As Syndromes Go, I Have A Good One Today. Enjoy The Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

There seems to be syndromes for just about anything these days/

Maybe that would make a good post on its own.

For today however you will have to be content with just one, mixed in with a lot of other facts too.

.

syndrome

.

.

Apparently in San Francisco

it is illegal to dry your car

with used underwear.

dry your car

.

.

Since the Space Shuttle electronics were

so outdated and nobody made them anymore,

NASA actually resorted to buying spare parts

on websites like eBay

Space Shuttle electronics

.

.

Only about 226,000 underwater marine species

have been identified and scientists estimate that

there could be up to 25 million marine species

living in the oceans.

This means less than 1% of all underwater

marine life has been discovered.

underwater marine species

.

.

Machu Picchu, the Incan citadel set high

in the Andes Mountains in Peru,

was so high in the mountains that it

wasn’t discovered until 1911.

Machu Picchu

.

.

If it were a country,

McDonald’s would be the 90th richest

country on Earth.

McDonald's country

.

.

In the 80’s Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu

had the game of scrabble banned and described it

as “overly intellectual” and a “subversive evil”.

scrabble help

.

.

Discovered in 1852 and named after

the Greek mythological figure Psyche,

16 Psyche is a one of the largest metal asteroids

in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter.

Unlike most of other metal asteroids,

Psyche shows no sign of the presence of water

and is believed to have a purely iron-nickel composition.

16 Psyche

.

.

After falling asleep in class and being awakened

by a teacher smacking her palm down on his desk,

a 16 year old’s parents decided to sue the

Connecticut Board of Education

for the hearing loss he suffered.

Connecticut Board of Education

.

.

The thing that is always used

to measure your foot at the shoe store

is called a Brannock Device.

Brannock Device

.

.

Heart attack guns exist.

According to disclosures by the CIA in 1975,

there is such a thing as a ‘heart attack gun’.

It fires a bullet made of ice, dipped in shellfish toxin

that immediately induces a heart attack.

heart attack gun

.

.

The first solo person to circumnavigate the globe

using only human power

was Erden Eruc of Turkey who

walked and rowed right around the world!

Erden Eruc

.

.

Paris Syndrome is a real psychological syndrome

that affects mostly Japanese people when they realize

that Paris isn’t as great a place as they thought it would be.

The Japanese embassy in France even has a

special hotline that tourists can call.

Symptoms include nausea and headaches.

 

Paris Syndrome

 

.

====================================

.

 

Handcuffs Explains A Lot – More Fasab Facts!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

You’ll understand the title of this post better in a moment when you read the latest collection of facts from the fasab archives.

A little bit of something for everyone I hope.

Enjoy.

.

did you know2

.

In Spanish the word

“esposas”

means both

“wives” and “handcuffs”.

That explains a lot.

handcuffs

.

.

NASA was sued by three men from Yemen

for trespassing on Mars.

They claimed that they had inherited

the planet from their ancestors

thousands of years ago.

trespassing on Mars

.

.

The Incas introduced the world to potatoes

via the Spanish conquistadors and

nearly a quarter of Europe’s growth

between the 1700s and the 1900s has been

attributed to the introduction of this crop.

potatoes

.

.

According to scientists, about three quarters

of the species that make Australia home

have yet to be discovered.

wildlife in Australia

.

.

When an unemployed painter named

Richard Lawrence tried to shoot Andrew Jackson,

his gun wouldn’t fire.

The 67 year old president began to

beat his would-be assassin with a cane

during which the assassin pulled out another gun.

This gun also misfired and the

disgruntled painter was dragged away.

Richard Lawrence tried to shoot Andrew Jackson

.

.

There is actually high speed internet access

all the way up Mount Everest.

Everest

.

.

In 2000, Congress passed the

National Moment of Remembrance Act

which requires all Americans to stop

what they are doing at 3pm on Memorial Day

to remember and honor those who have died

serving the United States.

National Moment of Remembrance Act

.

.

At the start of World War I

the US Air Force only had 18 pilots.

A pilot checks his bomb placement after dropping a "flour bomb" during a target competition Sept. 22 at the Dawn Patrol Rendezvous World War I Fly-In on the grounds of the National Museum of the United States Air Force in Dayton, Ohio. Activities included period re-enactors in a war encampment setting, era automobiles on display and participating in a parade, flying exhibitions by WWI radio-controlled aircraft, and a collector's show for WWI items.  (U.S. Air Force photo/Staff Sgt Joshua Strang)

.

