Not a real one, I’m not clever enough or dedicated enough for that. Rather, I would have loved to have been one of those idiots who try to make a name for themselves off pronouncements on things about which they know absolutely nothing.
I saw another one of their headline grabbers (that I like to call “boffin bollocks”) recently. The headline went something like “Shock Warning Aliens Are Coming.” And it wasn’t about more Mexicans making their way north across the US border.
It was from NASA’s Chief Scientist, Ellen Stofan, and claimed that first contact with alien life will happen “very soon” – very soon being not tomorrow, but within the next decade or two.
“We know where to look,” she confirmed.
Yes, “UP” would be my non-scientific guess at the best direction.
“We know how to look,” she added.
Again I am forced to agree. Personally I’d use a telescope, and a great big one, but that’s only me!
Ms Stofan was ably backed up by a colleague, John M. Grunsfeld, who came out with good sound bite words and phrases like “solar system”, “galaxy”, “the icy crusts of Jupiter’s moons Ganymede and Europa” (my favorite I think) and “the internal water within Saturn’s moon Enceladus”.
Mars and the Martians also got mentioned, but only with suggestions that life may have at one time been present on the planet. H. G. and Orson Wells had beaten them to visits by the ‘real’ Martians many, many years ago.
More scientists, this time at the Parkes Observatory in Australia, have been carefully studying peryton-a type of radio signals similar to Fast Radio Bursts (FRBs) which are known to come from somewhere else in the galaxy.
For years, they had been puzzled by these brief but intense bursts of radio waves that in some ways appeared to be coming from deep space. There have been dozens of reported perytons, some dating back to the 1990s, and theories about the signals’ origin included ball lightning, aircraft, and components of the telescopes themselves.
Then this year they made a break through. They discovered the source of the rogue signals. They were coming from – no, not somewhere deep in the galaxy – but instead from the microwave oven in the next room.
In what has to be the understatement of the year, Emily Petroff of Australia’s Swinburne University of Technology admitted, “It was quite surprising that it ended up being microwaves.” I bet it was!
I must add that I’m a big fan of space exploration, always have been, since I was a kid and was captivated by the television coverage of the Apollo missions. My only regret is that it all takes so very long that I will have gone ‘supernova’ before we see any tangible results of that exploration. There’s never a handy wormhole around when you need one, is there!
I am also a big fan of TV sci-fi series like the Star Treks, the Stargates and so forth, and of movies from ‘War of the Worlds’, thru ‘E.T.’ to ‘Independence Day’ and beyond. But I also have the wit to realize I’m being entertained and these things are not real.
So is there life out there?
I wouldn’t rule the idea out for a second. But what I would rule out is that intelligent life is ever going to be found within our Solar System, maybe not even within our Galaxy. But it could be out there somewhere.
The question we should be asking is, assuming it is benign and not hell bent on conquering all in its path, or maybe viewing us as a culinary delicacy, would that intelligent life really want anything to do with a planet full of people who, for almost their entire existence, seem to want nothing better than to continually wage war on each other?
I think having observed us for a while they would probably pass us by without calling in to say hello.
If I were in their shoes – or space boots – that’s what I would do – and at warp speed too!
Yes, today is the first Monday in August (how fast is this year going?) and time for another quiz.
As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but NO cheating!
Have a go and, hopefully, enjoy.
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Q. 1: Which Sergeant Detective Lieutenant worked with Scientist Ted Olson under the watchful eye of Captain Ed Hocken?
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Q. 2: The slogan for which famous website is ‘We Open Governments’?
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Q. 3: What are the genetically engineered robots called in the movie ‘Blade Runner’?
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Q. 4: With 4,400 km, what is the longest river in the world beginning with the letter ‘L’? (Bonus point if you know what country it is in.)
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Q. 5: Which band has had a record 36 top ten albums in the US charts?
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Q. 6: The OSS was the predecessor of which organization?
