Using Words Incorrectly Is Addicting.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Using words incorrectly may be addicting, but so are puns.

Here is this week’s word play selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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The skin on all the oranges in our

kitchen cupboard has been scraped off.

I think somebody has been taking the pith.

Orange-Pith-Small

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My friend composes ditties about sewing machines.

She’s a Singer songwriter.

Singer songwriter

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They say male lions will often turn to

cannibalism when they’re desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

Lions fight

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I went to the optician and he said I was short sighted.

I said, “Nonsense – I’m very open minded.”

optician cartoon

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I said to my friend,

“It’s important that no-one mentions any film production companies.”

“How important is it?” he asked.

“Paramount,” I replied.

Paramount_Pictures_print_logo

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My friend’s father has been living in Iraq’s

capital for the last year with an awful woman.

He’s just told him,

“you’ve got to leave that old bag dad.”

woman-pulling-hair-out.-Cartoon.

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It’s amazing how a piece of technology

as simple as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

Viagra

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I have an intelligent Taser.

Whenever I use it on someone it explains to

them in no uncertain terms why I’m doing it.

I call it my frank zapper.

taser1

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How do they search online in Israel?

They just go on the Netanyahu.

Netanyahu online

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My next door neighbor recently won the lottery.

She always had gender issues and

felt she was a man trapped in a woman’s body,

so the first thing she did was have a sex change.

Who said money can’t buy a penis?

sex change

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“I love having red hair – the ladies really dig it,”

said Tom, gingerly.

epic-afro-ginger-hair

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When they bought a water bed,

the couple started to drift apart.

waterbed

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The world’s largest DIY store chain

is to run their own schools,

the curriculum will be normal but

the day will start with self-assembly.

self-assembly

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My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student.

Pierre Pressure.

mpaperdollfrench

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Documentary on the Pointer Sisters tonight.

I’m so excited.

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