.

Rogue planets, also known as interstellar planets,

nomad planets or orphan planets, are

planetary-mass objects that have

broken from their orbits and

travel aimlessly through space.

The closest rogue planet to Earth yet discovered

is around 7 light years away.

Rogue planets

.

.

You can get ice cream in lobster,

squid Ink, and caviar flavors.

lobster ice cream

.

.

At 1,435 meters per second

the speed of sound in water is almost

five times faster than it is in air.

speed of sound in water

.

.

Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones

attributed his popular song

(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

to a dream.

He’s said to have recorded the acoustic riffs

just before falling back to sleep.

(The riffs were followed by 40 minutes of him snoring.)

.

.

================================

.

 

 

Lif Is Too Short.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Lif may be too short but thankfully there’s no shortage of puns.

Here’s the latest selection for you to…

Enjoy or endure!!

.

 

rofl

I’ve just ended a relationship with a hair stylist.

We just never gelled.

hair stylist cartoon

.

.

Say what you like about deaf people.

But not blind people,

they can still hear you.

deaf

.

.

I went to the inventor of Optrex’s funeral today.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

Optrex

.

.

My wife says the passion has gone out of our relationship.

She really doesn’t know how much I hate her.

love hate

.

.

I used to be a hypochondriac until

I eventually became sick of it.

hypochondriac

.

.

What have Winnie the Pooh and

Atilla the Hun got in common ?…….

the same middle name

Winnie the Pooh

.

.

Wouldn’t it be better if handmade shoes

were for your feet?

handmade shoes

.

.

I’ll be making a movie

about the Greek alphabets.

It’s a Psi Phi film.

Greek alphabet

.

.

What do you call

a quick circumcision.

A rip off.

cartoon circumcision

.

.

According to scientists there is a

link between noise and obesity.

Probably the dinner bell.

come and get it

.

.

Just bought a time machine from Amazon.

Well you have to when they offer

previous day delivery.

time machine

.

.

Finally for today a health warning:

Mixing cannabis with cod liver oil

is bad for your joints.

weed joints

.

=========================

.

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire – Some Hot Facts!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

We’ll get to one of the biggest liars America has produced later.

But ahead of that have a look at another selection of fasab facts.

And…

Enjoy.

.

cartoon leader of the leader of the free world

.

There is a lake in Australia called Lake Hillier

that is a bright shade of pink.

Unlike with other similar lakes,

scientists are still not completely sure why.

Lake Hillier Australia

.

.

Bill Nye the Science Guy

originally wanted to be an astronaut,

but NASA kept rejecting him.

Bill Nye the Science Guy

.

.

In 476 AD the Western Roman Empire fell

and the Eastern Empire survived

as what we know today as the Byzantine Empire.

Byzantine Empire map

.

.

Charlie Chaplin once lost a

Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest

Charlie Chaplin

.

.

Although there have been emails floating about

for years containing many false facts about

Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy,

there were a few that are true and interesting.

Lincoln was elected to congress in 1846,

Kennedy in 1946.

Lincoln became president in 1860,

Kennedy in 1960 (though sworn in 1961).

And both were eventually shot in the head on a Friday.

Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy

.

.

Inca mail was delivered along their network of roads

by way of messengers who would hand mail off

to each other using a sort of relay system.

A bit like the Pony Express without the ponies!

Inca mail

.

.

1% of the world’s population

eats at McDonalds every day.

McDonalds meal

.

.

Named by a Japanese scientist after

a 3rd-century Japanese shaman queen, Himiko,

is a giant gas cloud and one of the largest

objects ever found in space.

With a length of about 55,000 light years,

the cloud is roughly the equivalent

mass of 40 billion Suns.

3rd-century Japanese shaman queen, Himiko

.

.

The top ten feet of the oceans

holds the same amount of heat

as the entire atmosphere

ocean

.

.

In the early 20th century, scientists thought

our nerves transmitted information electrically.

After a dream, Dr. Otto Loewi awoke during the night

and scribbled some thoughts on a paper.

Upon waking in the morning,

he realized  he had written about information

being transmitted chemically,

later proven to be true and

winning him the Nobel Prize in 1936.

