Time To Test Those Brains Again – It’s Quiz Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, time to test those brains again.

Another selection of twenty random questions to stimulate the mind and memory.

As usual the answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  What was the first commercial jet airliner?

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Q.  2:  In which American town or city was the TV series Cannon set?

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Q.  3:  ‘John ‘the cat’ Robie’ was the debonair central character in which popular movie?

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Q.  4:  In 1894, which French officer was convicted of treason and sent to Devil’s island?

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Q.  5:  The name of which edible product stems from the Portugese word for the quince fruit?

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Q.  6:  Spats Columbo is the bad guy in which popular black and white movie that starred Marilyn Monroe?

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Q.  7:  What ship conveyed 120 anti-Catholic Puritans across the Atlantic in 1620?

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Q.  8:  Pluto orbits our sun once every how many years?

    a) 8 years

    b) 16 years

    c) 86 years

    d) 248 years

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Q.  9:  In the 1968 movie when was ‘The Space Odyssey’?

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Q. 10:  In what country did the Long March of 1934 take place?

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Q. 11:  The common cold is what kind of virus? Five letters

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Q. 12:  The Bridge of Sighs in Venice connected the Doge’s palace to what?

    a) a state prison and place of execution

    b) a tax office

    c) a cemetary

    d) a Turkish bath house

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Q. 13:  What type of Cowboy was Jon Voight in the 1969 movie?

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Q. 14:  Which European country did not grant women the right to vote until 1971?

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Q. 15:  Which best selling and often banned book apparently inspired Mark David Chapman to murder John Lennon?

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Q. 16:  What did Winston Churchill describe as “a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”?

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Q. 17:  Who were the three famous personalities who starred in the popular ‘Road To’ movie series made during the 1940s, 1950s and 1960s?  (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 18:  On 18th March 1965 what was Alexi Leonov the first man to achieve?

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Q. 19:  What is Donald Duck’s middle (i.e. second) name?

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Q. 20:  Which of the following is a theory in physics?

    a) Schrödinger’s dog

    b) Schrödinger’s cat

    c) Schrödinger’s butterfly

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What was the first commercial jet airliner?

A.  1:  The Comet.

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Q.  2:  In which American town or city was the TV series Cannon set?

A.  2:  Los Angeles.

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Q.  3:  ‘John ‘the cat’ Robie’ was the debonair central character in which popular movie?

A.  3:  To Catch A Thief (Cary Grant played John Robie)

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Q.  4:  In 1894, which French officer was convicted of treason and sent to Devil’s island?

A.  4:  Captain Alfred Dreyfus.

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Q.  5:  The name of which edible product stems from the Portugese word for the quince fruit?

A.  5:  Marmalade (from marmelo). 

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Q.  6:  Spats Columbo is the bad guy in which popular black and white movie that starred Marilyn Monroe?

A.  6:  Some Like It Hot.

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Q.  7:  What ship conveyed 120 anti-Catholic Puritans across the Atlantic in 1620?

A.  7:  The Mayflower.

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Q.  8:  Pluto orbits our sun once every how many years?

    a) 8 years

    b) 16 years

    c) 86 years

    d) 248 years

A.  8:  d) 248 years

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Q.  9:  In the 1968 movie when was ‘The Space Odyssey’?

A.  9:  2001.

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Q. 10:  In what country did the Long March of 1934 take place?

A. 10:  China.

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Q. 11:  The common cold is what kind of virus? Five letters

A. 11:  Rhino.

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Q. 12:  The Bridge of Sighs in Venice connected the Doge’s palace to what?

    a) a state prison and place of execution

    b) a tax office

    c) a cemetary

    d) a Turkish bath house

A. 12:  d) A state prison and place of execution

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Q. 13:  What type of Cowboy was Jon Voight in the 1969 movie?

A. 13:  Midnight.

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Q. 14:  Which European country did not grant women the right to vote until 1971?

A. 14:  Switzerland.

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Q. 15:  Which best selling and often banned book apparently inspired Mark David Chapman to murder John Lennon?

