Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, More Warning Signs!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It occurred to me during this short series of warning signs that the whole idea may have a fatal flaw.

Why all the fuss about printing warning signs on things for really stupid people, because the chances are that the people who need signs like these are far too stupid to know how to read them anyway?

But they have been written, and not by geniuses either, so we might as well have a look, and, of course….

Enjoy.

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Warning Bad Thinking Ahead

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“Please store in the cold

section of the refrigerator.”

On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

grapes Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator.

“Warning: knives are sharp!”

On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

 Warning - knives are sharp

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“Not for weight control.”

On a pack of Breath Savers.

 pack of Breath Savers

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“Twist top off with hands.

Throw top away.

Do not put top in mouth.”

On the label of a bottled drink.

 a bottled drink

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“Theft of this container is a crime.”

On a milk crate.

 milk crate

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“Do not use intimately.”

On a tube of deodorant.

 tube of deodorant

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“Warning: has been found to cause

cancer in laboratory mice.”

On a box of rat poison.

 box of rat poison

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“Fragile. Do not drop.”

Posted on a Boeing 757.

 new Boeing 757

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“Cannot be made non-poisonous.”

On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

 can of de-icing windshield fluid

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“Caution:

Remove infant before folding for storage.”

On a portable stroller.

 portable stroller

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“Excessive dust may be

irritating to skin and eyes.”

On a tube of agarose powder,

used to make gels.

 agarose powder

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“Look before driving.”

On the dash board of a mail truck.

truck dashboard

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Were YOU Part Of The Secret Facebook Experiment?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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subliminal advertising

Many years ago subliminal advertising was banned by law because it manipulated how people thought – brainwashed them to a degree. Since then the practice has been frowned upon, but, with the popularity of social media, are some people, particularly in some government agencies, trying to secretly manipulate us again?

In January 2012, Facebook ran a secret experiment on 689,000 of its users.

The purpose of that experiment was to see if the company could change those peoples’ moods by altering their news feeds.

The scary thing is that it worked.

The study found that by manipulating the News Feeds displayed to 689,003 Facebook users, it could affect the content which those users posted to Facebook. More negative News Feeds led to more negative status messages, and more positive News Feeds led to more positive statuses.

This means, as the report on the experiment stated, “that emotional states can be transferred to others via emotional contagion, leading people to experience the same emotions without their awareness.” To put it another way, it is the manipulation of the herd, or zombie, mentality.

Facebook-apologizes-for-manipulating-emotions

Such mass manipulation is only possible now with the immediacy and vast scale of social networks such as Facebook. Now, because of the numbers of people involved, even minor manipulations in how they think can have far reaching consequences.

One of the groups funding the experiment was the US Army which flags up big question marks over their motives and over Facebook’s place as an independent commercial operation.

The fact that government agencies are experimenting as to how they can influence people online has been known for some time, but you have to search for the evidence because they never tell you what they are up to.

The mass surveillance that whistleblower Edward Snowden highlighted is only the first step in a more sinister process. The big question everyone should be asking is, once the government and its agencies have gathered all of that information on us, what are they going to use it for? There must be some end goal. You can be sure that just leaving terrabytes of data languishing in remote computer server farms is not it.

The most obvious use of that information is to manipulate people, which is essentially what the Facebook experiment tells us. Only the moronically naïve or dumb would think otherwise.

In the commercial online world where everyone is used to free services paid for by advertising, information can be used to manipulate consumers into becoming indirect paying customers by simply turning their private information into cash. The more personal, detailed and intimate the data on you is, the more valuable it is to the company collecting and selling it, either directly, or indirectly via targeted advertising especially for you. Yes, what you see when you go to a Google search page is not what I see!

Secret Facebook Experiment

In the world of government control, some of their spy agencies will collect information just for the bureaucratic hell of it. Don’t believe that the NSA, that Snowden highlighted, is the only government data-thief. It may well be the biggest and best funded, but there are many others busy snooping away. And not just in the USA, but in Britain, China, Russia, and many other powerful countries too.

