What Day Is It? – It’s Quiz Day, And That Wasn’t One Of The Questions!

June 9, 2014June 3, 2014 fasab Questions, Tests $300 million, 1979, ABBA, adjusts the opening, aliens, assassinated, beautiful, Britain’s Royal Family, broken off, career, Chinese dynasty, Ching, city of Rome, clockwise, clouds, Cold War, cord, counter-clockwise, country, dessert, dried fruit, education, electricity, Entertainment, fairy tales, famous man, fantasy novels, Galapagos Islands, general knowledge, Geography, Greece, Hans Christian, Harry Potter, highest priced painting in the world, history, Ireland, island country, Jin, June 14th, largest city in North Carolina, Latin word, member, men who served, merry-go-round, Ming, movie, movies, Mullaghmore, music, mythical founder, mythology, named, Napoleon, old name, painted, politics, port city, Qing, questions, quiz, Quiz Day, quizzes, returned safely, sailing, sales price, second best bed, slats, slayer, small clouds, sporting tournament, star trek, Tang, tasers, television, The Card Players, title, tv, twin brother, U-boats, US president, USA, venetian blind, videos, war-like race, White House, wife, wife of King George III, wills, world war ii, wrote, WWII, Xin, YouTube

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

No, sorry, no points if you said it was Quiz Day, even though you are right.

Twenty more challenging questions for you to ponder over.

So get a pot of coffee going and try you hand at these.

As usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

Q. 1: You’ve heard of tasers, you’ve probably seen videos of them on TV or YouTube, but what do the letters ‘T-A-S-E-R’ stand for?

Q. 2: Out of the 40,000 men who served on U-boats during World War II, approximately how many returned safely?

a) 100% b) 75% c) 50% d) 25% e) 15%

Q. 3: When did the Cold War end?

Q. 4: On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

Q. 5: To which country do the Galapagos Islands belong?

Q. 6: What member of Britain’s Royal Family was assassinated whilst sailing from Mullaghmore in Ireland in 1979?

Q. 7: Harry Potter is a very famous and successful series of seven fantasy novels, who wrote them?

Q. 8: Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counter-clockwise?

Q. 9: Which popular dried fruit is named after a port city in Greece?

Q. 10: Currently the highest priced painting in the world with a sales price equivalent to something in the region of $300 million, ‘The Card Players’ was painted by whom?

Q. 11: The old name for this island country stems from the Latin word for beautiful, what is it called today?

Q. 12: Complete the title of each of the following Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales. (And yes, you get a point for each correct answer.)

a) The Red ….. b) The Emperor’s … ……. C) The Steadfast … …….

d) The Princess And … … and, e) The Wild …..

Q. 13: Some wills are strange, which very famous man left his wife his second best bed?

Q. 14: It’s the name of a dessert, the largest city in North Carolina, USA, and the wife of King George III – what is it?

Q. 15: Which of the following was NOT the name of a Chinese dynasty?

a) Qing b) Xin c) Ming d) Jin e) Ching or, e) Tang

Q. 16: What huge sporting tournament begins June 14^th this year?

Q. 17: Who was the first US President to have electricity in the White House?

Q. 18: What are very small clouds that look like they have been broken off of bigger clouds called?

Q. 19: He was the mythical founder of the city of Rome and the slayer of his twin brother. His name was also used for a war-like race of aliens in the series Star Trek. What was his name? (And a bonus point on offer if you can also correctly name his twin brother.)

Q. 20: It was the end of Napoleon’s career and the start of ABBA’s, what was it?

ANSWERS

Q. 1: You’ve heard of tasers, you’ve probably seen videos of them on TV or YouTube, but what do the letters ‘T-A-S-E-R’ stand for?

A. 1: ‘Taser’ – Stands for ‘Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle’.

Q. 2: Out of the 40,000 men who served on U-boats during World War II, approximately how many returned safely?

a) 100% b) 75% c) 50% d) 25% e) 15%

A. 2: The correct answer is d) 25%. Out of the 40,000 men who served on U-boats during WWII, only approximately 10,000 returned safely.

Q. 3: When did the Cold War end?

A. 3: This year (2014) is the 25^th anniversary of the end of the Cold War, so take a point if you said ‘1989’.

Q. 4: On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

A. 4: It’s on the left.

Q. 5: To which country do the Galapagos Islands belong?

A. 5: Ecuador.

Q. 6: What member of Britain’s Royal Family was assassinated whilst sailing from Mullaghmore in Ireland in 1979?

A. 6: Earl Mountbatten.

Q. 7: Harry Potter is a very famous and successful series of seven fantasy novels, who wrote them?

A. 7: The Harry Potter series was written by the British author J. K. Rowling.

Q. 8: Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counter-clockwise?

A. 8: Counter-clockwise.

Q. 9: Which popular dried fruit is named after a port city in Greece?

A. 9: Corinthians (after the port city Corinth).

Q. 10: Currently the highest priced painting in the world with a sales price equivalent to something in the region of $300 million, ‘The Card Players’ was painted by whom?