Dr. Otto Loewi

.

.

Justinian was the last emperor

to use the title ‘Caesar’.

Justinian

.

.

A liar tends not to use contractions.

For example, “I didn’t do it”

statistically tends to be a more truthful

statement that “I did not do it”.

Remember Bill Clinton,

he didn’t say, “I didn’t do it”,

he said,

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

He lied.

.

.

.

============================

.

Titanic, Tic Tacs And Trailers. It’s Fact Day.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Welcome to another fact day at the fasab blob.

Last one for May 2015. Time flying as always.

This selection includes facts about the Titanic Tic Tacs and trailers, and lots more.

Enjoy.

.

did you know3

.

Light pollution usually doesn’t have a

significant impact on humans but it

causes major problems to many animals.

Birds often confuse days and nights and

scientists found out that light pollution can

change migration patterns in some animal species.

 Light pollution

.

.

The Titanic was so big that 176 men were needed

just to shovel coal into its furnaces

 Titanic boiler room

.

.

Although Tic Tac’s claim to have 0 sugar,

they consist of nearly 98% sugar!

This is because the size per serving is

.49 grams and according to the FDA a food

cannot be labeled “sugar free” unless it

contains less than .5 grams of sugar per serving!

How sweet!

 Tic Tac

.

.

Bulgaria is the oldest country in Europe and

it hasn’t changed its name since 681 AD

 Bulgaria map

.

.

When Soviet archaeologists opened the tomb

of Tamerlane, a Mongol descendant of Genghis Khan,

they found an inscription that read,

“Whoever opens my tomb will unleash

an invader more terrible than I.”

It was June 20 1941.

Germany invaded the Soviet Union on June 22.

 tomb of Tamerlane

.

.

The only part of a Swiss Army Knife not

made in Switzerland is the corkscrew.

It is made in Japan.

 Swiss Army Knife

.

.

Mothers become emotionally attached to their

children prior to birth by the virtue of

carrying the child in their wombs.

According to some studies men won’t become

emotionally bonded to the child for several months

after birth when the infant begins to smile, respond,

and interact with him.

 mother baby bond

.

.

During Peter the Great’s reign in Russia

there was a beard tax which

anyone with a beard had to pay.

 Beard_token

.

.

Nobody knows how the Mayan Empire declined.

Long before the Spanish came many of the great

cities had already been long abandoned and lay in ruins.

Scholars have hypothesized reasons ranging from

drought and famine to overpopulation and climate change.

 Mayan Empire

.

.

JRR Tolkien’s estate only received $62,500

for the Lord of the Rings film trilogy

until a lawsuit was filed.

 Lord of the Rings film trilogy

.

.

In June 2010 Oscar the cat received bionic limbs

to replace his original ones lost in an

accident with a combine harvester.

 Bionic-Cat

.

.

Movie trailers were so named because they

were originally designed to play AFTER the movie,

but when marketers realized that people don’t tend

to stick around when a movie has finished they

started to play them at the beginning of the main movie!

Here’s an example…

 .

.

=============================

.

 

Boffin Bollocks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

mad scientist cartoon

I would love to have been a scientist.

Not a real one, I’m not clever enough or dedicated enough for that. Rather, I would have loved to have been one of those idiots who try to make a name for themselves off pronouncements on things about which they know absolutely nothing.

I saw another one of their headline grabbers (that I like to call “boffin bollocks”) recently. The headline went something like “Shock Warning Aliens Are Coming.” And it wasn’t about more Mexicans making their way north across the US border.

It was from NASA’s Chief Scientist, Ellen Stofan, and claimed that first contact with alien life will happen “very soon” – very soon being not tomorrow, but within the next decade or two.

“We know where to look,” she confirmed.

Yes, “UP” would be my non-scientific guess at the best direction.

“We know how to look,” she added.

Again I am forced to agree. Personally I’d use a telescope, and a great big one, but that’s only me!

astronomer cartoon www.davidreneke.com

Ms Stofan was ably backed up by a colleague, John M. Grunsfeld, who came out with good sound bite words and phrases like “solar system”, “galaxy”, “the icy crusts of Jupiter’s moons Ganymede and Europa” (my favorite I think) and “the internal water within Saturn’s moon Enceladus”.

