Never Judge A Book By It’s Movie.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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That’s good advice in the title by the way.

Now for some good word plays or puns.

As ever….

Enjoy or endure!!

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What do you get if you cross

a mountain and a desert?

Tired feet.

 

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My girlfriend asked me,

“If you could have any super-power,

which one would you have?”

I said, “America.”

 

 

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Education is important but

becoming a model is importanter.

 

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The key to being funny is

to say smart things stupidly…

or was is it stupid things smartly?

Whatever,

it’s not rocket surgery.

 

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I used to see this girl across the road from me

but she closes her curtains now!

 

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I often say to myself,

“I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”

 

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My friend and his wife are a fastidious couple.

He is fast and she is hideous.

(Or is it the other way round?)

 

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The instructions on my microwave meal

say ‘stir and recover’

How tiring do they think stirring actually is?

 

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How to fall downstairs.

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8, 9, 10, 11

 

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And so, with a heavy heart,

I explained to the wife that I’ve

got too much iron in my blood.

 

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Scientists now think that global warming

is the main cause of documentaries and stupid laws

 

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I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West

could have been avoided completely if

cowboy architects had just made their

towns big enough for everyone.

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Using Words Incorrectly Is Addicting.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Using words incorrectly may be addicting, but so are puns.

Here is this week’s word play selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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The skin on all the oranges in our

kitchen cupboard has been scraped off.

I think somebody has been taking the pith.

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My friend composes ditties about sewing machines.

She’s a Singer songwriter.

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They say male lions will often turn to

cannibalism when they’re desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

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I went to the optician and he said I was short sighted.

I said, “Nonsense – I’m very open minded.”

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I said to my friend,

“It’s important that no-one mentions any film production companies.”

“How important is it?” he asked.

“Paramount,” I replied.

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My friend’s father has been living in Iraq’s

capital for the last year with an awful woman.

He’s just told him,

“you’ve got to leave that old bag dad.”

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It’s amazing how a piece of technology

as simple as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

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I have an intelligent Taser.

Whenever I use it on someone it explains to

them in no uncertain terms why I’m doing it.

I call it my frank zapper.

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How do they search online in Israel?

They just go on the Netanyahu.

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My next door neighbor recently won the lottery.

She always had gender issues and

felt she was a man trapped in a woman’s body,

so the first thing she did was have a sex change.

Who said money can’t buy a penis?

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“I love having red hair – the ladies really dig it,”

said Tom, gingerly.

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When they bought a water bed,

the couple started to drift apart.

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The world’s largest DIY store chain

is to run their own schools,

the curriculum will be normal but

the day will start with self-assembly.

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My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student.

Pierre Pressure.

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Documentary on the Pointer Sisters tonight.

I’m so excited.

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Questions That Should Never Have Been Asked

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I have been featuring a lot of questions that no one asked but that needed asking.

Stupid people, however, tend to get worried about things that don’t matter and ask questions that don’t need to be asked. They are obviously important to them, but not to anyone else.

Here are some stupid questions asked by stupid people about stupid things.

Do yourself a favor and just read these and (hopefully) have a laugh. Do not try to figure out why they were asked or what they mean. If you get too far inside the mind of a moron you may never make it back out again!

Enjoy!

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Does anyone know the brand of soap Deer don’t like that I can put around my garden to keep them out?

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What mother sauce does Alfredo come from?

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Is there any relation between cool music and rain?

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What is the opposite of science?

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What are the three essential parts of a crisis?

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If someone you loved turned into a zombie, would you be able to put them out of their misery?

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What determines the life span of animals?

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Which kind of cheating is the worst?

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Why are so many more people allergic to cats than to dogs?

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Would you eat steak made from human excrement?

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How long does a mature worm live?

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