They Got Away With It AGAIN!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week several of the ‘BIG’ banks – you remember, the ones that are too big to let go bust – were fined in the region of $5.7 billion for illegal manipulation of the currency markets.

The usual suspects were included, J P Morgan, Citibank, Barclays  and RBS all pleading guilty – but only after they were sure what the medicine they would be getting would be.

It’s a huge amount of money, there’s no denying that. And losing it will make the banksters hurt a bit. But only a bit.

And that’s the problem.

Yet again the United States government has failed to bring these criminals to justice after more of their deliberate fraud and theft.

In other words, they let them get away with it AGAIN!

Now, if I walk into a branch of, for example, Citibank and try to steal the money that their customers have deposited with them for safe-keeping, I would be videoed, photographed, and if I was lucky enough to get out of the premises, pursued by the police and even the FBI for as long as it took to capture me.

And I couldn’t have any complaints because that’s the way it should be. Thieves should be sought out, captured and after due process thrown into jail.

However, if I am a bankster, have good government contacts, and ply money and favors to those in government, then I am treated very differently.

I can embark on insider trading (which is essentially what the banksters were doing when they were illegally manipulating the currency markets), I can sell loans to people that clearly can’t afford them, then take their houses away or sell on their debt wrapped up in a ‘AAA’ bundle to my richer customers, and after all that steal even more of the money my customers have entrusted to me by awarding myself and my collaborators big bonuses that none of us have earned or are entitled to.

In this scenario am I pursued by the police and FBI?

Nope.

Am I thrown in jail to be the bitch of Skull-cracker Jones or Scarface Smith?

Nope.

Will I have to personally pay back the money I stole?

Nope, again.

So what will happen to me if I am a bankster?

At worst I will get a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. Even though recent history has proved that this is no deterrent and I will do it again at the first opportunity I get.

And, of course, I don’t have to personally pay the government’s fine no matter how big it may be. Instead my company has to cough up on my behalf.

Not that the company is much bothered either because when it runs out of money it goes back to the government which hands it back at least the value of the fine and usually much, much more.

Think this system is fair?

Neither do I.

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I Love Grandfather Clocks. Big Time!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And I love puns as well.

So brace yourselves for another selection of word plays.

Enjoy or endure!!

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It pains me to say it,

but I have a sore throat

 

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There was a knock at the door this morning,

so I opened it and there was a basin on the doorstep.

I thought, “I’d better let this sink in.”

 

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For the record I bought

a vinyl cleaning machine

 

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Having just punched a midget selling watches,

I know I’ve hit an all time low.

 

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Are there any fat people in Finland?

 

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Have you ever wondered what the

word for ‘dot’ looks like in braille?

 

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My girlfriend broke up with me

because of my obsession with puzzles.

There were a lot of cross words

 

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I can’t undo wrongs.

But I can write them.

 

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A friend dared me to steal a

flat-bottomed boat from the river.

I thought, “Why not. I’ll take a punt.”

 

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Everyone loved the baker.

He had a massive flan base.

 

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I don’t regard being a toastmaster a job,

it’s more a calling.

 

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The ten largest baseball stadiums hold

between 46,000 – 56,000 people.

Just some ballpark figures for you.

 

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My girlfriend asked me what I’d do with my life if I lost her.

I said it would be like breaking a pencil.

She said, “Do you mean it would be pointless?”

I said, “No, I’d just go out and buy another one.”

 

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I’ve just bought some ghost-shaped laxative tablets.

They scare the crap out of me.

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Thinking Of Buying A Smart Phone?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We all know that one of Steve Jobs favorite things was selling people well designed goods at vastly over inflated prices. People who were obsessed by having the latest gimmicks, bought his stuff in droves at whatever price Jobs put on them and in the process made Apple one of the richest companies in the world.

That’s what you call business, not quite ethical perhaps, but if you can get away with it and you can find people who are silly enough to pay far too much for your goods then why not?

What the creation of this ‘new’ market also did was spawn clones or look-a-likes from companies wanting to cash in on the windfall initially created by Apple.

Many of these are quite legitimate, like the Samsung Galaxy models which have become just as popular as the iPhones and are just as good, if not better, IMHO.

But what has also happened is that the same success has spawned a series of non-legitimate clones – from China – which look the same and provide many of the same functions, although the build quality as with much of the junk emanating from China is very poor.

Apple Iphone, Samsung Galaxy S5, Star N9500

So, getting back to the question posed in the title of this post, if you are thinking of buying yourself a smart phone – and you are also thinking of saving a bit of money and buying one of those iPhone or Samsung Galaxy look-a-likes from China – think again.

