Some Baby Facts Included Today.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, baby facts and a lot of grown up facts too in this selection.

Hope you find something of interest.

Enjoy.

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did you know2

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In spite of their crying sounds,

babies tears don’t begin to flow until they

are around 4 to 13 weeks old.

 baby crying

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Anne Parrish, an American writer was browsing

in a Paris bookstore one day when she came across

a book called, ‘Jack Frost and Other Stories’.

She began to tell her husband how she loved

the book when she was a child.

He took the book, opened it,

and inside the cover were written the words

“Anne Parish, 209 N Weber Street, Colorado”.

 Anne_Parrish,_children's_author,_head_shot

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The Titanic had its own newspaper

called The Atlantic Daily Bulletin.

 The Atlantic Daily Bulletin

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The term ‘Geek’ first showed up in northern Britain

in 1876, when it was used to refer to a fool.

Americans tweaked the meaning and by 1957 it meant

‘an unsociable and over-diligent student’.

Of course, once computers turned up in the 80’s,

‘geek’ took on a second meaning as

‘an expert in computers or science’.

 Bill_Gates_Paul_Allen_1981

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The first modern lighter was invented by

German chemist Johann Wolfgang Dobereiner in 1823,

three years BEFORE the match was invented

by John Walker in England.

 Johann Wolfgang Dobereiner

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One of the most iconic military vehicles of all time has to

be the Willys MB Jeep, manufactured from 1941 to 1945.

This small four-wheel drive utility vehicle has

a maximum speed of up to 65 mph (105 km/h)

and an operational range of 300 miles (almost 500 km).

It was used by several countries in WWII,

including the US, UK, France and the Soviet Union.

 Willys MB Jeep

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Technically Europe is not a continent,

it’s separation from Asia was actually a Greek idea.

 Europe map

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While filming Lord of the Rings

in the mountains of New Zealand,

Sean Bean refused a helicopter ride to a set

that was high in the mountains

due to his fear of flying.

He instead hiked up to the set

in his full Boromir armor

every day that they shot up there.

 boromir

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In Indonesia the government has restricted some

lanes of traffic to only cars with 3 or more people

to try to cut down overcrowding on the roads.

Some poor people from the city outskirts

take advantage of this law by offering drivers a

Professional Hitchhiker service,

so they can drive in the fast lanes.

 Indonesia traffic jam

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Genghis Khan believed that a man could be measured

by the number of children he fathered

and consequently his harem included thousands of

women with whom he had a great many children.

So many, in fact, that geneticists have found

that roughly 8% of men in Asia carry his genetic legacy

in their Y-chromosome.

 Genghis Khan  descendents map

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127,000 trees are chopped down every day

in order to keep up with the global demand

for toilet paper.

Holy S***!!!

 toilet paper

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The original ER movie was to be directed

by Steven Spielberg until he became more interested

in another of Crichton’s projects: Jurassic Park.

Spielberg Jurassic Park

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Try Braking, It Gives Your Driving A Bit Of 00mph.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s pun day.

The gift that just keeps on giving.

Try out this latest selection of word play gems.

Enjoy!

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When she lost her job in a toothpaste factory

for dropping the toothpaste tubes,

the girl was completely crestfallen.

Crest_toothpaste

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The first meteorologists who studied fog were mistified.

fog-06

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This couple went on a sea cruise to sea if they could save their marriage,

but they soon drifted apart!

cruise ship

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The guy always cheated at golf,

he didn’t play the fairway.

golf cheat cartoon

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I was telling a friend last night

that I made $1,000 by selling manure.

He said, “That’s gross.”

I said, “No, that’s net.”

manure happens

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What do you get if you eat a Blackberry?

A Bluetooth.

blackberry

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My sex life is unbelievable.

Whenever I tell people I have a sex life,

they don’t believe me.

sex life

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I can’t understand why my new automatic

air freshener doesn’t work even though

I’ve just put brand new batteries in it.

It just doesn’t make scents.

Automatic-Air-Freshener

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If you crossed a fortune teller with a prostitute

would you get your whoroscope!

whoroscope

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Tom said to his friend, “I think we should feed my wife herbicide.”

The friend said, “weed killer?”

“My point exactly,” Tom replied.

weedkiller

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I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding

and accidentally started a pilau fight.

pilau rice

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When I worked in a building supplies store,

one day this guy came in shouting and swearing

about needing something to fill a big hole in his wall.

Needless to say, I showed him the door.

new door

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17 days until I stop using aerosol deodorants.

Roll on!

roll on deodorant

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When I took my car in for a service

the guy at the shop said it would soon

need a new pair of shock absorbers.

