It’s International Litarasy Day 2day

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Final Pun Day.

For this January that is. I hope I didn’t get your hopes up .  🙂

Here we go.

Enjoy or endure!

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rofl

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The Inventor of the jug died today.

Tributes have been pouring in.

jug

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I asked my friend if he is a compulsive shouter.

The answer was a resounding yes.

compulsive-shouter

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Caught a bloke in the changing room earlier,

holding my jacket saying he thought it was his!

I think he was trying it on.

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I don’t like my wife going out drinking

with the girls from the nail bar.

They always end up getting hammered.

nail bar

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This girl, Rene Wals, is obsessed with me.

She keeps sending me emails.

She works at GoDaddy, but I think she’s a moron

— she spells her name “Renewals.”

GoDaddy-Email-Login

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The first rule of Palindrome Club is

si bulC emordnilaP fo elur tsrif ehT.

Palindrome Club

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Is a woman who can’t have a baby,

unbearable, impregnable or inconceivable?

woman who can't have a baby

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My girlfriend was complaining

that I never buy her flowers.

I didn’t even know she sold them.

woman selling flowers

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My wife asked me how much I like

the new GPS she bought for me

I replied, “Well, I’d be lost without it.”

new GPS

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I think I first realized that my drinking

had got out of control when my doctor

referred me to a Bacardiologist.

Bacardi

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I call my weed “The Quran”

Because burning that shit will get you stoned.

burning weed

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My wife found out that I’d been moving her

bookmark forward a few pages every night.

She really lost the plot.

bookmark in book

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I was checking out this blonde girl,

when the librarian said,

“Sir, we only lend out books in here.”

librarian

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Girlfriend: You have to make a choice,

it’s either me or your career as a news reporter.

Me: Well, I’ve got some news for you then.

news reporter

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A teacher asks her class

“Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood’s girlfriend?”

Little Paddy raises his hand and says

“Yes Miss, it’s Trudy Glen.”

“No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion.”

“But Miss, what about the song?

Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen.”

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= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

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The Quadling Country Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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You will find out what the title means later in the quiz.

For now get your thinking caps on and have a go at the following twenty questions in this week’s fasab quiz.

As always, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz01

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Q.  1:  The terms ‘curd’ and ‘whey’ are associated with making what?

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Q.  2:  Which species of animal contains the most poisonous animal in the world?

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Q.  3:  Which two metals are used to make pewter?

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Q.  4:  What two fruits grow on palms? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you are able to name both correctly.)

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Q.  5:  What would you use ‘Archimedes’ Screw’ for?

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Q.  6:  Amino acids are essential for the formation of what in the body?

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Q.  7:  What can dogs do that wolves cannot?

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Q.  8:  A ‘canton’, ‘halyard’ and ‘field’ make up what item?

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Q.  9:  What are the two largest fruit crops on earth? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you are able to name both correctly.)

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Q. 10:  Which chemical has the symbol ‘CL’?

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Q. 11:  Who wrote the famous book ‘Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire’?

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Q. 12:  Ireland is divided into two political entities, the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland, how many counties comprise each part? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 13:  In what sport can you score a ‘waza-ari’, ‘ippon’ and ‘yuko’?

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Q. 14:  The Knesset is the legislature of which country?

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Q. 15:  What landlocked sea is 422m (1385ft) below sea level?

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Q. 16:  Which monarch observed “L’etat, c’est moi”? (The language should give you a clue.)

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Q. 17:  Where is the Yas Marina Motor Racing Circuit?

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Q. 18:  The name was mentioned in the news a lot towards the end of 2014, which war was fought by Britain, France, Turkey and Piedmont against Russia between 1853 and 1856?

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Q. 19:  In what land are ‘Quadling Country’, ‘Winkie Country’ and ‘Gillkin Country’ to be found?

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Q. 20:  Which singer was ‘sailing’ in 1975?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  The terms ‘curd’ and ‘whey’ are associated with making what?

