Controversial Post? – Should We Get Rid Of Homos?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Some blogs meander along trying to be very politically correct. But not here at fasab. Controversial or not, the philosophy here is to tell it as it is.

So to repeat the question in the title…. 

Should we get rid of homos?

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Of course, I’m talking about homographs and homophones – I don’t know what YOU were thinking of?

If you are a regular visitor to this blog you will know that quite often we have a look at amusing misprints or mistakes on signs, classified ads, newspaper headlines, or wherever else they can be found.

Nearly always the problem is peoples’ failure to grasp the intricacies of the English language.

If you are born and bred in an English speaking country then it is relatively easy to grasp the basics of the language, although there is a steady deterioration in some of these, like speleling for example. (That was a deliberate mistake for comic affect by the way.)

So what about the homos then?

For those who haven’t made up their mind yet, a homograph – (also known as a heteronym, but where would have been the fun in that title?) – is a word of the same written form as another but of different meaning and usually different origin.

Sometimes it is pronounced the same as the other word, in which case it is known as a homograph.

homograph definition

Sometimes they are pronounced differently, in which case they are called homophones.

homophone definition

An example of the former is the word “letter” which is pronounced the same whether the meaning is a message written to someone, or to describe a particular member of the alphabet such as ‘A’, ‘B’, ‘C’, etc.

An example of the latter could be the word “lead” which is pronounced differently if it means a metal (“the lead was very heavy”), or to be the front runner of a group of people (“he was in the lead”).

There are a lot more homos around than you might at first think. Here are just a few examples I saw recently. I hope you find them interesting and maybe even begin to realize what a nightmare learning the English language must be for those not immersed in it from a very young age.

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1) The bandage was “wound” around the “wound”.

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2) The farm was used to “produce” “produce”.

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3) The dump was so full that it had to “refuse” more “refuse”.

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4) We must “polish” the “Polish” furniture.

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5) He could “lead” if he would get the “lead” out.

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6) The soldier decided to “desert”  his “dessert” in the “desert”.

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7) Since there is no time like the “present”, he thought it was time to “present” the “present”.

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8) A “bass” was painted on the head of the “bass” drum.

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9) When shot at the “dove”  “dove” into the bushes.

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10) I did not “object” to the “object”.

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11) The insurance was “invalid” for the “invalid”.

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12) There was a “row” among the oarsmen about how to “row”.

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13) They were too “close” to the door to “close” it.

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14) The buck “does” funny things when the “does” are present.

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15) A seamstress and a “sewer” fell down into a “sewer” line.

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16) The farmer used a “sow” to help him “sow” the crop.

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17) The “wind” was too strong to “wind” the sail.

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18) Upon seeing the “tear” in the painting I shed a “tear”.

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19) I had to “subject” the “subject” to a series of tests.

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20) How can I “intimate” this to my most “intimate” friend?

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Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. 

For example, there are no “eggs” in “eggplant”, nor “ham” in “hamburger”.  

There is neither “pine” nor “apple” in “pineapple”.

“English” muffins weren’t invented in “England” nor “French” fries in “France”.

“Sweetmeats” are “sweet” but are candies and not “meats”, whereas “sweetbreads” are neither “sweet” nor “bread”, but in fact meat.

Boxing “rings” are “square” and a “guinea pig” is neither from “Guinea” nor is it a “pig”.

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And why is it that “writers” “write”, but “fingers” don’t “fing”, “grocers” don’t “groce” and “hammers” don’t “ham”?

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If the plural of “tooth” is “teeth”, why isn’t the plural of “booth”, “beeth”? Why one “index”, but two or more “indices”?  Or why do you have one “goose” and two “geese”, and one “moose” but never two “meese”?

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You can make “amends” but what do you do if you have just one thing to amend? Or if you have a bunch of “odds and ends” and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call what’s left?

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If teachers “taught”, why didn’t preachers “praught”?

And if a “vegetarian” eats vegetables, what does a “humanitarian” eat?

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In what other language would people “recite at a play” and “play at a recital”; have “noses” that “run” and “feet” that “smell”; or send a “shipment” by “car” and “cargo” by “ship”?

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How can a “slim chance” and a “fat chance” be the same, while a “wise man” and a “wise guy” are opposites?

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Or why can people like the Amish “raise” a barn, meaning to “erect” a building, whereas everywhere else when we “raise” a building to the ground we mean we “demolish” it?

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You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn “up” as it burns “down”; in which you “fill in” a form by “filling it out”; and in which an alarm goes “off” by going “on”.

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Even when you are standing still you can be part of the human “race” and you can look at the stars which are visible when they are “out”, unlike a light which is invisible when it is “out”.

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Finally, there is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is “UP”.

It’s easy to understand “UP”, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we “wake UP”? At a meeting, why does a topic “come UP”? Why do we “speak UP”?

Or do what I am going to do now, which is to “shut UP”.

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CLASSIFIED: For your Eyes Only, Part Eighteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to the latest batch of classified ads that failed the one simple test that all advertisements should pass

– did it say what it was supposed to say?

