I Can’t Believe Pretzels Are Knot Bread.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Get it?

Pretzels, knot bread?

Never mind. Time to unravel a few more word plays.

It’s Pun Day.

Enjoy or endure!

.

rofl

.

Here’s a good one for you,

Good one.

good one

.

.

I went to the museum to feed the animals

But they were all stuffed

stuffed animals in museum

.

.

Those disposable cameras

are a complete con.

Now I have absolutely no record

of a perfectly lovely holiday.

 

disposable cameras.

.

My girlfriend said she was going to

leave me because of my obsession with

pointing out inanimate objects…

So I showed her the door.

man pointing

.

.

My son has been asked

to sign for his local team.

To be honest,

I never knew they were deaf.

boy with foorball

.

.

Cadbury’s have brought out

a new box of chocolates

for inconsiderate people.

They’re self centered.

Cadbury's

.

.

I run a business selling tiny models

of Buddha and Mohammed.

Sales aren’t the best but

I’m making small prophets.

tiny model of buddha

.

.

Everyone’s blaming me for the

animal noises on the video conference at work.

Seems I’ve been made into a Skypegoat.

skype_logo

.

.

The English language

is the best in the world.

It just has a certain…

je ne sais quoi.

je ne sais quoi

.

.

My family abandoned me,

my ex-girlfriend took everything I own,

and my children hate me

all because of my constant optimism.

Still, it could be worse.

optimism

.

.

My wife asked me for a

new wardrobe last Christmas,

so I got her one.

Turns out she just wanted clothes

new wardrobe

.

.

I’m looking forward

to my dirty weekend.

Wash the car,

clean the garden,

take rubbish out……

dirty weekend

.

.

I got water trapped in my ears

after having a shower this morning.

It was a near deaf experience.

water trapped in my ears

.

.

If you like women

as well as the next man

you’re probably bi-sexual.

Bisexual!

.

.

What’s the temperature in Motown ?

Three degrees, four tops…

.

.

======================================

.

Gas Bags And Gas Prices

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

The Sunday Sermon

.

Back at the end of July in a previous Sunday Sermon I wrote that:

“Troops are being sent to Syria and soon we’ll get bogged down in another mess that’s none of our business and will probably take many years and many lives to get us disentangled from – leaving behind chaos and confusion and a worse situation than the one we tried to fix.”

Obama-Peace-Prize

Of course it’s still being denied by Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama and his administration, but there is little doubt now that Syria is next on their war hit list and we are indeed about to be bogged down in another bloody mess.

Already naval and ground forces are being positioned, for example, the cruise missile laden USS Gravely, USS Ramage, USS Barry and USS Mahan are all in the eastern Mediterranean.

The only remaining part is to con-vince the American public, who do not want another Middle Eastern debacle, that they are wrong and that a strike on Syria is essential for their future well being.

chemical weapons

The pretext that is going to be used this time is ‘evidence’ of the alleged use of chemical weapons by the Assad regime against the rebels. And the people that are being relied on to provide that ‘evidence’ are the very same people who provided false ‘evidence’ that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.

Everyone now knows and accepts that the WMD excuse for getting embroiled in Iraq was a deliberate deceit – otherwise known as a ‘lie’ – so the track record of the ‘evidence’ providers is neither good nor credible.

Already government apologists are making statements about how Syria had “used them [chemical weapons] before”, which is untrue. UN investigators charged the rebels, not Assad’s government’s forces, with use of chemical weapons in Syria earlier this year. Strangely (or perhaps not) Obama did not feel such a moral necessity to send a missile or two towards the rebels, instead he gave them more support. 

Now add to that another good pinch of hypocrisy.

In fact make that two good pinches.

The first, because the rebellion now taking place within Syria would not have happened without the financial and military assistance of the US, along with Israel and Saudi Arabia. The hypocritical part of it all is that these three nations are in fact supporting people who, if successful, will become even more bitter enemies than the Assad regime.

