Using Words Incorrectly Is Addicting.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Using words incorrectly may be addicting, but so are puns.

Here is this week’s word play selection.

Enjoy or endure!




The skin on all the oranges in our

kitchen cupboard has been scraped off.

I think somebody has been taking the pith.




My friend composes ditties about sewing machines.

She’s a Singer songwriter.

Singer songwriter



They say male lions will often turn to

cannibalism when they’re desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

Lions fight



I went to the optician and he said I was short sighted.

I said, “Nonsense – I’m very open minded.”

optician cartoon



I said to my friend,

“It’s important that no-one mentions any film production companies.”

“How important is it?” he asked.

“Paramount,” I replied.




My friend’s father has been living in Iraq’s

capital for the last year with an awful woman.

He’s just told him,

“you’ve got to leave that old bag dad.”




It’s amazing how a piece of technology

as simple as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.




I have an intelligent Taser.

Whenever I use it on someone it explains to

them in no uncertain terms why I’m doing it.

I call it my frank zapper.




How do they search online in Israel?

They just go on the Netanyahu.

Netanyahu online



My next door neighbor recently won the lottery.

She always had gender issues and

felt she was a man trapped in a woman’s body,

so the first thing she did was have a sex change.

Who said money can’t buy a penis?

sex change



“I love having red hair – the ladies really dig it,”

said Tom, gingerly.




When they bought a water bed,

the couple started to drift apart.




The world’s largest DIY store chain

is to run their own schools,

the curriculum will be normal but

the day will start with self-assembly.




My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student.

Pierre Pressure.




Documentary on the Pointer Sisters tonight.

I’m so excited.





I Suppose I Should Be Doing These On A Punday Not A Thursday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


I got an email recently from Paul Ryan (well, probably one of his little helpers) inviting me to some kind of election shin-dig they were having. How he got my email address I don’t know because I haven’t signed up for anything even resembling political.

Whoever wins, we get the same people really in charge. There can be no doubt about that after Obama’s four years of “no we can’t” and changing nothing of consequence.

And then there was the debate in Denver. By all accounts a win for Romney and a lackluster performance by Obama. A CBS News poll of “uncommitted voters”, gave Romney 46% as opposed to 22% for Obama (with 32% calling it a tie).

Not that performance in debates count for much in the long run, but this one has made an “unshakable” lead for Obama into a much closer competition – until the next debate anyway – which might turn what has been a relatively dull campaign into something more exciting. Don’t hold your breath, though.


Meantime we have much more important things to investigate and to lighten the mood.

Yes, from pundit to punday, another excuse for more bad jokes, using the clever ploy of the pun.

Can you take it?

If you can, then enjoy.



You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.



Is the Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under?



Every calendar’s days are numbered.



A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.



A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.



He had a photographic memory that was never developed.



Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.



Are Santa’s helpers subordinate clauses?



Acupuncture is a jab well done.



Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.



Seven days without a pun makes one weak.



When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.



When a scientist was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals to try to solve a problem he accidentally fell in and became part of the solution.



If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, could it spell disaster?



After they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.



To write with a broken pencil is pointless.



The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.



Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.



Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.



Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.