I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

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I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

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Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.

 

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My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

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My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

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Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.

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I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

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Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.

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The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

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My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.

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My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

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I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

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I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

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If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.

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What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…

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Just Been On Holiday In The South Of France….. It Was Nice!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A nice holiday in Nice, how nice.

Yes, pun day again folks.

Strap yourselves in and…..

Enjoy or endure!

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Working as a cake waiter at a wedding,

I saw the most beautiful girl from across the room.

I immediately took a fancy to her.

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What berries do fat people enjoy the most?

Cadburys!

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Guess what is in the middle of nowhere…

‘h’

 

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I got bullied as a child for having glasses.

Every other kid in the neighborhood could only afford paper cups.

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A female police officer used a taser gun on me yesterday.

She was stunning.

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Two hours ago I told my kid to shut his mouth and eat his supper.

The poor boy is still sitting at the table trying to figure out how to do it.

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I was supposed to go for a job interview

as a camouflage expert last week.

I didn’t turn up, and I got the job!

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Did you hear the one about the depressed frog?

He wanted to kermit suicide.

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I caught my wife with another man last night.

Don’t worry though, it’s a trapeze act.

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I accidently left an apple outside my local Doctor’s surgery.

Now I’m worried he won’t be able to get in.

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I’m considering becoming a mind reader.

What are your thoughts?

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I’ve just invented a machine that can immediately

tell you what condition a painting is in.

It’s state-of-the-art technology.

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When you type

“Missing medieval servant”  

into Google it comes up with

“Page not found”

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A man walked into a bar and ordered half a coke.

The barman said “OK”.

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I went into the music store earlier and asked the guy

behind the counter if they had anything by Run DMC.

“Walk this way,” he replied.

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