“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Another mid week batch of newspaper headline nightmares.
I hope you find at least one or two to raise a smile.
Enjoy.
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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Yes, as always the clue is in the title.
It’s pun day!
Enjoy – you know you do.
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I’ve just got a make-shift job
at the computer keyboard factory.
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A Limbo dancer married a Locksmith yesterday…
…the wedding was low key.
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As a paranoid schizophrenic, I take
the elevator alone to my top floor apartment…
I can’t handle the stares.
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I do all my addition in my head.
It’s the thought that counts.
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My teacher said to our class the
other day that she hates suck-ups.
I couldn’t agree more.
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I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.
Then I thought, screw it.
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Corrugated roofs.
are really groovy.
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So they finally found Osama a couple of years ago,
talk Abbotabad place to hide!
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What do cheap hotels and
tight designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
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When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia
was asked if he knew where he was going he replied
“off course”
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Woke up this morning after a heavy night
of drinking to find out that I’d gone bald.
Which is strange because normally
I go for brunettes.
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A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The barman says,
“Have you been served?”
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My horse had a win at the races today.
I have no idea how he filled in the betting slip.
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I saw two people hailing a taxi today and thought:
“What strange religion do they belong to?”
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Princess Diana died on the 31 August 1997
having been staying at the Ritz, Paris.
Margaret Thatcher died April 8, 2013
having been staying at the Ritz, London.
I’ve been saying it’s a conspiracy for years
but everyone else thinks it’s just crackers.
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My maths teacher asked me,
“Do you understand inequalities?”
I replied, “More or less.”
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Without a doubt, my favorite
Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
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I’ve got a friend who’s a female private investigator.
Although he prefers to be called a gynecologist.
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There’s two things I don’t like about a politician,
his face.
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Saw a woman today who opened the door in her nightie.
I thought, “That’s a funny place for a door.”
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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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I don’t know what it is about the letter ‘F’ but it seems to lend itself better to alliteration than any of the others – if your blog is called Fasab, that is 🙂
Anyhow, here we go with another selection of those fabulously fascinating facts.
Enjoy.
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To manufacture a new car approximately 148,000 liters of water is needed.
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In 1985, a pregnant women was falsely accused of shoplifting a basketball
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The study of twins is known as gemellology
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Dalmatian puppies do not have any spots on them when they are born.
They actually develop them as they get older
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At the equator the Earth spins at about 1,038 miles per hour
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In World War II, the German submarine U-1206 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet
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As a defense mechanism, the North American Opossum closes its eyes and becomes totally limp.
Basically it plays dead, hence the term ‘playing possum’.
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Approximately 18 billion disposable diapers end up in landfills each year.
These diapers can takes as long as 500 years to finally decompose
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Only one out of every three people wash their hands when leaving a public bathroom
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The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight.
These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
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Two objects have struck the earth with enough force to destroy a whole city.
Each object, one in 1908 and again in 1947, struck regions of Siberia.
Not one human being was hurt either time
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When Scott Paper Co. first started manufacturing toilet paper
they did not put their name on the product because of embarrassment
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Ian Fleming named his character “James Bond” after real-life ornithologist and author
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A Canadian, Troy Hurtubise, spent $100,000 and almost went bankrupt
building a RoboCop style suit so that he could withstand a bear attack
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The big toe is the foot reflexology pressure point for the head
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In November 1999, two women were killed by a lightning bolt.
The underwire located in their bras acted as a electrical conductors,
and when the lightning bolt hit the bra they left burn marks on their chest
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Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
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Every U.S. bill regardless of denomination costs just 4 cents to make
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The average day is actually 23 hours, 56 minutes and 4.09 seconds.
We have a leap year every four years to make up for this shortfall
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Approximately 10.5 gallons of water is used in a dishwasher.
Washing the dishes by hand can use up to 20 gallons of water
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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
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Another Tuesday and another list of questions so important that no one seems to want to ask them – except here of course.
Enjoy.
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Where does the toe-tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?
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If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
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Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?
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Do they bury people with their braces on?
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How far east can you go before you’re heading west?
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Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
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If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
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Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
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Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot, and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
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If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?
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Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.
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If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?
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If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
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Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
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If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?
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When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
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Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
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If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
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Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
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Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
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“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
You’ve possibly heard of the saying, “Stick your head where the sun don’t shine”? If you haven’t, or you are not sure what it means just take a quick look at my logo/gravatar for this blog and you’ll get the picture.
My blog post starts in Paderborn, Germany, where an elephant was under the care of overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt.
The problem was that the poor elephant was constipated and had been for a few days. Not a pleasant affliction if you’ve ever had to suffer it.
In his desperation to help the poor elephant Stefan had given it twenty-two doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes.
Not content with that explosive mixture, Fredrich also thought he would give the plugged-up pachyderm an olive oil enema as well.
As he was doing so, however, the first concoction must have done its work. The elephant let fly and dumped two hundred pounds of poop on top of Fredrich.
Unfortunately, according to flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern, “The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him”.
With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he unfortunately suffocated.
It seems to be just one of those freak one-in-a-million accidents that happens.
Er…. Better make that two-in-a-million.
Here’s a video.
Enjoy!
fasab 