Apparently Towels Are The Biggest Cause Of Dry Skin.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I couldn’t make my mind for a while whether that title was a pun or a fabulous fact.

But it’s Pun Day, so a play on words it is.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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My uncle works for a company

that makes bicycle wheels.

He’s the Spokesman.

bicycle wheel spokes

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Police, “You’re under arrest for trespassing.”

Me, “On what grounds?”

no trespassing sign

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I know a guy who in his spare time likes to dress up as a knight,

and jump over 20 parked cars on a horse.

I call him Medieval Knievel.

Medieval Knight

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Having fake teeth.

That’ll denture confidence

dentures

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I actually tried plane sailing the other day….

It’s not as easy as it’s made out to be.

cartoon plane sailing

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Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.

Big Ears

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My wife always gets annoyed when I leave her out.

Especially if it’s raining.

woman in rain

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Arkansas is just Kansas with pirates.

Pirates

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Once when I was in Chicago I did 35 press-ups in a row…

The elevator attendant looked pretty annoyed.

elevator buttons

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I’ve spent my entire life researching the multiples of zero,

my career has amounted to nothing. 

lots of zeros

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I asked my friend the other day, “Where’s your mum from?”

He replied, “Alaska.”

I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll ask her myself.”

Alaska

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I saw a man with a trolley

full of horseshoes and rabbits’ feet earlier,

trying to get it up a hill.

I thought, “He’s pushing his luck.”

horseshoes and rabbits' feet

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Some people say it’s sick and perverted to be a flasher.

I think it shows a lot of balls.

cartoon flasher

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A Zen master once said to me,

“Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.”

So I didn’t.

cartoon zen master

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I was referred to Dr. Dre the other day,

I have to go in for a hip-hoperation.

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What Day Is It? – It’s Quiz Day, And That Wasn’t One Of The Questions!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, sorry, no points if you said it was Quiz Day, even though you are right.

Twenty more challenging questions for you to ponder over.

So get a pot of coffee going and try you hand at these.

As usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Quiz 07

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Q.  1:  You’ve heard of tasers, you’ve probably seen videos of them on TV or YouTube, but what do the letters ‘T-A-S-E-R’ stand for?

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Q.  2:  Out of the 40,000 men who served on U-boats during World War II, approximately how many returned safely?

            a) 100%            b) 75%            c) 50%            d) 25%            e) 15%

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Q.  3:  When did the Cold War end?

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Q.  4:  On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

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Q.  5:  To which country do the Galapagos Islands belong?

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Q.  6:  What member of Britain’s Royal Family was assassinated whilst sailing from Mullaghmore in Ireland in 1979?

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Q.  7:  Harry Potter is a very famous and successful series of seven fantasy novels, who wrote them?

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Q.  8:  Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counter-clockwise?

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Q.  9:  Which popular dried fruit is named after a port city in Greece?

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Q. 10:  Currently the highest priced painting in the world with a sales price equivalent to something in the region of $300 million, ‘The Card Players’ was painted by whom?

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Q. 11:  The old name for this island country stems from the Latin word for beautiful, what is it called today?

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Q. 12:  Complete the title of each of the following Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales. (And yes, you get a point for each correct answer.)

           a) The Red …..    b) The Emperor’s …  …….    C) The Steadfast …  …….

           d) The Princess And …  …    and,  e) The Wild …..

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Q. 13:  Some wills are strange, which very famous man left his wife his second best bed?

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Q. 14:  It’s the name of a dessert, the largest city in North Carolina, USA, and the wife of King George III – what is it?

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Q. 15:  Which of the following was NOT the name of a Chinese dynasty?

            a) Qing     b) Xin     c) Ming     d) Jin      e) Ching     or, e)  Tang

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Q. 16:  What huge sporting tournament begins June 14th this year?

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Q. 17:  Who was the first US President to have electricity in the White House?

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Q. 18:  What are very small clouds that look like they have been broken off of bigger clouds called?

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Q. 19:  He was the mythical founder of the city of Rome and the slayer of his twin brother. His name was also used for a war-like race of aliens in the series Star Trek. What was his name? (And a bonus point on offer if you can also correctly name his twin brother.)

