Old Professors Never Die. They Just Lose Their Faculties.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I probably should have said that they lose their faculties and end up as a pun.

In case you haven’t guessed it yet, today is another Pun Day.

So….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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I call my house Lautrec

because it’s got two loos.

two loos

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Beauty is in the eye

of the beerholder.

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder

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The UN. Bringing us all together

by ending conflicts around the world.

Peace by Peace.

The UN

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Turns out my ex girlfriend Big Amy

had a secret husband.

If only there had been some clue.

Big Amy

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Lawyers are like rhinoceroses:

thick-skinned, short-sighted

and always ready to charge.

rhinoceros

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Hey girls,

get yourself a Fisherman,

they’re reel men.

Fisherman

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How did I escape Iraq?

Iran

escape Iraq

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My Dermatological Clinic

just wished me Merry Eczemas.

Merry Eczemas

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My wife suggested I go for

acupuncture treatment to cure me

from making annoying timber puns.

I can’t see why that woodwork.

acupuncture treatment

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Let me correct you –

the London Underground

is not a political movement.

Lancaster_Gate_tube London Underground

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It’s ironic that discus isn’t a sport

that many people talk about.

discus

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The Lawn Tennis Association’s website

has a fault they are having

problems with their server.

the_-lawn_tennis_association

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Many Americans oppose any change

to The Second Amendment of the

United States Constitution.

They’re really sticking to their guns.

The Second Amendment

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I ordered a whole duck at the

Chinese restaurant last night!

It was great until I got to the bill.

whole duck at the Chinese

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Last night I dreamt I was

writing ‘Lord of the Rings’.

Turns out I was Tolkien in my sleep.

 Lord of the Rings

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What A Flipping President – What A Flipping Mess!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon

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President Obama said in June that he would be prepared to “take targeted and precise military action” in Iraq, whatever that meant.

But it’s taken him two months to make the decision. Two months during which Islamist militants have swept through northern and western Iraq and are now threatening Christians in that country with religious conversion or death.

indecisive Obama

So far its not only too little too late, but half-hearted to boot, with Obama saying that the step was being taken to defend US personnel in the city of Irbil and protect religious minorities facing what he called a “potential act of genocide” from the Islamic State, the extremist group most recently known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS).

There doesn’t seem much “potential” about from the reports I am reading.

convert or die

It’s as if the President’s Administration and his advisors didn’t see it coming!

This belated decision is yet another turning point in the Obama administration’s dreadfully badly thought out foreign policy, which has seen his ratings plummet, both at home and in the eyes of the world.

Even now his administration’s goals remain unclear. For example, is this latest move a tactical decision, or a simple reaction to the consequences of failing to act sooner, or is there a strategy behind it?

I don’t know, and I don’t think anyone else knows, but I fear it is just the former. Sadly, a belated attempt to halt ISIS’s advance toward Irbil won’t be enough – and if I know that, why don’t Obama’s advisors?

Of course, on the other side of the political fence, rather predictably, some of the gung-ho Republicans, always spoiling for a fight (somewhere other than in the US), have quickly jumped on the bandwagon and tried to use this latest debacle to score political points against the President.

gung-ho GOPers

They have criticized Obama’s inaction in Syria and the failure to bolster moderate rebel forces there as contributing to ISIS’s growth. But hang on a moment GOPers, think it through before you speak (this will be new territory to most of them!). If the President had intervened (or rather, been allowed to intervene) in Syria he would have been intervening on the same side as ISIS, not against them.

Then we would have had an even more bewildering situation where US troops would have been fighting with ISIS (effectively) in Syria against Assad and at the same time fighting against ISIS in Iraq trying to stop their genocidal purge of the Christian community there.

It is this kind of utter confusion that has over the past few years greatly diminished America’s global influence and standing.

bush_wmd_cartoon.1

The mess that was left in Iraq after Bush’s invasion on the false premise (the lie) of WMDs, and Obama’s withdrawal of troops on the equally disingenuous premise (another lie) that they had brought peace to the country, is a disgrace.

