorized into “males” and “females.”

Male tanks had cannons, while females had heavy machine guns.

British WW1 Tank

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Bikini designer Louis Reard said

a two-piece bathing suit couldn’t be called a bikini

“unless it could be pulled through a wedding ring.”

Bikini

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Sigourney Weaver actually made that

‘impossible’ basketball shot in, Aliens: Resurrection.

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Are You Up For A Challenge? – It’s The Monday Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Quite a mixture of questions today.

Some are easy, some are difficult, and some should be easy but I have a feeling they may turn out to be quite difficult too!

As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please, NO cheating.

Enjoy and good luck.

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Quiz 6

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Q.  1:  You’ve seen it hundreds if not thousands of times, so how many milk bottles are standing on the porch when Fred Flintstone puts out the cat?

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Q.  2:  Who was assassinated in Dallas on 24 November 1963?

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Q.  3:  Who was known as ‘The Serpent of the Nile’?

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Q.  4:  How many amendments have their been to the US Constitution?

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Q.  5:  For which event of 1872 is the name of Captain Briggs remembered?

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Q.  6:  What was abolished by France in 1981, The Netherlands in 1982, Australia in 1985 and New Zealand in 1989?

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Q.  7:  How many colored squares are on a Rubik cube?

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Q.  8:  A famous Irish novelist and poet, he was born in 1882 and died in 1941, who was he?

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Q.  9:  Who directed the movie ‘Jurassic Park’?

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Q. 10:  What famous IT company launched a clothing line in 1986?

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Q. 11:  Which great Carthegian general crossed the Alps in 218?

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Q. 12:  For how many years did the famous ‘Pony Express’ operate in America?

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Q. 13:  On what date in 1883 did France officially present the Statue of Liberty to the US?

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Q. 14:  Cary Grant and Alfred Hitchcock had one of the most celebrated and successful collaborations of any actor/director pair in history. Name as many of their movies as you can (and you get a point for each correct answer).

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Q. 15:  Who had 7 members of a rival gang killed on St Valentines day 1929?

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Q. 16:  Who or what is the Presidential retreat ‘Camp David’ named after?

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Q. 17:  Who said “Read my lips, no new taxes”?

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Q. 18:  What was the name of the domestic videocassette tape recorder system introduced by Sony in 1975?

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Q. 19:  Which famous Arab / Israeli war took place in 1973?

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Q. 20:  In the long running hit television series ‘Magnum P.I.’, what was the character name of the ex-British Army Officer who looked after the estate in which Magnum lives?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  You’ve seen it hundreds if not thousands of times, so how many milk bottles are standing on the porch when Fred Flintstone puts out the cat?

A.  1:  One. (You should have known that!)

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Q.  2:  Who was assassinated in Dallas on 24 November 1963?

A.  2:  Lee Harvey Oswald.

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Q.  3:  Who was known as ‘The Serpent of the Nile’?

A.  3:  Cleopatra.

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Q.  4:  How many amendments have their been to the US Constitution?

A.  4:  27.

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Q.  5:  For which event of 1872 is the name of Captain Briggs remembered?

A.  5:  He Was The Captain Of The Marie Celeste.

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Q.  6:  What was abolished by France in 1981, The Netherlands in 1982, Australia in 1985 and New Zealand in 1989?

A.  6:  The Death Penalty.

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Q.  7:  How many colored squares are on a Rubik cube?

A.  7:  54 (A cube has 6 sides and there are 9 colored squares per side.)

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Q.  8:  A famous Irish novelist and poet, he was born in 1882 and died in 1941, who was he?

A.  8:  James Joyce.

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Q.  9:  Who directed the movie ‘Jurassic Park’?

A.  9:  Steven Spielberg.

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Q. 10:  What famous IT company launched a clothing line in 1986?

A. 10:  Apple.

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Q. 11:  Which great Carthegian general crossed the Alps in 218?

A. 11:  Hannibal.

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Q. 12:  For how many years did the famous ‘Pony Express’ operate in America?

A. 12:  The ‘Pony Express’ only lasted a single year before the transcontinental telegraph made the route obsolete.

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Q. 13:  On what date in 1883 did France officially present the Statue of Liberty to the US?

