It Takes Guts To Go To Weight Watchers.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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And it takes guts to publish some of these word play jokes.

So strap yourselves in for another wicked selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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My girlfriend keeps telling me that making

clothes based puns is really not funny.

Corset is!

corset

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My teacher asked the class,

“Can anybody name a sport that starts with a ‘T’?”

I said “Yes, golf.”

golf_tee

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My son asked me where the most

dangerous place on earth is.

I’m stuck between Iraq Kandahar place.

Iraq-Kandahar-Afghanistan signpost

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I was speaking to a man from Syria today and he said,

“In my country, bear fighting is the most popular sport.”

“That’s revolting.” I replied.

“No,” he said. “That’s our second most popular.”

Syrian revolutionaries

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Teacher: “In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.”

Sammy : “You can’t fool me, Teacher…

snakes don’t have feet.”

burmese-python

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A woman screamed, “No means no!” at me today.

I left soon after.

It was the shortest Spanish lesson I’d ever had.

Learn to speak Spanish

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I saved loads of cash on the new over-priced iPhone yesterday.

I didn’t buy one.

iphone

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A note left for a pianist from his wife

“Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.”

pianist

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About to microwave some fruit.

Getting ready for a hot date.

dates

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I got arrested yesterday for stealing hay from a farmer.

I’ve been refused bale.

hay bale

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When my wife told me Scandinavian languages

don’t have the letter ‘R’ I immediately thought…

No way!

Norway sign

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I’ve often wondered why it is called ‘Mooning’

when you’re actually showing ‘Uranus’?

Uranus

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As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.

It gives me the E B G B s

DA-EGBDF

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I heard someone say that nothing rhymes with orange.

No it doesn’t!

annoying orange

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I used to live in a small town in Spain called Macarena.

But I don’t like to make a song and dance about it.

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It’s July 4th, You Know What Day That Is?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, you got it, it’s Pun Day.

And because Pun Day this year happens to fall on July 4th, here’s a special Independence word play edition.

Enjoy this festive edition!

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What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?

The Americans licked the British!

stamp-act-cartoon

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Why did the British cross the Atlantic?

To get to the other tide!

Valcour bay

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What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?

A Yankee Poodle Dandy!

Yankee Poodle Dandy

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Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?

Yeah, it cracked me up!

Liberty_Bell_2008
The Liberty Bell

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What would Americans get if they crossed George Washington with cattle feed?

The fodder of their Country!

fodder-cow

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Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?

At the chopping mall!

chopping_mall

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What was General Washington’s favorite tree?

The infantry!

Washington  Infrantry color seal d

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What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?

Liber-Tea!

LIBERTEA-2a

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Which colonists told the most jokes?

Punsylvanians!

Pennsylvania-SC

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What did a patriot put on his dry skin?

Revo-lotion!

revolutionary war scene

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What dance was very popular in 1776?

Indepen-dance!

Patriotic Dance

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Which one of Washington’s officers had the best sense of humor?

Laughayette!

lafayette
Marquis de La Fayette served as a major-general in the Continental Army under George Washington and was a leader of the Garde nationale during the French Revolution.

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What was Thomas Jefferson’s favourite dessert?

Monti jello!

Thomas_Jefferson's_Monticello_Estate
Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello Estate

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What did King George think of the American colonists?

He thought they were revolting!

King George

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Why were the early American settlers like ants?

Because they lived in colonies.

Colonial America
Colonial America

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What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?

The Ducklaration of Independence!

It's no longer about governing. It's about controlling.

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What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?

A bald beagle!

BaldBeagle

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What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?

The Battle of Bonkers Hill.

Battle of Bunker Hill

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom!

Declaration of Independence signatures

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Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?

He was a Yankee doodler!

Yankee Doodle

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What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?

The Boston Flea Party!

flea party

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What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?

Mt. Vermin!

Mount Vernon
Washington’s Mount Vernon Estate

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Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?

I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.

Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson’s words and hopes. How far have the present leaders of America strayed from those lofty and laudable goals?

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