Mars and the Martians also got mentioned, but only with suggestions that life may have at one time been present on the planet. H. G. and Orson Wells had beaten them to visits by the ‘real’ Martians many, many years ago.

War of the Worlds

More scientists, this time at the Parkes Observatory in Australia, have been carefully studying peryton-a type of radio signals similar to Fast Radio Bursts (FRBs) which are known to come from somewhere else in the galaxy.

For years, they had been puzzled by these brief but intense bursts of radio waves that in some ways appeared to be coming from deep space. There have been dozens of reported perytons, some dating back to the 1990s, and theories about the signals’ origin included ball lightning, aircraft, and components of the telescopes themselves.

Then this year they made a break through. They discovered the source of the rogue signals. They were coming from – no, not somewhere deep in the galaxy – but instead from the microwave oven in the next room.

In what has to be the understatement of the year, Emily Petroff of Australia’s Swinburne University of Technology admitted, “It was quite surprising that it ended up being microwaves.”  I bet it was!

microwave aliens

I must add that I’m a big fan of space exploration, always have been, since I was a kid and was captivated by the television coverage of the Apollo missions. My only regret is that it all takes so very long that I will have gone ‘supernova’ before we see any tangible results of that exploration. There’s never a handy wormhole around when you need one, is there!

I am also a big fan of TV sci-fi series like the Star Treks, the Stargates and so forth, and of movies from ‘War of the Worlds’, thru ‘E.T.’ to ‘Independence Day’ and beyond. But I also have the wit to realize I’m being entertained and these things are not real.

So is there life out there?

I wouldn’t rule the idea out for a second. But what I would rule out is that intelligent life is ever going to be found within our Solar System, maybe not even within our Galaxy. But it could be out there somewhere.

The question we should be asking is, assuming it is benign and not hell bent on conquering all in its path, or maybe viewing us as a culinary delicacy, would that intelligent life really want anything to do with a planet full of people who, for almost their entire existence, seem to want nothing better than to continually wage war on each other?

I think having observed us for a while they would probably pass us by without calling in to say hello.

If I were in their shoes – or space boots – that’s what I would do – and at warp speed too!

alien observers

.

==================================

.

Never Judge A Book By It’s Movie.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

That’s good advice in the title by the way.

Now for some good word plays or puns.

As ever….

Enjoy or endure!!

.

rofl

.

What do you get if you cross

a mountain and a desert?

Tired feet.

 Tired feet

.

.

My girlfriend asked me,

“If you could have any super-power,

which one would you have?”

I said, “America.”

 super-power

 

.

.

Education is important but

becoming a model is importanter.

 becoming a model

.

.

The key to being funny is

to say smart things stupidly…

or was is it stupid things smartly?

Whatever,

it’s not rocket surgery.

 rocket surgery

.

.

I used to see this girl across the road from me

but she closes her curtains now!

 closed curtains

.

.

I often say to myself,

“I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”

 cloning machine

.

.

My friend and his wife are a fastidious couple.

He is fast and she is hideous.

(Or is it the other way round?)

 fastidious couple

.

.

The instructions on my microwave meal

say ‘stir and recover’

How tiring do they think stirring actually is?

 microwave meal

.

.

How to fall downstairs.

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8, 9, 10, 11

 fall down stairs cartoon

.

.

And so, with a heavy heart,

I explained to the wife that I’ve

got too much iron in my blood.

 heavy heart

.

.

Scientists now think that global warming

is the main cause of documentaries and stupid laws

 cartoon_climate_science

.

.

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West

could have been avoided completely if

cowboy architects had just made their

towns big enough for everyone.

.

.

================================

.

Forty-Four Mouth-Watering Facts About Curry.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I’ve done ‘peanut butter‘ and ‘chocolate‘ and ‘coffee‘ in other posts. Today it is another fasab food favorite, the curry.

A curry, properly made, has to be one of the most delicious foods in the world.

I have spent many happy evenings with friends enjoying this delicacy in one form or another. Personally I like it with some naan bread or sometimes with rice. Either way is socially acceptable and extremely tasty.

Mouth watering already?

Very good, let’s get straight to the facts.

Enjoy.

.

dishes of curry

.

The word curry comes from a Tamil word ‘kari’ or ‘karil’, meaning spices or sautéd vegetables.

 .

 .

The meaning changed when Portuguese traders used it for the sauces with which rice was served.

 .

 .

