Shortbread… They’re not making it any longer!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

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Yes, as always the clue is in the title.

It’s pun day!

Enjoy – you know you do.

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I’ve just got a make-shift job

at the computer keyboard factory.

shift key

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A Limbo dancer married a Locksmith yesterday…

…the wedding was low key.

Limbo

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As a paranoid schizophrenic, I take

the elevator alone to my top floor apartment…

I can’t handle the stares.

paranoid schizophrenic

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I do all my addition in my head.

It’s the thought that counts.

maths

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My teacher said to our class the

other day that she hates suck-ups.

I couldn’t agree more. 

sucking-up-cartoon

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I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.

Then I thought, screw it.

wall-shelves

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Corrugated roofs.

are really groovy.

corrugated-roof-of-a-building

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So they finally found Osama a couple of years ago,

talk Abbotabad place to hide!

hideout-house-of-slain-al-qaeda-leader-osama-bin-laden-in-abbottabad

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What do cheap hotels and

tight designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom.

tight jeans

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When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia

was asked if he knew where he was going he replied

“off course”

Costa Concordia

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Woke up this morning after a heavy night

of drinking to find out that I’d gone bald.

Which is strange because normally

I go for brunettes. 

bald

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A tennis ball walks into a bar.

The barman says,

“Have you been served?”

tenis ball

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My horse had a win at the races today.

I have no idea how he filled in the betting slip.

horse cartoon

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I saw two people hailing a taxi today and thought:

“What strange religion do they belong to?”

hailing taxi

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Princess Diana died on the 31 August 1997

having been staying at the Ritz, Paris.

Margaret Thatcher died April 8, 2013

having been staying at the Ritz, London.

I’ve been saying it’s a conspiracy for years

but everyone else thinks it’s just crackers.

nabisco-ritz-crackers

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My maths teacher asked me,

“Do you understand inequalities?”

I replied, “More or less.”

cartoon inequalities

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Without a doubt, my favorite

Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire. 

Mrs Doubtfire

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I’ve got a friend who’s a female private investigator.

Although he prefers to be called a gynecologist.

gynae

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There’s two things I don’t like about a politician,

his face.

two-faced-2

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Saw a woman today who opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, “That’s a funny place for a door.” 

door_in_her_nightie_____by_boblea

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4 thoughts on “Shortbread… They’re not making it any longer!

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