A.  1:  Cheese.

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Q.  2:  Which species of animal contains the most poisonous animal in the world?

A.  2:  Frogs.

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Q.  3:  Which two metals are used to make pewter?

A.  3:  Tin and Lead.

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Q.  4:  What two fruits grow on palms? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you are able to name both correctly.)

A.  4:  Coconuts and dates.

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Q.  5:  What would you use ‘Archimedes’ Screw’ for?

A.  5:  Lifting water to a higher level

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Q.  6:  Amino acids are essential for the formation of what in the body?

A.  6:  Proteins.

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Q.  7:  What can dogs do that wolves cannot?

A.  7:  Bark.

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Q.  8:  A ‘canton’, ‘halyard’ and ‘field’ make up what item?

A.  8:  A flag.

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Q.  9:  What are the two largest fruit crops on earth? (A point for each correct answer and a bonus point if you are able to name both correctly.)

A.  9:  Grapes, followed by bananas.

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Q. 10:  Which chemical has the symbol ‘CL’?

A. 10:  Chlorine.

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Q. 11:  Who wrote the famous book ‘Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire’?

A. 11:  Edward Gibbon. (You may have the point if you gave the surname only.)

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Q. 12:  Ireland is divided into two political entities, the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland, how many counties comprise each part? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 12:  The Republic of Ireland has 26 counties and Northern Ireland 6.

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Q. 13:  In what sport can you score a ‘waza-ari’, ‘ippon’ and ‘yuko’?

A. 13:  Judo.

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Q. 14:  The Knesset is the legislature of which country?

A. 14:  Israel.

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Q. 15:  What landlocked sea is 422m (1385ft) below sea level?

A. 15:  The Dead Sea.

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Q. 16:  Which monarch observed “L’etat, c’est moi”? (The language should give you a clue.)

A. 16:  Louis XIV.

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Q. 17:  Where is the Yas Marina Motor Racing Circuit?

A. 17:  Abu Dabi.

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Q. 18:  The name was mentioned in the news a lot towards the end of 2014, which war was fought by Britain, France, Turkey and Piedmont against Russia between 1853 and 1856?

A. 18:  The Crimean War.

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Q. 19:  In what land are ‘Quadling Country’, ‘Winkie Country’ and ‘Gillkin Country’ to be found?

A. 19:  The Land of Oz, from The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz.

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Q. 20:  Which singer was ‘sailing’ in 1975?

A. 20:  Rod Stewart.

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The Little Christmas Quiz!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Last week we had the BIG Christmas quiz and thank you to everyone who visited and tried it out.

And a very special thanks to the Coastal Crone who reblogged it.

Since we are all used to ‘leftovers’ at this time of the year I thought I would use my leftover questions from last week’s BIG quiz for a little one this week.

The questions still have a Christmassy theme and as usual, if you get stuck, you can find the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below.

So enjoy what’s left of the Christmas holiday and good luck with the quiz.

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the-little-christmas-quiz

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Q.  1:  How many points does a snowflake have? (Sorry there’s only one point for the correct answer.)

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Q.  2:  Charles Dickens is said to have considered the names ‘Little Larry’ and ‘Puny Pete’ for which character? (A bonus point is available if you can also correctly name the Dickens novel in which the character appears.)

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Q.  3:  In which country that made the news a lot during 2014, and the largest country of its continent, is it said that finding a spider web on Christmas morning brings good luck, and so Christmas trees are decorated with artificial spider webs?

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Q.  4:  What is New Year’s Eve called in Scotland?

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Q.  5:  What former Egyptian president was born on Christmas day in 1918?

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Q.  6:  Which alcoholic ingredient is used in a ‘Snowball’ cocktail?

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Q.  7:  And what animal is ‘Snowball’ in George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’?

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Q.  8:  Derived from the Latin word meaning ‘coming’, what is the name of the period leading up to Christmas?