A. 15:  The Catcher in the Rye, a 1951 novel by J. D. Salinger, whose protagonist and antihero, Holden Caulfield, has become an icon for teenage rebellion.

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Q. 16:  What did Winston Churchill describe as “a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”?

A. 16:  Russia.

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Q. 17:  Who were the three famous personalities who starred in the popular ‘Road To’ movie series made during the 1940s, 1950s and 1960s?  (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 17:  Bob Hope, Dorothy Lamour and Bing Crosby.

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Q. 18:  On 18th March 1965 what was Alexi Leonov the first man to achieve?

A. 18:  Walk in Space.

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Q. 19:  What is Donald Duck’s middle (i.e. second) name?

A. 19:  Fauntleroy.

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Q. 20:  Which of the following is a theory in physics?

    a) Schrödinger’s dog

    b) Schrödinger’s cat

    c) Schrödinger’s butterfly

A. 20:  b) Schrödinger’s cat which is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox in quantum mechanics. In the course of developing this experiment, Schrödinger coined the term Verschränkung (entanglement).

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A Grave Situation

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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“You should always go to everyone’s funeral,

otherwise they won’t come to yours.”

Yogi Berra

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When I sat down at my laptop this morning I was going to do another selection of obituaries, many of which I find very amusing whether that was the originators’ intention or not.

But then one thought led to another and I remembered little Jimmy, so now this post is about him.

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Little Jimmy lived in the town where I was born. He was small, about five feet tall or possibly 5 foot 1, no more than that. He wasn’t what you would call stupid, but he was definitely a bit odd – a few cents short of a dollar you might say. Clinically I think he probably had a mild case of autism. He was our own little Rain Man, you could say.

When I was a kid Jimmy would have been in his late 50s, but he acted more like a kid than a grown up. And as I grew up Jimmy didn’t. When he was in his 70s he was just the same and acted just the same. He always wore a big pair of leather army boots and a Crombie type overcoat, even in the summer. Both were slightly too big for him. I think someone had probably given them to him.

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To earn himself some cash little Jimmy would do odd jobs and errands for people around the town. He was honest and reliable. And people were generally good enough to him, letting him do things they could easily have done themselves. Sometimes they would get a bit of harmless entertainment out of it too.

I remember one occasion a friend of my Dad’s had a bicycle with a puncture. Rather than wheeling it all the way to the bicycle store, or fixing the puncture himself, he called little Jimmy over.

“Jimmy, I need you to take my bicycle to Joe,” he instructed, Joe being the bike shop owner. ”And tell him,” he went on, “that the puncture is either on the back tire or the handlebars.”

He also handed him a couple of dollars and away little Jimmy went with the bike.

Sure enough we found out later from Joe that little Jimmy had arrived with the bike and duly announced to the shop and its customers that, “You’re to fix Billy Simpson’s bike and he doesn’t know if the puncture is on the back tire or the handlebars.”     

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But apart from his odd jobs, little Jimmy had three real passions in his life, delivering newspapers, collecting lost golf balls and attending funerals.

My Dad used to say that Jimmy was the oldest paperboy in the world and we should write to the Guinness Book of World Records. Of course we never did, but we enjoyed the joke all the same. And we enjoyed watching him collect his newspapers.

The scene never changed.

When the newspaper delivery van arrived at the newsagents the guy would open the back doors of the van and lift a bundle of papers to take into the shop. That was the cue for little Jimmy to make his way into the shop in front of him.

“Let the man through, let the man through,” he would shout with great urgency, at the same time pushing his way to the shop counter and scattering all the real kid newspaper boys out of the way as he did so.

It was chaos. But, as if by magic, this always got little Jimmy to the counter first and meant that he got the first lot of newspapers all to himself. Like I said, you couldn’t really call him stupid, just a little bit odd!

However, these semi-violent outbursts aside, when he wasn’t collecting his papers Jimmy was a gentle soul and everybody liked him. He was a fixture of the town, a real character, the type of people that don’t seem to be around any more, mores’ the pity.