And unfortunately it sends a message to the world that America is confused, indecisive, deceitful, short-sighted, blundering – in short all the things that you don’t want the world to think about you if you want to be taken seriously.

What a flipping mess!

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Using Words Incorrectly Is Addicting.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Using words incorrectly may be addicting, but so are puns.

Here is this week’s word play selection.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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The skin on all the oranges in our

kitchen cupboard has been scraped off.

I think somebody has been taking the pith.

Orange-Pith-Small

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My friend composes ditties about sewing machines.

She’s a Singer songwriter.

Singer songwriter

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They say male lions will often turn to

cannibalism when they’re desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

Lions fight

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I went to the optician and he said I was short sighted.

I said, “Nonsense – I’m very open minded.”

optician cartoon

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I said to my friend,

“It’s important that no-one mentions any film production companies.”

“How important is it?” he asked.

“Paramount,” I replied.

Paramount_Pictures_print_logo

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My friend’s father has been living in Iraq’s

capital for the last year with an awful woman.

He’s just told him,

“you’ve got to leave that old bag dad.”

woman-pulling-hair-out.-Cartoon.

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It’s amazing how a piece of technology

as simple as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

Viagra

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I have an intelligent Taser.

Whenever I use it on someone it explains to

them in no uncertain terms why I’m doing it.

I call it my frank zapper.

taser1

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How do they search online in Israel?

They just go on the Netanyahu.

Netanyahu online

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My next door neighbor recently won the lottery.

She always had gender issues and

felt she was a man trapped in a woman’s body,

so the first thing she did was have a sex change.

Who said money can’t buy a penis?

sex change

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“I love having red hair – the ladies really dig it,”

said Tom, gingerly.

epic-afro-ginger-hair

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When they bought a water bed,

the couple started to drift apart.

waterbed

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The world’s largest DIY store chain

is to run their own schools,

the curriculum will be normal but

the day will start with self-assembly.

self-assembly

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My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student.

Pierre Pressure.

mpaperdollfrench

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Documentary on the Pointer Sisters tonight.

I’m so excited.

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The Orange Law Of Liberal Economics: Zero Jobs Paying $12.50 An Hour Is Better Than A Thousand Jobs Paying $8.25+ An Hour!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon.

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Yes folks, you read it in the title, I have discovered a new law of economics. More about that in a moment.

I’m sure there is also another mathematical formula that could be devised for the fact that in general terms the closer one gets to Washington D.C. the more stupidity increases. (Okay, Californian bureaucrats are maybe the exception that proves this rule, but overall the theory is sound.)

It’s not just the meddling in national affairs that they are bad at in Washington. They keep hitting the stupid button on local matters too.

In one of the most recent debacles, last week the Washington D.C. city council passed a bill called the ‘Large Retailer Accountability Act (LRAA) of 2013’  that requires retailers with gross annual sales of more than $1 billion to pay workers an hourly wage of $12.50 an hour, instead of the District’s minimum wage of $8.25 (which is already higher than the national minimum wage anyway).

Although it sounds as if it will apply across the board, in practice this new piece of bureaucratic crap is aimed only at one company – Wal-Mart – and it will require Wal-Mart to pay a wage 52% higher than any other retailer in D.C. must pay, including it’s direct big-box competition.

walmart_supercenter

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If you think the people who would pass a new regulation like this are stupid….

Well, you’d be right!

If you think they can’t get any stupider….

Well, you’d be wrong!

And you’d be wrong because the really, really stupid part of all this is the staggering arrogance of the council members who decided to bring in this latest piece of moronic madness. Politicians who are parasites living off the rest of us, who produce nothing of value and whose only aim seems to be their own self-promotion while making life more difficult and expensive.

Why do I say ‘arrogance’?

Well, for one thing because they are, but for another because council member and bill supporter Vincent Orange admitted it himself when he declared:  

“We’re at a point where we don’t need retailers.  Retailers need us.”

What a dipstick!

vincent orange

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Of course liberal elements of the media will predictably rush to Vincent Orange’s defense, saying things like Wal-Mart can well afford to pay more to its staff.

