Another Monday, Another Quiz Day.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes folks, another Monday and another Quiz Day.

I hope you enjoy trying this challenging selection of questions.

And as usual if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz confused1

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Q.  1:  What demands an answer, but asks no questions?

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Q.  2:  What type of creature is a ‘Bonito’?

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Q.  3:  What part of the body has the greatest capacity to cool itself?

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Q.  4:  In what country was ‘Canadian Club’ whiskey first distilled?

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Q.  5:  What name is given to a person that stuffs animals for display?

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Q.  6:  What is unusual about the ‘crab eating seal’?

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Q.  7:  For what process do plants need sunlight, CO2 and water?

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Q.  8:  What is the name for an animal that feeds on (a) plants and (b) meat? (You get a point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  9:  What is hydrophobia more commonly known as (clue: it’s not the fear of water)?

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Q. 10:  What is the smallest bird in the world?

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Q. 11:  What name is given to calcite deposits (a) suspended from cave roofs and (b) the formations that rise from the floor of a cave due to the accumulation of material deposited from ceiling drippings? (You get a point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 12:  In physics, what is defined as something that causes a change in the acceleration of an object?

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Q. 13:  Which element is used in the manufacture of computer microprocessors?

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Q. 14:  What is mixed with steel to make it stainless?

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Q. 15:  What is the collective name for a group of finches?

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Q. 16:  What is the angle between the hands of a clock at 1 o’clock?

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Q. 17:  How many men’s names are there in the standard phonetic alphabet and what are they? (Score one point for the correct total and a point for each name you answer correctly.)

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Q. 18:  With which branch of medicine is Mesmer associated?

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Q. 19:  Guglielmo Marconi pioneered the development of what?

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Q. 20:  What type of animal is a ‘silverback’?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  What demands an answer, but asks no questions?

A.  1:  A telephone.

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Q.  2:  What type of creature is a ‘Bonito’?

A.  2:  A fish (between mackerel and tuna)

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Q.  3:  What part of the body has the greatest capacity to cool itself?

A.  3:  The hands.

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Q.  4:  In what country was ‘Canadian Club’ whiskey first distilled?

A.  4:  The USA (Detroit, in 1858 by American Hiram Walker using the brand Walker’s Club Whiskey – he subsequently moved the business to Ontario where it was renamed in 1889.)

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Q.  5:  What name is given to a person that stuffs animals for display?

A.  5:  A Taxidermist.

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Q.  6:  What is unusual about the ‘crab eating seal’?

A.  6:  It doesn’t eat crabs.

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Q.  7:  For what process do plants need sunlight, CO2 and water?

A.  7:  Photosynthesis.

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Q.  8:  What is the name for an animal that feeds on (a) plants and (b) meat? (You get a point for each correct answer.)

A.  8:  Answer (a) herbivore and (b) carnivore.

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Q.  9:  What is hydrophobia more commonly known as (clue: it’s not the fear of water)?

A.  9:  Rabies.

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Q. 10:  What is the smallest bird in the world?

A. 10:  The hummingbird.

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Q. 11:  What name is given to calcite deposits (a) suspended from cave roofs and (b) the formations that rise from the floor of a cave due to the accumulation of material deposited from ceiling drippings? (You get a point for each correct answer.)

A. 11:  Answer (a) Stalactites hang from the cave roof and (b) Stalagmites rise from the cave floor.

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Q. 12:  In physics, what is defined as something that causes a change in the acceleration of an object?

A. 12:  A Force.

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Q. 13:  Which element is used in the manufacture of computer microprocessors?

A. 13:  Silicon – hence Silicon Valley in California where most of the major internet companies are based.

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Q. 14:  What is mixed with steel to make it stainless?

A. 14:  Chromium.

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Q. 15:  What is the collective name for a group of finches?

A. 15:  A Charm.

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Q. 16:  What is the angle between the hands of a clock at 1 o’clock?

A. 16:  30 degrees  (360 / 12).  

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Q. 17:  How many men’s names are there in the standard phonetic alphabet and what are they? (Score one point for the correct total and a point for each name you answer correctly.)

A. 17:  There are 5 men’s names in the standard phonetic alphabet; they are Charlie, Mike, Oscar, Romeo, and Victor.

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Q. 18:  With which branch of medicine is Mesmer associated?

A. 18:  Hypnotism.

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Q. 19:  Guglielmo Marconi pioneered the development of what?