And the second, because in an alleged effort to encourage ‘democracy’ in Syria, ‘democracy’ in America and Europe is being ignored.

For example, 64 percent of the French people have said they don’t want to get involved, but as in America the ‘people’ don’t have a say on the final outcome.

In Britain the Conservative Party Prime Minister David Cameron got a very embarrassing slap in the face in Parliament when he tried to emulate the lies of previous Prime Minister Tony Blair but lost a vote on military intervention in Syria. His spin doctors will be working overtime to cook up a good story for the next debate.

British Prime Minister David Cameron

And it is plain that the majority of ordinary Americans do not want the President they elected on the promise of getting their troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan, plunging them into another conflict which could prove to be as bloody if not bloodier. So plain in fact that until late Friday Obama had planned bypassing Congress obviously trying to avoid a similar embarrassment to that which was suffered by British PM Cameron.

Think this time it will only be a few missiles and drones and that troops won’t be involved? After all Obama has said “We’re not considering any boots on the ground approach”.

Then you need to think again.

Sure, at the outset Obama will try to fool the public by limiting attacks to missile strikes, but these alone won’t be enough. Even in today’s high-tech world you can’t wage wars without those boots on the ground. And in those boots are brave, but misled men and women, some of whom will lose their lives or be maimed as a result.

Boots On The Ground Fallen Soldier

The doomsday pundits are saying that all this posturing and war mongering by Obama could spiral into something worse. Possibly even be the start of WW3. Unfortunately grandiose claims like these only serve to lessen the credibility of those who are arguing against another foreign intervention.

Putin seems to have more sense than Obama. The Russians have already made their mistake in Afghanistan and are unlikely to do it again. Even less do they want to start or become involved in, a major conflict – not at the moment anyway.

China has little interest in getting involved in a conflict in the middle east either. They will take the long view, and, as they did with Iraq, they will let the US waste billions more dollars blowing things down and building them up again and then they will step in and secure more oil supplies for themselves.  

If it does get down to the nitty gritty one possibility that is more realistic is that the conflict could spread to other nations within the Middle East.

Iran for example has a mutual assistance pact with Syria. It also knows it is next on the US hit list so the longer the US is focused on Syria the longer it will postpone an attack on itself. It is not beyond imagination therefore that Iran could send arms and even troops to assist Assad.

Neither is it unreasonable to imagine that, if missile strikes on Syria result in retaliatory Syrian missile attacks on Israel, Israeli troops will also be sent into Syrian territory, with US forces backing them up shortly thereafter.

That is boots on the ground, no matter what denials you currently hear.

However it pans out, two things are certain. ‘Evidence’ or no ‘evidence’ Uncle Sam will stick his nose in once again. And if it all goes pear shaped, as it most likely will, then UP is the only way your gasoline and heating oil prices will be heading.   

Happy winter!

gas and oil prices

.

================================

.

Another Tuesday And Another List Of Those Questions

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Another Tuesday and another list of questions so important that no one seems to want to ask them –  except here of course.

Enjoy.

. 

Where does the toe-tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?

toetag. 

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

Gravity elevator
Gravity elevator

 

 .

Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?

Allstate Insurance logo - "Not available in all States"
“Not available in all States”

 .

Do they bury people with their braces on?

braces
braces

 

 .

How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

compass .

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

dentist
dentist

 

 .

If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

homerun .

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

Bowler
Bowler

. 

 

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot, and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

Angry driver 

.

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?

No Progress Congress 

.

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.

grapes .

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

hootersihop

 

.

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

disobedient child 

.

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

sign-language 

.

If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

 transvestite cartoon

.

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

partly sunny? - or - partly cloudy?
partly sunny? – or – partly cloudy?

 .

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

bushy eyebrows

 .

If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

stork cartoon .

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

The square bread - round meat conundrum
The square bread – round meat conundrum

 .

Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

Lone Ranger and Tonto
Lone Ranger and Tonto

 

 

==================