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Q. 20:  It was the end of Napoleon’s career and the start of ABBA’s, what was it?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  You’ve heard of tasers, you’ve probably seen videos of them on TV or YouTube, but what do the letters ‘T-A-S-E-R’ stand for?

A.  1:  ‘Taser’ – Stands for ‘Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle’.

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Q.  2:  Out of the 40,000 men who served on U-boats during World War II, approximately how many returned safely?

            a) 100%            b) 75%            c) 50%            d) 25%            e) 15%

A.  2:  The correct answer is d) 25%. Out of the 40,000 men who served on U-boats during WWII, only approximately 10,000 returned safely.

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Q.  3:  When did the Cold War end?

A.  3:  This year (2014) is the 25th anniversary of the end of the Cold War, so take a point if you said ‘1989’.

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Q.  4:  On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

A.  4:  It’s on the left.  

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Q.  5:  To which country do the Galapagos Islands belong?

A.  5:  Ecuador.

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Q.  6:  What member of Britain’s Royal Family was assassinated whilst sailing from Mullaghmore in Ireland in 1979?

A.  6:  Earl Mountbatten.

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Q.  7:  Harry Potter is a very famous and successful series of seven fantasy novels, who wrote them?

A.  7:  The Harry Potter series was written by the British author J. K. Rowling.

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Q.  8:  Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counter-clockwise?

A.  8:  Counter-clockwise.

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Q.  9:  Which popular dried fruit is named after a port city in Greece?

A.  9:  Corinthians (after the port city Corinth).

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Q. 10:  Currently the highest priced painting in the world with a sales price equivalent to something in the region of $300 million, ‘The Card Players’ was painted by whom?

A. 10:  Paul Cézanne.

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Q. 11:  The old name for this island country stems from the Latin word for beautiful, what is it called today?

A. 11:  The old name was ‘Formosa’, but the island nation is now known as Taiwan or officially the Republic of China.

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Q. 12:  Complete the title of each of the following Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales. (And yes, you get a point for each correct answer.)

           a) The Red …..    b) The Emperor’s …  …….    C) The Steadfast …  …….

           d) The Princess And …  …    and,  e) The Wild …..

A. 12:  The five answers are     a) The Red SHOES    b) The Emperor’s NEW CLOTHES

           c) The Steadfast TIN SOLDIER   d) The Princess And THE PEA    e) The Wild SWANS

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Q. 13:  Some wills are strange, which very famous man left his wife his second best bed?

A. 13:  There was a clue in the question, the answer is Will Shakespeare.

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Q. 14:  It’s the name of a dessert, the largest city in North Carolina, USA, and the wife of King George III – what is it?

A. 14:  Charlotte.

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Q. 15:  Which of the following was NOT the name of a Chinese dynasty?

            a) Qing     b) Xin     c) Ming     d) Jin      e) Ching     or, e)  Tang

A. 15:  They are all the names of Chinese dynasties except for e) Ching which I just made up! Take a point if you answered e).

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Q. 16:  What huge sporting tournament begins June 14th this year?

A. 16:  The football (soccer) World Cup.

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Q. 17:  Who was the first US President to have electricity in the White House?

A. 17:  Benjamin Harrison was the first president to have electricity in the White House. However, he was so scared of getting electrocuted that he would never touch the light switches himself.

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Q. 18:  What are very small clouds that look like they have been broken off of bigger clouds called?

A. 18:  Very small clouds that look like they have been broken off of bigger clouds are called ‘scuds’.

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Q. 19:  He was the mythical founder of the city of Rome and the slayer of his twin brother. His name was also used for a war-like race of aliens in the series Star Trek. What was his name? (And a bonus point on offer if you can also correctly name his twin brother.)

A. 19:  His name was ‘Romulus’. His twin brother’s name was ‘Remus’.

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Q. 20:  It was the end of Napoleon’s career and the start of ABBA’s, what was it?

A. 20:  Waterloo.

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Give Us A Job!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’m not sure what exactly happened or when it happened but things have changed in the employment world.

It used to be when you gave someone a job they were thankful not only for the opportunity to work and earn some money, but also for the chance to do something and better themselves. They had pride in what they did no matter what their job was.

