Political Jokes!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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No, this isn’t a list of the names of the members of the HoR or the Senate, or even the Obama administration, although I see why you would have jumped to that conclusion.

I thought I would try to lighten the mood for the weekend by posting some of the political jokes that made me smile.

Hope they have the same effect on you.

Enjoy.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

they should both be changed regularly…

and for the same reason.

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Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new ‘Obama Value Meal’?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

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Q: How many politicians does

it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and

another one to change it back again.

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Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

A: Senator.

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We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope.

Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

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The recession is getting so bad,

the bank sent me a new type of credit card.

It was pre-declined.

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It was so cold in Washington today,

I saw a Democrat who had his hands in his own pockets!

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I is very proud dat I went 2 school in da UK.

I fink out of all 17 countries in da world UK is da best.

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When they call the roll in the Senate,

the Senators do not know whether to answer

‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’ 

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.Today’s public figures can no longer

Today’s public figures can no longer

write their own speeches or books,

and there is some evidence

that they can’t read them either. 

(Gore Vidal.)

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‘Politics is the art of looking for trouble,

finding it whether it exists or not,

diagnosing it incorrectly,

and applying the wrong remedy’.

(Ernest Benn.)

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‘Politicians are the same all over.

They promise to build bridges,

even where there are no rivers’.

(Nikita Kruschchev.)

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I just hope our next world war isn’t with China.

Who would make uniforms for the troops?

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The Iranian leader has left

on a tour of friendly countries.

He’s expected home tomorrow.

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Foreign Aid :

Poor people in a rich country

sending money to

rich people in a poor country.

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I rarely speak to Obama supporters,

but when I do….

I ask for large fries.

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Obama: “Here we are, two black presidents.”

Mandela: “You’re not very black.”

Obama: “I’ve not been to jail.”

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President Obama met Bill Clinton for lunch.

“I was sorry to hear about Hillary’s concussion,”

Obama said. “How’s her head?”

“It’s fine,” Bill replied.

“But she’s no Monica.”

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My computer crashed earlier and I lost all my files,

Luckily the NSA has a back up…

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Stop repeat offenders.

Don’t re-elect them!

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Democracy:

A political system where

any two idiots outvote a genius.

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How many Feminists does

it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to get a man to change it,

and the other to criticize men for inventing it.

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Spin doctors:

People who never call a spade a spade.

They proclaim it as a ground-breaking innovation.

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Politicians should serve two terms.

One in office, one in prison.

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No matter who you vote for

the government always seems to get in.

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Definition of an elephant:

A mouse built to government specifications.

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The word ‘politics’ is derived from

the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’,

and the word ‘ticks’,

meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.

(Larry Hardiman.)

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End September With Some Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Indeed, what better way to end the month of September than with another random selection of facts.

I’m sure there are at least a few things in this lot that you didn’t know.

Enjoy.

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There are more than 100,000 chemical reactions

happening in your brain every second.

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The first machine-made chocolate was

produced in Barcelona, Spain, in 1780.

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A blue whale´s tongue alone

can weigh as much as a single adult elephant

which gives you an indication of the size of the former.

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About 275 million new stars are born everyday.

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Ohio lawyer Clement Vallandigham

managed to shoot himself in a court room in 1871

while demonstrating to a jury how his client’s

alleged murder victim had actually shot himself.

Apparently no one checked the gun.

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The Chinese language (Mandarin/Cantonese)

has about 50,000 characters.

To read a newspaper you would

need to know about 2,000 of them.

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Gum is not sold in any Disney Park.

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The word ‘Lukewarm’ is actually a redundancy.

‘Luke’ meant ‘warm’ in Middle English

so ‘lukewarm’ technically would mean ‘warm warm’.

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The most remote island in the world

is the uninhabited Bouvet Island

which lies somewhere between

Antarctica and Tristan de Cunha.

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Did you know that dolphins are so smart that,

within a few weeks of captivity,

they can train people to stand on the

very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

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‘Linn’s Stamp News’ is the world’s largest

weekly newspaper for stamp collectors.

