BREAKING NEWS: Man In Boxers Leads Police On A Brief Chase!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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If the title didn’t give you a clue, it’s Pun Day again.

Some more word play to….

Enjoy or endure!

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Reports that suggest

Little Miss Muffet

has contracted food poisoning

have been described as

“Whey off”.

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I went to the cinema last night

and saw a movie about cheese.

It was G rated.

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What do my wife and a

drone have in common?

The noise.

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Most car designs start off as

a sketch on a piece of paper.

Like the Audi A4.

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I’m waiting to hear if I’ve got a place in

the World Hyperventilating Championship.

I won’t be holding my breath.

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Apparently the government has a database

containing the details of every single

animal attack on humans.

Wonder how big it is,

probably many terror bites.

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The girl in the shop told me

she didn’t have any 7UP.

But she’s just saying that

out of sprite.

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I’m writing a book

about patriarchal societies.

It’s going to be called

“It’s Reigning Men”.

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I’m known for being a really good chef.

I bring a lot to the table.

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ISIS.

Always in crisis.

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A lion, a witch and a wardrobe

walk into a bar.

The barman says,

“I’m serving Narnia!”

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I saw an extremely fat frog that

was having trouble bending its legs.

It was probably roomy-toad arthritis.

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Help, I am looking for my father,

I was raised by my mother and

all she told me was he’s Italian,

works in a clinic,

and goes by the name ‘Invitro’?

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My friend gets his Viagra

delivered by chartered air freight.

He’s a Very Impotent Person.

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I couldn’t get tickets for the Plan B concert.

So I had to go with my first choice instead.

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Oh How I Love These Puns. I Think I Have Found My Nietzsche!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, pun day again. For all of you who love (and hate) puns or word play.

Today we are starting off on the topical subject of employment, but there are plenty of other subjects that get the pun treatment as well.

Enjoy (even if you are pretending not to).

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My first job was working in an orange juice factory,

but I got canned

I just couldn’t concentrate.

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Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,

but I just couldn’t hack it,

so they gave me the axe.

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After that I tried to be a tailor,

but I just wasn’t suited for it.

The job was only so-so anyhow.

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Next I tried working in a muffler factory,

but that was exhausting.

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I wanted to be a barber,

but I just couldn’t cut it.

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I attempted to be a deli worker,

but any way I sliced it,

I couldn’t cut the mustard.

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My best job was being a musician,

but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy.

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I studied a long time to become a doctor,

but I didn’t have any patience.

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Next was a job in a shoe factory;

but it just wasn’t the right fit.

 

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I became a professional fisherman,

but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

 

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I thought about becoming a witch,

so I tried that for a spell.

 

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I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,

but the work was just too draining.

 

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After many years of trying to find steady work,

I finally got a job as a historian,

until I realized there was no future in it.

 

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My last job was working at Starbucks,

but I had to quit,

because it was always the same old grind.

 

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If you get sick at the airport

you may have a terminal illness.

 

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Peter won’t fly on virgin airlines

he says he won’t go with anything

that doesn’t go all the way!

 

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You may be an American outside the bathroom,

but inside, European.

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Do you know any puns about electricity?

About watt?

 

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A woman asked me for an example of a double entendre

…. so I gave her one….

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