I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

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Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

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I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

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Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.

 

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My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

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My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

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Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.

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I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

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Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.

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The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

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My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.

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My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

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I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

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I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

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If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.

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What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…

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As A Rule Of Thumb, Don’t Pick Up Hitchhikers.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But as a rule of thumb I like puns.

Hope you do too.

Here are some more.

Enjoy!

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My Japanese penpal dropped out of school recently.

He’s taken leave of his Senseis.

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I’ve got a new job stacking shelves at a supermarket for big, tall men.

It keeps me on my toes.

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I was chatting to someone about cylindrical fasteners earlier,

it was a riveting conversation.

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Skiers don’t have drunken arguments,

they just storm off-piste.

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I used to be the managing director of the world’s largest ladder company.

Until I was asked to step down.

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A friend asked if I wanted to buy his motor boat.

I jumped at the chance and bought both.

I can keep the boat on the moat.

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My friend sells knives for a living and he said if I posted

this on the internet he’d give me a cut.

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What numbskull called it the Police / Fire Department Headquarters

and not Guns and Hoses?

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I went for a job interview with the hacking group Anonymous.

Introduced myself…

And that was the end of the interview

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Just read in the news, that there’s going to be a beauty contest

where all the models are dressed up in newspaper pages.

It must be a Miss Print.

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The A- eam.

Hey, missed a T.

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I went through a lot to be with my girlfriend.

She was standing at the other end of the car park.

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I wish I’d never joined the S and M club.

They tied me into a long term contract.

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A driver waved at me to stop my car and asked if I could change attire.

Why would someone assume that I would keep spare clothes with me!

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Heck is where people go to

who don’t believe in Golly.

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Something tells me my posture might not be so great,

I don’t know.

I just have a hunch.

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Two red blood cells met and fell in love.

But alas, it was in vein.

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My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.

Now we sell smoothies.

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Man, you get a load of boos when

you turn up to an AA meeting pissed.

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I turned up to a McDonald’s job interview

riding piggyback on a Burger King employee.

“Could I just ask what the hell you’re doing?”

the receptionist asked curtly.

“Well,” I explained patiently, “the woman on the phone told me

I should report to Reception on a rival” 

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