Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


What would Thursdays be without a few puns?

Well, yes, okay it would still be Thursday, but a lot less enjoyable.

So what are you waiting for?

I’m sure you are already salivating at the prospect.




My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep.

I knew I was destined for osteology.

I could feel it in my bones.



There’s been a break in at a local puzzle factory.

Authorities are still trying to piece things together.

puzzle factory logo


The dead batteries were given out free of charge.




The hardest time in a man’s life

is between puberty and impotence.




I used to think I was trapped in a woman’s body…

Then I was born.



Never hit a man with glasses.

Hit him with a baseball bat.

baseball bat



I did some DIY with my step-ladder the other night.

I never really got along with my real ladder.

step ladder


My Uncle had his tongue shot off during World War II.

He doesn’t talk about it, though.



Some people like Pachyderms.

But I find them irrelephant



My wife left me because of my obsession with sporting puns.

its a shame really because i wanted to discus it.




I went to the dentist the other day and he told me that he was sick of hearing puns about his job.

So I told him ‘I had a filling you were going to say that’

I had a filling



I would prefer it if there were Fuhrer puns about the Nazis, thanks very much.

invasion pun


Did you hear about the transvestite blues singer?

He woke up one morning and he had the blouse.



I hate when people try to use the word infinity just to be clever.

It annoys me to no end.





The Madness Continues

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


It’s Monday again and the madness continues with another round of quiz show answers given by the seeming multitude of intellectually challenged people who decide to let the world see their stupidity.



Q: What “A” is the term for a set of symbols in which each character represents a simple speech sound?

A: Aural

Q: The pain in the muscles or bones of the lower legs, often suffered by sportsmen, is known as shin…?      

A: …dler’s List  

Q: In spelling, what consonant is found in both “good” and “bad”?         

A: O


Q: Which large mammal is adapted to sandy conditions, having protective eyelashes, nostrils than can be closed, and broad, soft feet?         

A: Alligator


Q: In agriculture, irrigation involves supplying farmland with which substance essential for growth?          

A: Weeds

Q:  Who sang the song ‘Je t’aime’ with Jane Birkin?

A:  Jacques Chirac.

Q:  Which Danish city is famous for its statue of a mermaid?

A:  Denmark.


Q:  What is the name of the long- running British TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The …?

A:  Mohicans.


Q:  We’re looking for a word that goes in front of ‘clock’.

A:  Grandfather. 

Q:  Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.

A:  Panda.

Q:  What is the nationality of the Pope?

A:  I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

Q:  How many kings of England have been called Henry?

A:  Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth.. er, er, three?

Q:  Which British prime minister famously said: ‘We have become a grandmother’?

A:  John Major.

Q:  What  L  do you make in the dark, when you don t consider the consequences?

A:  Love?

Q:  No, I’m sorry, I’m afraid the actual answer was ‘leap’.


Q:  The Beatles were known as the Fab . . .?

A:  Five.

The Beatles



A Letter from the Smithsonian

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Idiots don’t know a lot of things. Their ignorance usually spans a wide variety of subjects. I know one guy and no matter what subject you pick, except for football, he’s sure to know nothing about it. But he doesn’t care, doesn’t want to learn, and doesn’t want to pretend that he does know what he doesn’t.

That has a healthy degree of honesty about. I like him for it and so do many other people. He’s a very popular guy.

What I can’t stand are the idiots who know next to nothing about what they are talking about but persist in giving their opinions on everything. These people are so dumb they have no idea just how dumb they are. They are not likeable and they are not popular. People melt away from them at parties, dread to be placed next to them at the dinner table, and never interact with them socially when they can avoid it. But unfortunately they are so self-absorbed in their own ignorance that they never catch on.

When they know nothing about something relatively simple its bad enough. When they imagine in their own demented craniums that they are ‘experts’ on something complex it’s even worse.

Below is a copy of a genuine letter sent out by the Smithsonian Institute to a Mr Scott Williams of Newport, Vermont. I don’t know Mr Scott and have never met him, but I can kinda tell from the letter from the Smithsonian that he may well be a good fit for the category of pest just described above.

As always, enjoy.



Smithsonian Institution
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078


Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your latest submission, labelled ‘211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.’

We have given this a careful and detailed examination and we regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents ‘conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Hennepin County two million years ago.’

Rather, it appears that you have found the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the ‘Malibu Barbie’.

It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, however, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin:

The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone.

The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

The dentition pattern evident on the “skull” is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ‘ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams’ you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

This finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted so far, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it.

Without going into too much detail, let us say that the specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on, and clams don’t have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.

To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name ‘Australopithecus spiff-arino’ because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and doesn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate so effortlessly.

You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.

We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the ‘trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix’ that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.


Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities