If It Wasn’t For Blinds It Would Be Curtains For All Of Us.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Thankfully it isn’t curtains for Pun Day either.

Here is another selection for you to….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I bought a herb plant today.

It’s in great condition.

It’s mint.

Mint Herb

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I missed my miniature Indian musical

instrument practice last night.

I couldn’t find a baby sitar.

indian-sitar

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Q.S.V.X.X.

The National Society

of Bad Abbreviators.

nsba-logo

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I can’t seem to get on the Lilt website.

It keeps saying it’s refreshing!

lilt_product_pack

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I went to the doctor’s today.

He said, “You’re dying.”

I said, “How do you know?”

He said, “Your eyebrows are a different color.”

Alistair Darling

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Have you ever wondered what

happened to the first Timbuk?

Timbuktu

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Saw a man this morning wheel spinning in the snow

not really getting anywhere. He was furious.

Shouting, swearing, going absolutely mental.

He needs to get a grip, I thought to myself.

car wheels spinning in snow

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I was almost late for my Cocaine Awareness lecture.

Talk about cutting it fine.

cocaine awareness lecture

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Know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools?

The supply teachers.

selling drugs in schools

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Nine of my mum’s sisters have been standing

outside the Church all night holding candles.

You can’t beat vigil aunties.

ChurchCandles

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I’ve just bought a new sub-zero refrigerator.

How cool is that?

sub-zero refrigerator

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I went to an Italian restaurant

and they had spaghetti on the menu.

So I had to call the waiter to wipe it off.

spaghetti on the menu

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I never apologize.

I’m sorry,

but that’s just the way I am.

sorry

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My therapist isn’t being very supportive

because she thinks I’m never going to be able

to stop exposing myself to women.

Well I’ll show her.

Flasher

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My boss asked me to find him a bulldog clip today.

So I emailed him a YouTube video of one riding a skateboard.

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Whenever I Play A Battle Of Minds, I Plato Win….

”Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Once again the clue is in the title.

Another pun day.

The usual mixture of puns, word play and jokes of varying quality.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat?

A dandy lion.

Dandy_Lion_by_borogove13

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I just walked into my Sarcastics Anonymous club, five minutes late.

They said, “Oh, nice of you to join us.”

science-sarcasm-Professor-Frink-Comic-Book-Guy-631

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What are the chances of me coming up

with a pun about being overweight?

Slim.

weight pun

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I was minding my own business

when I thought to myself,

“Maybe becoming a self-employed security guard

wasn’t such a good idea.”

security guard cartoon from federatorblogs.com

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Mein Kampf.

Contains “Adolf humour”

mein kampf duckie

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I have discovered that if you rearrange the letters of:

“THE POST OFFICE”

…you severely piss off the mailmen.

angry mailman

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I’ve opened an online dating company

especially designed for deaf mutes.

It’s called ‘The Conversations Ltd.’

The Three Evils from grumpuoldeafies.com

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My girlfriend is temperamental.

That’s 50% temper and 50% mental.

angry_girl

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I have been working in a mirror factory for years now.

It’s what I’ve always seen myself doing.

mischa-richter-man-looking-in-mirror-and-saying-ha-and-in-the-mirror-is-the-reflection-new-yorker-cartoon

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Why do they take organs from pigs and give them to humans?

Because pigs can’t play organs.

the-future-of-lab-grown-organs

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Tom Cruise:

taking the art out of being a ‘bartender’

since 1988.

cruise cocktail

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It was a busy night at the Bulimic support clinic.

The place was heaving.

bulimia cartoon

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I have a contact lens problem.

I have no contact lens solution.

contacts

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What’s big, grey and doesn’t matter?

An Irr-elephant.

irrelephant_by_ricken4003-d5k2kvq

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The Beastie Boys are launching a new five-part fanzine,

documenting their rise to stardom.

Parts A to D will be freely available in the shops

for general purchase but, consistent with their band’s ethos,

you’ll have to fight for your right to Part E.

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Time To Put The Fears Behind Us

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, time to put the fears behind us. This is the final selection of curious and sometimes amusing fears and phobias that affect some people. Irrational but very real to them. Irrational and very silly to the rest of us.