This week a German firm called ‘G Data’ (which has a US subsidiary) released information that a popular brand of Chinese-made smart phone, the ‘Star N9500’, which is sold internationally by several major retailers, including Amazon.com, has been found to contain pre-installed monitoring software – that’s spy software to you and me.

G Data said it discovered the spy software hidden deep inside the proprietary software found on the Star N9500, which is a cheap smart phone based on the popular Samsung Galaxy S4.

The hidden software contained within the phone’s operating system includes applications that could allow a third party to access and steal the telephone user’s personal information.

There are also secret applications that could permit a hacker to place calls from the telephone, or utilize the device’s microphone and camera without the consent of its owner.

And malware like this can not only allow hackers to access the telephone, but also any computers connected to it.

It was also discovered that the stolen data was being sent to a server based in, where else, China.

Adding to the intrigue, G Data’s team of experts and several journalists tried for “over a week” to track down the manufacturer of the Star N9500 by contacting several companies located in China’s southern province of Shenzhen, known as the center of the country’s telecommunications industry, but were unable to do so.

This isn’t the first time hidden spyware has been discovered in the operating software of telecommunications hardware made in China, and it probably won’t be the last.

But don’t get completely paranoid just because you read this post or other articles like it.

Just realize that the convenience that this latest technology provides, also provides criminals (which includes spying governments, you listening ennn esss ey?) easier access to your personal information.

And act accordingly.

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All The Good Puns About The Periodic Table Argon!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In case you hadn’t guessed from the title, it’s Pun Day again.

Another selection of great jokes or terrible jokes depending on your point of view.

So get those groans ready.

Enjoy or endure!

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The time will never be wrong.

Not on my watch.

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I used to live in a normal house,

but then steps were taken to make it into a bungalow.

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My dog has just eaten my entire James Bond DVD collection.

Luckily I managed to beat The Living Daylights out of him.

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I got an answering machine today but I think it’s broken.

I’ve asked it loads of questions and nothing’s happening.

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My wife lost her Tampax and got really angry.

I hate it when she loses her rag.

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I’ve finally remembered the word that

I’ve been thinking about for two weeks.

It’s ‘fortnight.’

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Me and my mate are having a competition

to see who can steal the most dog related stuff

from next door’s house.

I’ve just taken the lead….

 

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They call me Mr Rhetorical.

Can you guess why?

I’m looking to start up my own business,

recycling discarded chewing gum.

Just need help getting it off the ground.

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My whisky kept going missing so I confronted the wife.

She told me that the guilty party was the family dog.

I found it staggering.

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I lost my job today because I said the office is full of assholes.

Bit of an overreaction to my opinion about a TV program I think.

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What’s black and gets abused 24/7

on social networking sites?

Punctuation!

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I’m a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt.

I was hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

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Shopping for antiques won’t make you gay,

but it will make you buy curios.

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A lady at the supermarket asked me if I’ve ever drunk orange juice with pulp.

I said, “No, but I once had coffee with The Bluetones.”

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A Cunning Plan – If You Are An Idiot, That is!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If you think you are a criminal mastermind it is usually a sure sign that you aren’t one. But stupid people are usually full of self-delusions – because of their stupidity.

And if you are a stupid thief, in your head you might have figured out that when you steal, for example, a TV from someone, the person most likely to need a replacement TV will be the person you stole it from.

Therefore, in stupid logic, what more cunning plan could you have than to break into a house, steal a lot of stuff and then sell it back to the victim of your crime. After all, you just know they need it.

Clever, eh?

Nope!

In normal, sensible logic, however, the scenario is somewhat different. Because anyone sensible will know right from the start that the person you stole the goods from will immediately recognize their own possessions and more than likely call the police.

Which is exactly what happened in the case of three teenage morons who snatched a video-game system and then tried to sell it back to their victim.

It happened in Denver and, according to the police, a woman returned home to discover her home had been burglarized, with the thieves apparently gaining entry through a window.

Among the items missing were a portable gaming system and a jacket.

The woman immediately called the cops.

But the robbery had unnerved her somewhat, so rather than waiting at her place, she arranged for officers to meet her in the parking lot of a nearby restaurant.

While waiting there, three teenage males sauntered up to her and asked her if she wanted to buy – you’re probably way ahead of me –  a portable gaming system, one that bore a remarkable resemblance to the one that had just been stolen from her place.

If that were not bad enough, one of the trio of teenage morons was wearing a jacket that looked a lot like hers.

