Starting: What Jamaican Astronomers Look At.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Starting with a star ting must mean it’s Pun Day.

Another selection of word plays for you to ….

Enjoy or endure!

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Sadly, the man who invented

the raffle has passed away.

R.I.P Tom Bola.

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I’ve been merciless with my French class.

I get no thanks.

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I was standing on soft ground

but I didn’t realize at first

because it took a while to sink in.

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If you give a physicist to a cannibal,

he’ll eat Faraday.

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I’ve read ‘Plumbing For Dummies’ twice and

I still haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.

I guess it’s going to take another

few reads before this sinks in.

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If your dad had a sex change,

would he be your transparent.

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Chinese censors are trying to

ban the use of puns in the media.

This is the wong move, and I hope

Western governments don’t panda to it.

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I’m beginning to see loads of second

hand shops opening up in my area.

Surely selling the complete clock

would be more profitable???

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I just built a huge tower of books.

It had to be like 50 stories.

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When David Rockefeller was asked to make

a contribution to the American conservation movement,

he planted two Bushes in the White House.

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Have you seen the new

’30 minutes or it’s free’

cocaine home delivery service?

They call it Instagram.

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My boyfriend took me out in his new Ferrari last night,

and spent the whole time going on about acceleration,

power-to-weight ratios, handling and braking efficiency,

before dropping me at home and zooming off into the night. 

Frankly, I was hoping for less torque and more action.

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I went to the doctor because

of my morbid fear of breasts.

He said I’m suffering from

aracknophobia.

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I met this dwarf called Peter the other day,

he’s a baker and he was telling

me all about baking flatbreads,

it was fascinating.

I love to hear the

Pita patter of tiny Pete.

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Music puns,

Not everyone can Handel them…

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Using Words Incorrectly Is Addicting.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Using words incorrectly may be addicting, but so are puns.

Here is this week’s word play selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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The skin on all the oranges in our

kitchen cupboard has been scraped off.

I think somebody has been taking the pith.

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My friend composes ditties about sewing machines.

She’s a Singer songwriter.

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They say male lions will often turn to

cannibalism when they’re desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

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I went to the optician and he said I was short sighted.

I said, “Nonsense – I’m very open minded.”

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I said to my friend,

“It’s important that no-one mentions any film production companies.”

“How important is it?” he asked.

“Paramount,” I replied.

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My friend’s father has been living in Iraq’s

capital for the last year with an awful woman.

He’s just told him,

“you’ve got to leave that old bag dad.”

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It’s amazing how a piece of technology

as simple as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

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I have an intelligent Taser.

Whenever I use it on someone it explains to

them in no uncertain terms why I’m doing it.

I call it my frank zapper.

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How do they search online in Israel?

They just go on the Netanyahu.

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My next door neighbor recently won the lottery.

She always had gender issues and

felt she was a man trapped in a woman’s body,

so the first thing she did was have a sex change.

Who said money can’t buy a penis?

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“I love having red hair – the ladies really dig it,”

said Tom, gingerly.

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When they bought a water bed,

the couple started to drift apart.

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The world’s largest DIY store chain

is to run their own schools,

the curriculum will be normal but

the day will start with self-assembly.

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My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student.

Pierre Pressure.

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Documentary on the Pointer Sisters tonight.

I’m so excited.

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