I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

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I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

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Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.

 

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My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

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My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

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Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.

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I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

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Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.

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The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

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My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.

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My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

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I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

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I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

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If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.

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What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…

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BREAKING NEWS: Repair Man Wanted.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Nothing broken here though, you’ll be glad to hear.

So let’s get on with a bit more word play that you love to….

Enjoy or endure!

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What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast?

A bowl of surreal.

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There’s a bloke in Hungary who goes round from door to door

trying to convert people to Zen philosophy.

He’s a Buddha pest.

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If an Earl is awarded an O.B.E,

does he become an earlobe?

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My mum’s got this weird fetish for sleeping with boxing gloves.

Her doctor thinks it’s just the menopause setting in,

but I just think she’s going through a rocky patch.

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Do you think the name for the head

of the Indian Mafia is ‘Poppa Don’?

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My girlfriend asked me the other day,

“Dave, why do you always walk in front of me?”

I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”

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There’s a monster under my bed,

that plays loud music and dances around.

That damn boogieman.

 

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I entered my dog in the redneck version of Crufts last week.

She won “Best Inbreed.”

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A man went to the doctor and said,

“I’m sick and tired of finishing crosswords so quickly!”

He said, “Try not to get two down sir.”

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I went to a fancy dress competition

dressed as Winston Churchill.

I thought my costume was great,

I had the hat, the suit, the bow tie, everything!

When I asked them whether I’d won,

they said I was close, but no cigar.

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I was in Wal Mart buying batteries today.

I asked the assistant if I would be better buying re-chargable

batteries or just get the cheapest and change them often.

“There’s positives and negatives with both,” she told me.

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My school has a really bad drugs problem.

Especially class A

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I was stopped by a policeman and

asked if I could identify myself.

I looked in the mirror and said,

“Yes officer, it’s definitely me.”

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My wife said to me,

“Tonight, in bed, you can do anything you want”.

So I invited my secretary over.

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I’m in love with an eel

– that’s a moray.

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