# A Manic Monday Quiz.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A manic Monday quiz it is indeed.

Twenty questions covering the usual wide range of subjects, so hopefully there will be one or two that you find easy and one or two that you find a lot more difficult.

But remember, as always if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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Q.  1:  According to a survey conducted by Citrix, what percentage of people thought that stormy weather affects cloud computing?

a) 1%           b) 15%           c) 51%           d) 85%

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Q.  2:  What city is known as ‘The Harbor City’ ?

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Q.  3:  What is another name for the prairie wolf?

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Q.  4:  If your boss cuts your salary by 10% but offers to let you work 10% more to make up for it, should you accept?

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Q.  5:  Six men are widely accepted to be the Founding Fathers of the United States of America. What were their names? (You get a point for each correctly named and a bonus point if can correctly name all six.)

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Q.  6:  A follow-up question to # 5, which one of these Founding Fathers once wrote a scientific piece called ‘Fart Proudly’ ?

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Q.  7:  What percentage of the Earth’s volcanoes are underwater?

a) 10 %           b) 30 %           c) 50 %           d) 70 %           e) 90 %

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Q.  8:  In Greek mythology who attempted to escape from Crete by means of wings that his father constructed from feathers and wax, but flew too close to the Sun and perished when the wax melted?

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Q.  9:  And when we’re on the subject of flying, what area code would you use if you wanted to call the Kennedy Space Center in Florida?

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Q. 10:  What do you call the three sides of a right-angled triangle? (Hint, you get zero points for answering ‘A’, ‘B’ and ‘C’.)

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Q. 11:  This one is the name of a famous Shakespeare tragedy and a multiplayer board game based on the popular game Reversi. What is it?

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Q. 12:  What nationality is the famous musician Richard Clayderman and what instrument is associated with him? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 13:  ‘Equatorial’, ‘Gulf Stream’ and ‘Humboldt’ are names give to what?

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Q. 14:  Russians consume about 6 times as much what as Americans?

a) milk           b) coffee           c) tea           d) beer            e) spirits

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Q. 15:  Which paper format has the largest area, the ‘International A4’ as used for example in the UK or the ‘Letter’ format used in the United States?

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Q. 16:  There are seven main weight divisions used in professional boxing, what are they? (You get a point for each one you can name correctly and three bonus points if you get all seven correct.)

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Q. 17:  What is the link between something to eat, something to drink, somewhere to go and something to call your daughter?

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Q. 18:  What was the name of the cat that survived the sinking of the Bismark, HMS Cossack and HMS Ark Royal?

a) Kit Kat            b) Wet Willie            c) Unsinkable Sam

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Q. 19:  What is the largest country in South America (a) by area and (b) by size of population? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 20:  Who had a ‘Manic Monday’ and went on to ‘Walk Like An Egyptian’ ?

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Q.  1:  According to a survey conducted by Citrix, what percentage of people thought that stormy weather affects cloud computing?

a) 1%           b) 15%           c) 51%           d) 85%

A.  1:  Unbelievably the correct answer is c) 51%.

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Q.  2:  What city is known as ‘The Harbor City’ ?

A.  2:  Sydney, Australia.

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Q.  3:  What is another name for the prairie wolf?

A.  3:  Coyote.

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Q.  4:  If your boss cuts your salary by 10% but offers to let you work 10% more to make up for it, should you accept?

A.  4:  You should NOT accept the offer. This is a percentage question. For example, if you made \$10 per hour, a 10% cut in your salary would leave you with \$9 per hour. Adding 10% back would only be 10% of \$9, or 90 cents so you would end up with only \$9.90.

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Q.  5:  Six men are widely accepted to be the Founding Fathers of the United States of America. What were their names? (You get a point for each correctly named and a bonus point if can correctly name all six.)

A.  5:  The six men are widely accepted to be the Founding Fathers of the United States of America are George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Alexander Hamilton and, of course, Benjamin Franklin.

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Q.  6:  A follow-up question to # 5, which one of these Founding Fathers once wrote a scientific piece called ‘Fart Proudly’ ?

A.  6:  Benjamin Franklin wrote a scientific piece called Fart Proudly. It was all about farts.

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Q.  7:  What percentage of the Earth’s volcanoes are underwater?

a) 10 %           b) 30 %           c) 50 %           d) 70 %           e) 90 %

A.  7:  The correct answer is e) 90% of all volcanoes are underwater.

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Q.  8:  In Greek mythology who attempted to escape from Crete by means of wings that his father constructed from feathers and wax, but flew too close to the Sun and perished when the wax melted?