A. 19:  Radio.

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Q. 20:  What type of animal is a ‘silverback’?

A. 20:  An adult male gorilla is called a ‘silverback’ because of the distinctive silvery fur growing on their back and hips. Each gorilla family has a ‘silverback’ as leader who scares away other animals by standing on their back legs and beating their chest!

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Okay, I Give Up – Show Me The Money!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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money

I know it isn’t quiz day today, but this is just a short post to ask one very pertinent question – one that deserves an answer.

Quantitative Easing ended on Wednesday past.

QE was the media tag given to the process whereby the US Federal Reserve has printed $3.6 trillion over the past few years.

Quantitative Easing

The Bank of England did it in Britain too, and so did the European Central Bank for the European Union.

So where did all that money go?

I didn’t get any of it.

Did you?

But it must have gone somewhere.

Someone must have got it.

So where is it now?

If you know the answer please do tell. I, and I am sure many other people, would be interested in the answer.

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Sex While Camping: It’s Intense!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A little word play, get it? Intense? In tents??

Okay, okay.

Yes, it’s pun day. And they get better (or worse) than that.

So, enjoy!

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Today my girlfriend told me on the phone

that we were breaking up.

I went outside and the signal improved.

can u hear me now

Police searching for a missing child heard heavy breathing

coming from a parked van.

But, when they looked,

it was just a kid napping.

linus_van_pelt_baby_blanket

Last night I settled down to eat some Ben & Jerry’s with a DVD.

I couldn’t be bothered to wash a spoon.

ben-jerry

Pythagoras walks into a bar muttering,
‘If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X,

a long side, Y,

and hypotenuse, Z,

then the square of Z must be equal to

the sum of the square of X and the square of,

erm… uh…’

The barman says, ‘Y, the long face?’

Pythagoras cartoon

My friend asked me:

“What is the shortest race in the Olympics?”

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

“Chinese,” I replied.

beijing-china-olympics

My wife was running a temperature so I rang the doctor.

He asked was she hot.

I said, “Well, with a little make-up…”

cartoon wife temperature

I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff.

As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted

“Whatever you do, don’t look down”.

So I started smiling.

tony_cave

My house was repossessed at the weekend

but I don’t blame the bank.

It’s that useless priest not doing

the exorcism properly in the first place.

exorcism_1189135

My wife said we would have less arguments

if I wasn’t so pedantic.

I said, “FEWER ARGUMENTS”

pedantic+pedant

A shop assistant dared to ask me why I needed

twenty pots of White Out this morning.

Big mistake.

white_out

I’m thinking about turning rastafarian,

but I’m worried about the stress it will put on my hair…

I’m dreading it.

dreadlocks

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People call me Mr Compromise.

Wasn’t my first choice for a nickname,

but I can live with it.

Cartoon - Compromise With Me - ALG (600)

I’m only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know why.

Y

I needed some milk this morning,

so I went round to my neighbors

and asked them through the window.

“We’re all out,” they replied.

“No you’re not,” I said. “I can hear you in there.”

window

Every time I pour a round of drinks,

it goes all over the place.

I think I need glasses.

Pour 2

Drinking with a speech impediment

Is a whisky business.

whiskey-glasses

My friend never had the courage to get married,

But he has been engaged quite a few times.

So there’s been quite a few near Mrs.

wedding

After I won the local pub quiz last night

two gorgeous blondes came over to me.

The first one said,

“We find intelligent men incredibly hot and sexy.”

The second blonde said,

“Do you know what three way is?”

I replied,

“Yes, it’s the name of the dog in Hart to Hart.”

Dumb blondes will need a better quiz question than that

if they want to get the better of me,

I thought smugly to myself as I left the pub.

freeway01
Btw, the name’s “Freeway” not “Three way” dummy!

Everything is easier said than done.

Except for talking, that’s about the same.

talking

At any time, the temptation to sing

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

is never more than a whim away.

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What Would Mondays Be Without Another Quiz?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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What would Mondays be without another quiz to get the intellect moving.

They’re random, they’re easy except for the difficult ones, and one or two are a bit tricky.

Try them out and see how you do.

The answers are waaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy.

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quiz7

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Q  1:  Which city in the world has the most hotel rooms?

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Q  2:  What is a baby kangaroo called?

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Q  3:  The wheelbarrow was invented by whom?

