Shock Headline: Rising Numbers Are On The Increase.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But no shock that today is another Pun Day!

Enjoy or endure!!

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rofl

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Just opened my Electric bill and my Water bill at the same time.

I was completely shocked.

Utility-Bill

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The man who invented Velcro has died.

RIP

Velcro

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Keifer Sutherland was held up by Homeland Security

when he flew into LA airport for the

filming of the first episode of a new TV series.

They asked him the purpose of his visit and he said,

“I’m here to shoot a pilot.”

Keifer Sutherland with gun action shot

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My great uncle was so stubborn,

when he died, he left a won’t.

so stubborn

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“You make a very good cuppa,” she said.

“It’s my special tea,” I replied.

cup of tea

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I fell down a really deep dark hole today.

I just couldn’t see that well.

well

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There are countless films without Dracula in them.

dracula risen-fangs

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Just read a really sad story about how

blind people get used to new surroundings…

Touching stuff.

blind people touching

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I’ve decided to stop wearing my glasses.

It makes me look harder.

Worker looking forward, covering eyes from the sun

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 A rule of grammar:

double negatives are a no-no.

The-Simpsons-s11e06-Hello-Gutter-Hello-Fadder

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So here I am trekking through the woods……

hang on, bear with me

trekking through the woods

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Weighing an elephant is just like weighing a human.

But on a much bigger scale.

Weighing an elephant

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I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day.

He said, ” Only if you make up the time.”

I said, ” OK. It’s 35 past 50.”         

time-management-clock

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I work in McDonald’s and a customer was rude to me today,

so I got him back by not putting any Coke in his drink.

Just ice was served.         

glass of ice cubes

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Brian May is a slightly more optimistic version of Brian Cant.         

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Did You Know? – It’s Another Fact Filled Tuesday.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A curious mixture of facts today, or maybe they’re always hat way?

Anyway, I’ll leave it up to you to decide.

But whatever conclusion you come to I hope you enjoy.

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did you know2

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As with many things, Penicillin was discovered accidently

when Scottish biologist Alexander Fleming came back from vacation

and noticed that his bacteria were all being killed off by a strange fungus.

Alexander_Fleming

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Every two minutes, we take as many photos

as all of humanity took during the 1800s.

Smile please!

taking-picture-photographer

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If you think no one cares if you’re alive,

try leaving some debts unpaid.

debts unpaid

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In 1942 Dr. Harry Coover found that a substance he created,

cyanoacrylate, was a failure.

It stuck to everything it touched just a little too well.

So he invented Super Glue.

Dr. Harry Coover superglued

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When Warner Brothers formed,

the Ottoman Empire was still in being.

warner brothers logo

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John Pemberton didn’t start out wanting to be a successful businessman.

He just wanted to cure headaches.

His recipes consisted of two things – coca leaves and cola nuts.

When his lab assistant accidentally mixed the two with carbonated water

Coke was born.

John Pemberton coca cola

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The oldest living person’s birth

is closer to the signing of the US Constitution

than present day.

signing of the US Constitution

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John Tyler, America’s 10th President,

has two living grandchildren.

Tylers-Son-and-Grandsons

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The last time the Chicago Cubs won a World Series,

women were not allowed to vote.

(Sorry for reminding you Cubs fans.)

Chicago Cubs

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If it weren’t for the last minute

nothing would ever get done.

last-minut

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While building an ocillator to record heart beat sounds in animals

at Cornell University Wilson Greatbatch accidentally grabbed the wrong transistor.

After switching on the device he found it to have

a very familiar rhythmic pulsing sound, very similar to a human heart.

So now we have Pacemakers!

GREATBACH-obit-articleInline

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Basque, a language spoken in the

mountains between France and Spain

is the only European language

not related to any other known language.

Basque

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President Kennedy was the fastest

random speaker in the world

with upwards of 350 words per minute.

President Kennedy

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Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper,

by the time you realize it’s open

it has already embarrassed you.

zipper

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The bagpipe was originally made

from the whole skin of a dead sheep.

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Even When You Expect The Unexpected You Don’t Expect This!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The answers no one could script, or expect.

More stupidity gone wild when the intellectually challenged make it on to the game shows.

Enjoy.

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Q: Name something you eat too much of

A: ……….food    

food

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Q: Name a country you’d like to visit if you spent a summer in Europe

A: Paris

Paris en Avril

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Q: Name a word that rhymes with coke

A: ……….float

A: Moke

moke mouse mat

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Q: Name something an Indian chief might use

A: Squaw

squaw

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Q: An animal with really good sight

A: Bat

cartoon_bat_by_macki_17-d52noht

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Q: Name a sport in which two people compete against each other

A: Checkers

checkers

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Q: Name something that’s hard to hold on to when it’s slippery

A: A (censored)

censored

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Q: Name a holiday where men buy last minute gifts for their wife

A: Thanksgiving

thanksgiving_cartoon_turkey_pilgrim_keychain

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Q: How long the average honeymoon lasts

A: 2 months

honeymoon cartoon

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Q: Name something people are careful to step over when they’re walking

A: Spit

bystander effect

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Q: Name something that comes in a traveling size

A: Refrigerator

Carrying-A-Fridge

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Q: Name something of yours you hope doesn’t start making noises

A: Your dog

A: Your children

cartoon-boys-with-mischief-on-their-minds

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Q: An animal that begins with “M”

A: Marsupial

cartoon-happy-kangaroo-with-her-joey-in-her-pouch

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Q: What moos?

A: A car

car moo

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Q: Who starred in The Godfather and is also Robert?

A: Marlon Brando

cartoon godfather

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