I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

good one

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I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

stuffed animals in museum

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Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.

 

disposable cameras.

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My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

man pointing

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My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

boy with foorball

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Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.

Cadbury's

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I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

tiny model of buddha

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Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.

skype_logo

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The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

je ne sais quoi

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My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.

optimism

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My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

new wardrobe

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I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

dirty weekend

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I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

water trapped in my ears

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If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.

Bisexual!

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What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…

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I’m Planning On Being More Spontaneous In The Future.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Pun Day is here again.

I’m sure you’re delighted!

So here is the latest assortment of word play jokes.

Enjoy or endure.

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rofl

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Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

scarecrow

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The dealer asked me ‘how much are you willing to pay for the car?’

‘1500, tops’, I responded

‘OK,’ he replied, ‘but they better be short sleeved’.

short sleeved tops

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If I had a penny for every time someone

gave me their dog to look after,

I’d have a pound!

dog pound

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I phoned 911 to report my bike being stolen in the park.

They asked, “What does it look like?”

I replied, “It’s big, green and full of swings.”

swings in park

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Isn’t it odd that funerals always begin

not with sorrow but with fun?

fun funeral

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Female Ninjas

Now there’s something you don’t see.

camouflaged

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The case against a donut thief

turned out to be full of holes.

donut_van_chase

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When the TV repairman got married

the reception was excellent.

tv repairman

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I’ve been sleeping with this bloke’s wife and today he sent me this text:

“You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!”

To which I replied:

“8 out of 10, I’ll requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”

phone-texting

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When Vincent van Gogh cut off his left ear,

his right ear was left.

Vincent van Gogh

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I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

medical school entrance exam

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To some – marriage is a word…

to others – a sentence.

marriage_is_not_a_word_its_a_sentence_t_shirt

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Saw a dude squatting behind a gravestone in the old graveyard.

I thought “What is he doing? I’m letting him know that I see him”

So I shouted “Morning!”

And he shouts back, “Nah, just taking a dump.”

no dumping

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Headline taken from the Peterborough Evening Telegraph:

“MPs call for jobs blow to be reversed”

peterborough jobs blow

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Never mind the fifth Beatle, what about the other

three hundred and fifty seven Degrees?

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Factoid Friday – Significant Numbers: Is Three A Crowd?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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In the past on this blog they’ve been ‘beautiful’, they’ve been ‘big’ and they’ve been ‘unusual’. Today we have the first of a selection of ‘significant’ numbers, so-called because of their use and the beliefs surrounding them.

Enjoy.

 

3 Three

The number 3 is perhaps the most significant of all numbers. I’m sure at some time in our lives we have all heard that “things happen in 3’s.” There are lots of sayings and superstitions connected with the number 3. For example,

  • luck, especially bad luck, is often said to “come in threes”;
  • there is an American superstition which says that celebrity deaths tend to occur in threes;
  • in Vietnam, there is a superstition that considers it bad luck to take a photo with three people in it; it is professed that the person in the middle will die soon;
  • some people believe that it is unlucky to take a third light, that is, to be the third person to light a cigarette from the same match or lighter. (This superstition is said to have originated among soldiers in the trenches of the First World War when a sniper might see the first light, take aim on the second and fire on the third.);
  • the phrase “Third time’s the charm” is the opposite of the previous belief and refers to the superstition that after two failures in any endeavor, a third attempt is more likely to succeed; although where something illegal is involved it can mean that the third man to do something gets caught.

 

Many world religions contain triple deities or concepts of trinity, including,

  • the Christian Holy Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit);
  • the Hindu Tridevi and Trimurti (Brahma the Creator, Vishnu the Preserver, and Shiva the Destroyer );
  • the Three Jewels of Buddhism;
  • the Three Pure Ones of Taoism (heaven, human, earth);
  • and the Triple Goddess of Wicca.

There are also three main Abrahamic religions: Christianity, Islam, and Judaism.

 

According to the Chinese, 3 is a perfect number.

To the Mayan, the sacred number of woman.

Egyptians see it as the number of the cosmos.

 

There are three types of universe  –  matter, astral (mental or soul) and spirit.

There are three main galaxy morphological classifications: Ellipticals, Spirals and Lenticulars.

The Roman numeral III stands for giant star in the Yerkes spectral classification scheme.

Earth is the third planet in its local Solar System, hence the name of the popular comedy show ‘3rd Rock From The Sun’.

The Moon has three phases.

 

Three is the atomic number of lithium.

Atoms consist of three constituents  –  protons, neutrons, and electrons.

There are three types of matter  –  animal, vegetable, and mineral.

 

There are 3 primary colors with which it is possible to obtain all the other colors we can see, because human color vision is trichromatic (because the brain uses three independent channels to process color information).

Strangely though, different applications use a different combination of primary colors, for example, CRT (TV) displays which use additive combinations of colors, normally have red, green, and blue as their primary colors; whereas in printing, which uses a subtractive combination of colors, the primary colors are usually cyan, magenta, and yellow; although most artists prefer the  red, yellow, blue combination.

 

Finally, a natural number is divisible by three if the sum of its digits in base 10 is divisible by 3. For example, the number 21 is divisible by three (3 times 7) and the sum of its digits is 2 + 1 = 3. Because of this, the reverse of any number that is divisible by three (or indeed, any permutation of its digits) is also divisible by three. For instance, 1368 and its reverse 8631 are both divisible by three (and so are 1386, 3168, 3186, 3618, etc..).

 

And finally, finally, how about 3 Degrees  

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