As luck would have it, an off-duty cop was at a gas station next to the restaurant. He approached the trio of criminal masterminds and called for backup. Within moments they were placed into custody on suspicion of burglary.

You would hope that it would be a lesson to them but I think it’s safe to surmise that they are too stupid to learn.

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I Never Contradict Myself, But I Do Sometimes.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, another day to play with words, or on words, or perhaps a bit of both.

Whatever you think is more appropriate, enjoy!

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“Welcome to the society of people scared of decimal numbers.”

“I’m glad I managed to round you all up”

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Two communists in a nudist camp.

One says to other “have you read marx comrade?”

The other replied “Yes I think its the wicker furniture.”

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The photocopier in my office broke.

So I called in my secretary, Tracey.

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It might be me, but I just can’t think

of a better word to describe myself.

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Norman Bates, motel, shower, stab, blood,

Alfred Hitchcock, secretary, mother, knife,

Janet Leigh, bank, steal.

That’s just Psychobabble.

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When I worked at the funfair I used to think

that life was all swings and roundabouts.

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I went crazy after I couldn’t open the new door I’d just fitted.

In hindsight I should have handled it better.

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My teacher asked me to name all the presidents,

which is ridiculous as they already have names.

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I had a scary moment when I was taking the packaging off

my expensive new bookcase with a sharp knife.

I damn near slit my shelf.

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My wife couldn’t believe she got sacked for

misplacing the company’s new storefront sign.

She’s lost four words.

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Someone just robbed me and stole my watch.

I would have chased them,

but I didn’t have the time.

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It’s the final of the Microwave Challenge Contest tonight.

Things will get heated.

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My English teacher accused me of plagiarizing everything I write.

I didn’t make this up.

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Hollywood producers are in talks with Dustin Hoffman

to star in a film about a Zulu warrior who dresses as a woman

to try and make it as an actor.

They’re going to call it Tutsi.

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Workers protested at a bread factory

in France because of their low income.

Their manager comes up and says,

“No pain, no gain.”

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I used to own a laxatives company.

Business was hard at first and it was eventually liquidated.

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“Well we’re not getting on your big boat.”

the two Unicorns told Noah.

It was anarchy.

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Just bought a really basic pair of shears.

They’re not cutting hedge anyway.

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I did some work experience at a drug rehab centre.

They were very thorough: they left no intern stoned.

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The last wedding I was invited to went off without a hitch.

The groom didn’t turn up.

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Two Important Rules In Life

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some days is good days and some days is bad days.

Today started off as just another quiet Sunday. I was going to write a short sermon, but decided against it since you’d already had one of those from me on Wednesday.

Then I got a life changing opportunity from the most unlikely of sources. On offer was a cool $5 million!

How good is that!!

I just had to tell you about it.

The opportunity came from my good friend General Abdul Aziz Jassem al-Shallal, one of the generals who have defected from the Syrian Army.

It turns out that the office of General Abdul Aziz Jassem al-Shallal monitors and controls the affairs of sensitive institutions in Syria that takes to do with foreign contract payments.

It also turns out that General Abdul Aziz Jassem al-Shallal thinks that I am a respected and honest person suitable for handling this project/transaction with sincerity, trust and confidentiality. Perhaps he had read some of my posts about the folly of getting involved in the Syrian conflict.

Luckily – for him – before he defected, the General was able to get his hands on all the paperwork necessary to retrieve unclaimed deposits and over invoiced sums to do with foreign contracts.

And luckily – for me – he can arrange it so that it appears that all this unclaimed money is owed to me. All I have to do is agree to give him 70 percent of the proceeds, and for my trouble I can keep 25 percent, with the remainder going on expenses.

That’s a cool 25 percent of $20 million for me!

WOW!!

Have I ever been this lucky?

Well, no I haven’t. Never. Not once. And sadly I’m not lucky this time either.

You see I know that the General Abdul Aziz Jassem al-Shallal who emailed me isn’t the real one, this one only exists in the mind of a Nigerian crook.

The real General Abdul Aziz Jassem al-Shallal, not the one who emailed me!

I also know that this is the latest variation of the infamous Nigerian 419 scam, designed to con greedy and gullible people out of money, not give them the opportunity to make money.

And I know that if I was foolish enough to reply to General Abdul Aziz Jassem al-Shallal all that would happen is that eventually the fictitious money transfer would run into problems that would either require me to pay some cash upfront to clear the way for the transfer (known as Advance Fee Fraud) or hand over bank account or other personal details that would allow these criminals to try to steal my money.