These groups will justify their unwanted intrusions into our private lives by hanging a ‘national security’ sign on it, it’s the excuse they always use. To an extent that is true at the moment since they use information collected by these snooping techniques to smear the reputations of what are deemed to be ‘enemies of the state’. They used to do much the same via planted news reports and information given to friendly newspaper journalists to disseminate. At the moment ‘enemies of the state’ are terrorist groups, particularly Islamic terrorists like ISIS. But in the future, who knows?

Increasingly government agencies will use the manipulation of social media to influence the general population and thereby bring about outcomes that suit their needs.

George Orwell had the right idea about what would happen. His only problem was that he chose the wrong title for his book. By 1984 technology had not caught up with the aspirations of those who wish to exert such control.

Now it is almost here.

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The Poor Suckers!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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It’s an unwritten rule that the more power you give bureaucrats the stupider the regulations they come up with.

The European Union is a prime example. The bureaucrats there have already decided that our bananas shouldn’t be too straight, or our cucumbers too bent. Their scientists have even declared that there was no proof that drinking water helped with dehydration. (Yes, they really did!)

cucumber-legality

These examples give you an idea just how intrusive and how dumb these people are.

Unfortunately they are in a position to issue these stupid regulations and to have them enforced by an even stupider team of morons who spend their worthless lives checking to make sure that rules that should never have been passed are adhered to.

idiot-eu-bureaucrats

And it just keeps going.

There are new wattage rules for light bulbs, and televisions, and washing machines, and refrigerators. And within the past few days the poor vacuum cleaner has come under attack.

They’ve decided that vacuum cleaners that use more than 1600 watts can no longer be sold in stores in the EU, nor manufactured in EU plants. And the wattage is to be reduced even further during the next two years to a paltry 900 watts.

I don’t know whether the term “poor suckers” is being applied to these weak powered machines or the citizens of the EU who have to put up with such endless nonsense!

vacuum cleaners

Next on the bureaucrat’s hit list are lawn mowers, mobile phones, hair dryers, kettles, in fact just about everything they can think of interfering with.

Strangely, though, the one thing they never ever consider in their quest to reduce energy consumption is to cut the numbers in the EU Parliament along with their tens of thousands of support staff.

Or maybe it’s not so strange at all!

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“No Credit. Bad Credit. All Credit. 100 Percent Approval.”

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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We had it with the real estate market. Billions of dollars being lent to people who obviously couldn’t afford it.

We saw the trouble, hardship, misery and financial woes that were caused as credit dried up, real estate prices began to tumble, and bankruptcies and foreclosures increased.

And we know the damage it did to the economy when irresponsible banks and other lenders went bust and almost brought down the entire financial system. 

Smart people would learn from such a situation.

Smart people would never contemplate doing such a thing again.

But despite what they would like to have you believe, bankers are not smart people. They’re dumb and they are greedy, a deadly combination.

bad credit 100 percent financing

As a result of the financial crisis millions of Americans (and people in other countries too) have been left with poor credit scores. Yet remarkably they are now able to easily obtain auto loans from used-car dealers, including some who fabricate or ignore borrowers’ abilities to repay. Even if you are bankrupt or living only on social security, banks like Wells Fargo will lend you thousands of dollars to buy a used car.

It’s called the new sub-prime boom, because the lack of caution resembles the frenzied sub-prime mortgage market before its collapse. And it is already bringing misery to many people who have been suckered into taking out loans that they clearly could not afford.

Worse than that, these sub-prime auto loans often come with terms that take advantage of the most desperate, least financially sophisticated customers, with interest rates that can exceed 20 percent. And many of the loans can be at least twice the value of the second hand cars they are being used to purchase!

wall street car crash

This creates a vicious circle for some borrowers, who still owe money on a car that they are trading in when they purchase another one, meaning that the former debt is rolled over into the new loan and they end up, not just paying too much for their current car, but also continue to pay off the loan on their previous car that they don’t even have!

This is the way loan sharks operate. Eventually you end up borrowing your own money and paying them interest for the privilege!

This surge in sub-prime auto lending is being driven by some of the same dynamics that were at work in sub-prime mortgages. There is a veritable deluge of money pouring into sub-prime autos, as the high rates and steady profits of the loans attract investors.

