It’s Better To Love A Short Girl Than Not A Tall.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It may be better to love a short girl than not a tall, but it’s definitely better to have a read at some puns than not at all.

Another selection guaranteed to extract a few laughs or groans.

Enjoy!

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I’m going out tonight to prove I can travel by bus without a valid ticket.

I’ll let you know how I got on.

bus stop

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I feel that geographical puns are beneath me;

there’s Norway I’d go Oslo as that.

Maths puns are the first sine of madness.

My wife said she’s getting fed up of my constant guitar puns.

I told her not to fret.

view-of-human-fingers-on-guitar-fret-board

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What is yellow and white, and throws itself off the edge of the dining table?

A lemming meringue.

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My dentist just won ‘dentist of the year’

All he got was a little plaque.

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Pancake day really crepe’d up on me this year.

Pancakes

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Suicide bombers: what makes them tick?

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I used to have a job operating an elevator.

It had its ups and downs…

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A bloke walks into a pub and orders himself a pint.

He notices Vincent Van Gogh is sitting on the next barstool and asks him if he wants a pint, too.

“No thanks,” replies Vincent. “I’ve got one ear.”

van gogh

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My mate said he had a new job at a Bowling Alley.

I said, “Ten Pin?”

He replied, “No – it’s permanent.”

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Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

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Exit signs. They’re on the way out, aren’t they?”

exit

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The Madness Continues

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s Monday again and the madness continues with another round of quiz show answers given by the seeming multitude of intellectually challenged people who decide to let the world see their stupidity.

Enjoy.  

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Q: What “A” is the term for a set of symbols in which each character represents a simple speech sound?

A: Aural

Q: The pain in the muscles or bones of the lower legs, often suffered by sportsmen, is known as shin…?      

A: …dler’s List  

Q: In spelling, what consonant is found in both “good” and “bad”?         

A: O

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Q: Which large mammal is adapted to sandy conditions, having protective eyelashes, nostrils than can be closed, and broad, soft feet?         

A: Alligator

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Q: In agriculture, irrigation involves supplying farmland with which substance essential for growth?          

A: Weeds

Q:  Who sang the song ‘Je t’aime’ with Jane Birkin?

A:  Jacques Chirac.

Q:  Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?

A:  Denmark.

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Q:  What is the name of the long- running British TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The …?

A:  Mohicans.

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Q:  We’re looking for a word that goes in front of ‘clock’.

A:  Grandfather. 

Q:  Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.

A:  Panda.

Q:  What is the nationality of the Pope?

A:  I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

Q:  How many kings of England have been called Henry?

A:  Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth.. er, er, three?

Q:  Which British prime minister famously said: ‘We have become a grandmother’?

A:  John Major.

Q:  What  L  do you make in the dark, when you don t consider the consequences?

A:  Love?

Q:  No, I’m sorry, I’m afraid the actual answer was ‘leap’.

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Q:  The Beatles were known as the Fab . . .?

A:  Five.

The Beatles

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