Some of that still exists. But it is rare. Today many people seem to just want the money and couldn’t care less about the work they do.

It’s a pity and it is a terrible thing for the country as a whole. Whether it will ever change or not I don’t know. For what it’s worth my opinion is that once standards are lost they are very difficult to regain.

Having said all that, however, if you can momentarily set aside the frustration of trying to work with the dumb asses you have to employ these days it can sometimes make life a bit more amusing.

Here are a few examples.

Enjoy.

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one-job-01

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one-job-03

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one-job-10

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Did You Know…. Another Twenty Fascinating Facts From Fasab’s Files

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for another selection of fascinating facts. How you use these is up to you, but some of them may well come in handy sometime.

Enjoy.

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did you know

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Every year Alaska has about 5,000 earthquakes,

1,000 of which measure above 3.5 on the Richter scale

 Alaska_earthquakes.

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There are approximately 7,000 feathers on an eagle

– even a bald one!

bald_eagle

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The average person changes their career every 13 years

career change

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The total mileage driven by all U-Haul trucks in a year

is enough to move a person from the Earth to the moon

five times a day for an entire year

U-Haul Truck

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Scientists with high-speed cameras have discovered

that rain drops are not tear shaped

but rather look like hamburger buns.

rain-drop-shape-diagram

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570 gallons of paint would be needed to paint the outside of the White House

– make that 570 gallons of white paint

Whitehouse South Facade

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Tiger Woods is the first athlete to has been named

“Sportsman of the Year”

by magazine Sports Illustrated two times

Tiger-Woods

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In 1996, toy company Mattel released a “Harley Davidson” Barbie.

This dolls distinctive feature is a birth mark on her face

that changes position with every new release of the doll

barbie_harley

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In the Sahara Desert there is a town named Tidikelt,

which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years

Tidikelt_map

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The most senior crayon maker Emerson Moser

retired after making 1.4 billion crayons for Crayola.

It was then that he revealed that he was actually colorblind

Emerson Moser

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There are mirrors on the moon.

Astronauts left them so that laser beams could be bounced off of them from Earth.

These beams help give us the distance to the moon give or take a few meters.

lunar mirror

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Tobacco kills more Americans each year

than alcohol, cocaine, crack, heroin, homicide,

suicide, car accidents, fire and AIDS combined

tobacco-kills-more-americans-each-year-than-alcohol

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The oldest bird on record was Cocky, a cockatoo, who lived in London Zoo.

He ceased being Cocky at the age of 82.

 Cockatoo_Moluccan

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There were 13 couples celebrating their honeymoon on the Titanic

titanic

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In July 1874, a swarm of Rocky Mountain locusts flew over Nebraska

covering an area estimated at 198,600 square miles.

It is estimated that the swarm contained about 12.5 trillion insects.

These insects became extinct thirty years later

In-July-1874-2C-a-swarm-of-Rocky-Mountain-locusts-flew-over-Nebraska-covering-an-area-estimated-at-198-2C600-square-miles.-It-is-estimated-that-the-swarm-contained-about-12.5-trillion-insects

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Honorificabilitudinitatibus

is the longest English word that consists strictly

of alternating consonants and vowels

Honorificabilitudinitatibus

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In Haiti, only 1 out of every 200 people own a car which is ironic

considering approximately 33% of the country’s budget on imports

is spent on equipment for fuel and transportation.

streets-of-port-au-prince-port-au-prince-haiti

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The largest diamond found in the United States was a 40.23 carat white diamond.

It was found in 1924 at Murfreesboro, Arkansas at the Prairie Creek pipe mine,

which later became known as the Crater of Diamonds State Park.

The diamond was named “Uncle Sam” after the nickname of its finder,

Wesley Oley Basham, a worker at the Arkansas Diamond Corporation.

uncle sam diamond

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In 1903 Mary Anderson invented the windshield wipers

mary_anderson

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The song with the longest title is

“I’m a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank

on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama

Doin’ Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o,

Hirohito Blues”

written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1945.

He later claimed the song title ended with ‘Yank’ and the rest was a joke


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