These didn’t.

Enjoy.

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classad_kidspaywhattheyweigh

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classad_krispykremedrive.

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classad_last1000hoursinEnglish.

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classad_licolontowncar.

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classad_livetoiletdemo.

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classad_loseupto205poundsperweek.

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classad_MagSubscription.

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classad_manuresummit.

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classad_mathathon.

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classad_mercuryfishandchips

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classad_mensurnalmagazine

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classad_michaeljackson

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classad_mushmoms

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classad_nachoplatter.

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classad_newagetherapy.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Seventeen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here we go with another bunch of classified ads.

They looked perfect, but not to most people.

Enjoy.

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classad_halfto50percentoff

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classad_HalloweenFleetEnema

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classad_hamhockssquirrel

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classad_haveahorsesitonyourlap

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classad_honkybowl

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classad_honorroll

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classad_hugendazicecream

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classad_hungarymandinners

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classad_huntersafety

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classad_hyptonistallyoucaneatbringyourownfood

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classad_illiterateinEnglish

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classad_insultingfabric

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classad_irregularcorndogs

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classad_joyoffasting

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classad_justacrossfromthewomensprison

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Sixteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Welcome to another edition of the classified ads. Those advertisements that didn’t quite turn out as planned in the minds of those who devised them.

The first one reminded me of a small take-away Chinese establishment in a town near where I used to live. A friend and I stopped off there on the way home from work one evening, both of us hungry but not wanting to waste the time going for a sit-down meal.

We ordered our food and all went well. The take-away had an excellent reputation for producing good food and it was always very busy.

Sure enough after about ten minutes or so our ticket was called and I went up to the counter to collect.

It wasn’t the usual girl on duty that evening, but a small rather elderly Chinese lady.

Had it been the usual girl she would have known to pack some utensils, like a plastic fork, in the bag, but instead the little Chinese lady looked up into my face and asked in a heavily accented but loud voice for all to hear,

“D’ya wanna fok?”

There was momentary silence, no one quite knowing what they thought they had heard. Then my mouth got in the way of good sense and I said, “No thanks, I’m just in to get something to eat.”

Then everyone laughed and I made my way out of the place before any further conversation or explanation.

As it turns out the joke was on me in the end because I left without getting a ‘fok’ so the meal had to wait until I got home.

So that by way of anecdotal introduction leads us nicely to today’s classifieds.

Enjoy!

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classad_FuKingRestaurant

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classad_freegolf

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classad_freewith20beers.

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classad_engrish.

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classad_enjoyfreshesticecream

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classad_freeeye.

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classad_freshmadeshrimpthing.

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classad_frodfocus.

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classad_frozenicecubes.

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classad_fullycookedsushi.

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classad_Genuine20percentFaux.

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classad_getnewgasgrill.

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classad_grilledchickenandherpes.

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classad_groundgeef.

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classad_guidedogbarbeque.

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classad_girlwithlegsoppositebody.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Fifteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You would think that nothing would be easier than to think up a short ad for your business or something you had to sell. I mean, why blow lots of cash on advertising companies?

This could help explain why.

Enjoy.

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classad_classicpoohspreaders.

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classad_classmotto.

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classad_completeswissarmyknife.

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classad_corncribisgone.

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classad_crackfreecheesecake.

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classad_crimebrulee.

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classad_damboringcompany.

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classad_designerhandbags.

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classad_desingerplunger.

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classad_differentbreedofelectrician.

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classad_diningout.

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classad_dontbothercominghome.

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classad_DoveBrothers.

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classad_DrYuHu.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Fourteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Time for a few more examples of the intellectualy challenged making life a bit more difficult for themselves than it should be.

Think that advertising your stuff for sale is easy? Nope, not for everyone.

Read on and enjoy.

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classad_cerealkiller

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classified ad 249

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classad_cherokeelardodiesel

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classified ad 250

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classad_chickencordandbleu

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classified ad 251

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classad_chicksisdickssporting

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classified ad 252

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classad_chillichallenge

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classad_choppingblock.

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classad_christmastreesarrivingdec28.

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classad_churchattire.

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And finally for today, the sad case of Mr R D Jones and Mrs Kelly whose happy relationship was destroyed by the idiots in his newspaper classified ads section….

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classified ad 246a.

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classified ad 246b.

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classified ad 246c.

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classified ad 246d.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only, Part Thirteen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

german Shepherd, puppy, puppies, “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today Part Thirteen of our look at the Classified Ads that turned out a little bit differently than originally planned.

Verification in print that stupidity is alive and well.

Enjoy!

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classad_bowtoxforyourdog.

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classified ad 240

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classad_brashop.

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classified ad 241.

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classad_buttcreamicing

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classified ad 242

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classad_Califorinashirt.

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classified ad 244.

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lassad_callJesusdirectlyfortickets.

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classified ad 243.

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classad_campbellsmicrowavablebowels.

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classified ad 247.

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classad_cardiodickboxing.

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classified ad 248.

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classad_catpeearomainwine.

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