BREAKING NEWS: Repair Man Wanted.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Nothing broken here though, you’ll be glad to hear.

So let’s get on with a bit more word play that you love to….

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast?

A bowl of surreal.

salvador-dali-apparition-visage-compotier-plage

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There’s a bloke in Hungary who goes round from door to door

trying to convert people to Zen philosophy.

He’s a Buddha pest.

zen_buddhism_philosophy_and_mysticism

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If an Earl is awarded an O.B.E,

does he become an earlobe?

earlobe

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My mum’s got this weird fetish for sleeping with boxing gloves.

Her doctor thinks it’s just the menopause setting in,

but I just think she’s going through a rocky patch.

rocky

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Do you think the name for the head

of the Indian Mafia is ‘Poppa Don’?

Poppadoms

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My girlfriend asked me the other day,

“Dave, why do you always walk in front of me?”

I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”

man walking in front of woman

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There’s a monster under my bed,

that plays loud music and dances around.

That damn boogieman.

 

boogie man

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I entered my dog in the redneck version of Crufts last week.

She won “Best Inbreed.”

redneck-dogs

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A man went to the doctor and said,

“I’m sick and tired of finishing crosswords so quickly!”

He said, “Try not to get two down sir.”

crossword

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I went to a fancy dress competition

dressed as Winston Churchill.

I thought my costume was great,

I had the hat, the suit, the bow tie, everything!

When I asked them whether I’d won,

they said I was close, but no cigar.

Winston Churchill

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I was in Wal Mart buying batteries today.

I asked the assistant if I would be better buying re-chargable

batteries or just get the cheapest and change them often.

“There’s positives and negatives with both,” she told me.

batteries

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My school has a really bad drugs problem.

Especially class A

a variety of drugs

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I was stopped by a policeman and

asked if I could identify myself.

I looked in the mirror and said,

“Yes officer, it’s definitely me.”

Looking In Mirror

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My wife said to me,

“Tonight, in bed, you can do anything you want”.

So I invited my secretary over.

secretary

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I’m in love with an eel

– that’s a moray.

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