A.  8:  Icarus.

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Q.  9:  And when we’re on the subject of flying, what area code would you use if you wanted to call the Kennedy Space Center in Florida?

A.  9:  The telephone area code for the Kennedy Space Center in Florida is ‘321’ which imitates the countdown before liftoff. It was assigned to the area, instead of suburban Chicago in November 1999 after a successful petition led by local resident Robert Osband. Try it out, call the Kennedy Space Center on (321) 867-5000.

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Q. 10:  What do you call the three sides of a right-angled triangle? (Hint, you get zero points for answering ‘A’, ‘B’ and ‘C’.)

A. 10:  They are called ‘opposite’, ‘adjacent’ and ‘hypotenuse’.

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Q. 11:  This one is the name of a famous Shakespeare tragedy and a multiplayer board game based on the popular game Reversi. What is it?

A. 11:  Othello.

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Q. 12:  What nationality is the famous musician Richard Clayderman and what instrument is associated with him? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 12:  Richard Clayderman is French and he is a pianist.

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Q. 13:  ‘Equatorial’, ‘Gulf Stream’ and ‘Humboldt’ are names give to what?

A. 13:  Ocean currents.

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Q. 14:  Russians consume about 6 times as much what as Americans?

a) milk           b) coffee           c) tea           d) beer            e) spirits

A. 14:  The correct answer is c) tea, Russians also consume about 6 times as much tea as Americans.

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Q. 15:  Which paper format has the largest area, the ‘International A4’ as used for example in the UK or the ‘Letter’ format used in the United States?

A. 15:  A4 has the largest area. (A4 is 210 mm (8.25”) wide and 297 mm (11.75”) long or 62,370 m2, and US Letter is 216 mm (8.5”) wide by 279 mm (11”) long or 60,264 m2.)

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Q. 16:  There are seven main weight divisions used in professional boxing, what are they? (You get a point for each one you can name correctly and three bonus points if you get all seven correct.)

A. 16:  Although modern additions have been added, the seven main weight divisions used in professional boxing are ‘Flyweight’, ‘Bantamweight’, ‘Featherweight’, ‘Lightweight’, ‘Welterweight’, ‘Middleweight’ and ‘Heavyweight’.

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Q. 17:  What is the link between something to eat, something to drink, somewhere to go and something to call your daughter?

A. 17:  Margarita.

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Q. 18:  What was the name of the cat that survived the sinking of the Bismark, HMS Cossack and HMS Ark Royal?

a) Kit Kat            b) Wet Willie            c) Unsinkable Sam

A. 18:  The correct answer is c) Unsinkable Sam.

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Q. 19:  What is the largest country in South America (a) by area and (b) by size of population? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 19:  The correct answers are (a) Brazil with an area of 8,514,877 Km2, and (b) Brazil with a population of more than 195.5 million.

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Q. 20:  Who had a ‘Manic Monday’ and went on to ‘Walk Like An Egyptian’ ?

A. 20:  The Bangles.

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# It’s July 4th, You Know What Day That Is?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, you got it, it’s Pun Day.

And because Pun Day this year happens to fall on July 4th, here’s a special Independence word play edition.

Enjoy this festive edition!

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What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?

The Americans licked the British!

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Why did the British cross the Atlantic?

To get to the other tide!

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What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?

A Yankee Poodle Dandy!

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Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?

Yeah, it cracked me up!

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What would Americans get if they crossed George Washington with cattle feed?

The fodder of their Country!

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Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?

At the chopping mall!

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What was General Washington’s favorite tree?

The infantry!

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What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?

Liber-Tea!

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Which colonists told the most jokes?

Punsylvanians!

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What did a patriot put on his dry skin?

Revo-lotion!

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What dance was very popular in 1776?

Indepen-dance!

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Which one of Washington’s officers had the best sense of humor?

Laughayette!

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What was Thomas Jefferson’s favourite dessert?

Monti jello!

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What did King George think of the American colonists?

He thought they were revolting!

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Why were the early American settlers like ants?

Because they lived in colonies.

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What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?

The Ducklaration of Independence!

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What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?

A bald beagle!

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What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?

The Battle of Bonkers Hill.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom!

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Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?

He was a Yankee doodler!

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What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?

The Boston Flea Party!

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What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?

Mt. Vermin!

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Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?

I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.

