Veni, Vidi, Velcro… I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I hope you stick around too, because it’s another Pun Day.

You know the drill….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD

where all he does all day is organize dinner plates by the year they were made,

It’s an extremely rare dish-order

spinning-plates

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I’ve written my own book

called 50 Shades of Gravy.

It’s very saucy.

gravy

.

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I’m an easy target for muggers.

Take it from me.

mugger

.

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I knew I had failed my Braille exam at the time.

It just felt wrong.

Braille exam

.

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“How’s your new stairlift nan?”

“It’s driving me up the wall.”

stairlift

.

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Just finished an experiment to find

the best cure for hiccups.

The result was a big surprise.

Hiccups-Scare

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I stabbed someone with a blunt pencil today.

It was an act of pointless violence.

blunt pencil

.

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I just took some pills and now my pupils look massive!

I really shouldn’t take hallucinogenic drugs while teaching.

The Simpsons Homer Dilated Pupil

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The wife would like us to feel a gentle and relaxing breeze

all over our bodies when we have sex.

I’m not a fan.

fan

.

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I thought I’d dug up an unknown

species of dinosaur in my back garden.

Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum,

but it turned out to be a fossil arm.

fossil arm

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Do you think eating horse meat

would give you the trots?

the trots

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I got my girlfriend the Connery and Dalton

James Bond movies for her birthday,

but she wasn’t happy.

I think she was expecting Moore.

roger_moore___007

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Hungry astronomers don’t like galaxies,

they prefer something that’s a little meteor.

meteor

.

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I have an Eskimo fetish,

but most people just aren’t that Inuit.

Selawik-Eskimo-Woman

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I’ve booked a table at one of those new

Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses.

They’re for people who love meat tender.

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6 thoughts on “Veni, Vidi, Velcro… I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around.

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