A. 10: Paul Cézanne.

Q. 11: The old name for this island country stems from the Latin word for beautiful, what is it called today?

A. 11: The old name was ‘Formosa’, but the island nation is now known as Taiwan or officially the Republic of China.

Q. 12: Complete the title of each of the following Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales. (And yes, you get a point for each correct answer.)

a) The Red ….. b) The Emperor’s … ……. C) The Steadfast … …….

d) The Princess And … … and, e) The Wild …..

A. 12: The five answers are a) The Red SHOES b) The Emperor’s NEW CLOTHES

c) The Steadfast TIN SOLDIER d) The Princess And THE PEA e) The Wild SWANS

Q. 13: Some wills are strange, which very famous man left his wife his second best bed?

A. 13: There was a clue in the question, the answer is Will Shakespeare.

Q. 14: It’s the name of a dessert, the largest city in North Carolina, USA, and the wife of King George III – what is it?

A. 14: Charlotte.

Q. 15: Which of the following was NOT the name of a Chinese dynasty?

a) Qing b) Xin c) Ming d) Jin e) Ching or, e) Tang

A. 15: They are all the names of Chinese dynasties except for e) Ching which I just made up! Take a point if you answered e).

Q. 16: What huge sporting tournament begins June 14^th this year?

A. 16: The football (soccer) World Cup.

Q. 17: Who was the first US President to have electricity in the White House?

A. 17: Benjamin Harrison was the first president to have electricity in the White House. However, he was so scared of getting electrocuted that he would never touch the light switches himself.

Q. 18: What are very small clouds that look like they have been broken off of bigger clouds called?

A. 18: Very small clouds that look like they have been broken off of bigger clouds are called ‘scuds’.

A. 19: His name was ‘Romulus’. His twin brother’s name was ‘Remus’.

Q. 20: It was the end of Napoleon’s career and the start of ABBA’s, what was it?

A. 20: Waterloo.

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Controversial Post? – Should We Get Rid Of Homos?

September 25, 2013 fasab Factoids, Humour, Language, Unusual alphabet, Amish, amusing, apple, bass, Blogging, Blogs, booth, classified ads, close, Controversial, desert, dessert, different meaning, different origin, does, dove, education, eggplant, eggs, England, english, English speaking country, Entertainment, failure to grasp the intricacies of the English language, fat chance, fingers, France, French fries, geese, goose, grocers, Guinea, guinea pig, ham, hamburger, hammers, heteronym, homograph, homographs, homophones, Homos, Humor, Humour, index, indices, intimate, invalid, language, lead, letter, Misc, Miscellaneous, misprints, mistakes, moose, muffins, Musings, newspaper headlines, object, philosophy, pig, pine, pineapple, Polish, politically correct, present, produce, pronounced, question, refuse, row, same written form, sewer, signs, slim chance, sow, spelling, subject, sweet, sweetbreads, Sweetmeats, tear, teeth, tell it as it is, tooth, wind, wise guy, wise man, wound, write, writers

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Some blogs meander along trying to be very politically correct. But not here at fasab. Controversial or not, the philosophy here is to tell it as it is.

So to repeat the question in the title….

Should we get rid of homos?

Of course, I’m talking about homographs and homophones – I don’t know what YOU were thinking of?

If you are a regular visitor to this blog you will know that quite often we have a look at amusing misprints or mistakes on signs, classified ads, newspaper headlines, or wherever else they can be found.

Nearly always the problem is peoples’ failure to grasp the intricacies of the English language.

If you are born and bred in an English speaking country then it is relatively easy to grasp the basics of the language, although there is a steady deterioration in some of these, like speleling for example. (That was a deliberate mistake for comic affect by the way.)

So what about the homos then?

For those who haven’t made up their mind yet, a homograph – (also known as a heteronym, but where would have been the fun in that title?) – is a word of the same written form as another but of different meaning and usually different origin.

Sometimes it is pronounced the same as the other word, in which case it is known as a homograph.

Sometimes they are pronounced differently, in which case they are called homophones.

An example of the former is the word “letter” which is pronounced the same whether the meaning is a message written to someone, or to describe a particular member of the alphabet such as ‘A’, ‘B’, ‘C’, etc.

An example of the latter could be the word “lead” which is pronounced differently if it means a metal (“the lead was very heavy”), or to be the front runner of a group of people (“he was in the lead”).