So will I be taking advantage of this great life-changing opportunity?

Sadly no.

The only reason I am mentioning this at all is to highlight the scam for those who maybe have not yet fallen victim to it, and as a warning to ignore all such “opportunities”. And there are a lot of them.

So why do scams like these keep happening?

Sadly the answer is, because a lot of the time they work, and they continue to work because people are so bloody stupid!

It has been estimated that there are a quarter of a million active scammers and that they cause $1.5 billion in losses each year, an average of $20,000 per victim. Some of the victims are just greedy idiots who think they are on to an illegal windfall, but others (also idiots) think they are contributing to things like charities and orphanages. On occasion some of these hapless victims have suffered more than financial losses, having been beaten, tortured, and even murdered.

There are two rules in life that you should apply to everything.

Rule # 1, believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see, and

Rule # 2, if it sounds too good to be true then it usually is.

No matter how great the temptation always try to remember these.

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I Told You They Were Coming!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for another Sunday Sermon, otherwise known as a rant!

 

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First it was Cyprus where the bankrupt government tried to steal money right out of people’s bank accounts. If you want to read that again click here and here.)

Then it was the turn of the greedy bureaucrats in Australia who decided to tax pensions TWICE, once when you put the money in and again when you tried to take it out! (For the original post click here.) 

Now in bankrupt Spain the politicians are at it, however, this time they aren’t proposing to steal some of the money in your bank account  –  oh no, this time they want to steal your entire home!

Yes, you read it right, the Spanish government has announced this past week that they want to seize homes that have been foreclosed on by banks and developers.

Not that I have any sympathy with the banksters, not by a long chalk! But theft is theft, and theft by governments is perhaps the most evil of all simply because the victims have little or no remedies available – other than pack up and go somewhere else.

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As usual the politicians and bureaucrats are trying to dress this theft up as something helpful. They say they will rent the confiscated foreclosed homes to Spanish families who will be allowed to live there rent-free for up to three years.

Sounds great, but as usual what these political morons have failed to do is think their policy through.

If they go ahead with this plan to steal homes the consequences will not be what they think.

First of all it will destroy what is left of the mortgage market in Spain because no one will want to make home loans on Spanish real estate if there is no viable foreclosure mechanism should things go wrong for the mortgagee.

Second, it will go a long way to killing off the buy-to-let sector, which is the thing that has been keeping the real estate market afloat in these financially strained times. Home sales, not just in Spain, but in many countries have been boosted considerably by cash rich investors picking up what they consider to be ‘bargain’ properties at a level that yields a decent return on their capital. Where will they get that return if the government kills the rental sector by renting out homes for free?

And third, it will also kill off the recent Spanish drive to attract foreign investors by offering residency to anyone who spends around $200,000 buying up the glut of Spanish property currently on its real estate market.   

If these things were happening in Zimbabwe or even Venezuela everyone would be calling it a disgrace. But it is happening in Europe and Australia and America. And it will get worse the more desperate the politicians and the bureaucrats become as they make the mess they created worse, not better.

Who on earth put idiots like these in charge?

It wasn’t you was it?

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The Bungling Burglar Who Lost His Way, And Then Lost His Mind

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In 1982 in Bel Air, Los Angeles, an ambitious burglar broke into one of the vast mansions on millionaire’s row.

This palatial structure was a veritable gold-mine of treasures and he immediately started to fill his sack with loot.

It all started off so well

He went through the ballroom and into the hall.

Then down the escalators to the single lane swimming arbour.

Up to the library.

Across the dining room, and out of the annex into the conservatory which contained sixty-three varieties of tropical plants and a cage-full of sulphur crested parrots.

After all that he decided that now was the time to make a quick exit with his ill-gotten gains.  

He went back through the dining room.

Then up to the gymnasium and across the indoor tennis court.

Down a spiral staircase to an enclosed patio with synchronized fountains.

Out to the cocktail lounge and through junior’s sound-proofed drum studio, whereupon he found himself back into the room full of increasingly excited parrots that normally saw nobody from one day to the next.

Panicking slightly, he ran back towards the library and through swing doors into a gallery containing the early works of Jackson Pollock.

Then out through the kitchen, across a jacuzzi enclosure and up two flights of stairs.

Hysterical Burglar

At this point he became hysterical, ran outside along the balcony, around the circular corridors, up more stairs, down the landing into the master bedroom and woke up the owners to ask them how to get out.

In order to spare him further distress, they arranged for a local policeman to escort him from the premises.

Help is at hand

I think he spent the next few years also in another big building, but one with much smaller rooms.