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# Then There Was The Dyslexic Man Who Walked Into A Bra….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another short selection of punny jokes today.

Strong language warning on one of them for those likely to be offended by such things.

Enjoy!

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What banned weapon can you use to kill slugs?

A salt rifle.

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If you owned a secret, underground fajita shop, would you keep it under wraps?

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I dated a girl from the Phillippines, she was a contortionist.

I called her my ‘Manila folder’

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I couldn’t understand why my mobile’s battery always seems to be flat.

Then I realized had it been any other shape, it wouldn’t fit in my phone.

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I knew a man who killed himself with a cyanide capsule.

That was a bitter pill to swallow.

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Some people think animal puns are not funny in any neigh, sheep or farm.

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I hate puns about perforated things – they’re tearable.

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You would think that these herbs & spices puns would have died out by now.

But no, they just keep on Cumin.

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“Would you like one with a plug?” says the assistant.

Paddy replies, “Don’t tell me they’ve gone electric!”

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Woman goes into a butcher’s…

“Certainly”, replies the butcher,

“Once upon a time there was an ox…”

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One day I phoned with the spiritual leader of Tibet.

He sent me a large goat with a long neck.

Turns out I phoned Dial- a- llama.

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Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.

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I took my wife to the doctor yesterday, he examined her and said, “I’ll be perfectly honest… I don’t like the look of her.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said, “but she’s a good cook and the kids think the world of her!”

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I bought a Valentine’s Day card for everyone at our local Tourette’s Society.

It’s the thought that cunts.

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“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’’

“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”

“Is it common?”

“Well, it’s not unusual.”

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# Why Are Puns So Popular?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I’ve been doing puns for a while now and it seems that a lot of other people like them too. I just can’t figure out the reason. I mean the jokes themselves are, to say the least, sometimes contrived and quite bad. Yet people groan, grimace and laugh and come back for more – me included, I’m just not sure why.

If you think you have the answer do let me know.

Meantime enjoy this week’s selection.

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The other day someone left a piece of silly putty in my house. I didn’t know what to make of it.

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My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.

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Some people are making Rapture jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

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Tea is for mugs.

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Did you hear about the physics student who couldn’t understand quantum theory? He was thicker than a Planck!

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A woman was attacked by a troupe of mime artists. They performed unspeakable acts on her.

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Wind turbines. I’m a big fan.

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NBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. How fast must they have been walking?

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Don’t you just hate it when people think there clever but use the wrong grammar?

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Iraq drastically needs to reduce its car bomb footprint.

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A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

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“So, how’s life in North Korea?”

“Well, I can’t complain.”

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How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?  It’s not hard.

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Cocaine is never a solution. Unless, of course, you dissolve it in water.

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I got a phone call from electric company to say my bill was outstanding. I said, “Thanks!”

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I often say to myself, “I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”

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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

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# It’s Monday Again, And You Know What That Means…. More Stupid Quiz Show Answers

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Hi everyone, yes it’s Monday again and time for another selection of stupid quiz show answers.

Are you depressed at the horrendous level of stupidity out there in the big wide world, or just happy that you are a lot smarter then these guys? I mean, who could ever forget “Smelly Kelly”?

Either way I hope you enjoy today’s bunch.

Q: Name a time when people wake up

A: Morning

Q: Name a sport people play by themselves

A: Video games

Q: The state with the best beaches

A: Los Angeles

Q: Name something a husband asks his wife to carry in her purse

A: Condoms

Q: Name something a woman likes a man to have that begins with the letter M

A: Makeup

Q: Name a Southern city

A: Georgia

Q: Name a subject people discuss on their first date

A: Sex

Q: Name something an airline passenger might be holding during a bumpy flight

A: A lucky rabbit’s foot

Q: Name something about Dr. Phil that comedians make fun of

A: His contestants

Q: Name a famous Kelly

A: Kelly “Ripka”

A: “Smelly Kelly”

Q: Name a sure cure for a hangover

A: Making love

Q: Name a famous Christina

A: Christina the car

Q: Name a food with an edible skin

A: Banana

Q: The night with the worst TV programs

A: UPN

Q: Name something you put in tea

A: Tea bag

Q: Name a place where you might see a dead body

Q: Name a job around the house that has to be done every fall

A: Spring cleaning

Q: An occupation considered to be un-masculine

A: Truck driver

Q: Name something dogs can do better than people

A: Pee

Q: The longest amount of time you have spent without talking to your spouse

A: 20 minutes

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