And just as Wall Street stoked the boom in mortgages, some of the nation’s biggest banks and private equity firms are now feeding the growth in sub-prime auto loans by investing in lenders and making money available for loans.

To quote some of the figures, auto loans to people with bad credit have risen more than 130 percent in the five years since the immediate aftermath of the financial crisis, with roughly one in four new auto loans last year going to borrowers considered sub-prime, that is, people with credit scores at or below 640. Wells Fargo, mentioned earlier, made $7.8 billion in auto loans in the second quarter of this year, up 9 percent from a year earlier, and has at least $50 billion in auto loans on its books.

greedy bankers

Even worse, as was the case with sub-prime mortgages before the financial crisis, many sub-prime auto loans are being bundled up into complex bonds and sold as securities by banks to insurance companies, mutual funds and public pension funds. They are all scrambling for these, which in turn creates ever-greater demand for loans, and leads to the banks issuing more and more sub-prime credit.

Unbelievably it’s the same crooks doing exactly the same thing, including using incorrect information about borrowers’ income and employment, so that people who had lost their jobs, or were bankrupt, or living on Social Security, could qualify for loans that they could never afford.

carbuying credit report

Admittedly, the size of the sub-prime auto loan market is only a tiny fraction of the sub-prime mortgage market at its peak, and its implosion would not have the same far-reaching consequences.

For the banks the investors silly enough to buy their bonds, that is.

But the misery is just as great for the people who are suckered into accepting credit they cannot afford.

Illegal it may not be, but immoral it certainly is.

Political leaders who sit astride high horses and purport to be working on behalf of the ordinary people should be doing something about it.

But, as I’ve said before, don’t hold your breath!

obama used car salesman

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The Opportunity Of A Lifetime!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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How often have you seen “The Opportunity Of A Lifetime” pop up on the internet or in your email?

This time it’s different, though.

This time it’s true!

Well, sort of.

stupid dog cartoon

Because this is your chance to own what is possibly the stupidest dog in the world.

And it won’t cost you anything either, we’re giving him away to the first good home

FOR FREE!!!

If you are stupid, and you want a companion at least as stupid as you are, if not more so, this is the perfect dog for you.

His name is ‘Scotty’, (and, yes, I have asked to be “beamed up” several times), but don’t let the name put you off.

You can call him anything you like, ‘Rover’, ‘Patch’, ‘Lassie’, ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’, ‘November’, or whatever, because it’s all the same to him – this dog is so dumb he doesn’t even know his own name.

His lack of knowledge is on such a vast scale I’m astounded the known Universe is expanding rapidly enough to contain it.

He doesn’t know how to sit. He doesn’t know how to stay. He doesn’t know how to come, or to stop, or to heel, or anything you can teach a normal dog to do.

He just doesn’t know anything.

And you won’t have to waste your time and money training him either, because this dog just cannot learn. Believe me I have done my best!

He is painfully stupid in at least the four different languages we have tried. He doesn’t speak English, nor does he hablar español, he hasn’t a clue how to parler francais, and you might as well try to speak klingon as sprechen Deutsch to him.

A big plus is that he is small and won’t eat you out of house and home. All you have to remember to do is buy cat food and not dog food and you’ll be fine. The cat beats him up every time he eats her food, but he doesn’t learn from that either. I don’t think he even knows he’s a dog.

The only one thing he has learned, is not to shit in the house, but in truth I think this has more to do with the fact that every time he tried he discovered he couldn’t with my toe up his arse.

He barks at strangers, which is good. And if he left it at that we wouldn’t mind.

But he also barks at people he knows, or rather, people he should know if he had the brains to remember who they were, which he hasn’t.

And some of the time he barks at nothing at all. It can go on for ages because, when he does bark at nothing, he must hear his own bark, think it’s another dog, and off he goes. Sometimes you can look at his face and watch him trying to figure it out.

“Woof!”

“Who said that? Grrrrr.”

“Woof!”

“There it is again!”

“Woof! Snarl.”

“WTF?”