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Q  4:  Who was the first player to win $1 million on the PGA Tour?

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Q  5:  Who is known as Rashin Coatie in Scotland, Zezolla in Italy, and Yeh-hsien in China?

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Q  6:  What is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”

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Q  7:  What world’s best-selling book, is also the world’s most shoplifted book?

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Q  8:  How are Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine related?

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Q  9:  What is the only country with a square flag?

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Q 10:  What is the only US state that has borders with only one other US state.

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Q 11:  The largest taxi fleet in the world is found in which city?

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Q 12:  What is the largest landlocked country in the world?

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Q 13:  Dogs, monkeys and humans have been sent into space, but never birds. Why?

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Q 14:  What question can you never answer “yes” to without lying?

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Q 15:  How many birthdays does the average man have?

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Q 16:  What turns everything around without moving?     

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Q 17:  What type of building has the most stories?        

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Q 18:  Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest what?

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Q 19:  In which American city are there famously fewer people than there are automobiles.

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Q 20:  What movie character is also known as “Mr. Kiss-Kiss-Bang-Bang”?

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ANSWERS

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Q  1:  Which city in the world has the most hotel rooms?

A  1:  Las Vegas

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Q  2:  What is a baby kangaroo called?

A  2:  A joey

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Q  3:  The wheelbarrow was invented by whom?

A  3:  The Chinese.

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Q  4:  Who was the first player to win $1 million on the PGA Tour?

A  4:  Arnold Palmer

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Q  5:  Who is known as Rashin Coatie in Scotland, Zezolla in Italy, and Yeh-hsien in China?

A  5:  Cinderella

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Q  6:  What is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”

A  6:  “Dreamt”

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Q  7:  What world’s best-selling book, is also the world’s most shoplifted book?

A  7:  The Bible

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Q  8:  How are Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine related?

A  8:  They are brother and sister.

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Q  9:  What is the only country with a square flag?

A  9:  Switzerland

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Q 10:  What is the only US state that has borders with only one other US state.

A 10:  Maine

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Q 11:  The largest taxi fleet in the world is found in which city?

A 11:  Mexico City. The city boasts a fleet of over 60,000 taxis.

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Q 12:  What is the largest landlocked country in the world?

A 12:  Mongolia

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Q 13:  Dogs, monkeys and humans have been sent into space, but never birds. Why?

A 13:  Because they would soon die; birds need gravity to swallow.

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Q 14:  What question can you never answer “yes” to without lying?

A 14:   “Are you asleep?”

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Q 15:  How many birthdays does the average man have?

A 15:  One. Every year you celebrate that day in which you were born – but it is not your ‘birth day’.

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Q 16:  What turns everything around without moving?     

A  16:  A Mirror

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Q 17:  What type of building has the most stories?        

A 17:  Library

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Q 18:  Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest what?

A 18:  Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.

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Q 19:  In which American city are there famously fewer people than there are automobiles.

A 19:  Los Angeles or L.A.

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Q 20:  What movie character is also known as “Mr. Kiss-Kiss-Bang-Bang”?

A 20:  James Bond

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Questions That Should Never Have Been Asked

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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I have been featuring a lot of questions that no one asked but that needed asking.

Stupid people, however, tend to get worried about things that don’t matter and ask questions that don’t need to be asked. They are obviously important to them, but not to anyone else.

Here are some stupid questions asked by stupid people about stupid things.

Do yourself a favor and just read these and (hopefully) have a laugh. Do not try to figure out why they were asked or what they mean. If you get too far inside the mind of a moron you may never make it back out again!

Enjoy!

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Does anyone know the brand of soap Deer don’t like that I can put around my garden to keep them out?

cartoon-soap

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What mother sauce does Alfredo come from?

Alfredo Sauce

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Is there any relation between cool music and rain?

music-pop-rain-taylor-swift

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What is the opposite of science?

scientists chalk cheese

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What are the three essential parts of a crisis?

3 essential parts of a crisis

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If someone you loved turned into a zombie, would you be able to put them out of their misery?

cartoon_zombie_by_M1st3RSin1STeR

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What determines the life span of animals?

lifespan

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Which kind of cheating is the worst?

monica and bill

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Why are so many more people allergic to cats than to dogs?

sneezing-cartoon1

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Would you eat steak made from human excrement?

steak-cartoon

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How long does a mature worm live?

cartoon worm

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Expect The Worst, It’s Quiz Show Answers Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Another foray into the hidden shallows of the human mind as shown by the answers some hapless contestants have given on television and radio quiz shows.