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Q. 7: The two amiable lawbreakers Robert LeRoy Parker and Harry Longabaugh were better known as what?
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Q. 8: A ‘Black Perigord’ is an expensive example of what?
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Q. 9: The world heritage site of Petra is located in what country?
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Q. 10: What is the well known word for ‘sailor of the universe’?
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Q. 11: The name of which criminal syndicate translated means ‘our thing’?
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Q. 12: H.G. Wells ‘The Time Machine’ has been made into a movie twice. Which actor played the ‘Time Traveler’ in a) the original 1960 movie and b) the 2002 version? (A point for each.)
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Q. 13: What is the well known translation for ‘River of January’?
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Q. 14: John Spilsbury is credited with putting together which baffling invention in the 1760s?
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Q. 15: Which politician is the co-author of the book ‘Judo: History, Theory, Practice’?
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Q. 16: Which Hollywood sex symbol did RAF pilots get into during World War II?
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Q. 17: Which world famous Hollywood actress does one associate with the words “I want to be alone..”?
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Q. 18: Which uplifting 1956 invention carried Sir Christopher Cockerell to fame?
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Q. 19: Before reunification what was the capital of West Germany?
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Q. 20: And finally, a question to chew on. What is the name of the famous department store in Moscow?
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ANSWERS
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Q. 1: Which Sergeant Detective Lieutenant worked with Scientist Ted Olson under the watchful eye of Captain Ed Hocken?
A. 1: ‘Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant Police Squad’ in the Police Squad TV series and Naked Gun movies, played by the late Leslie Nielsen.
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Q. 2: The slogan for which famous website is ‘We Open Governments’?
A. 2: WikiLeaks.
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Q. 3: What are the genetically engineered robots called in the movie ‘Blade Runner’?
A. 3: They are called ‘Replicants’.
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Q. 4: With 4,400 km, what is the longest river in the world beginning with the letter ‘L’?
A. 4: The River Lena in Russia. It is also the 11th longest river in the world and has the 9th largest watershed.
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Q. 5: Which band has had a record 36 top ten albums in the US charts?
A. 5: The Rolling Stones.
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Q. 6: The OSS was the predecessor of which organization?
A. 6: The OSS (Office of Strategic Services) was the predecessor of the CIA.
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Q. 7: The two amiable lawbreakers Robert LeRoy Parker and Harry Longabaugh were better known as what?
A. 7: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
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Q. 8: A ‘Black Perigord’ is an expensive example of what?
A. 8: A Truffle.
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Q. 9: The world heritage site of Petra is located in what country?
A. 9: Jordan.
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Q. 10: What is the well known word for ‘sailor of the universe’?
A. 10: Cosmonaut (Astronaut is ‘sailor of the stars’).
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Q. 11: The name of which criminal syndicate translated means ‘our thing’?
A. 11: Cosa Nostra.
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Q. 12: H.G. Wells ‘The Time Machine’ has been made into a movie twice. Which actor played the ‘Time Traveler’ in a) the original 1960 movie and b) the 2002 version?
A. 12: Two answers a) Rod Taylor and b) Guy Pearce.
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Q. 13: What is the well known translation for ‘River of January’?
A. 13: Rio de Janeiro.
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Q. 14: John Spilsbury is credited with putting together which baffling invention in the 1760s?
A. 14: The Jigsaw Puzzle.
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Q. 15: Which politician is the co-author of the book ‘Judo: History, Theory, Practice’?
A. 15: Vladimir Putin.
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Q. 16: Which Hollywood sex symbol did RAF pilots get into during World War II?
A. 16: Mae West. The automatically inflatable lifejacket worn by RAF pilots was given the nickname Mae West.
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Q. 17: Which world famous Hollywood actress does one associate with the words “I want to be alone..”?
A. 17: Greta Garbo.
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Q. 18: Which uplifting 1956 invention carried Sir Christopher Cockerell to fame?
