The Rats Are Squealing!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

They say rats squeal when they are being hunted and nearing capture and they’re right.

None more so at present than the rat banksters and nowhere more so than on Wall Street. If you listen carefully you can hear them squeal even above the noise of the New York traffic.

And the reason for the squealing?

Only that federal authorities are at long last closing in on some of the worst culprits whose greed and contempt for their clients caused the financial crisis we have all be suffering from during the past decade and more.

But before you start clapping the feds on the back, let me say it is too little and too late. None of the banksters are likely to face jail sentences which is what they deserve for their crimes against the people.

However, it is something and these days that’s about the best you can hope for.

In terms of the numbers, the banksters are facing fines of something in the region of $63 billion.

Wow, listen to them squeal!

It seems like a lot of money – and it is a lot of money, it could keep all of us blogging away happily for the rest of our lives and then some. But put in the context of what the banksters defrauded their clients out of and what they lost it is just a pittance.

Putting the figures into context, J P Morgan Chase’s $13 billion mortgage settlement in November was probably some kind of record, but they issued more than $460 billion in mortgage securities.

To illustrate it in numbers people can relate to better, that’s like a thief stealing a thousand dollars from you and getting away with it if he paid you back $28.

I bet the amount of the settlement doesn’t seem so big now. Nor is it commensurate with the size of the crime. But that’s what they’ll probably get away with. And they’re not even grateful for this small smack on the wrist, hence all the squealing.

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Golf: Putting The Putting Into Putting!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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As if you didn’t know from the title – it’s pun day again!

More word play jokes to be enjoyed or endured depending on your taste.

Try them out.

And enjoy!

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My wife and I were happy for 25 years.

Then we met.

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I went for an audition the other day.

They were casting 13 people to be clouds.

14 showed up.

It was overcast.

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Billy: “Did you that movie yesterday where

the actress that was stabbed by a psycho?

Reese…what’s her name?”

Tommy: “Witherspoon?”

Billy: “No with a knife.”

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Have you ever had an accident at work?

Yes, my secretary is pregnant.

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Rats are under rated.

Just check your dictionary.

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I woke up this morning and there was a bloke stealing my gate.

I didn’t want to say anything in case he took a fence.

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The fattest man in Britain has recently relocated

from Bath to Poole as he ‘needs more living space’.

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Some terms are really misleading.

I went into the changing room several times.

It was still the same.

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I used to feed gorillas at the Zoo from a distance using a golf club.

I’d drive them bananas.

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I was asked to describe my life in a nut shell.

“Very dark and cramped,” I replied.

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I lost my watch earlier.

I would have looked for it but I didn’t have the time.

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My friend Daniel wouldn’t believe me when

I told him that his name was an anagram.

He’s in denial.

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I was going to start taking self defense lessons

but I decided on a math class instead.

I’m a firm believer there’s safety in numbers.

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I saw a billboard on the way to work this

morning that read “Future Events.”

Well, that’s a sign of things to come.

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A Zulu walking through the jungle comes across a pygmy standing over a dead lion.

“Did you kill that lion?” asks the Zulu.

“Yeah, I beat it to death with my club,” the pygmy replies.

“Wow, you must have a big club,” says the Zulu.

“Yes,” replies the pygmy. “There’s about thirty of us.” 

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Time For Another Fun Filled Facts Day

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes it’s time for another day filled with those fun facts that we all like to read.

And they’ll come in handy when you least expect it, as one or two people have already found out.

So learn and enjoy!

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In the 1800s feeding lobster to prisoners

was considered to be ‘a cruel and unusual punishment,

like making people eat rats’.

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Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.

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The Guinness Book of Records holds the record

for being the book most often stolen from Libraries.

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In Albania,

nodding your head means ‘no’

and shaking your head means ‘yes’.

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You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.

How unique is that?

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In India, Pajamas are accepted as standard daytime wearing apparel.

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A female oyster produces 100 million young in her lifetime;

the typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year;

rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants;

and it is possible for one female cat to be responsible for the birth of 20,736 kittens in four years.

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The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69,

to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev (b. 1707–c.1782), a peasant from Shuya, Russia.

In 27 confinements she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets.

Only two of the children failed to survive their infancy.

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750ml of blood pumps through your brain every minute

which is 15-20% of blood flow from the heart.

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The February of 1865 and 1999 are the only months

in recorded history not to have a full moon.

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It has been estimated that at any one time

around 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.

Cheers!

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The name Jeep comes from “GP”,

the army abbreviation for General Purpose.

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Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland’s daughter, Ruth,

not the baseball player.

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Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files

(i.e. “You’ve got Mail!”).

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55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.

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Sherlock Holmes NEVER said ‘Elementary, my dear Watson!’

Holmes does use the word ‘elementary’ in The Crooked Man (1894)

but ‘Elementary, my dear Watson’ itself was coined 21 years later

by P.G. Wodehouse in his novel Psmith, Journalist (1915).

However, Holmes did ejaculate several times, as did Watson and others.

In fact, there are 23 ejaculations in total, with 11 belonging to Watson and 6 to Holmes.

On one occasion, Holmes refers to Watson’s ‘ejaculations of wonder’ being invaluable;

on another, Watson ejaculates ‘from his very heart’ in the direction of his fiancée.

A chap called Phelps ejaculated three times during the story of The Naval Treaty.

The only other ejaculator is Mrs St Clair’s husband,

who ejaculates at her from a second-floor window!

It is not clear whether it is Holmes or Watson who ejaculates in the passage below,

taken from “The Man with the Twisted Lip”, 1891:

“So he sat as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat when a sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up,

and I found the summer sun shining into the apartment. The pipe was still between his lips,

the smoke still curled upward, and the room was full of a dense tobacco haze,

but nothing remained of the heap of shag which I had seen upon the previous night.”

Isn’t the English Language wonderful.

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