Marvel at the stupidity.

And enjoy!

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Q: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony        

A: A Horse

panto horse

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Q: Name something that dries up as it gets old  

A: Water

dry water.

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Q: The one thing that the people living near you have that you want        

A: A beautiful wife

neighborhood watch.

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Q: Name something most women wouldn’t be caught leaving the house without  

A: A Tampon

tampons-cartoon.

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Q: Name a body part that gets bigger as people get older         

A: Penis

BeavisButtheadWashington.

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Q: Name a foreign country people vacation in where it would be easy to pack on 10 pounds.      

A: Paris

french fries.

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Q: Which one of the seven dwarfs you most often feel like        

A: Weepy

A: Drowsy

A: Grouchy

The Seven Dwarfs.

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Q: Name a question you hate when people ask it to you 

A: “Are those real?”

Are Those Real?.

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Q: The hardest position to play on a baseball team        

A: Quarterback

baseball-face-cartoon-ball.

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Q: Name a city in the state of Georgia   

A: Alabama

georgia_alabama.

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Q: An excuse you use when stopped for speeding        

A: “I was drinking”

speeding.

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Q: Name something newlyweds share    

A: Underwear    

his n hers underwear.

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Q: Name something you would buy in a stationery store 

A: Water

stationery store1111

Q: Name a question that a gentleman would never ask a lady on a first date       

A: “What color underwear do you wear?”

first date.

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Q: Name a fruit beginning with the letter A         

A: Orange

cartoon-orange.

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Don’t Take My Word For It, Let These Guys Tell You Themselves

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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The elections are over, much to the relief of many of us, but unfortunately the politicians are still there. I have frequently criticized these idiots for making a monumental mess of things and for squandering billions of dollars on the most insanely stupid debacles and catastrophes. And I will probably do so again. 

However, it is always a good idea or policy to be able to back up what you say with some facts, so rather than run to my own defense which is usually what happens, this time I am going to let some of the politicians prove beyond any and all reasonable doubt that my opinion of them is well justified.

So here we have a selection of quotations from some fairly famous politicians in which they condemn themselves to the dustbin of stupidity.

Enjoy.  

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Bill Clinton, 42nd President of the United States:

“Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.”

Bill Clinton 

This from a congressional candidate in Texas:

“That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California Governor talking about his views on the economy:

“The public doesn’t care about figures.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger speaking as governor 

Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons:

“I do not like this word ‘bomb.’ It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.”

Jacques LeBlanc 

Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor’s breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas:

“I didn’t know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.”

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California Senator Barbara Boxer:

“Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I’m still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.”

Barbara Boxer 

Ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia, Frank Rizzo:

“The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who make them unsafe.”

Frank Rizzo 

Congressman Everett Dirksen:

“A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money.”

Everett Dirksen 

Former U.S. President, Richard Nixon:

“Solutions are not the answer.”

Richard M Nixon 

H. Ross Perot, major Texas businessman and former presidential candidate:

“This planet is our home. If we destroy the planet, we’ve destroyed our home, so it is fundamentally important.”

 Ross Perot making a point

Arizona Governor Wesley Bolin:

“We’d like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles.”

Wesley Bolin 

George Wallace 1968 presidential campaign:

“I’ve read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents.”

George Wallace 

Dwight Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States:

“The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.”

Dwight D Eisenhower 

Fred Heineman, former Republican representative from North Carolina:

“When I see someone who is making anywhere from $300,000 to $750,000 a year, that’s middle class.”

Fred Heineman 

Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien:

“A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It’s a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it’s because it is proven.”

Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien

Imelda Marcos, former First Lady and a political figure in the Philippines:

“I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it’s so petty.”

Imelda Marcos 

Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate:

“The internet is a great way to get on the net.”

Bob Dole 

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Al Gore, former U.S. vice president:

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”

Al Gore 

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Former California Governor Gray Davis, during the recall campaign:

“My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth.”

Former California Governor Gray Davis 

Charles De Gaulle, former French President:

“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”

Charles De Gaulle 

President Clinton, denying that he had sexually harassed Kathleen Willey:

“I would never approach a small-breasted woman.”

Monica Lewinsky 

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