Plant Puns: Weed ‘Em And Reap!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Not really a day of plant puns, but it is Pun Day, so you might want to weep anyway.

You know the drill (little gardening pun there).

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Teacher: If you were a great composer,

where would you live?

Boy: In A Flat.

Jimi Hendrix's flat

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I missed today’s Hairdressing Championships,

can anyone tell me if there were any highlights?

Hairdressing Championships

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The World Health Organization has

just announced its new slogan.

“WHO cares”.

WHO cares

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My teacher said I was average,

I told him that’s just mean.

average and mean

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I used to be a gold prospector,

but it didn’t pan out.

gold prospector

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I’ve written my own political manifesto

but I haven’t used one single upper-case letter.

I’m not a capitalist.

lower-case letter

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Men with gender issues have it tough in the UK,

I’m sure they’d love to be a broad.

Men with gender issues

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I wrote some new hymns for the congregation

to sing at my local church and the

Vicar says everybody loves them.

They can’t stop singing my praises.

hymns for the congregation

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I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub.

He seemed like a decent feller.

lumberjack

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If you want to be a coroner be

prepared for a stiff examination.

coroner

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My friend is a real Don Juan with the ladies.

The ladies Don Juan anything to do with him.

Don Juan with the ladies

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When I was in the army I reckoned all

officers higher up that Colonels are assholes.

But I hate when people Generalize.

Generals

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I’ve never seen a flamenco dancer,

but those Spaniards must be clever

to train a bird of that size.

flamingo dancer

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My wife is trying to wind me up

with jibes about my impotence.

I’m not rising to that.

jibes about my impotence

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I didn’t want to go to the

“I Love The 80s” fancy dress party,

but my friend was adamant.

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Sweaty Palms And Underarms – I Smell Fact Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, today’s selection of facts includes sweaty palms and underarms.

You may be surprised by these and some of the other offerings below.

Enjoy.

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did you know5

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A person can only remember

four things at a time.

remember four things at a time

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And speaking of four,

of the four smokestacks on the Titanic,

only three were real working chimneys,

the fourth was totally for decoration only.

four smokestacks on the Titanic

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Palm sweat can be triggered by two separate things,

your body trying to control its temperature

or trying to cope with emotional stress,

both of which are closely linked.

Palm sweat

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In July of 1518 a woman began to

dance in the street in Stasbourg.

She was eventually joined by about 400 dancers.

It’s not clear exactly how many people died

due to this ‘dancing plague’, but some

definitely died from heart attack,

stroke or exhaustion.

Dancing-Plague-1518

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The Great Pyramid of Giza is the oldest of

the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World

and the last one still in existence.

Great Pyramid of Giza

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In his entire career (so far) James Bond

has been shot at 4,662 times.

james_bond

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The blue whale has the largest heart

weighing over 1,500 pounds.

blue whale has the largest heart

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Although polar bears are usually born on land,

they spend most of their time at sea.

Their scientific name Ursus Maritimus

means ‘maritime bear’.

polar-bear-ursus-maritimus-underwater--19238

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When a person gets right to the precise point

or says something that is verified as correct it is

often said that they have ‘hit the nail on the head’.

The exact origin of the phrase is not known,

but it appeared for the first time in print in

1438 in The Book of Margery Kempe.

hit the nail on the head

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7,000 deaths occur each year because

of doctors’ sloppy handwriting.

doctors' sloppy handwriting

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According to the Australian census,

Melbourne has the largest Greek population

outside Greece with over 150,000 people

being of Greek origin, which technically

makes Melbourne the sixth biggest city

in terms of Greek population.

Melbourne largest Greek population

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The sweat from a man’s underarm

can help women relax,

boost their mood and

help regulate their menstrual cycle,

if applied to her lips.

There you are ladies, now you know.

sweat from a man's underarm

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Mongol fleets tried to conquer Japan

twice in 7 years, but both times

they were stopped by a typhoon.

These events were described as

Kamikaze or ‘Divine Wind’.

Kamikaze or ‘Divine Wind’

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Thomas Jefferson and John Adams

both died on July 4th

on the 50th Anniversary of

the Declaration of Independence.

Thomas Jefferson and John Adams

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Psy’s “Gangnam Style” is

the most watched YouTube video ever

with nearly 2.2 billion views and counting.

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Twenty Quiz Questions. Go On, Have A Go!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hello and welcome to another start of the week quiz.

Another very random selection of questions, but don’t let that discourage you, have a go!

As usual the answers are given waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below – but please, NO cheating.

Enjoy, and good luck.

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Quiz 6

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Q.  1:  How many Dalmatians starred in the 1961 Disney movie?

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Q.  2:  Where do they make California license plates?

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Q.  3:  What is the collective term for a group of eggs, such as those found in a bird’s nest?

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Q.  4:  Which famous lady edited Michael Jackson’s 1988 autobiography “Moonwalk”?

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Q.  5:  What do they call G.I. Joe in the U.K.?

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Q.  6:  What was US President Woodrow Wilson’s first name?

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Q.  7:  In which American town or city was the TV series “Ironside” set?

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Q.  8:  What is your “niddick”? (Yes, ladies you have one too.)

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Q.  9:  In which movie, also starring Dustin Hoffman, did Sir Laurence Olivier play a Nazi war criminal named Dr. Christian Szell?