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Q.  9:  In the rhyme ‘Christmas is coming’, who is getting ‘fat’?

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Q. 10:  The first singing radio commercial, which aired in the US on Christmas Eve 1926, was for which brand?

            a) Rolex            b) BMW            c) Wheaties            d) Durex

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Q. 11:  Why is the male turkey often referred to as ‘Tom Turkey’?

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Q. 12:  In what country did Christmas Trees originate?

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Q. 13:  How many ‘Wise Men’ brought gifts to Jesus?

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Q. 14:  Which English monarch was crowned on Christmas Day in Westminster Abbey?

            a) William I            b) William II            c) William III            d) William IV

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Q. 15:  Name the two administrative and ex-colonial regions of China for which Christmas day remains a legal public holiday, whereas in the main country it is not? (A point for each that you name correctly.)

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Q. 16:  The Christmas favorite of ‘Pigs in Blankets’ is chipolata sausages wrapped in what?

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Q. 17:  In Mexico, it is said that wearing what color underwear on New Year’s Eve ensures finding new love the following year?

            a) Yellow            b) Green            c) Red            d) Brown

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Q. 18:  Father Christmas is known as ‘Pai Natal’ in which European country?

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Q. 19:  The surname ‘Chandler’ derives from the making or selling of what?

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Q. 20:  What was Mr Bean searching for when he got his head stuck in a turkey?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1:  How many points does a snowflake have? (Sorry there’s only one point for the correct answer.)

A.  1:  Six.

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Q.  2:  Charles Dickens is said to have considered the names ‘Little Larry’ and ‘Puny Pete’ for which character? (A bonus point is available if you can also correctly name the Dickens novel in which the character appears.)

A.  2:  The character is ‘Tiny Tim’ and he appears in ‘A Christmas Carol’.

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Q.  3:  In which country that made the news a lot during 2014, and the largest country of its continent, is it said that finding a spider web on Christmas morning brings good luck, and so Christmas trees are decorated with artificial spider webs?

A.  3:  The correct answer is Ukraine. (Since it is the time to be generous you can also have a point if you said ‘Poland’. Although it does not fulfill all the parameters of the question, spiders or spider webs are common Christmas trees decorations in Poland because according to legend, a spider wove a blanket for Baby Jesus. In fact, Polish people consider spiders to be symbols of goodness and prosperity at Christmas.)

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Q.  4:  What is New Year’s Eve called in Scotland?

A.  4:  Hogmanay.

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Q.  5:  What former Egyptian president was born on Christmas day in 1918?

A.  5:  Anwar Sadat.

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Q.  6:  Which alcoholic ingredient is used in a ‘Snowball’ cocktail?

A.  6:  Advocaat.

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Q.  7:  And what animal is ‘Snowball’ in George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’?

A.  7:  A Pig.

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Q.  8:  Derived from the Latin word meaning ‘coming’, what is the name of the period leading up to Christmas?

A.  8:  Advent.

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Q.  9:  In the rhyme ‘Christmas is coming’, who is getting ‘fat’?

A.  9:  The goose.

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Q. 10:  The first singing radio commercial, which aired in the US on Christmas Eve 1926, was for which brand?

            a) Rolex            b) BMW            c) Wheaties            d) Durex

A. 10:  The correct answer is c) Wheaties.

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Q. 11:  Why is the male turkey often referred to as ‘Tom Turkey’?

A. 11:  After Thomas Jefferson, because Jefferson was opposed to the idea of a turkey as the national bird.

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Q. 12:  In what country did Christmas Trees originate?

A. 12:  Germany. (Technically it was Latvia but at that time it was part of Germany.)

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Q. 13:  How many ‘Wise Men’ brought gifts to Jesus?

A. 13:  ‘More than one’ is the correct answer, the Bible does not specify how many. (If you said ‘3’ you don’t get a point.)

