BREAKING NEWS: Repair Man Wanted.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Nothing broken here though, you’ll be glad to hear.

So let’s get on with a bit more word play that you love to….

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast?

A bowl of surreal.

salvador-dali-apparition-visage-compotier-plage

.

.

There’s a bloke in Hungary who goes round from door to door

trying to convert people to Zen philosophy.

He’s a Buddha pest.

zen_buddhism_philosophy_and_mysticism

.

.

If an Earl is awarded an O.B.E,

does he become an earlobe?

earlobe

.

.

My mum’s got this weird fetish for sleeping with boxing gloves.

Her doctor thinks it’s just the menopause setting in,

but I just think she’s going through a rocky patch.

rocky

.

.

Do you think the name for the head

of the Indian Mafia is ‘Poppa Don’?

Poppadoms

.

.

My girlfriend asked me the other day,

“Dave, why do you always walk in front of me?”

I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”

man walking in front of woman

.

.

There’s a monster under my bed,

that plays loud music and dances around.

That damn boogieman.

 

boogie man

.

.

I entered my dog in the redneck version of Crufts last week.

She won “Best Inbreed.”

redneck-dogs

.

.

A man went to the doctor and said,

“I’m sick and tired of finishing crosswords so quickly!”

He said, “Try not to get two down sir.”

crossword

.

.

I went to a fancy dress competition

dressed as Winston Churchill.

I thought my costume was great,

I had the hat, the suit, the bow tie, everything!

When I asked them whether I’d won,

they said I was close, but no cigar.

Winston Churchill

.

.

I was in Wal Mart buying batteries today.

I asked the assistant if I would be better buying re-chargable

batteries or just get the cheapest and change them often.

“There’s positives and negatives with both,” she told me.

batteries

.

My school has a really bad drugs problem.

Especially class A

a variety of drugs

.

.

I was stopped by a policeman and

asked if I could identify myself.

I looked in the mirror and said,

“Yes officer, it’s definitely me.”

Looking In Mirror

.

.

My wife said to me,

“Tonight, in bed, you can do anything you want”.

So I invited my secretary over.

secretary

.

.

I’m in love with an eel

– that’s a moray.

.

.

=====================================

.

Beware Of Geeks Bearing GIFs!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

The clue is always in the title.

Yes, prepare to give you chuckle muscles a workout.

It’s pun day.

Another selection of those jokes you love to hate.

Enjoy   

.

rofl

.

I’ve been trying to get this computer to work for an hour now.

Wish I’d bought a laptop.

So much lighter to carry.

man-carrying-large-computer

.

.

.

My friend clearly wears dentures but won’t admit it.

He’s lying through his teeth.

funny-false-teeth-cartoon

.

.

.

Still thinking of taking that long term job in the PDRK?

Personally I’d choose a different Korea.

north-and-south-korea

.

.

.

As my wife and three of her friends

squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers,

I muttered under my breath, “Fat cows.”

“What was that?” snapped my wife.

“You herd.”

mad_cow_cartoon

.

.

.

I thought I was in for the long hall.

But it was just a really big mirror at the end of it.

long hall

.

.

.

I was in the fitting room when a

beautiful woman walked in holding a lacy bra.

I think she was trying it on.

fitting room cartoon

.

.

.

Scientists have discovered a new shade of green.

It’s sublime.

sublime_360

.

.

.

Old MacDonald loves to play with action dolls….

G I G I Joe.

GI Joe

.

.

.

I clicked on the ‘Home Alone’ link earlier.

It opened a page for an Italian mortgage company.

euro

.

.

.

I entered my dog in the redneck dog show last week.

She won “Best Inbreed.”

redneck dogs

.

.

.

Would anyone like to buy any cymbal shaped pillows?

$50 Per cushion.

cymbals

.

.

.

Think the worst time of my life was when I worked as a cinema usher.

I was in a very dark place back then.

movie_usher

.

.

.

It’s amazing how a piece of technology as simple

as a tablet can revolutionize your life.

Those viagra are amazing.

viagra_45305

.

.

.

I’ve found the alcohol which has solved all my problems.

It was liqueur.

liqueur bottles

.

.

.

I have a lot of hangups.

I blame telemarketers.

telemarketer_cartoon

.

.

.

I’ve styled my hair so that it appears like I’ve got horns.

It’s my gnu look.

Baby Gnu

.

.

.

NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden left Moscow Airport a while ago.

He’s no longer hiding in plane site.

CIA-NSA-Edward-Snowden_1

.

.

.

Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati.

aluminium rolls

.

.

.

I can’t see the new Nicholas Cage action movie doing very well.

He plays a wrongly convicted man, trapped among

a bunch of the world’s most dangerous criminals,

all stuck inside a Refrigeration Factory.

It’s called Air Con

nicolas cage con air cartoon

.

.

.

Finally when I saw a woman had broken down at

the side of the road I didn’t stop to help her.

I’m not a psychiatrist.

cartoon psychiatrist by Ron Leishman

.

====================================

.