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He made some extra money for himself with his second passion, collecting used golf balls. In fact he had quite a successful business going. As soon as it was daybreak little Jimmy was on the golf course and searching in the rough and long grass for lost balls. Luckily for him the local golfers mustn’t have been much good, except at slicing, because there seemed to always be an endless supply of wayward balls.

Little Jimmy collected thousands of them, cleaned them up and then sold them back to the golfers, all of whom knew Jimmy and were happy to pay him. His price was substantially below new cost so everybody got a good deal.

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However, little Jimmy must have taken Yogi Berra’s advice literally (see opening quote of this post) because his main passion became attending funerals. He went to every funeral in the town, whether he knew the person or not.

Not only that, but he kept a journal and logged the date, the time, possibly the number of people attending and so forth. It was one of those overly excessive obsessive qualities that makes me think now that he was probably autistic.  

For bigger funerals, and although he couldn’t drive and never had a car, he also took it upon himself to direct traffic into and out of the cemetery. And he could be quite cross and demanding with the drivers as he was doing it.   

It was thinking about the obituaries and funerals and such that led me to write this post because it was at the funeral of one of the town’s ‘big-wigs’ that my best and everlasting memory of little Jimmy occurred.

A lot of people had gathered up for this particular funeral. The guy had been a prominent businessman in the town for many years. Everyone knew him and respected him and therefore naturally wanted to pay their final respects by attending his funeral. There were probably also one or two who were there just to be seen to be there. No matter, it was a big turnout.

Eventually the mourners, including me and my Dad, made our way to the cemetery and sure enough little Jimmy was there, directing and organizing the cars. And there were a lot of them, not only because of the number of people but because it was a wet autumn morning.

Everything was wet including the ground around the graveside. Muddy and very slippery too. Luckily we hadn’t far to go, the open grave was just at the edge of the car park.

Little Jimmy was still directing the traffic. The more cars the more frustrated he seemed to become, anxious for the whole thing to start so that he could make the relevant entries in his journal.

“Come on, come on,” we could all hear him shouting impatiently at the drivers, as he waved them left and right and forwards into the few remaining parking spaces.

And then it happened.

As almost the last parking space was being filled, and little Jimmy was hurrying things along as best he could, he was walking backwards signing with his hands at a car in front of him to guide it. His concentration was focused solely on the car in front of him. He had no idea what was behind him and what was behind him was the curb at the edge of the car park. Just beyond that was about two feet of wet muddy grass that marked one end of the open grave around which we were all gathering for the interment.

No, little Jimmy didn’t see the curb behind him. Nor did he realize what it was when he tried to take another step backwards but found he couldn’t.

I watched the whole thing take place, knowing what was going to happen yet thinking somehow that really it wouldn’t. But it did.

Little Jimmy’s momentum backwards knocked him off balance, his feet left him and he sat down rather fast and very hard on to the muddy patch of grass.

If he had left it at that he would have been okay I think, but of course he didn’t. Shocked by what had just happened and trying to get up again as quickly as he could – the way we all try to do as if nothing has happened – he put his hands out behind him to push himself up on to his feet again.

The trouble was there was nothing for his hands to lean against, just the space of the open grave.

I never will forget the look of complete bewilderment on his face as his hands disappeared from view and then, pivoting on his backside, his head and shoulders disappeared too. In part of the same not so graceful movement his legs shot up into the air momentarily and then quickly slid down out of sight into the open grave to join the rest of him. The last that was seen were the big army boots which somehow added to the comedy.  

It was truly one of the funniest things I had ever seen in my life and despite the solemn occasion I found it impossible to hold back the laughter. Thankfully several others were similarly afflicted which helped to take the bad look off me.   

Jimmy was so short that he had no chance of ever getting out of the grave on his own. It would have been near impossible even for a much taller person because of the conditions. And so the fiasco continued.

Concerned citizens realizing what had just happened went to assist little Jimmy. A few of them almost meeting the same fate as their dress shoes were no match for the mud and they slithered dangerously close to the chasm in front of them. There were a few flailing arms and funny dance steps and ‘Ali Shuffles’ as they tried to retain their balance, all of which didn’t help me regain my composure.