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Q. 10:  What is the name for the metal band that joins the eraser to a pencil, or the metal band at the end of a cane?

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Q. 11:  Name the only U.S. state that borders three different Canadian provinces.

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Q. 12:  Who succeeded Nasser as President of Egypt and was later assassinated?

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Q. 13:  Where did camels originate?

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Q. 14:  What famous musical was set in Austria?

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Q. 15:  What is the Scoville Heat Index and what is it used for?

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Q. 16:  Who conquered Greece in 336 at the head of a vast Macedonian Army?

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Q. 17:  Name the three lead stars in the movie “Some Like It Hot”.

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Q. 18:  What was the first country to seek diplomatic relations with the United States.

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Q. 19:  In which movies did Charlton Heston play the following roles?

    a. George Taylor,

    b. Moses,

    c. Michelangelo,

    d. General ‘Chinese’ Gordon,

    e. Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar,

    f. John the Baptist

(One point for each correct answer so your chance to earn six points here!)

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Q. 20:  What was the only father-daughter collaboration to hit number one on the Billboard pop chart? (One point each for the names of the two artists and for the name of the song.

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  How many Dalmatians starred in the 1961 Disney movie?

A.  1:  101

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Q.  2:  Where do they make California license plates?

A.  2:  All California license plates are made in prisons.

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Q.  3:  What is the collective term for a group of eggs, such as those found in a bird’s nest?

A.  3:  A group of eggs, such as those found in a bird’s nest, is known as a “clutch.”

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Q.  4:  Which famous lady edited Michael Jackson’s 1988 autobiography “Moonwalk”?

A.  4:  Michael Jackson’s 1988 autobiography Moonwalk was edited by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.

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Q.  5:  What do they call G.I. Joe in the U.K.?

A.  5:  G.I. Joe is called “Action Man” in the U.K.

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Q.  6:  What was US President Woodrow Wilson’s first name?

A.  6:  Woodrow Wilson’s first name was Thomas. Woodrow was actually his middle name.

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Q.  7:  In which American town or city was the TV series “Ironside” set?

A.  7:  San Francisco

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Q.  8:  What is your “niddick”? (Yes, ladies you have one too.)

A.  8:  “Niddick” is another name for the nape of your neck.

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Q.  9:  In which movie, also starring Dustin Hoffman, did Sir Laurence Olivier play a Nazi war criminal named Dr. Christian Szell?

A.  9:  Marathon Man.

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Q. 10:  What is the name for the metal band that joins the eraser to a pencil, or the metal band at the end of a cane?

A. 10:  The metal band that joins the eraser to a pencil and the metal band at the end of a cane is a called a “ferrule.”

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Q. 11:  Name the only U.S. state that borders three different Canadian provinces.

A. 11:  Montana is the only U.S. state that borders three different Canadian provinces (Alberta, British Columbia, and Saskatchewan).

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Q. 12:  Who succeeded Nasser as President of Egypt and was later assassinated?

A. 12:  Anwar Sadat.

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Q. 13:  Where did camels originate?

A. 13:  Camels actually originated in North America.

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Q. 14:  What famous musical was set in Austria?

A. 14:  The Sound Of Music.

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Q. 15:  What is the Scoville Heat Index and what is it used for?

A. 15:  The Scoville Heat Index is a scale for measuring the spiciness of food. The spiciest pepper has over 1,000,000 Scoville units.

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Q. 16:  Who conquered Greece in 336 at the head of a vast Macedonian Army?

A. 16:  Alexander The Great.

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Q. 17:  Name the three lead stars in the movie “Some Like It Hot”.

A. 17:  Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe.

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Q. 18:  What was the first country to seek diplomatic relations with the United States.

A. 18:  In 1777, Morocco became the first country to seek diplomatic relations with the United States.

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Q. 19:  In which movies did Charlton Heston play the following roles?

    a. George Taylor,

    b. Moses,

    c. Michelangelo,

    d. General ‘Chinese’ Gordon,

    e. Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar,

    f. John the Baptist

(One point for each correct answer so your chance to earn six points here!)

A. 19:  Charlton Heston played

    a. George Taylor in “Planet of the Apes (Beneath the Planet of the Apes)”

    b. Moses in “The Ten Commandments”

    c. Michelangelo in “The Agony and the Ecstasy”

    d. General ‘Chinese’ Gordon in “Khartoum”

    e. Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar in “El Cid”

    f. John the Baptist in “The Greatest Story Ever Told”

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Q. 20:  What was the only father-daughter collaboration to hit number one on the Billboard pop chart? (One point each for the names of the two artists and for the name of the song.)

A. 20:  The only father-daughter collaboration to hit number one on the Billboard pop chart was “Something Stupid” by Frank & Nancy Sinatra in 1967.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Nine!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The year may have changed since the last bunch of Classified ads, but the stupidity continues as you can see from today’s selection.

I hope you find something in here to make you smile this first weekend of 2013.

Enjoy.

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classified ad 201

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classified ad 202

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classified ad 203

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classified ad 204

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classified ad 205

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classified ad 207

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classified ad 208.

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classified ad 210.

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classified ad 211.

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classified ad 212.

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classified ad 213.

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classified ad 214.

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