A. 13:  4th July.

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Q. 14:  Cary Grant and Alfred Hitchcock had one of the most celebrated and successful collaborations of any actor/director pair in history. Name as many of their movies as you can (and you get a point for each correct answer).

A. 14:  Cary Grant appeared in 4 Hitchcock movies, ‘Suspicion’ in 1941; ‘Notorious’ in 1946; ‘To Catch A Thief’ in 1955; and ‘North By North-West’ in 1959.

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Q. 15:  Who had 7 members of a rival gang killed on St Valentines day 1929?

A. 15:  Al Capone.

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Q. 16:  Who or what is the Presidential retreat ‘Camp David’ named after?

A. 16:  Presidential retreat Camp David is named after Dwight Eisenhower’s grandson.

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Q. 17:  Who said “Read my lips, no new taxes”?

A. 17:  George Bush.

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Q. 18:  What was the name of the domestic videocassette tape recorder system introduced by Sony in 1975?

A. 18:  Betamax.

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Q. 19:  Which famous Arab / Israeli war took place in 1973?

A. 19:  The Yom Kippur war.

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Q. 20:  In the long running hit television series ‘Magnum P.I.’, what was the character name of the ex-British Army Officer who looked after the estate in which Magnum lived?

A. 20:  Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, but ‘Higgins’ will get you a point.

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I Never Contradict Myself, But I Do Sometimes.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, another day to play with words, or on words, or perhaps a bit of both.

Whatever you think is more appropriate, enjoy!

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rofl

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“Welcome to the society of people scared of decimal numbers.”

“I’m glad I managed to round you all up”

decimals

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Two communists in a nudist camp.

One says to other “have you read marx comrade?”

The other replied “Yes I think its the wicker furniture.”

giraffe-cartoon-nudist-camp

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The photocopier in my office broke.

So I called in my secretary, Tracey.

broken photocopier

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It might be me, but I just can’t think

of a better word to describe myself.

dot-me-logo

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Norman Bates, motel, shower, stab, blood,

Alfred Hitchcock, secretary, mother, knife,

Janet Leigh, bank, steal.

That’s just Psychobabble.

Psycho_(1960)

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When I worked at the funfair I used to think

that life was all swings and roundabouts.

fun_fair_by_shadowdraco

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I went crazy after I couldn’t open the new door I’d just fitted.

In hindsight I should have handled it better.

broken door handle

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My teacher asked me to name all the presidents,

which is ridiculous as they already have names.

mt-rushmore-cartoonfrederator-studios

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I had a scary moment when I was taking the packaging off

my expensive new bookcase with a sharp knife.

I damn near slit my shelf.

bookshelves

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My wife couldn’t believe she got sacked for

misplacing the company’s new storefront sign.

She’s lost four words.

lost for words

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Someone just robbed me and stole my watch.

I would have chased them,

but I didn’t have the time.

Black_and_White_Dog_Cartoon_of_a_Dog_Selling_Stolen_Watches_clipart_image

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It’s the final of the Microwave Challenge Contest tonight.

Things will get heated.

microwave

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My English teacher accused me of plagiarizing everything I write.

I didn’t make this up.

teacher pupil plagiarizing

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Hollywood producers are in talks with Dustin Hoffman

to star in a film about a Zulu warrior who dresses as a woman

to try and make it as an actor.

They’re going to call it Tutsi.

tootsie-con-dustin-hoffman

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Workers protested at a bread factory

in France because of their low income.

Their manager comes up and says,

“No pain, no gain.”

pain-de-france

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I used to own a laxatives company.

Business was hard at first and it was eventually liquidated.

laxatives blowout specials

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“Well we’re not getting on your big boat.”

the two Unicorns told Noah.

It was anarchy.

unicorns

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Just bought a really basic pair of shears.

They’re not cutting hedge anyway.

hedge shears

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I did some work experience at a drug rehab centre.

They were very thorough: they left no intern stoned.

drug rehab

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The last wedding I was invited to went off without a hitch.

The groom didn’t turn up.

Cartoon_of_a_Bride_Left_at_the_Alter_clipart_image

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