There are a lot more homos around than you might at first think. Here are just a few examples I saw recently. I hope you find them interesting and maybe even begin to realize what a nightmare learning the English language must be for those not immersed in it from a very young age.

1) The bandage was “wound” around the “wound”.

2) The farm was used to “produce” “produce”.

3) The dump was so full that it had to “refuse” more “refuse”.

4) We must “polish” the “Polish” furniture.

5) He could “lead” if he would get the “lead” out.

6) The soldier decided to “desert” his “dessert” in the “desert”.

7) Since there is no time like the “present”, he thought it was time to “present” the “present”.

8) A “bass” was painted on the head of the “bass” drum.

9) When shot at the “dove” “dove” into the bushes.

10) I did not “object” to the “object”.

11) The insurance was “invalid” for the “invalid”.

12) There was a “row” among the oarsmen about how to “row”.

13) They were too “close” to the door to “close” it.

14) The buck “does” funny things when the “does” are present.

15) A seamstress and a “sewer” fell down into a “sewer” line.

16) The farmer used a “sow” to help him “sow” the crop.

17) The “wind” was too strong to “wind” the sail.

18) Upon seeing the “tear” in the painting I shed a “tear”.

19) I had to “subject” the “subject” to a series of tests.

20) How can I “intimate” this to my most “intimate” friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.

For example, there are no “eggs” in “eggplant”, nor “ham” in “hamburger”.

There is neither “pine” nor “apple” in “pineapple”.

“English” muffins weren’t invented in “England” nor “French” fries in “France”.

“Sweetmeats” are “sweet” but are candies and not “meats”, whereas “sweetbreads” are neither “sweet” nor “bread”, but in fact meat.

Boxing “rings” are “square” and a “guinea pig” is neither from “Guinea” nor is it a “pig”.

And why is it that “writers” “write”, but “fingers” don’t “fing”, “grocers” don’t “groce” and “hammers” don’t “ham”?

If the plural of “tooth” is “teeth”, why isn’t the plural of “booth”, “beeth”? Why one “index”, but two or more “indices”? Or why do you have one “goose” and two “geese”, and one “moose” but never two “meese”?

You can make “amends” but what do you do if you have just one thing to amend? Or if you have a bunch of “odds and ends” and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call what’s left?

If teachers “taught”, why didn’t preachers “praught”?

And if a “vegetarian” eats vegetables, what does a “humanitarian” eat?

In what other language would people “recite at a play” and “play at a recital”; have “noses” that “run” and “feet” that “smell”; or send a “shipment” by “car” and “cargo” by “ship”?

How can a “slim chance” and a “fat chance” be the same, while a “wise man” and a “wise guy” are opposites?

Or why can people like the Amish “raise” a barn, meaning to “erect” a building, whereas everywhere else when we “raise” a building to the ground we mean we “demolish” it?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn “up” as it burns “down”; in which you “fill in” a form by “filling it out”; and in which an alarm goes “off” by going “on”.

Even when you are standing still you can be part of the human “race” and you can look at the stars which are visible when they are “out”, unlike a light which is invisible when it is “out”.

Finally, there is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is “UP”.

It’s easy to understand “UP”, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we “wake UP”? At a meeting, why does a topic “come UP”? Why do we “speak UP”?

Or do what I am going to do now, which is to “shut UP”.

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It’s July 4th, You Know What Day That Is?

July 4, 2013July 4, 2013 fasab comedy, Current Events, Factoids, Humour, Politics, Puns, War American colonists, American national bird, American settlers, americans, amusing, ants, atlantic, bad jokes, bald beagle, battle, Battle of Bonkers Hill, battle of Bunker Hill, Boston Flea Party, Boston Tea Party, British, cartoonist, cattle feed, chopping mall, colonies, colonists, Comedy, Continental Army, country, cracked, cracked me up, curly-haired dog, Current Events, dance, Declaration of Independence signed, dessert, dry skin, Ducklaration of Independence, education, Entertainment, feathers, fodder, funny, General Washington, George Washington, hatchet, history, Humor, Humour, inalienable rights, Indepen-dance, Independence, independence day, infantry, joke, jokes, july 4th, King George, Lafayette, Laughayette, Liber-Tea, liberty, Liberty Bell, Misc, Miscellaneous, Monti jello, Monticello, Mount Vernon, Mt. Vermin, patriot, play on words, politics, pun, pun day, puns, Punsylvanians, revo-lotion, revolting, Revolution, Revolutionary War, sense of humor, silly jokes, Snoopy, Stamp Act, stupid jokes, tea, Thomas Jefferson, tree, Virginia, Washington's home, webbed feet, word play, word plays, Yankee Doodle, Yankee doodler, Yankee Poodle

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yes, you got it, it’s Pun Day.