He didn’t say when though

– the suspension’s killing me.

shock absorbers

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As a grown man I feel awkward admitting that I still play with my train set,

so I hide it under the duvet.

No one will find it now, I’ve covered my tracks.

train set

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I was having dinner with Mr T and he said,

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”

I said, “How else would I talk? And I ain’t no fool.”

MrT

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I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented

me on the way I had cooked his steak.

“Well done” is rare from a medium.

psychic dinners

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I travel the land,

Asking rides from kind strangers:

I’m a hitchhaiku.

haiku

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An old lady at the park said to me today,

“I see your dog’s fetching balls.”

I said, “I know, but, at your age,

you shouldn’t really be looking.”

dog fetching ball

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After feeling a little depressed lately,

so I decided to treat myself to the new Jay-Z endorsed back-scratcher.

Now I’ve got 99 problems but an itch ain’t one.

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Questions That Should Never Have Been Asked

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I have been featuring a lot of questions that no one asked but that needed asking.

Stupid people, however, tend to get worried about things that don’t matter and ask questions that don’t need to be asked. They are obviously important to them, but not to anyone else.

Here are some stupid questions asked by stupid people about stupid things.

Do yourself a favor and just read these and (hopefully) have a laugh. Do not try to figure out why they were asked or what they mean. If you get too far inside the mind of a moron you may never make it back out again!

Enjoy!

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Does anyone know the brand of soap Deer don’t like that I can put around my garden to keep them out?

cartoon-soap

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What mother sauce does Alfredo come from?

Alfredo Sauce

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Is there any relation between cool music and rain?

music-pop-rain-taylor-swift

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What is the opposite of science?

scientists chalk cheese

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What are the three essential parts of a crisis?

3 essential parts of a crisis

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If someone you loved turned into a zombie, would you be able to put them out of their misery?

cartoon_zombie_by_M1st3RSin1STeR

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What determines the life span of animals?

lifespan

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Which kind of cheating is the worst?

monica and bill

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Why are so many more people allergic to cats than to dogs?

sneezing-cartoon1

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Would you eat steak made from human excrement?

steak-cartoon

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How long does a mature worm live?

cartoon worm

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Expect The Worst, It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another foray into the hidden shallows of the human mind as shown by the answers some hapless contestants have given on television and radio quiz shows.

Marvel at the stupidity.

And enjoy!

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Q: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony        

A: A Horse

panto horse

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Q: Name something that dries up as it gets old  

A: Water

dry water.

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Q: The one thing that the people living near you have that you want        

A: A beautiful wife

neighborhood watch.

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Q: Name something most women wouldn’t be caught leaving the house without  

A: A Tampon

tampons-cartoon.

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Q: Name a body part that gets bigger as people get older         

A: Penis

BeavisButtheadWashington.

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Q: Name a foreign country people vacation in where it would be easy to pack on 10 pounds.      

A: Paris

french fries.

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Q: Which one of the seven dwarfs you most often feel like        

A: Weepy

A: Drowsy

A: Grouchy

The Seven Dwarfs.

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Q: Name a question you hate when people ask it to you 

A: “Are those real?”

Are Those Real?.

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Q: The hardest position to play on a baseball team        

A: Quarterback

baseball-face-cartoon-ball.

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Q: Name a city in the state of Georgia   

A: Alabama

georgia_alabama.

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Q: An excuse you use when stopped for speeding        

A: “I was drinking”

speeding.

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Q: Name something newlyweds share    

A: Underwear    

his n hers underwear.

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Q: Name something you would buy in a stationery store 

A: Water

stationery store1111

Q: Name a question that a gentleman would never ask a lady on a first date       

A: “What color underwear do you wear?”

first date.

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Q: Name a fruit beginning with the letter A         

A: Orange

cartoon-orange.

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They’re At It Again, Confounding All The Laws Of The Intellect – Yes, It’s More Quiz Show Answers!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The title of this post says ‘confounding all the laws of the intellect’, and I don’t think that is any exaggeration. These people take questions, often simple questions, run it through what passes for their mind and then out of their mouths come answers that are so far away from correct it is sometimes quite staggering.

Anyhow, enough from me.

Here is the latest selection.

Enjoy.

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Q:  What country does the spiritual leader the Dalai Lama come from 

A:  Scotland.

Q:  What is the currency in India?

A:  Ramadan.

Q:  Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:

a) Irish Sea,

b) English Channel,

c) North Sea?

A:  Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It’s on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

Q:  Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?

A:  Four.

Q:  Which ‘S’ is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? 

A:  Ummm .. .

Q:  It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘perm’.

A:  Shark.

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Q:  Which literary hunchback lived in Notre Dame and fell in love with Esmeralda 

A:  Nostradamus.

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Q:  What is the capital of Italy 

A: France.

