Clones Are People Two.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Great news today!

The September puns start here.

I know you will, but I’ll say it anyway.




My son broke his Apple computer today and

had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one.

I just told him, “Apples don’t grow on trees you know!”

pun apple tree




I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up.

I did, however, get six years in jail

for armed robbery of a gas station.

pun shell gas station




NBC have commissioned my new show about

what goes on inside an airplane cockpit.

We’re filming the pilot next week.

pun pilot




A man walks into a library and says

“I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”

pun reverse-psychology1




People used to tell me being blind would

hinder my chances of becoming a comedian.

Who’s laughing now?

pun blind-turkey-farmer




My cheating ex-girlfriend was called Tulsa.

Looking back, she was aslut.

pun tulsa aslut




My friend recently moved in with his girlfriend

and her massive magazine collection.

But when she refused to part with them he left her.

Apparently she had too many issues.

pun too many issues




I’m not worried about the Third World War.

That’s the Third World’s Problem.

pun Third World




I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local bar.

All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.

pun toilet-cologne-stadium




Some guy broke into my house last night.

Thankfully the only thing he took was one of my bullets.

pun santa-burglar




My father’s answer to everything was alcohol.

He didn’t drink, he was just bad at quizzes.

pun simpsonsgood46




I recently went on a holiday to a place called Romania.

It was useless; no one was even rowing.

pun rowing




A guy I know has invented a new hobby

called “blindfold plane watching”.

Can’t see it taking off.

pun blindfolded




I was watching a DVD on my laptop when I thought,

“Maybe it would be better if I put it in.”

pun laptop-with-open-dvd-tray-and-usb-flash-drive




My wife told me she was absolutely fed up with the world.

“Why?” I asked

“Arrogant people like you!” she screamed back.

I said “Yeah they do, don’t they?”

pun cocksure




Someone has been pretending to be Mr T by using a similar name,

but no-one knows his real identity.

It’s a Mr E.

pun mr t




I’m reading a book about the Titanic at the moment,

and the experts speculate that the designer of the Titanic had a lisp.

That’s unthinkable!

pun titanic




I went to the shop and said, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”

The man said, “Is it for a clock?”

I said, “How do I know, that’s why I asked you for a battery.”

pun cartoon for a clock




I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend

so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.

pun united_states_quarter




I’ll leave you with a word of warning.

pun beware




The Madness Continues

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


It’s Monday again and the madness continues with another round of quiz show answers given by the seeming multitude of intellectually challenged people who decide to let the world see their stupidity.



Q: What “A” is the term for a set of symbols in which each character represents a simple speech sound?

A: Aural

Q: The pain in the muscles or bones of the lower legs, often suffered by sportsmen, is known as shin…?      

A: …dler’s List  

Q: In spelling, what consonant is found in both “good” and “bad”?         

A: O


Q: Which large mammal is adapted to sandy conditions, having protective eyelashes, nostrils than can be closed, and broad, soft feet?         

A: Alligator


Q: In agriculture, irrigation involves supplying farmland with which substance essential for growth?          

A: Weeds

Q:  Who sang the song ‘Je t’aime’ with Jane Birkin?

A:  Jacques Chirac.

Q:  Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?

A:  Denmark.


Q:  What is the name of the long- running British TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The …?

A:  Mohicans.


Q:  We’re looking for a word that goes in front of ‘clock’.

A:  Grandfather. 

Q:  Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.

A:  Panda.

Q:  What is the nationality of the Pope?

A:  I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

Q:  How many kings of England have been called Henry?

A:  Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth.. er, er, three?

Q:  Which British prime minister famously said: ‘We have become a grandmother’?

A:  John Major.

Q:  What  L  do you make in the dark, when you don t consider the consequences?

A:  Love?

Q:  No, I’m sorry, I’m afraid the actual answer was ‘leap’.


Q:  The Beatles were known as the Fab . . .?

A:  Five.

The Beatles



Punitive, Punishing, Or Just Punny? – Here Are Some More Puns

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Another excuse for more bad jokes using the cover of some clever word plays called puns.

Enjoy – if you can.



You didn’t hear about the three big holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.



Even a backward poet writes inverse.



It was raining cats and dogs.

There were poodles all over the road.



When chemists die, we barium.



Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He’s all right now.



I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang,

but eventually it came back to me.



I used to have a fear of hurdles,

but I got over it.



It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle,

he just didn’t have the balls to do it.



He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.



Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards:

their feet smell and their noses run.



Then there was the cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.



When a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?



Have you heard about that online origami store?

It folded.



A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period.

It marks the end of his sentence.



Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends,

but what would be the point?



Atheists can’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.



It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.