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Q. 14:  Which English monarch was crowned on Christmas Day in Westminster Abbey?

            a) William I            b) William II            c) William III            d) William IV

A. 14:  The correct answer is a) William I.

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Q. 15:  Name the two administrative and ex-colonial regions of China for which Christmas day remains a legal public holiday, whereas in the main country it is not? (A point for each that you name correctly.)

A. 15:  Hong Kong and Macau.

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Q. 16:  The Christmas favorite of ‘Pigs in Blankets’ is chipolata sausages wrapped in what?

A. 16:  Bacon.

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Q. 17:  In Mexico, it is said that wearing what color underwear on New Year’s Eve ensures finding new love the following year?

            a) Yellow            b) Green            c) Red            d) Brown

A. 17:  The correct answer is c) Red.

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Q. 18:  Father Christmas is known as ‘Pai Natal’ in which European country?

A. 18:  Portugal.

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Q. 19:  The surname ‘Chandler’ derives from the making or selling of what?

A. 19:  Candles.

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Q. 20:  What was Mr Bean searching for when he got his head stuck in a turkey?

A. 20:  His wrist watch.

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= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

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These Quizzes Might Not Quite Be Legend, But Today One Of The Questions Is!

Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes indeed, today one of the questions is legend.

So get your thinking caps on and have a go.

And remember if you get stuck you can find all the answers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down below, but please NO cheating!

Enjoy and good luck.

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quiz 05

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Q.  1: George Washington was the first President of the United States of America, who was the second?

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Q.  2:  Barbie’s friend Ken has a last name, what is it?

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Q.  3:  Most of us have played the board game “Monopoly”, but can you name the six tokens available to the players? (And yes, you get a point for each correct answer.)

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Q.  4:  Which capital city is also the name of a very hot spice used in the kitchen?

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Q.  5:  American writer Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel called “I Am Legend” was adapted for a movie of the same name in 2007 starring Will Smith. But this was the third adaptation of the novel, what were the first two and what were the names of the actors in the starring roles? (A point for the name of each movie and further points if you can name the starring actors.)

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Q.  6:  The world was declared safe from which virus in 1979, after it had killed more than one billion people?

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Q.  7:  What is the second highest mountain in the world?

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Q.  8:  Which famous World War II general, who just before retreating from the Philippines in 1942 said, “We shall return”?

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Q.  9:  Which Colombian city was notorious for being the center of the cocaine smuggling business, the drug cartel responsible even taking the name?

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Q. 10:  Which island did Turkish troops invade in 1974?

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Q. 11:  The 25th President of the USA had the highest peak in North America named after him, what was his name?

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Q. 12:  Who was the British actress who starred in the epic movie “Gone With The Wind” and what part did she play? (A point for each correct answer.)

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Q. 13:  What was the name of the national airline of Belgium that operated from 1923 until bankruptcy forced its cessation in 2001?

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Q. 14:  Much in the news currently, what is the capital city of Ukraine?

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Q. 15:  Josip Broz led the Communist partisans to victory against foreign occupation forces in Yugoslavia during the Second World War. By what name was he later better known?

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Q. 16:  What was the name of the seafaring people based in Scandinavia, who raided, traded, explored, and settled in wide areas of Europe, Asia, and the North Atlantic islands, from the late 8th to the mid-11th centuries?

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Q. 17:  What is the name of the Japanese delicacy consisting of very fresh raw meat or fish sliced into thin pieces?

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Q. 18:  Which Russian word meaning “Speaking Aloud” was a policy of Mikhail Gorbachev in order to liberalize various aspects of Soviet life?

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Q. 19:  Who was the South African surgeon who carried out the first heart transplant operation?

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Q. 20:  Which famous singer songwriter and guitarist from the 1950s had his most famous hit, and only number one recording, in the 1970s with his ding-a-ling?

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ANSWERS

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Q.  1: George Washington was the first President of the United States of America, who was the second?