Essentially, the term curry was invented by the English administrators of the East Indian Trading Co. and later continued by British government employees.

 .

 .

The British army in India further changed the meaning as its liking for hot sauces introduced the modern idea of curries being hot.

 .

 .

Surprisingly, the term ‘curry’ isn’t used very much in India. There are many types of curry-style dishes, which have their own characteristic regional variations.

 .

 .

Curry Powder is a mix of spices, rather than a spice in its own right. It usually consists of turmeric, coriander, cardamom, cumin, sweet basil, and red pepper.

 .

 .

Some of the most common types of curry are ‘Korma’, ‘Massala’, ‘Dhansak’, ‘Phall’, ‘Rogan Josh’, ‘Dopiaza’, ‘Madras’ and ‘Vindaloo’.

 .

 .

Curry is said to have a number of valuable health benefits, including the prevention of cancer, protection against heart disease, reducing Alzheimer’s disease symptoms, easing pain and inflammation, boosting bone health, protecting the immune system from bacterial infections, and increasing the liver’s ability to remove toxins from the body.

.

In addition to being an established and firm favorite in Britain. and increasing popular throughout Europe and the United States, curry forms a major element of the diets of several Asian countries including India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Maldives, Burma, Indonesia, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, China, Japan and Fiji.

.

Chili (or Chilli) is the most popular spice in the world and can help combat heart attacks and strokes and extends blood coagulation times preventing harmful blood clots.

.

Contrary to common western belief, curries are not always ‘hot’, they can be mild, medium and hot.

 .

curry with rice

.

The earliest known curry was made in Mesopotamia in around 1700 BC, the recipe for meat in a spicy sauce appearing on tablets found near Babylon.

 .

 .

The Scoville scale is the measurement of the pungency (spicy heat) of chili peppers or other spicy foods.

.

The ‘Bhut Jolokia Chilli Pepper’ (also known as the ‘Naga Jolokia’), is the hottest pepper in the world, accompanied with its own health warning! This pepper is also known as the ‘Ghost Chilli’ or ‘Ghost Pepper’, and is grown in the Indian states of Assam, Nagaland and Manipur.

.

The first commercial curry powder appeared in about 1780.

In Britain Indian food now surpasses Chinese food in popularity, with Indian restaurants outnumbering Chinese restaurants by two to one.

 .

 .

The word ‘balti’ means bucket. Balti is more a style of cooking than one particular curry.

In specialist ‘Balti Houses’ the balti is a meal in itself which contains both meat and vegetables and is eaten straight from the karahi using curled up pieces of naan bread. In standard Indian restaurants the balti is more of a stir-fried curry containing plenty of fried green peppers and fresh cilantro (also known as coriander).

South Indian food is more spicy than North Indian food.

The first curry recipe in English appeared in Hannah Glasse’s ‘The Art Of Cookery’ in 1747.

The world’s biggest ever curry was a 13 tonne Biryani, including 187lb of chilies and 6600lb of rice. It took 60 chefs to make in New Delhi in June 2008. And required three cranes to move the container and a 3ft high furnace to cook it!

In Western Europe and the U K, curry powders available contain more turmeric than anything else, and tend to be toned down to palates used to bland food.

curry with naan bread

.

The tallest poppadom stack in the world stands at a massive 282 poppadoms. The record was set by a chef from the Jali Indian Restaurant in Blackpool.

.

In 2008, Bath and North East Somerset Council advised a man to sprinkle curry powder on his wife’s grave to keep squirrels and deer away.

Tim Stobbs, aged 42 years, currently holds the world record for munching an impressive 15 poppadoms in 5 minutes! The annual World Championships, in aid of Cancer Research UK Scotland, is held every year at St Andrews University.

There are about 10,000 Indian restaurants serving curry in the UK, the vast majority of which are run by people from Bangladesh, not India.

To make a ‘hot’ curry mild, just add some coconut milk.

The word ‘masala’ means spice mix.

In 1846, William Makepeace Thackeray wrote ‘A Poem To Curry’, as part of his Kitchen Melodies.

Britain’s first curry house, called the Hindustani Coffee House and located in London’s Portman Square, opened in 1809. Now there are more curry houses in London, England than in Mumbai, India.

Chili can help combat heart attacks and strokes.

 .

 .