That may well be so, but the real question is why should it? Why should it have to pay more than its competitors? Why should success now be penalized in a country that was built on companies that made vast fortunes for their owners and in so doing created the most powerful and richest nation in the world?

It is a very stupid, short-sighted and ultimately self-defeating strategy.

Yes, you can squeeze a few more dollars out of Wal-Mart….

Except you can’t, because the company will just go elsewhere. In fact Wal-Mart has already confirmed it will cancel the build-out of three new stores in the D.C. area if the bill becomes law.

Put another way, Orange’s law of liberal economics states that it is better to have zero jobs paying $12.50 an hour than over a thousand jobs paying at least @8.25 an hour. That it doesn’t make any sense is possibly not the point, it does get him a headline or two!

D.C.’s unemployment rate is already around 8.6%, one of the highest in the nation, and 20% of the population in the D.C. area lives below the poverty line. So the prospect of Wal-Mart bringing an additional 1,800 jobs to the city is something that the local politicians should be trying to encourage. Not only that, but new investment in the area will bring millions of extra tax dollars and lead to additional spin off investment. And through its charitable foundation, Wal-Mart gifted almost $4 million last year to city organizations including D.C. Central Kitchen and the Capitol Area Food Bank.

Contrary to Vincent Orange’s arrogant assertion, it is in fact D.C. that needs Wal-Mart far more than Wal-Mart needs to build more stores in Washington. A company that already has more than ten thousand outlets can live without another half dozen.

Let’s see, shall we chose location ‘A’ where we are going to be regulated out of existence and possibly lose money, or will we chose location ‘B’ where we are going to be allowed to make money?

You only have to be a tiny little bit smarter than Vincent Orange to work that one out!

Now the ball is firmly in the court of another Vincent. This time Mayor Vincent C. Gray, who has the power to veto idiots like his Orange namesake. If he has any sense, he will.

Idiot politicians trying to stick their noses into things they cannot, and do not, understand never works. Idiot politicians trying to screw every last penny out of successful businesses also never works. And idiot politicians who think that they can over regulate and ultimately destroy wealth creating businesses and still be able to afford to create a ‘nanny’ state only end up leaving everyone much worse off.

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Oh No! Not Again!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The Sunday Sermon.

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If you have read any of my previous entries in the politics section of this blog you will already be aware of my extremely low opinion of the intelligence of those in America who are in charge of foreign policy.

These idiots blunder about knowing little of history or tradition in other nations and make quick reaction judgments that are short sighted and that have continually come back to bite them on the ass.

Well, not them exactly, but the poor servicemen and women who are sent in to mop up their messes.

So what has got me ranting this time?

Only the fact that the morons in charge are currently negotiating what is being called ‘a groundbreaking agreement’ that will give American nuclear know-how to the country where Osama Bin Laden and the vast majority of the 9/11 terrorists came from.

Yes, Saudi Arabia.

Coat_of_arms_of_Saudi_Arabia

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The short-sighted US strategy is probably to assist an ally (an oil rich one, of course) to make it an unconquerable target for any of the other states in the area who have expansionist plans for the future.

Great – while the Saud family stay in control, or while a sensible member of the Saud family is in charge.

But what happens if, sometime down the road, the ruling dynasty is overthrown? Not an unknown occurrence in the Middle East. Or what happens if one day there is the equivalent of an ‘Osama’ in the Saud family just as there was in the Bin Laden family?

And what happened to all those non proliferation agreements designed to keep dangerous weapons out of the hands of those incapable of handling them sensibly?

The last thing the Middle East needs is yet another country developing nuclear weapons capability. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

If the consequences were not so potentially tragic, it would be fun watching the political morons in Washington justifying going to war to take nuclear capability away from Iran, which at least holds democratic elections, yet at the same time giving nuclear capability to Saudi Arabia which is an undemocratic dictatorship.

Not even the most devout liberal could spin that one to make it sound good!

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Mushroom-Cloud

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