As A Rule Of Thumb, Don’t Pick Up Hitchhikers.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But as a rule of thumb I like puns.

Hope you do too.

Here are some more.

Enjoy!

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rofl

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My Japanese penpal dropped out of school recently.

He’s taken leave of his Senseis.

cartoon Sensei

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I’ve got a new job stacking shelves at a supermarket for big, tall men.

It keeps me on my toes.

high shelves

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I was chatting to someone about cylindrical fasteners earlier,

it was a riveting conversation.

Rivets

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Skiers don’t have drunken arguments,

they just storm off-piste.

off piste

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I used to be the managing director of the world’s largest ladder company.

Until I was asked to step down.

dana-fradon-dejected-man-setting-on-top-rung-of-a-ladder-the-steps

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A friend asked if I wanted to buy his motor boat.

I jumped at the chance and bought both.

I can keep the boat on the moat.

moat or boat

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My friend sells knives for a living and he said if I posted

this on the internet he’d give me a cut.

knife

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What numbskull called it the Police / Fire Department Headquarters

and not Guns and Hoses?

guns_and_hoses

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I went for a job interview with the hacking group Anonymous.

Introduced myself…

And that was the end of the interview

occupy-mask

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Just read in the news, that there’s going to be a beauty contest

where all the models are dressed up in newspaper pages.

It must be a Miss Print.

girl wrapped in newspaper

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The A- eam.

Hey, missed a T.

mr-t

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I went through a lot to be with my girlfriend.

She was standing at the other end of the car park.

Parking-lot-picture

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I wish I’d never joined the S and M club.

They tied me into a long term contract.

man-tied to contract

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A driver waved at me to stop my car and asked if I could change attire.

Why would someone assume that I would keep spare clothes with me!

flat-tyre-cartoon

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Heck is where people go to

who don’t believe in Golly.

what-the-heck

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Something tells me my posture might not be so great,

I don’t know.

I just have a hunch.

439346-Royalty-Free-RF-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Cartoon-Hunchback

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Two red blood cells met and fell in love.

But alas, it was in vein.

blood-cartoon

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My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.

Now we sell smoothies.

smoothie

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Man, you get a load of boos when

you turn up to an AA meeting pissed.

AA_Meeting_lolwtmk

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I turned up to a McDonald’s job interview

riding piggyback on a Burger King employee.

“Could I just ask what the hell you’re doing?”

the receptionist asked curtly.

“Well,” I explained patiently, “the woman on the phone told me

I should report to Reception on a rival” 

piggyback

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More Pun Fun Today

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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More pun fun today. It’s amazing how bad a joke you can get away with when there’s a pun or two involved. The evidence can be found below.

Enjoy.

 

 

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

 

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

 

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

 

Is a shotgun wedding a case of wife or death?

 

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

 

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

 

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

 

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

 

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

 

When two egotists meet, it’s always an I for an I.

 

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

 

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)

 

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

 

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

 

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

 

They tried to save him with an I.V. but it was all in vein.

 

Stir-fry cooks come from all woks of life.

 

Did your hear about the illiterate fisherman who was lost at c?

 

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