A. 18: The Hovercraft.
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Q. 19: Before reunification what was the capital of West Germany?
A. 19: Bonn.
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Q. 20: And finally, a question to chew on. What is the name of the famous department store in Moscow?
As most of you know, the main focus of this blog is on the stupidity of the politicians and bureaucrats who do all that they can to make our lives less enjoyable and free than they could be without such unwanted and idiotic interference.
Occasionally, however, I like to feature quite the opposite, things and people who are exceptional in their chosen field, whether that be science, sport, engineering, music or whatever.
Today’s post is one of the latter and is a wonderful selection of caricatures that I received in a recent email. Unfortunately I don’t know the names of the exceptional artists who did these drawings, otherwise I would be more than happy to acknowledge them. Nonetheless I think as wide an audience as possible deserves to be able to view their work and what follows I hope will be a small part of that.
Enjoy, I think you will. And if you feel the urge please let me know you favorite or favorites.
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THE END
(Copyright to all drawings belong to the original artists)
I got an email recently from Paul Ryan (well, probably one of his little helpers) inviting me to some kind of election shin-dig they were having. How he got my email address I don’t know because I haven’t signed up for anything even resembling political.
Whoever wins, we get the same people really in charge. There can be no doubt about that after Obama’s four years of “no we can’t” and changing nothing of consequence.
And then there was the debate in Denver. By all accounts a win for Romney and a lackluster performance by Obama. A CBS News poll of “uncommitted voters”, gave Romney 46% as opposed to 22% for Obama (with 32% calling it a tie).
Not that performance in debates count for much in the long run, but this one has made an “unshakable” lead for Obama into a much closer competition – until the next debate anyway – which might turn what has been a relatively dull campaign into something more exciting. Don’t hold your breath, though.
Meantime we have much more important things to investigate and to lighten the mood.
Yes, from pundit to punday, another excuse for more bad jokes, using the clever ploy of the pun.
Can you take it?
If you can, then enjoy.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Is the Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under?
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Are Santa’s helpers subordinate clauses?
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
When a scientist was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals to try to solve a problem he accidentally fell in and became part of the solution.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, could it spell disaster?
After they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Idiots don’t know a lot of things. Their ignorance usually spans a wide variety of subjects. I know one guy and no matter what subject you pick, except for football, he’s sure to know nothing about it. But he doesn’t care, doesn’t want to learn, and doesn’t want to pretend that he does know what he doesn’t.
That has a healthy degree of honesty about. I like him for it and so do many other people. He’s a very popular guy.
What I can’t stand are the idiots who know next to nothing about what they are talking about but persist in giving their opinions on everything. These people are so dumb they have no idea just how dumb they are. They are not likeable and they are not popular. People melt away from them at parties, dread to be placed next to them at the dinner table, and never interact with them socially when they can avoid it. But unfortunately they are so self-absorbed in their own ignorance that they never catch on.
When they know nothing about something relatively simple its bad enough. When they imagine in their own demented craniums that they are ‘experts’ on something complex it’s even worse.
Below is a copy of a genuine letter sent out by the Smithsonian Institute to a Mr Scott Williams of Newport, Vermont. I don’t know Mr Scott and have never met him, but I can kinda tell from the letter from the Smithsonian that he may well be a good fit for the category of pest just described above.
As always, enjoy.
Smithsonian Institution
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr Williams,
Thank you for your latest submission, labelled ‘211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.’
We have given this a careful and detailed examination and we regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents ‘conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Hennepin County two million years ago.’
Rather, it appears that you have found the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the ‘Malibu Barbie’.
It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, however, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin:
The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone.
The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
The dentition pattern evident on the “skull” is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ‘ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams’ you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
This finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted so far, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it.
Without going into too much detail, let us say that the specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on, and clams don’t have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.
To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name ‘Australopithecus spiff-arino’ because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and doesn’t really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate so effortlessly.
You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.
We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the ‘trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix’ that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
fasab 