A.  1:  John Adams.

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Q.  2:  Barbie’s friend Ken has a last name, what is it?

A.  2:  It’s Carson, the little dude’s full name is Ken Carson!

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Q.  3:  Most of us have played the board game “Monopoly”, but can you name the six tokens available to the players? (And yes, you get a point for each correct answer.)

A.  3:  The Monopoly tokens are a Battleship, a Boot, a Dog, a Flat Iron, a Racing Car, and a Top Hat.

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Q.  4:  Which capital city is also the name of a very hot spice used in the kitchen?

A.  4:  Cayenne (French Guyana).

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Q.  5:  American writer Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel called “I Am Legend” was adapted for a movie of the same name in 2007 starring Will Smith. But this was the third adaptation of the novel, what were the first two and what were the names of the actors in the starring roles? (A point for the name of each movie and further points if you can name the starring actors.)

A.  5:  The first big screen adaptation of the novel was “The Last Man on Earth” (1964) which starred Vincent Price, and the second adaptation was “The Omega Man” (1971) starring Charlton Heston.

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Q.  6:  The world was declared safe from which virus in 1979, after it had killed more than one billion people?

A.  6:  Smallpox.

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Q.  7:  What is the second highest mountain in the world?

A.  7:  Located Pakistan, “K2” (also known as Chhogori/Qogir, Ketu/Kechu, and Mount Godwin-Austen) is the second-highest mountain in the world with a peak elevation of 6,811 meters (28,251 feet).

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Q.  8:  Which famous World War II general, who just before retreating from the Philippines in 1942 said, “We shall return”?

A.  8:  General Douglas MacArthur.

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Q.  9:  Which Colombian city was notorious for being the center of the cocaine smuggling business, the drug cartel responsible even taking the name?

A.  9:  Medellin, now thankfully a much more peaceful place.

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Q. 10:  Which island did Turkish troops invade in 1974?

A. 10:  Cyprus.

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Q. 11:  The 25th President of the USA had the highest peak in North America named after him, what was his name?

A. 11:  William McKinley.

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Q. 12:  Who was the British actress who starred in the epic movie “Gone With The Wind” and what part did she play? (A point for each correct answer.)

A. 12:  Vivien Leigh, who played Scarlett O’Hara.

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Q. 13:  What was the name of the national airline of Belgium that operated from 1923 until bankruptcy forced its cessation in 2001?

A. 13:  Best known internationally by the acronym Sabena (SABENA), which is the answer I’m looking for, it was The Societé Anonyme Belge d’Exploitation de la Navigation Aérienne, or Belgian Corporation for Air Navigation Services.

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Q. 14:  Much in the news currently, what is the capital city of Ukraine?

A. 14:  Kiev.

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Q. 15:  Josip Broz led the Communist partisans to victory against foreign occupation forces in Yugoslavia during the Second World War. By what name was he later better known?

A. 15:  President Tito.

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Q. 16:  What was the name of the seafaring people based in Scandinavia, who raided, traded, explored, and settled in wide areas of Europe, Asia, and the North Atlantic islands, from the late 8th to the mid-11th centuries?

A. 16:  They were called Vikings or Norsemen, take a point if you gave either answer.

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Q. 17:  What is the name of the Japanese delicacy consisting of very fresh raw meat or fish sliced into thin pieces?

A. 17:  Sashimi. (Not Sushi, which includes cooked vinegared rice.)

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Q. 18:  Which Russian word meaning “Speaking Aloud” was a policy of Mikhail Gorbachev in order to liberalize various aspects of Soviet life?

A. 18:  Glasnost.

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Q. 19:  Who was the South African surgeon who carried out the first heart transplant operation.

A. 19:  Dr Christian Barnard.

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Q. 20:  Which famous singer songwriter and guitarist from the 1950s had his most famous hit, and only number one recording, in the 1970s with his ding-a-ling?