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The little lump of flesh just forward of your ear canal,

right next to your temple, is called a ‘tragus’.

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The United States has never lost a war

in which mules were used.

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Will Clark of the Texas Rangers is a direct descendant

of William Clark of Lewis and Clark.

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Running from 1972 through 1983, M*A*S*H*

was one of the most successful shows on television ever.

It won 8 Golden Globe awards,

14 Primetime Emmy awards,

the 1976 Peabody award

and was the People’s Choice winner

for Favorite TV Comedy five times.

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Did You Know? – Some More Concrete Facts From Fasab’s Files.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fact day again on the fasab blog.

And where better to start that a fact literally set in concrete – lots of concrete.

Enjoy.

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There is enough concrete in the Hoover Dam

to pave a two lane highway from San Francisco to New York

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When the Statue of Liberty was moved

from France to the United States,

214 crates were used to transport it.

The Statue was also reduced to 350 pieces.

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When the divorce rate goes up in the United States,

toy makers report that the sale of toys also rise.

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The cartoon character Popeye was actually based

on a real person named Frank “Rocky” Fiegel

who was a tough guy handy with his fists

and who was quite similar to Popeye physically.

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The reason why locusts swarm are because when they are in groups,

a “hot-spot” behind their hind legs is stimulated,

which in turn causes their destructive nature.

A large swarm of locusts can eat eighty thousand tons of corn in a day.

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In 1755, the first Canadian post office opened in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

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The company “Sony” was originally called “Totsuken.”

They felt the name “Sony” would be easier to pronounce.

The name was invented by a cross between the name

“sonus” and “sonny” (derived from “sound” and “sonic”).

They also thought that the similarity to “Sonny”,

meaning a young man or boy,

would represent an energetic young company.

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After the Krakatoa volcano eruption in 1883 in Indonesia,

many people reported that, because of the dust,

the sunset appeared green and the moon blue.

The moon was said to appear blue for almost two years.

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Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

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During one seven year period,

Thomas Edison obtained approximately three hundred patents.

In is whole life he obtained over one thousand patents.

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About 30% of American admit to talking to their dogs

or leaving messages on their answering machines

for their dogs while they are away.

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The longest bout of sneezing recorded was by Donna Griffith.

It began in January 13 1981 and continued until September 16 1983

and lasted for 978 days.

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A bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II

killed every animal in the Berlin Zoo except the elephant,

which escaped and roamed the city.

When a Russian commander saw hungry Germans chasing

the elephant and trying to kill it, he ordered his troops to protect it

and shoot anyone who tried to kill it.

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In 1999, All Nippon Airlines, had one of its jets

fully decorated with Pokemon characters

from nose to tail on its exterior.

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The first person to die in the electric chair was William Kemmler,

an ax murderer from New York on August 6, 1890

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The city of Denver was originally chosen to host the 1976 Winter Olympics,

but had to withdraw because Colorado voters rejected to finance it.

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The expression “Tying the Knot” comes from an old Roman custom

where the bride’s clothes were tied up in knots

and the groom was supposed to untie the knots

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Velcro was invented by Swiss engineer George de Mestral,

who got the idea after noticing burrs were sticking to his pants

after his regular walks through the woods.

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Nylon is a man-made fiber that is made from coal and petroleum

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The theme song of the Harlem Globetrotters is

“Sweet Georgia Brown.”

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Did You Know? The Fact File Reveals More Random Facts.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Fascinating facts never seem to come to an end, thank goodness.

Here is the latest selection from the fasab files. Always random, but I hope always interesting, there has to be at least one thing in here that you didn’t know.

Enjoy finding out.

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The Lion King is the top grossing Disney movie of all-time

with domestic gross intake of $312 million.

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The winter and summer seasons on Uranus

last the equivalent of 21 Earth years.

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‘Cow’ is a Japanese brand of shaving foam.

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The Nobel prizes (in Physics, Chemistry, Physiology or Medicine,

Literature, and Peace) were first awarded in 1901.

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The idea of Christmas cards was invented

by Englishman Henry Cole in 1843.