Eventually little Jimmy was hauled out of the open grave, a bit wet and dirty  – like a drowned rat, my Dad said later – but apart from a bruised ego, not much the worse for wear.

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The whole debacle didn’t put him off. The next funeral little Jimmy was back with his book making notes. He didn’t have the same enthusiasm for traffic duty though.

Not too many years after that little Jimmy attended his last funeral – his own. No body bothered to log it into a journal, but for an ordinary little guy a surprising number of people made the effort to be there. And some of them, like me, had smiles on their faces. 

Maybe Yogi Berra was on to something after all!

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Oh Bits!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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One would imagine that cemeteries would be rather sad and sullen places, and at the time of a bereavement I suppose they are for the relatives concerned. 

But with the passage of time or if you aren’t personally involved they can also be places of great historical interest. 

And they can be places where one can find a great deal of humor. 

Nowadays people seem to be less and less emotionally prepared and equipped to handle and understand death.

In the past this was not the case. 

If proof of the latter were needed all one has to do is to look at the inscriptions on some of the headstones found in old cemeteries. 

Here are a few examples of what I mean. 

Enjoy.

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Ann Mann 

Here lies Ann Mann, 

Who lived an old maid 

But died an old Mann. 

Dec. 8, 1767

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Here lies my wife:

Here let her lie! 

Now she’s at rest

And so am I.

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He was young

He was fair

But the Injuns

Raised his hair

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Here lies the body

Of Margaret Bent

She kicked up her heels

And away she went.

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Rebecca Freeland

1741

She drank good ale,

good punch and wine

And lived to the age of 99.

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Stranger tread

This ground with gravity.

Dentist Brown

Is filling his last cavity.

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Here lies the father of 29.

He would have had more

But he didn’t have time.

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Here lies the body of poor Aunt Charlotte.

Born a virgin, died a harlot.

For 16 years she kept her virginity

A damn’d long time for this vicinity.

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Here lies the body of Mary Ann Lowder

She burst while drinking a Seidlitz powder.

Called from this world to her heavenly rest,

She should have waited till it effervesced.

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Blown upward

out of sight:

He sought the leak

by candlelight

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His foot it slipt

and he did fall.

“Help; Help” he cried

and that was all.

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Sir John Strange 

Here lies an honest lawyer, 

And that is Strange.

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She lived with her husband fifty years

And died in the confident hope of a better life.

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Here Lies Mary Smith 

Silent At Last

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Here lies

Johnny Yeast

Pardon me

For not rising.

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Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body

of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

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In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays Butch,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.

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Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880’s.

He is buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

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On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

She always said her feet were killing her

but nobody believed her.

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Owen Moore

Gone away

Owin’ more

Than he could pay.

Battersea, London, England

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In a North Carolina cemetery on the headstone of a spinster postmistress:

Returned–Unopened

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Eight!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Part eight of the series on classified ads written by the intellectually challenged.

They probably thought what they said was smart. In fact they probably thought that what they said was what they said, only when you read what they said, they said something they didn’t mean to say. If you see what I mean. You soon will.

Enjoy!

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Stupid Politicians And Bureaucrats Make What? Yes, That’s Right – Stupid Laws, Part Three

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have the third of my three-part series highlighting some of the stupid laws that have been made by the stupid politicians and bureaucrats that we have allowed into positions of power.

So here are some more of the lesser known laws that govern the good citizens in the United States (listed by state alphabetically, part 1 covered A to L, part 2 covered the M’s and N’s, this week it’s O to W.).

Enjoy (or cringe, perhaps).

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OHIO

• Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. (I hope that’s no reflection on them.)
• It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. (And immoral any other day.)
• It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (Would Sir like some water with that?)
• The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. (But I want to ‘beep’.)
• If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (That’s greeeaaaatttttt!)

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OKLAHOMA

• It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo. (And the real thing is okay???)
• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
• It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. (That reminds me of a joke about…… no, better not.)
• People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (What happens if you just have a ugly face to begin with?)
• Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
• Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punishable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. (Well, blow me, that’s expensive!)
• It is illegal to conceal the birth of a child that would be a bastard. (But you never know how they are going to turn out until they get a bit older???)

