I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

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I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

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Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.

 

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My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

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My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

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Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.

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I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

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Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.

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The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

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My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.

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My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

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I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

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I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

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If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.

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What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…

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I Had To Post A Few Turkey Puns Today, Of Course They Are Fowl.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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A very happy Thanksgiving to all in America who read this.

I hope everyone everywhere, not just in America, is getting into the spirit of the day and giving thanks for the many good things in their lives.

But Thanksgiving or not, it’s still pun day. A little different today in that there is a mixture of pictorial puns with a distinct nautical theme and, of course, puns with a Thanksgiving theme too.

Enjoy!

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What does a turkey like to eat on Thanksgiving?

Nothing; they are already stuffed.

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Why did the turkey cross the road?

To show that he wasn’t chicken.

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Why is a turkey similar to a ghost?

Because it’s a-gobblin.

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Why did the Pilgrim kill the turkey?

Because he was in a fowl mood.

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Or, as the turkey said to the Pilgrim,

“You’re a no-good baster.”

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Why are turkeys so good at arithmetic?

Because they count the number of chopping days until Thanksgiving.

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Why did the turkey bolt down his food?

Because she was a gobbler.

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Did you hear about the conservative turkey?

It has two right wings.

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As the leftover turkey said after it was wrapped up and refrigerated,

“Foiled again.”

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If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

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What sound does a space turkey make?

Hubble, hubble, hubble.

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Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

The outside!

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What can you never eat for Thanksgiving dinner?

Breakfast or lunch!

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Thanksgiving:

when turkeys turn from gobblers to gobblees.

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Did you hear about the waiter

who dropped a Thanksgiving dinner on the floor

and feared he had created an international incident?

It was the downfall of Turkey,

the ruin of Greece,

and the breaking up of China.

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Pun Day!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yet another selection of those jokes you love to hate.

I wouldn’t guarantee the politically correctness of some of them, but enjoy them if you can!

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How do Welsh people cross the road?

Caerphilly!

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Are dwarfs the lowest form of human life?

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What are the rules of gay poker?

Queens are wild and straights don’t count.

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I had a mate who was suicidal.

He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

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A little old lady takes her dead cats to a taxidermist to be stuffed.

“Would you like them mounted?” asked the taxidermist.

“Oooo no….” says the lady, “just snuggled up next to each other.”

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A woman in the pharmacy sees a deal offering 5 boxes of tampons for a dollar.

She can’t believe how good the deal is and asks the manager, “Is that price correct?”

“Sure is,” says the manager, “It’s a special offer, 5 boxes for a dollar and there are no strings attached!”

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Did you hear about the gay carpenter?

He always left a saw behind!

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A psychotic rapist escaped recently from a mental institution for the criminally insane. He ran across the street to the laundromat hoping to find a change of clothes. Inside, he discovered two women, and forced them to have sex. Then he fled out the back door.

The next day the local newspaper headline read, “NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!”

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Irish bloke walks into a pub and says, “Drink of orange please landlord.”

The landlord asks, “Still orange?”

Irish fella replies, “Yes, I haven’t changed my mind.”

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Two blondes walk into a building…

Wow, you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.

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What do you call a bloke with a one inch penis?

Justin.

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After announcing he’s getting married, a Scotsman tells his pal he’ll be wearing a kilt.

‘And what’s the tartan?’ asks the mate.

‘Oh, she’ll be wearing a white dress.’ he replies.

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Two parrots on a perch.

One turns to the other and says, “Can you smell fish?”

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What qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper?

None.

You just pick it up as you go along!

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Good King Wenseslas called his local pizza parlour.

“Would you like your usual, sir?”

“Oh yes,” he replied. “Deep pan: crisp and even.”

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A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant.

“Waiter, what’s this Chicken Tarka?”

The waiter replies, “it’s the same as Chicken Tikka, but it’s a little ‘Otter.”

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