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Before its name was changed, the ‘African’ Penguin

used be called the ‘Jackass’ Penguin

because of its donkey-like braying call.

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The largest diamond that was ever found was 3106 carats.

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More than $1 billion is spent each year on neck ties in the United States.

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Ballroom dancing is a course at

Brigham Young University in Utah.

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New York’s famous Central Park has 125 drinking fountains.

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Before soccer referees started using whistles in 1878,

they used to rely on waving a handkerchief.

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Jackrabbits (or Hares) can reach a speed of fifty miles per hour

and can leap as far as twenty feet.

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Cheesecake was invented in Ancient Greece

and served to athletes at the very first Olympic Games.

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As a rule, European carousels rotate clockwise,

while American merry-go-rounds spin counterclockwise.

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In a study conducted regarding toilet paper usage,

Americans are said to use the most toilet paper per trip to the bathroom,

which was seven sheets of toilet paper per trip.

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The trunk of an elephant can hold up to two gallons of water.

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In the movie “Babe”, the piglet was played by

over 30 different piglets as they outgrew the part so quickly

during the production of the film.

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There are more Barbie dolls in Italy

than there are Canadians in Canada.

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Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru,

an island nation in the Western Pacific.

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Despite the horrific display, nearly two-thirds of those

aboard the LZ 129 Hindenburg survived its fiery crash in 1937.

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Fabulously Fascinating Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Today we have a selection of fabulously fascinating facts.

Grateful gentlemen readers may send a donation if they so desire.

Enjoy.

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Just twenty seconds’ worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon.

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Lemon sharks grow a new set of teeth every two weeks! They grow more than 24,000 new teeth every year!

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Los Angeles’s full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, LA

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A fully loaded supertanker travelling at normal speed takes a least twenty minutes to stop.

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John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln in a theatre and was found in a warehouse. Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and was found in a theatre.

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A cow produces 200 times more gas a day than a person. (Speak for yourself!)

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100 years from now Facebook will have the accounts of 500 million dead people.

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Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile.

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A Koala is the only animal that has finger prints.

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The average person spends two weeks of their lives waiting for a traffic light to change.

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A Blue whale’s tongue weighs more than an elephant.

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A whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.

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There are 500,000 detectable earthquakes in the world each year.

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Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a $25 fine and trial costs.

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Nearly 50% of all bank robberies take place on Friday.

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Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years.

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The Sears Tower in Chicago contains enough steel to build 50,000 automobiles.

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The population of the American colonies in 1610 was 350.

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Termites outweigh humans by almost ten to one.

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Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died.

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Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 TIMES more effective than Valium. So you have a headache? GREAT!!!

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Some Strange Facts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Here are some facts that you might find interesting, about things you probably never thought of before.

I can’t vouch for the absolute accuracy of all of them, but stranger things have happened and at least you will have something to say during those awkward silences in conversations!

Enjoy.

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It would take over 1000 years to watch every YouTube video

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The tongue is the strongest muscle in the body

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99% of people delete everything in their password when they miss only one character.

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Leo Fender who invented Fender Guitars never knew how to play the guitar

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The Statue of Liberty’s index finger is eight feet long.

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Kangaroos can’t walk backwards.

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Bill Clinton only sent two emails in his entire eight year presidency, I don’t know whether or not they were to Monica.

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250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

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The two lines that connect your top lip to the bottom of your nose are called philtrum.

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Bees can see ultraviolet light.

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It takes a drop of ocean water more than 1000 years to circulate around the world.

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The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

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The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

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The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour.

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Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

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Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

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China has more English speakers than the United States.

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Benjamin Franklin was offended about putting a bald eagle as the national bird because he thought that other people were trying to make fun of him, since he was bald.

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People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide.

 

 

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Presidential Election – As Seen In Taiwan

Hi folks, just a little additional blog post for today. I don’t do this very often, only when I come across something that isn’t really substantial enough for a full post, but which I nevertheless find amusing.

So here is a short video of hos they saw the recent US Presidential Election in Taiwan.

Pity it hadn’t really been like this.

Enjoy!