A Simile Is Like A Metaphor – Literally!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I was going to introduce today’s post by saying some like “I hope you are having a pun-tastic week”, but I thought I would sound like a demented DJ from the 1970s.

So I’ll just say hello and welcome and let you get on with the puns.

Enjoy or endure!!

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Lite:

the new way to spell “Light,”

now with 20% fewer letters!

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I was asked to man the phones

at work the other day.

So I went round and drew a

little mustache on all of them.

 

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Spelling…

It’s not brian surgery.

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Hamlet:

A small pig.

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According to my Spanish doctor

I have Hepatitis Yes

 

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My doctor told me to quit my helium addiction

before I got carried away.

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2B or not 2B?

I don’t think I’ve ever put this much thought

into which shade of pencil to use before.

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‘UK Man has first hand transplant.’

Surely that’s a second hand transplant.

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I was taking a short cut across a field the other day,

I was halfway across when the farmer approached me and said,

“Did you leave that small wooden step at the edge of my field?”

I replied, “No, it wasn’t me, that’s not my stile”

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Someone told me if you

smack a fish before frying it,

the meat will taste fresher.

What a load of codswallop.

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I’ve just accidentally superglued my fingers

to a copy of my autobiography.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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Me and my limbo dancing team

go way back

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You Can Pick Any Subject And Still Be Sure Quiz Show Contestants Will Know Nothing About It

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’m not sure how many more of these quiz show answers are left in the archives, but there are enough for today’s selection.

It doesn’t seem to matter what subject the questions are about, you are still almost guaranteed that a quiz show contestant will not only know nothing about it, but will come up with the most irrelevant and absurd answers.

Enjoy.

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Q:  Who played agent 007 in the 1989 film Licence To Kill?

A:  Err…………James Bond?

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Q:  With whom did Britain go to war over the Falklands?

A:  Err   .          .          .

Q:  It s a South American country.

A:  Iran.

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Q:  Name a domestic animal.

A:  Leopard.

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Q:  Name a game you can play in the bath.

A:  Scuba diving.

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Q:  How many strings does a guitar have?

A:  Err   …Four.

Q:  It s the number of wives that Henry VIII had   .          .          .

A:  Oh! Five.

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Q: Name a prime number between 20 and 40.

A: Between 20 and 40?

Q: Yes.

A: 7. 

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Q: After his abdication, King Edward VIII of England became known as the Duke of where?

A: Duke of Earl. 

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Q: Who wrote Hamlet?

A: Um, MacBeth.

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Q: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?

A: Crocodiles.

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Q: Name an animal whose eggs you probably never eat for breakfast.

A: Hamster.

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Q: What creature squirts a smelly, unpleasant fluid at its enemies?

A: A snake.

Q: No, I’ll give you a clue — it’s black and white.

A: A bee!

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Q: Which character narrates all but four of the Sherlock Holmes books?

A: The Pink Panther.

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Q: What is the capital of Australia? And it’s not Sydney.

A: Sydney.

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Q: We’re looking for a four-letter answer here. Shakespeare said that this by any other name would smell as sweet.

A: Soap?

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Q: The four Gospels of the New Testament are attributed to Matthew, Mark, John and who?

A: Joe.

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