And because Pun Day this year happens to fall on July 4th, here’s a special Independence word play edition.

Enjoy this festive edition!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?

The Americans licked the British!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?

To get to the other tide!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?

A Yankee Poodle Dandy!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?

Yeah, it cracked me up!

What would Americans get if they crossed George Washington with cattle feed?

The fodder of their Country!

Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?

At the chopping mall!

What was General Washington’s favorite tree?

The infantry!

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?

Liber-Tea!

Which colonists told the most jokes?

Punsylvanians!

What did a patriot put on his dry skin?

Revo-lotion!

What dance was very popular in 1776?

Indepen-dance!

Which one of Washington’s officers had the best sense of humor?

Laughayette!

lafayette — Marquis de La Fayette served as a major-general in the Continental Army under George Washington and was a leader of the Garde nationale during the French Revolution.

What was Thomas Jefferson’s favourite dessert?

Monti jello!

Thomas_Jefferson's_Monticello_Estate — Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello Estate

What did King George think of the American colonists?

He thought they were revolting!

Why were the early American settlers like ants?

Because they lived in colonies.

What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?

The Ducklaration of Independence!

What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?

A bald beagle!

What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?

The Battle of Bonkers Hill.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom!

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?

He was a Yankee doodler!

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?

The Boston Flea Party!

What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?

Mt. Vermin!

Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?

I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.

Thomas Jefferson’s words and hopes. How far have the present leaders of America strayed from those lofty and laudable goals?

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Is A Plateau A High Form Of Flattery?

March 21, 2013 fasab comedy, Humour, Language, Puns, Uncategorized, Unusual Amnesiacs Anonymous, amusing, antidepressant, Audi, bad jokes, Breast Enlargement company, broke into song, bust, can't remember, cars, cheetah, chef, chess, chess enthusiasts, chess players, chestnut, chestnuts, club, Comedy, couldn't find the key, cowboy, delivery room, dessert, Entertainment, fabrics, fat psychic, felines, flattery, four chin teller, funny, German car showroom, hospital delivery room, hotel, Humor, Humour, hysterical, joke, jokes, kitchen, lobby, manager, maternity hospital, meringue, Misc, Miscellaneous, neutered, nylon, period drama, plateau, play on words, pull a fast one, pun, pun day, puns, Random, silly jokes, sister, stupid, tomcats, tournament, TV program, wife, word play, word plays

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

You guessed it.

It’s pun day!

Time to love or hate another selection of bad jokes dressed up as word play.

Enjoy!

Son, “Dad, what’s an antidepressant?”

Father, “It’s your Mums fat sister after she’s weighed herself.”

I took my tomcats to get neutered today.

No hard felines.

I am writing a TV program about a woman in the 19th century

who suffered painfully during her time of the month.

It’s a period drama.

I joined a club called Amnesiacs Anonymous.

I can’t remember why.

I’ve been trying to come up with a pun about fabrics.

But it’s nylon impossible.

Sign on the maternity hospital delivery room door.

“PUSH PUSH PUSH”

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.

I thought – he’s trying to pull a fast one

What is the first thing a cowboy says when he walks into a German car showroom?

“Audi!”

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

It was somehow inevitable that the Breast Enlargement company would go bust.

I can always count on my wife to put things into “hysterical” perspective…

What do you call a very fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

The chef was surprised when a dessert came back to the kitchen.

It was a boo meringue.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel

and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why?” they asked, as they moved off.

“Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

I know it’s not Christmas, but….

===========================

CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Two!!

November 3, 2012 fasab CLASSIFIED, comedy, Humour, Uncategorized, Unusual advertisements, advertising, Alzheimer's, American Legion, athletic, attractive, burritos, business, chair, chronically overweight, classified ads, classifieds, Comedy, craigs list, craigslist, dessert, dinner, easygoing, elderly woman, encyclopaedia Britannica, Entertainment, experience, fools, for sale, free rent, funny, guns, hila hoop, Humor, Humour, idiots, internet, kittens, light brown stain, looks not important, Misc, Miscellaneous, Monday, morons, newspaper, newspaper classifieds, newspapers, People, Playboy Magazine, potty chair, rabbits, Random, Rotweiller, stupid, stupid people, stupidity, surgeon wanted, Thursday, tomato, waitress, wanted, yard work

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Time today for another selection of those classified ads we all love to read. Pick your favorite or just enjoy them all. No doubt a lot of hard work was put into getting them so perfect for publication, which just goes to show that it takes a little bfain power as well as effort to get the desired result.

Enjoy!