So here we go, ‘T’ thru ‘Z’.

Enjoy.

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scared 4

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Tachophobia ……….fear of speed.

 

Taijin Kyofusho ……….a phobia which occurs most typically in Japan, is the fear of offending others by one’s inappropriate social behavior or appearance

 

Taeniophobia or Taeniophobia ……….fear of tapeworms.

 

Taphephobia Taphophobia ……….fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.

 

Tapinophobia ……….fear of being contagious.

 

Taurophobia ……….fear of bulls.

 

Technophobia ……….fear of technology.

 

Teleophobia ……….fear of 1) definite plans; 2) religious ceremony.

 

Telephonophobia ……….fear of telephones.

 

Teratophobia ……….fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.

 

Testophobia ……….fear of taking tests.

 

Tetanophobia ……….fear of lockjaw, tetanus.

 

Teutophobia ……….fear of German or German things.

 

Textophobia ……….fear of certain fabrics.

 

Thaasophobia ……….fear of sitting.

 

Thalassophobia ……….fear of the sea.

 

Thanatophobia or Thantophobia ……….fear of death or dying.

 

Theatrophobia ……….fear of theatres.

 

Theologicophobia ……….fear of theology.

 

Theophobia ……….fear of gods or religion.

 

Thermophobia ……….fear of heat.

 

Tocophobia ……….fear of pregnancy or childbirth.

 

Tomophobia ……….fear of surgical operations.

 

Tonitrophobia ……….fear of thunder.

 

Topophobia ……….fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.

 

Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia ……….fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned.

 

Traumatophobia ……….fear of injury.

 

Tremophobia ……….fear of trembling.

 

Trichinophobia ……….fear of trichinosis.

 

Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia ……….fear of hair. (Chaetophobia, Hypertrichophobia)

 

Triskaidekaphobia ……….fear of the number 13.

 

Tropophobia ……….fear of moving or making changes.

 

Trypanophobia ……….fear of injections.

 

Tuberculophobia ……….fear of tuberculosis.

 

Turophobia ……….fear of cheese

 

Tyrannophobia ……….fear of tyrants.

 

Uranophobia or Ouranophobia ……….fear of heaven.

 

Urophobia ……….fear of urine or urinating.

 

Vaccinophobia ……….fear of vaccination.

 

Venereophobia ……….fear of catching a venereal disease.

 

Venustraphobia ……….fear of beautiful women.

 

Verbophobia ……….fear of words.

 

Verminophobia ……….fear of germs.

 

Vespertiliophobia ……….fear of bats.

 

Vestiphobia ……….fear of clothing.

 

Virginitiphobia ……….fear of virgins.

 

Virginitiphobia ……….fear of rape.

 

Vitricophobia ……….fear of step-father.

 

Vokephobia ……….fear of returning home.

 

Walloonphobia ……….fear of the Walloons.

 

Wiccaphobia ……….fear of witches and witchcraft.

 

Xanthophobia ……….fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.

 

Xeniaphobia ……….fear of foreign doctors, usually having to do with strong foreign accents making it difficult to understand their English. Also, if travelling in a foreign country, the fear that doctors may have inadequate medical skills.

 

Xenodochiophobia ……….fear of foreign hotels that could include the fear that there won’t be soap, the kind of toilet paper that you like, clean towels, or good maid service.

 

Xenoglossophobia ……….fear of foreign languages.

 

Xenonosocomiophobia ……….fear of foreigners who are pick-pockets.

 

Xenophobia ……….fear of strangers or foreigners.

 

Xerophobia ……….fear of dryness.

 

Xeroxophobia ……….fear of using anything made by Xerox, or fear of office equipment in general.

 

Xylophobia ……….fear of 1) wooden objects; 2) Forests.

 

Xyrophobia ……….fear of razors.

 

Zelophobia ……….fear of jealousy.

 

Zemmiphobia ……….fear of the great mole rat.

 

Zeusophobia ……….fear of God or gods.

 

Zoophobia ……….fear of animals.

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