A. 20:  Chuck Berry, have a listen….

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As A Rule Of Thumb, Don’t Pick Up Hitchhikers.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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But as a rule of thumb I like puns.

Hope you do too.

Here are some more.

Enjoy!

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My Japanese penpal dropped out of school recently.

He’s taken leave of his Senseis.

cartoon Sensei

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I’ve got a new job stacking shelves at a supermarket for big, tall men.

It keeps me on my toes.

high shelves

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I was chatting to someone about cylindrical fasteners earlier,

it was a riveting conversation.

Rivets

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Skiers don’t have drunken arguments,

they just storm off-piste.

off piste

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I used to be the managing director of the world’s largest ladder company.

Until I was asked to step down.

dana-fradon-dejected-man-setting-on-top-rung-of-a-ladder-the-steps

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A friend asked if I wanted to buy his motor boat.

I jumped at the chance and bought both.

I can keep the boat on the moat.

moat or boat

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My friend sells knives for a living and he said if I posted

this on the internet he’d give me a cut.

knife

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What numbskull called it the Police / Fire Department Headquarters

and not Guns and Hoses?

guns_and_hoses

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I went for a job interview with the hacking group Anonymous.

Introduced myself…

And that was the end of the interview

occupy-mask

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Just read in the news, that there’s going to be a beauty contest

where all the models are dressed up in newspaper pages.

It must be a Miss Print.

girl wrapped in newspaper

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The A- eam.

Hey, missed a T.

mr-t

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I went through a lot to be with my girlfriend.

She was standing at the other end of the car park.

Parking-lot-picture

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I wish I’d never joined the S and M club.

They tied me into a long term contract.

man-tied to contract

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A driver waved at me to stop my car and asked if I could change attire.

Why would someone assume that I would keep spare clothes with me!

flat-tyre-cartoon

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Heck is where people go to

who don’t believe in Golly.

what-the-heck

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Something tells me my posture might not be so great,

I don’t know.

I just have a hunch.

439346-Royalty-Free-RF-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Cartoon-Hunchback

.

.

Two red blood cells met and fell in love.

But alas, it was in vein.

blood-cartoon

.

.

My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.

Now we sell smoothies.

smoothie

.

.

Man, you get a load of boos when

you turn up to an AA meeting pissed.

AA_Meeting_lolwtmk

.

.

I turned up to a McDonald’s job interview

riding piggyback on a Burger King employee.

“Could I just ask what the hell you’re doing?”

the receptionist asked curtly.

“Well,” I explained patiently, “the woman on the phone told me

I should report to Reception on a rival” 

piggyback

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Without Me, It’s Just Aweso!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Just playing about with words again.

Yes, it’s another pun day!

Endure or enjoy, whatever is your pleasure.

.

.

I can’t help being lazy.

It walks in the family.

lazy

.

.

To Err is human

To Aarrrgh is Pirate.

penguinpiratearghLOGO

.

.

I spent today trying to force as many

road signs from the ground as I could.

I pulled out all the stops.

stopsigns

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.

My son’s been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday,

so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!!

Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper on the web.

spider web

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The Wife bet me fifty bucks that

she could sing more football songs than me.

I beat her.

She had no Chants.

cheerleaders

.

.

Barbie has an awful lot of nice mini skirts

for a girl whose knees don’t bend.

StarTrekKenBarbie

.

.

What did the brown tooth say to the white tooth?

‘Iz it ‘coz I iz plaque?’

brown tooth white tooth

.

.

Windows 8.

Such a pane!

Kipper Williams on Windows 8

.

.

I read in the newspaper:

‘Two people killed in separate chain attacks’

That can’t be true I thought.

They must be linked.

chain

.

.

It said on the News today that

“Cuts will hit the poor hardest”.

Why?

Can’t they even afford bandages?

bandaid

.

.