Q:  France is another country. Try again. 

A: Oh, um, Benidorm. 

Q:  Wrong, sorry.

 

Let’s try another question 

Q:  In which country is the Parthenon 

A: Sorry, I don’t know.  

Q:  Just guess a country. 

A: Paris.

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Q:  What’s 11 squared?

A: I don’t know.

Q:  I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle.

A: Is it five?

 

Q:  What religion was Guy Fawkes?

A: Jewish. 

Q:  That’s close enough.

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Q:  What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?.

A: Magna Carta?

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Q:  What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?

A:  Er…

Q:  It’s got two sylla-bles… Kor…

A:  Blimey?

Q: Ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run…

A:  Silence

Q: Okay, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I…

A:  Walked?

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Q:  What name is given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

A:  Nostalgia.

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Q:  In which European country is Mount Etna?

A:  Japan.

Q:  I did say European country… I can let you try again.

A:  Er… Mexico?

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Q:  How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

A:  (long pause) 14 days.

Q:  In which country would you spend shekels?

A:  Holland? 

Q:  Try the next letter of the alphabet.

A:  Iceland? Ireland?

Q:  It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?

A:  No.

 

Q:  Where is Cambridge University?

A:  Geography isn’t my strong point

Q:  There’s a clue in the title 

A:  Leicester?

 

Q:  Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

A:  Barcelona 

Q:  I was really after the name of a country

A:  I’m sorry, I don’t know the name of any countries in Spain

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Q:  Where did the D-Day landings take place?

A:  (after pause): Pearl Harbor?

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Q:  What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

A:  I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then

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The cast of hit tv series Dallas
The cast of hit television series Dallas

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It’s More Moronic Madness, Yes, It’s Quiz Show Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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So how many idiots got elected last week? Not all of them I hope, but I bet there are at least a few intellectually challenged newbees in the corridors of power in Washington. 

On the lighter side, some of those who didn’t make it in politics made it on to television and appeared in quiz shows.

The results are not that much different to some of the dumb things said in Congress (oh, oh, I feel another post forming in my head) so here is a selection to get the week started with a smile.

Enjoy!  

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Q: In craps, what are the numbers you will need to roll an ‘Easy 10’?        

A: What are 9 and 1?    

craps dice

. 111111

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Q: Paul III roared at him, “I have waited 30 years for your services. Now, I’m pope. Can’t I satisfy my desire?”        

A: Who is Lady Godiva?

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Q: If a Japanese “isha” (doctor) asks you to stick out your “shita”, he means this.           

A: What is your behind?

proctologist cartoon

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Q: To get to Wallace, Idaho from Boston, get on I-90 West, and the first one of these you ‘hit’, you’re there.        

A: What is a buffalo?

Buffalo

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Q: 2 of the 3 countries classified as extending across two continents     

A: What are Africa and Europe? 

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Q: The original one of these on Massachusetts’ Little Brewster Island was built in 1716; automation didn’t come until 1998.           

A: What is Kebert Xela?

Kebert Xela 

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Q: [The language that this statement, meaning “I love you guys”, is in:] Yr Wyf I’n Dy Garu Di      

A: What is Klingon?

A:  What is Welsh?       

klingon

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Q: He is the only sitting Vice President since Martin Van Buren to be elected President   

A: Who is Al Gore?

Al Gore cartoon

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Q: This nursery rhyme was based on actual events at a 1900 schoolhouse.         

A: What is ‘There once was a man from Nantucket?’       

There once was a man from Nantucket

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Q: In 2002, an elaborate dinner party was held at No. 10 to celebrate this many years’ reign by Elizabeth II           

A: Who is Tony Blair?   

Tony Blair cartoon

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Q: The Timon puppet in “The Lion King” was inspired by Bunraku, the traditional puppet theatre of this country     

A: What is Africa?        

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Q: Of the 5 permanent members of the UN Security Council, the one that is smallest in size         

A: What is my apartment?         

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Q: George Bernard Shaw called this condition “the greatest of evils and the worst of crimes.”       

A: What is marriage?

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Q: Of Pastism, Presentism or Futurism, the literary movement that began around 1909    

A: What is Modernism?

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Q: According to the old saying, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for…” what?          

A: Jim Beam

Jim Beam

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Q: Franklin D. Roosevelt is found on the head side of what American coin?        

A: $50 Bill

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Q: “If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.” What city does that describe?

A: Phoenix

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Q: What was the magical item that brought Frosty the Snowman to life? 

A: Corncob pipe

corn cob pipes 

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Q: What vehicle is used in the Tour de France race?       

A: SUVs

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Q: What eye ailment is the more common name for “myopia?”    

A: You think you’re right

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 A myopic video

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