“Woof!  Woof! Woof!”

“There’s another dog here somewhere.”

“Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!”

And on it goes for a while, until it stops for no reason, the same way it started.

He also doesn’t know his left back leg belongs to him. When he notices it is there, he attacks it as if it is another animal trying to insert itself into his leg socket. I’ve seen other dogs chasing their tail, but this is just ridiculous.

stupid dog zone sign

Finally, every time the front gate is opened, he has taken to running down the street after bicycles and motorbikes – that he doesn’t know how to ride – and after cars and other vehicles – that he doesn’t know how to drive. What he would do with them if he ever caught one I just don’t know! Neither does he, but he does it anyway.

Somehow, and I find this rather incredible – and disappointing – he has always managed to find his way back home. I think it’s because he tries every other house on the way back and we are the only one silly enough to let him back in. I’ve told everyone to pretend they don’t know him when he turns up and he’ll just move on to the next house and then next, but they won’t listen to me.

So come on good people of the blogsphere, which of you is going to take advantage of this incredible opportunity of a lifetime?

You know how much I love dogs, I’ve said so before on this blog, but please get in touch as soon as you can and take this stupid dog off our hands before I crack up completely!

My father gave me a lot of good advice, and one of the things he told me many years ago was never to get a dog whose arsehole was bigger than its brain.

I should have listened! 

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What Watch? Ten Watch. Such Much?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You hear now and again on the media about criminal masterminds. And Hollywood is prone to making movies showing these master criminals pulling off some incredible heist or other, like the Ocean’s movie trilogy starring George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

But by and large most of the criminals out there are as dumb as they come, as was noted in previous posts, for example, “Some Of The Dumbest Getaways In History” or “Little Dumb And Large Dumber”.

What that says about the police whose capture rate for small time criminals is depressingly low is itself depressing.

Sometimes though, the criminals are so dumb that they catch themselves.

Such was the case recently in Dublin, Ireland when a blundering bomber attempted to place a bomb underneath a Volvo SUV belonging to a local businessman. I don’t know the reason for the attempted bombing and for the purposes of this post it doesn’t really matter.

What does matter is that the dunce planting the bomb under the vehicle was caught in his own explosion because….

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….wait for it….

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the bomb went off sooner than he expected since he had forgotten about the Daylight Saving Time change in Ireland last weekend and didn’t put his watch forward.

The injured criminal idiot was apparently seen stumbling from the scene “dripping in blood” and getting into a taxi on the junction of New Street and Clanbrassil Street in Dublin.

You can’t really make things like this up – and actually with morons like this on the lose you don’t have to.

One for the Darwin Awards if he has the decency to expire and remove himself from the gene pool.

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A Monday Quiz

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, it’s another Monday quiz here at the fasab blog.

Some tough questions this week, but a few multi-pointers so you still have the chance to score well.

Enjoy and very good luck.

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Quiz_button 02

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Q.  1:  Which Olympic superstar was nicknamed ‘The Czech Locomotive’?

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Q.  2:  Which two Disney ‘characters’ appear in the Bond movie ‘Diamonds Are Forever’?

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Q.  3:  ‘Yamazaki’ is a prize winning what?

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Q.  4:  Which fictional character was well versed in Latin and Greek, played excellent whist, spoke French and Spanish, was tone deaf and suffered from mal de mer?

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Q.  5:  What is the name of the largest mountain range in both Iran and Iraq?

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Q.  6:  We know this famous singer as ‘Sting’, but what is his real name?

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Q.  7:  Bellus, a rogue red star and its companion planet Zyra threaten the earth and cause a Noah’s Ark like scenario in which classic science fiction movie?

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Q.  8:  The name of which trendy beverage translated means ‘stained milk’?

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Q.  9:  Who dictated the Qur’an to Muhammad?

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Q. 10:  In the classic movie ‘Casablanca’, what were the last names for each of the following characters? One point for each correct answer.

a. Rick

b. Ilsa

c. Victor

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Q. 11:  What is the most populated city north of the Arctic Circle?

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Q. 12:  What was Sir Percy Blakeney’s colourful nickname?