One of the hottest curry dishes ever made is known as the Bit Spicy 3 Chili Phall which is even hotter than the infamous ‘Chicken Naga’, made with a high volume of Naga pepper seeds. More than 100 times hotter than jalapeño peppers!

.

People crave a curry because the spices arouse and stimulate the taste buds.

curry powder

.

Vindaloo was originally a Portuguese dish which took its name from the two main ingredients which were ‘vinho’, wine/wine vinegar, and ‘alhos’, garlic. Over time it was spiced up, hotted up and otherwise changed by the indigenous peoples of the ex-Portuguese colony of Goa.

The ‘Big Jim’, a large chili hailing from New Mexico, currently holds the world record for the largest chili ever grown. This plant frequently produces chilies that are over a foot in length, which is hugely impressive considering that the plant itself never grows more than two feet!

The town of North Curry is in Somerset while West Curry is in Cornwall.

Madras and pathia are both hot and sour dishes. Kashmiri a more subtle and creamy dish usually made with lychees or bananas – or both.

.

Scientists at Nottingham Trent University have discovered that people begin to crave for a curry because the spices arouse and stimulate the taste buds.

.

One in seven curries sold in the UK is a chicken tikka masala, making it the most popular Indian restaurant dish in the UK. It is thought to have originated in Britain after an enterprising Indian chef had the idea of adding a tomato and onion paste to the grilled chicken to satisfy the British preference for food that isn’t dry.

The largest naan bread ever made was a whopping 2.75m in diameter and contained meat dumplings – the equivalent of 167 normal sized naan breads. The bread took over ten hours to finish and required twelve chefs, 30kg mutton, 125kg flour, 16kg onion and 90kg of water to cook it.

.

Southeastern Asian cultures have always mixed a number of spices to flavor their dishes, usually according to recipes handed down from generation to generation.

.

A common way to categorize Thai curry is by the color of the curry paste used to make the curry dish. Green and red curry paste are the most typical. Yellow and sour curries (also sometimes known as orange curry, gaeng sohm) are also well known. Each has its own particular combination of herbs and spices to make up the curry paste that makes it unique.

‘Panang’ and ‘masaman’ curry are probably the most popular Thai curries in the West, because of their rich tastes.

Finally, if you are eating a curry which is just too hot for you, don’t drink water, that only makes it hotter!

.

=============================

.

Maths Puns Are The First Sine Of Madness.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

I wonder what the second sine is?

But let’s not go off at a tangent.

Let’s just enjoy another Pun Day instead.

.

rofl

.

The first rule of Innuendo Club is

you can only enter via the back door.

 please use back door

.

.

I’ve been sitting here all day trying to

think of anagrams of the word ‘wired’

but I can only think of one.

Which is weird.

 

weird

 

.

.

This morning my physiotherapist

tapped my knee with a plastic hammer

and made my leg jerk.

The nerve.

 knee tapped with a plastic hammer

.

.

Are people who believe in

ghosts very ghoulable?

 ghost

.

.

No matter how much you push the envelope,

it’ll still be stationery.

 push the envelope

.

.

My friend was arrested for drunk driving

on a motorized shopping cart at WalMart.

Apparently he led the police on a chase

that reached 90 aisles per hour.

 motorized shopping cart

.

.

“All you ever talk about is golf!”

My wife shouted.

“Golf, golf and more bloody golf!”

“Calm down love,” I said.

“Don’t let this driver wedge between us.”

 golf

.

.

I went to buy pork chops and told

the butcher to make them lean.

He said, ‘Which way?’

 pork chops cartoon

.

.

Many scientists agree the only way to solve

the planet’s worsening energy crisis

is for the whole world to convert to solar power.

That’s not going to happen overnight.

 solar power

.

.

I was the first person to install trampolines

in musician’s tour buses and now

everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.

 trampoline

.

.

I said to my blind date, “I actually take

a plane to work and back every single day.”

“Wow, you must be wealthy.” She said.

“Everything but,” I replied,

“I’m just a carpenter.”

 carpenter's plane

.

.

I bumped into the guy

who invented the globe.

It’s a small world.

 globe

.

.

Why did the poet kill himself

by walking into the road?

Because he thought there

was nothing left to right.

 walking into the road

.

.

I never thought I’d buy into Feng Shui.

But oh how the tables have turned.

 feng-shui-color-chart

.

.