A friend in the bar said, 

“I’ve just realized, your brothers Richard, Harold

and Charles are all named after kings.”

I said, ” Yeah, so! What’s your point?”

He said, ” Nothing. It’s your round Burger.”

burger_king_short

.

.

The internet has become too politically correct.

What’s all this nonsense about disabled cookies?

In my day they were called broken biscuits.

disabled cookies

.

.

I like to tell women that I’m responsible for

a large team of web designers.

I find it gets a better reception than saying

I live in an apartment that’s infested by spiders.    

cobwebs

.

.

A guy walks into a bar and asks, “How much is your beer?”

The barman says, “$4 for a pint and $10 for a pitcher.”

“Just gimme me a pint then,” says the guy.

“I got enough photos already!”

bernard-schoenbaum-three-men-sit-at-bar-drinking-beer-on-each-man-s-shirt-is-one-letter-b-new-yorker-cartoon

.

.

My friend asked to borrow some money after

losing his job at the local hospital as a Stool Sample analyst.

Of course I couldn’t let him down.

Not after all the shit he’s been through…    

stool sample

.

.

I know this guy who hangs round on the corners of maps.

Legend.

map_legend

.

.

Is your hair dull, lifeless and boring?

Well it’s hair, what else did you expect?

bad hair day

.

.

I’ve spent five frustrating days

repeatedly shouting “Heal!” at my dog.

If it doesn’t work soon,

I might just have to take him to the vet.

mick-stevens-heal-cartoon

.

.

I called the Suicide Help Line once,

saying that I felt like throwing myself in front of a train and needed help.

They told me to stay on the line.

man on railway line

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.

I walked into the hairdressers today.

The guy said, “Can I help you sir?”

I said, “I’m after a short cut”.

Then I walked through the shop and went out of the fire exit.

Cartoon shortcut. Normal cars, of course, had to go the long way.

.

.

If an indoor shooting range is burning,

what does one scream to inform them? 

firing range

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Fasab’s Fascinating Fun Facts Folks!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

.

Another alliteration and another bunch of fascinating fun facts.

Throw a few of these out when you get the opportunity and dazzle you friends with your new knowledge.

Well, you’ll probably get one of those odd quizzical looks at least.

Enjoy.

.

.

A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.

rip van winkle

.

The word “set” has the most number of definitions in the English language; 192

.

Hong Kong has more Rolls Royce cars per capita than any other city.

of Rolls Royces owned by The Peninsula Hotel Hong Kong

.

The longest name in the Bible is Mahershalalbaz.

.

In a survey of 200,000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand.

ostrich-head-in-sand

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Elephants have the longest pregnancy in the animal kingdom at 22 months.

The longest human pregnancy on record is 17 months, 11 days.

.

Possums have one of the shortest pregnancies at 16 days.

The shortest human pregnancy to produce a healthy baby was 22 weeks, 6 days

— the baby was the length of a ballpoint pen.

opossum clipart

.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world’s nuclear weapons combined.

.

Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) was born on and died on days when Halley’s Comet can be seen.

Mark Twain

.

Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son.

.

The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.

There was never a recorded Wendy before it.

wendy

.

One in ten people live on an island.

.

Humphrey Bogart NEVER said “Play it again, Sam” in Casablanca

casablanca still play it Sam

.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.

.

.

Jim Henson first coined the word “Muppet”.

It is a combination of “marionette” and “puppet.”

Kermit the muppets

.

. 

Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India.

.

The word “maverick” came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan who refused to brand his cattle.

Maverick

.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

.

A “quidnunc” is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.

quidnunc

.

Chrysler built B29’s that bombed Japan.

Mitsubishi built the Zeros that tried to shoot them down.

Both companies now build cars in a joint plant called Diamond Star.

.

In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.

german shepherd

.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.”

The second? William Jefferson Clinton

It can’t be a coincidence, it really can’t!!!

.

The country code for Russia is “007”.


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