A very happy Thanksgiving to all in America who read this.
I hope everyone everywhere, not just in America, is getting into the spirit of the day and giving thanks for the many good things in their lives.
But Thanksgiving or not, it’s still pun day. A little different today in that there is a mixture of pictorial puns with a distinct nautical theme and, of course, puns with a Thanksgiving theme too.
Enjoy!
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What does a turkey like to eat on Thanksgiving?
Nothing; they are already stuffed.
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Why did the turkey cross the road?
To show that he wasn’t chicken.
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Why is a turkey similar to a ghost?
Because it’s a-gobblin.
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Why did the Pilgrim kill the turkey?
Because he was in a fowl mood.
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Or, as the turkey said to the Pilgrim,
“You’re a no-good baster.”
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Why are turkeys so good at arithmetic?
Because they count the number of chopping days until Thanksgiving.
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Why did the turkey bolt down his food?
Because she was a gobbler.
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Did you hear about the conservative turkey?
It has two right wings.
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As the leftover turkey said after it was wrapped up and refrigerated,
“Foiled again.”
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If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
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What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble.
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Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!
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What can you never eat for Thanksgiving dinner?
Breakfast or lunch!
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Thanksgiving:
when turkeys turn from gobblers to gobblees.
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Did you hear about the waiter
who dropped a Thanksgiving dinner on the floor
and feared he had created an international incident?
And because Pun Day this year happens to fall on July 4th, here’s a special Independence word play edition.
Enjoy this festive edition!
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What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
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Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!
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What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
A Yankee Poodle Dandy!
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Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
The Liberty Bell
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What would Americans get if they crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The fodder of their Country!
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Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall!
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What was General Washington’s favorite tree?
The infantry!
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What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
Liber-Tea!
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Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!
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What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
Revo-lotion!
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What dance was very popular in 1776?
Indepen-dance!
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Which one of Washington’s officers had the best sense of humor?
Laughayette!
Marquis de La Fayette served as a major-general in the Continental Army under George Washington and was a leader of the Garde nationale during the French Revolution.
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What was Thomas Jefferson’s favourite dessert?
Monti jello!
Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello Estate
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What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting!
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Why were the early American settlers like ants?
Because they lived in colonies.
Colonial America
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What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?
The Ducklaration of Independence!
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What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?
A bald beagle!
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What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom!
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Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler!
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What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!
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What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?
Mt. Vermin!
Washington’s Mount Vernon Estate
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Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?
I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.
Thomas Jefferson’s words and hopes. How far have the present leaders of America strayed from those lofty and laudable goals?
If you aren’t scared yet the chances are you are not afflicted with anything on the following list of phobias or irrational fears that seem to grip some unfortunate people. For them 2013 will be as frightening as 2012. Imagine, for example, spending the whole year with proctophobia – what a bummer!
In today’s list are the ‘O’s and the ‘P’s.
Enjoy.
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Obesophobia……….fear of gaining weight. (Pocrescophobia)
Ochlophobia……….fear of crowds or mobs.
Ochophobia……….fear of vehicles.
Octophobia ……….fear of the figure 8.
Odontophobia……….fear of teeth or dental surgery.
Odynophobia or Odynephobia……….fear of pain. (Algophobia)
Oenophobia……….fear of wines.
Oikophobia……….fear of home surroundings, house. (Domatophobia, Eicophobia)
Olfactophobia……….fear of smells.
Ombrophobia……….fear of rain or of being rained on.
Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia……….fear of eyes.
Omphalophobia……….fear of belly buttons.
Oneirophobia……….fear of dreams.
Oneirogmophobia……….fear of wet dreams.
Onomatophobia……….fear of hearing a certain word or of names.
Ophidiophobia……….fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)
Ophthalmophobia……….fear of being stared at.
Opiophobia……….fear medical doctors experience of prescribing needed pain medications for patients.
Optophobia……….fear of opening one’s eyes.
Ornithophobia……….fear of birds.
Orthophobia……….fear of property.
Osmophobia or Osphresiophobia……….fear of smells or odors.
Ostraconophobia……….fear of shellfish.
Ouranophobia or Uranophobia……….fear of heaven.
Pagophobia……….fear of ice or frost.
Panthophobia……….fear of suffering and disease.
Panophobia or Pantophobia……….fear of everything.
Papaphobia……….fear of the Pope.
Papyrophobia……….fear of paper.
Paralipophobia……….fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.
Paraphobia……….fear of sexual perversion.
Parasitophobia……….fear of parasites.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia……….fear of Friday the 13th.
Parthenophobia……….fear of virgins or young girls.
Pathophobia……….fear of disease.
Patroiophobia……….fear of heredity.
Parturiphobia……….fear of childbirth.
Peccatophobia……….fear of sinning or imaginary crimes.
Pediculophobia……….fear of lice.
Pediophobia……….fear of dolls.
Pedophobia……….fear of children.
Peladophobia……….fear of bald people.
Pellagrophobia……….fear of pellagra.
Peniaphobia……….fear of poverty.
Pentheraphobia……….fear of mother-in-law. (Novercaphobia)
Phagophobia……….fear of swallowing or of eating or of being eaten.
Phalacrophobia……….fear of becoming bald.
Phallophobia……….fear of a penis, especially erect.
Pharmacophobia……….fear of taking medicine.
Phasmophobia……….fear of ghosts.
Phengophobia……….fear of daylight or sunshine.
Philemaphobia or Philematophobia……….fear of kissing.
Philophobia……….fear of falling in love or being in love.
Philosophobia……….fear of philosophy.
Phobophobia……….fear of phobias.
Photoaugliaphobia……….fear of glaring lights.
Photophobia……….fear of light.
Phonophobia……….fear of noises or voices or one’s own voice; of telephones.
Phronemophobia……….fear of thinking.
Phthiriophobia……….fear of lice. (Pediculophobia)
Phthisiophobia……….fear of tuberculosis.
Placophobia……….fear of tombstones.
Plutophobia……….fear of wealth.
Pluviophobia……….fear of rain or of being rained on.
Pneumatiphobia……….fear of spirits.
Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia……….fear of choking of being smothered.
Pocrescophobia……….fear of gaining weight. (Obesophobia)
Podophobia……….fear of feet.
Pogonophobia……….fear of beards.
Poliosophobia……….fear of contracting poliomyelitis.
Politicophobia……….fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
Polyphobia……….fear of many things.
Poinephobia……….fear of punishment.
Ponophobia……….fear of overworking or of pain.
Porphyrophobia……….fear of the color purple.
Potamophobia……….fear of rivers or running water.
Potophobia……….fear of alcohol.
Pharmacophobia……….fear of drugs.
Proctophobia……….fear of rectums.
Prosophobia……….fear of progress.
P-P-P-P-P-Psellismophobia……….fear of stuttering.
Psychophobia……….fear of mind.
Psychrophobia……….fear of cold.
Pteridophobia……….morbid fear of fearns.
Pteromerhanophobia……….fear of flying.
Pteronophobia……….fear of being tickled by feathers.
Pupaphobia ……….fear of puppets.
Pyrexiophobia……….fear of fever.
Pyrophobia……….fear of fire.
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How are you after all that? Are you developing symptoms or are you feeling good?
fasab 