BREAKING NEWS: Man In Boxers Leads Police On A Brief Chase!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If the title didn’t give you a clue, it’s Pun Day again.

Some more word play to….

Enjoy or endure!

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Reports that suggest

Little Miss Muffet

has contracted food poisoning

have been described as

“Whey off”.

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I went to the cinema last night

and saw a movie about cheese.

It was G rated.

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What do my wife and a

drone have in common?

The noise.

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Most car designs start off as

a sketch on a piece of paper.

Like the Audi A4.

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I’m waiting to hear if I’ve got a place in

the World Hyperventilating Championship.

I won’t be holding my breath.

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Apparently the government has a database

containing the details of every single

animal attack on humans.

Wonder how big it is,

probably many terror bites.

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The girl in the shop told me

she didn’t have any 7UP.

But she’s just saying that

out of sprite.

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I’m writing a book

about patriarchal societies.

It’s going to be called

“It’s Reigning Men”.

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I’m known for being a really good chef.

I bring a lot to the table.

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ISIS.

Always in crisis.

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A lion, a witch and a wardrobe

walk into a bar.

The barman says,

“I’m serving Narnia!”

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I saw an extremely fat frog that

was having trouble bending its legs.

It was probably roomy-toad arthritis.

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Help, I am looking for my father,

I was raised by my mother and

all she told me was he’s Italian,

works in a clinic,

and goes by the name ‘Invitro’?

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My friend gets his Viagra

delivered by chartered air freight.

He’s a Very Impotent Person.

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I couldn’t get tickets for the Plan B concert.

So I had to go with my first choice instead.

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Using Words Incorrectly Is Addicting.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Using words incorrectly may be addicting, but so are puns.

Here is this week’s word play selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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The skin on all the oranges in our

kitchen cupboard has been scraped off.

I think somebody has been taking the pith.

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My friend composes ditties about sewing machines.

She’s a Singer songwriter.

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They say male lions will often turn to

cannibalism when they’re desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

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I went to the optician and he said I was short sighted.

I said, “Nonsense – I’m very open minded.”

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I said to my friend,

“It’s important that no-one mentions any film production companies.”

“How important is it?” he asked.

“Paramount,” I replied.

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My friend’s father has been living in Iraq’s

capital for the last year with an awful woman.

He’s just told him,

“you’ve got to leave that old bag dad.”

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It’s amazing how a piece of technology

as simple as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

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I have an intelligent Taser.

Whenever I use it on someone it explains to

them in no uncertain terms why I’m doing it.

I call it my frank zapper.

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How do they search online in Israel?

They just go on the Netanyahu.

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My next door neighbor recently won the lottery.

She always had gender issues and

felt she was a man trapped in a woman’s body,

so the first thing she did was have a sex change.

Who said money can’t buy a penis?

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“I love having red hair – the ladies really dig it,”

said Tom, gingerly.

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When they bought a water bed,

the couple started to drift apart.

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The world’s largest DIY store chain

is to run their own schools,

the curriculum will be normal but

the day will start with self-assembly.

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My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student.

Pierre Pressure.

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Documentary on the Pointer Sisters tonight.

I’m so excited.

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Beware Of Geeks Bearing GIFs!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The clue is always in the title.

Yes, prepare to give you chuckle muscles a workout.

It’s pun day.

Another selection of those jokes you love to hate.

Enjoy   

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I’ve been trying to get this computer to work for an hour now.

Wish I’d bought a laptop.

So much lighter to carry.

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My friend clearly wears dentures but won’t admit it.

He’s lying through his teeth.

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Still thinking of taking that long term job in the PDRK?

Personally I’d choose a different Korea.

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As my wife and three of her friends

squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers,

I muttered under my breath, “Fat cows.”

“What was that?” snapped my wife.

“You herd.”

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I thought I was in for the long hall.

But it was just a really big mirror at the end of it.

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I was in the fitting room when a

beautiful woman walked in holding a lacy bra.

I think she was trying it on.

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Scientists have discovered a new shade of green.

It’s sublime.

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Old MacDonald loves to play with action dolls….

G I G I Joe.

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I clicked on the ‘Home Alone’ link earlier.

It opened a page for an Italian mortgage company.

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I entered my dog in the redneck dog show last week.

She won “Best Inbreed.”

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Would anyone like to buy any cymbal shaped pillows?

$50 Per cushion.

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Think the worst time of my life was when I worked as a cinema usher.

I was in a very dark place back then.

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It’s amazing how a piece of technology as simple

as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

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I’ve found the alcohol which has solved all my problems.

It was liqueur.

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I have a lot of hangups.

I blame telemarketers.

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I’ve styled my hair so that it appears like I’ve got horns.

It’s my gnu look.

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NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden left Moscow Airport a while ago.

He’s no longer hiding in plane site.

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Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati.

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I can’t see the new Nicholas Cage action movie doing very well.

He plays a wrongly convicted man, trapped among

a bunch of the world’s most dangerous criminals,

all stuck inside a Refrigeration Factory.

It’s called Air Con

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Finally when I saw a woman had broken down at

the side of the road I didn’t stop to help her.

I’m not a psychiatrist.

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CLASSIFIED: For Your Eyes Only

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In the dark ages before the inter web and things like Ebay and CraigsList  newspaper classified ads used to be the way to try to raise a bit of extra cash by selling off things you didn’t need, or to advertise for things you wanted. They still exist although not nearly so popular as they used to be.

As with Ebay etc., you can find almost everything advertised in them, even the oddest things that either give you a ‘WTF’ moment or just make you laugh – sometimes both.  

Here is a short selection for your enjoyment.

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wwwwwwwww. 

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