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OREGON

• Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car. (That’s okay, you need both hands to hang on to the car anyhow.)
• It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (So where do you whisper them?)
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. (Ridiculous!)
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property. (To pot with that!!)
• You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street. (Well, maybe YOU can’t, but….)
• Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license. (And quite difficult even with one.)
• It is a crime to publicly scrape clean a skeleton in a cemetery. (And let’s make no bones about it.)

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PENNSYLVANIA

• It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (This is another one of those ‘how many people were doing this that a law was needed against it’ kind of things.)
• Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
• A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Ya hear that one ladies?)
• In Harrisburg it is against the law to wear lead nipple shields. (I bet Superman goes there – a lot!)
• You may not sing in the bathtub.
• You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I don’t think I could catch a fish with my mouth.)

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RHODE ISLAND

• No one may bite off another’s leg. (Ears, noses, arms, etc., are okay?)
• Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. (I’m saying nothing.)
• One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left. (Can do!)
• The penalty for biting off another’s limb is twenty years in jail, but only if it was intentional. (Whoops, sorry, there’s your leg back. I didn’t mean it.)
• It is illegal to wear transparent clothing. (Clearly!)
• You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

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SOUTH CAROLINA

• It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. (I just consider it stupid.)
• Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (I guess there’s no room, what with all the donkeys in there.)
• It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
• It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. (You mean if you are attempting suicide or you can’t kill the person who is attempting suicide?)

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SOUTH DAKOTA

• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (But is there a law about cutting the cheese?)
• If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
• In Huron it is an offence to cause static. (Shocking law that one.)
• Otherwise illegal explosives can be set off in sunflower fields.

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TENNESSEE

• It is a crime to share your Netflix password in Tennessee. (Is it okay in English?)
• It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (And very difficult.)
• “Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
• Skunks may not be carried into the state. (Yeah, let the little stinkers walk.)

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TEXAS

• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (What sort of a guy ‘sips’ beer? Come on!)
• Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
• It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (Is that a double entendre?)
• The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
• In Dallas it is illegal to possess realistic dildos.

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UTAH

• It is illegal not to drink milk.
• It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
• Birds have the right of way on all highways.
• In Salt Lake County an official milkman is limited to casual contact with his customers. (What’s all this about milk in Utah?)
• A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
• No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call. (So turn the sirens off??)
• It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So are these laws not breaking this law?)

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VERMONT

• Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (By gum!)
• At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
• All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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VIRGINIA

• Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (Just how did the people who thought this one up think that they were going to enforce it?)
• It is illegal to tickle women. (You just said that, see above!)
• A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere. (How long for a good slap?)
• Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

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WASHINGTON

• The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. (Do tell how exactly do you harass an ‘undiscovered’ species? Wouldn’t you have to discover it first, and once discovered it is no longer ‘undiscovered’ and therefore can be harassed?)
• All lollipops are banned. (This law really sucks.)
• People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
• In Washington it is a misdemeanor to sell poison without a license.
• In Seattle possessing an electro-magnetic wave generator is a crime.
• It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Can you pretend that they are poor?)
• You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (And where would you be able to conceal it anyway?)

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WEST VIRGINIA

• It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (And I would imagine dangerous if it does!)
• It is illegal to snooze on a train.
• One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.
• Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

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WISCONSIN

• Condoms were considered an obscene article and had to be hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
• At one time, margarine was illegal.
• It is illegal to kiss on a train.
• It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair. (People from Brazil please take special note.)
• The government may not prohibit manual flushed urinals. (That’s handy.)
• Cheddar cheese must be “highly pleasing”.
• Followers of the Ho-Chunk religion may hunt deer without a license.
• It is illegal to produce baby Swiss cheese without well-developed eyes. (Otherwise how could you see what you were doing… Duh!!)

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WYOMING

• If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year. (Prospects aren’t good then?)
• It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. (Iron or wooden?)
• You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (That really bugs me.)
• It is illegal to charge for the use of a toilet. (No sh**!)

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