I was in a music group

called ‘Illegal imports’.

We were a contraband.

.

.

====================================

.

It’s A Funny Old World

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

It definitely is a funny old world, especially when it comes to global warming and particularly the reasons for it happening – even though it isn’t.

It has also been funny watching all the pseudo-scientist and political upstarts trying to jump on this bandwagon to try to promote themselves in the public eye. Al Gore managed to bag himself a discredited Nobel Peace Prize and millions of dollars with his well timed trip on this gravy train. Although I still don’t know what global warming had to do with a prize for peace because as far as I know they hold wars in all temperatures!

Al Gore Church

I say “global warming” because that was what they called it. Scientists even falsified data to “prove” that the planet was getting hotter and hotter because of the increased emissions of carbon dioxide generated by us, people. We may well be in the midst of a climate cycle, but the reliable evidence does not show that it’s our fault. Nor is it the fault of too many cows letting too many farts, which was another one of the not so scientific theories that was doing the rounds a few years ago.

cow-farts the dog did it

Then there was the theory that the Polar ice caps were all going to melt, raising the sea level so much most of us would drown. Technically I suppose if you were keen enough you could drown in a couple of inches of water, but I think personally I would just pull on my gumboots and walk casually toward some higher ground.

Unfortunately for it’s supporters, the REAL evidence has been showing little or no change in average temperatures, certainly not the apocalyptic amounts forecast by the flawed models of the global warming scientists.

On that very subject, some of these scientists are currently “baffled” by the fact that, rather than the Polar ice caps melting, there now seems to be an all-time record area of sea covered by ice around the Antarctic’s coasts.

The beautifully named lead scientist at the US National Snow and Ice Data Center, Ted Scambos, admitted “What we’re learning is, we have more to learn,” as he announced the latest annual sea ice maximum for the austral continent.

The sea ice surrounding the Antarctic continent reached its maximum extent on September 22, 2014, at 20.11 million square kilometers (7.76 million square miles). This is 1.54 million square kilometers (595,000 square miles) ABOVE the 1981 to 2010 average extent, which is nearly four standard deviations above average.

This new record follows consecutive record winter maximum extents in 2012 and 2013. The reasons for this recent rapid growth are not clear. Climate scientists have been puzzled by the behavior of the southern ice for many years.

climatologists unite

You have to laugh as you watch the pro-global warming scientists squirm as they try to fight off reality by proclaiming that their forecasts should be correct and what is actually happening should be wrong!

Suck it up guys, whoever created the model to show that the icecaps would melt was wrong, not the ice caps!

In fact, air temperatures have been steady for the last fifteen years and more, and deep ocean temperatures are not increasing either. They call it a mystery. The real mystery is why anyone still takes them seriously!

But, remarkably, a lot of gullible people still do. When it became too obvious that there was no global warming, rather than giving up their lucrative money and publicity maker, it’s proponents simply changed the name from “global warming” to the more generalized “climate change”.

And as recently as the last weekend of September, hundreds of thousands of these idiots turned out in the ‘People’s Climate March’ in New York City calling for governments to address the so-called “crisis” surrounding climate change. The demonstration was timed to coincide with a meeting at the United Nations to discuss how countries can come together to combat temperature fluctuations, hurricanes, tornadoes, drought, blizzards and other forces of nature.

People’s Climate March

So, if the evidence does not back up the theory of global warming (er, I mean… climate change) being the fault of mankind, why do governments persist in wasting time on the subject with wide-ranging plans and conferences in a host of different countries?

There are various reasons.

Politicians like Obama used it to get himself elected and has had to stick with the lie ever since or back down and publicly admit he was a fool. Other politicians in other countries are similarly caught.

Also a false crisis like global warming is a welcome distraction from some of the real crises we are facing due to continued government incompetence.

And the manufacturing of a global warming crisis leaves the way open for the imposition of “carbon taxes” and other spurious ways for governments to try to steal our money. Watch so-called “carbon taxes” being levied on corporations who will no doubt pass on the cost to the people who buy their products.

Yes, that’s you and me, folks. We’re going to have to pay to fix something that isn’t even broken!

Carbon-Tax

It’s painful to have to watch this going on. Even more so when there seems to be nothing that we can do to bring stupid people to their senses. All you can do is have a rant now again.

Oh, look, I just did!

================================================

.