I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!




Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

good one



I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

stuffed animals in museum



Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.


disposable cameras.


My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

man pointing



My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

boy with foorball



Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.




I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

tiny model of buddha



Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.




The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

je ne sais quoi



My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.




My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

new wardrobe



I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

dirty weekend



I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

water trapped in my ears



If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.




What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…





Optimist Or Pessimist?


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Churchill poster opportunity optimist v pessimist

Yesterday I wrote about whether your glass is half full or half empty.

Closely related to that, though also slightly different in degree perhaps, is whether you are an optimist or a pessimist.

I have a friend who has gone through life with a “when one closes another one shuts” philosophy. He also says things like, “Behind every silver lining there’s a cloud”.

It’s amusing, but in his case and I would guess in a good many others, that attitude eventually becomes a self-fulfilling predicament. He’s never taken any chances in life and he has been in a job that he never really cared for, for the past 30 years or so. He’s just counting the days until he can retire and he has been doing that for many, many years, not just recently. Sad, but it can’t be helped, or rather he can’t be helped.

As well as creating an aversion to any sort of risk, if you think things will go wrong then they usually will, and more often than not it’s your own fault. If you set out to do something with failure uppermost in your mind, you psych yourself out of giving 100 percent to the task at hand. If you don’t give it that 100 percent effort then it will either not turn out as good as it could have, or it will fail completely. In such cases the pessimist always blames things like bad luck, or other people, never their own defeatist attitude from the outset.

An optimistic person, on the other hand, will approach a task thinking it is going to succeed. Therefore in their case they will put much more care and effort into it (even sometimes subconsciously) thereby raising their chances of succeeding. Don’t get me wrong, starting off with an optimistic viewpoint will not guarantee success, it will just make for a better attempt at the job, and the better the job you do the better are the chances it will succeed.

Failure will stop a pessimist dead in his tracks because he is sure he is going to fail from the beginning and when it happens he shrugs his shoulders and packs up and goes home.

But failure won’t do the same for a person with an optimistic outlook. An optimist is surprised by failure. He usually wants to know why it happened, so he will analyze it and then try again.

And that is one of the great secrets to success. Sir Winston Churchill probably defined it best when he said that “success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm”, and although Churchill is now remembered for his notable political victories and war-time leadership, he also had his fare share of defeats as well along the way.

I have been part of several projects that have been complete failures, but that never stopped me from getting back up, dusting myself down, and trying again. And if you stay optimistic and work accordingly giving 100 percent of your effort then sooner or later you will succeed.

I’m very optimistic about that!


PS: I haven’t tried this out, but they say you should always borrow money from a pessimist, because he doesn’t expect to get paid back!