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Q. 13:  What is Barrack Obama’s middle name?

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Q. 14:  What does the Greek root ‘hipp’ mean?

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Q. 15:  Which word meaning uproarious is derived from the nickname that was given to the psychiatric institution The Hospital of St. Mary of Bethlehem in London?

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Q. 16:  There are two famous David statues in Florence Italy. Who created  

    a. the bronze David (circa 1435) and

    b. the marble David (1501-1504)?

    (A point for each.)

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Q. 17:  The name of which little island country, popular with tourists, stems from the Portuguese for ‘bearded ones’?

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Q. 18:  Why did Edward VIII have to abdicate in 1936?

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Q. 19:  Twelve English actresses have won the Academy Award for best actress. Can you name them? One point for each correct answer.

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Q. 20:  What is the name of the deaf, dumb and blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  Which Olympic superstar was nicknamed ‘The Czech Locomotive’?

A.  1:  Emil Zatopek.

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Q.  2:  Which two Disney ‘characters’ appear in the Bond movie ‘Diamonds Are Forever’?

A.  2:  Bambi and Thumper. (The two female bodyguards)

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Q.  3:  ‘Yamazaki’ is a prize winning what?

A.  3:  Japanese whiskey.

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Q.  4:  Which fictional character was well versed in Latin and Greek, played excellent whist, spoke French and Spanish, was tone deaf and suffered from mal de mer?

A.  4:  Horatio Hornblower.

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Q.  5:  What is the name of the largest mountain range in both Iran and Iraq?

A.  5:  The Zagros mountains.

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Q.  6:  We know this famous singer as ‘Sting’, but what is his real name?

A.  6:  Gordon Sumner.

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Q.  7:  Bellus, a rogue red star and its companion planet Zyra threaten the earth and cause a Noah’s Ark like scenario in which classic science fiction movie?

A.  7:  When Worlds Collide (1951).

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Q.  8:  The name of which trendy beverage translated means ‘stained milk’?

A.  8:  Latte macchiato.

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Q.  9:  Who dictated the Qur’an to Muhammad?

A.  9:  The angel Jibril (Gabriel).

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Q. 10:  In the classic movie ‘Casablanca’, what were the last names for each of the following characters? One point for each correct answer.

a. Rick

b. Ilsa

c. Victor

A. 10:  Their last names were

a. Rick BLAINE

b. Ilsa LUND

c. Victor LASZLO

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Q. 11:  What is the most populated city north of the Arctic Circle?

A. 11:  Murmansk.

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Q. 12:  What was Sir Percy Blakeney’s colourful nickname?

A. 12:  The Scarlet Pimpernel.

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Q. 13:  What is Barrack Obama’s middle name?

A. 13:  Hussein.

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Q. 14:  What does the Greek root ‘hipp’ mean?

A. 14:  Horse.

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Q. 15:  Which word meaning uproarious is derived from the nickname that was given to the psychiatric institution The Hospital of St. Mary of Bethlehem in London?

A. 15:  Bedlam.

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Q. 16:  There are two famous David statues in Florence Italy. Who created  

    a. the bronze David (circa 1435) and

    b. the marble David (1501-1504)?

    (A point for each.)

A. 16:  a. the bronze David was created by Donatello (Donato di Nicola di Betto Bardi)

    b. the marble David was created by Michaelangelo.

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Q. 17:  The name of which little island country, popular with tourists, stems from the Portuguese for ‘bearded ones’?

A. 17:  Barbados.

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Q. 18:  Why did Edward VIII have to abdicate in 1936?

A. 18:  He wanted to marry Mrs Simpson, a divorcee.

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Q. 19:  Twelve English actresses have won the Academy Award for best actress. Can you name them? One point for each correct answer.

A. 19:  Vivien Leigh, Joan Fontaine, Greer Garson, Olivia de Havilland, Elizabeth Taylor, Julie Andrews, Julie Christie, Maggie Smith, Glenda Jackson, Emma Thompson, Helen Mirren and Kate Winslet.

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Q. 20:  What is the name of the deaf, dumb and blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball?

A. 20:  Tommy.

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